A lot of people get into what I call “relationship sex mode,” which is that point in a relationship you reach where you always know the sex is going to be there. How does this manifest itself?
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Posts Tagged ‘How To Be A Better Communicator’ |
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Turn Off The TV And Have Sex Tonight!
Friday, August 14th, 2009When Is The Right Time To Have Sex?
Saturday, August 1st, 2009When it comes to sex, there are a lot of assumptions that are made by both men and women about how the opposite sex (seemingly as a whole) views certain things. Many women, for instance, believe that the minute they pull down their pants that men will want to have sex.
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The Definition of ‘Curvy’ on the Internet
Saturday, July 18th, 2009Everybody is looking for the definition of his or her body type. The problem is that most people never tell the truth about their body type. Especially on the internet.
On the internet, the majority of people are ‘athletic and toned,’ yet we live in a country where most people don’t work out.
It seems like the internet is always bucking all trends. There’s a ton of women on the internet that are 39 years old but yet there are no women that are 40 or 41. It seems like everyone wants to remain 39, 29, 49 – no one wants to cross over to the 4-0, 3-0, or 5-0!
Internet dating is really interesting because to succeed there, you should really put up an array of photos of yourself. The fact is that you look exactly the way you do. There’s no denying that. You can’t just check a box that says ‘athletic and toned’ when you’re not, because eventually you’ll have to show up on the date and the other person is going to see that you’ve never worked out.
You’re not going to be able to convince them – you won’t become a date salesman who sits there and convinces someone to like the body type they don’t like, or to become attracted to you when they aren’t.
So the best thing to do is to put up five pictures of yourself: three body shots (I’m not talking naked ones, or bikini shots, or muscle shots for guys) but three shots where you are standing head to toe. Three current shots that show exactly what you look like today, so there are no surprises.
The reason that most dates don’t work out is because the person was afraid to put up a picture because they didn’t like the way their body looked. They then go on the date, the other person isn’t attracted to them, and they don’t call them back. You can eliminate that step – why go out on so many first dates when you are misrepresenting yourself?
The fact is that you should be proud of who you are. Your body is your body. It’s exactly what it’s going to be, and you shouldn’t compare it to anybody else. You need to embrace it. So put yourself up there on the net, be who you are, and don’t try to sell yourself like a used car!
It’s funny, when I look for used cars, I’m always weary of the car that only has one picture up of it. Doesn’t she want to seduce me? Doesn’t she want me to take her for a test drive? Shouldn’t I see the wheels and the shiny inside? Shouldn’t I see the leather interior? I hate looking at a used car that the owner says is in absolutely perfect condition, and there are rips on the leather seats. You don’t want to be the car that has the rips on the leather seats.
You want to show everyone who you are. Get a friend, take a few pictures, smile, and be proud of who you are.
You know what? In the long run, you’re going to attract a lot more people doing it this way, and you won’t have to worry about what body type box you need to check off. If they see you, they’ll know what type of body you have!
Meet Someone at the Beach
Sunday, June 28th, 2009So it’s summertime, and guys always want to know – even women want to know – how the hell do you meet people on the beach?
There’s a couple of different ways to meet people on the beach. One of the best ways to do so – and you can do this on the lake too – the only place you can’t do this is at a pool.
So if someone is sitting there on a blanket, of course, you sit down next to him or her. You put your blanket down next to theirs, and you do the old, “oh man, I forgot my sunscreen. Can I borrow some?” This is always a great way to open up somebody.
Another good way to do it is to bring some Frisbees, balls, and other things, and have a Frisbee toss with your buddy. Of course, let the Frisbee fall onto their blanket – or near their blanket, don’t hit them on the head or anything! But let it fall directly near their blanket, and then look at them and say, “oh man, my buddy has a bad arm. Could you do me a favor and whip it back at him?”
Get them engaged in the game. People come to the beach to have a good time, so get them engaged in the game.
Another thing to do, which I love, is go down in the water and put your toes in the water. Of course the water will be a little on the chilly side in the beginning of the summer, and if a woman walks up to the tip of the water, you look at her and say, “alright, I’ll race you in! Winner buys the lemonade. Ready? One, two, three,” and make it a game. Start running in a little bit and look at her, and if she hasn’t started running, turn back and say, “aw, come on, what are you, chicken?”
Play a game. Be like a little kid going to the beach. “What are you, chicken? Come on, I dare you. Let’s go. I’ll give you a head start.” Have some fun with it. You race them into the water; you have a little bit of fun.
One of my favorite things to do at the beach is go to the store and buy a bucket full of little kid stuff. Buy a shovel, a rake, buy some animal figures to create sand monsters; buy different sized buckets to create sand castles. Go to the edge of the water, pour all of your toys out, and start building a sand castle.
You want to see people gravitate over to you? Give each person a task. The minute a woman looks at you, you say, “alright, fine, you’re going to be the Block Girl.” “Alright, fine, you work the rake.” “You build the moat.” It’s about having fun. Everything is about really having fun and doing something different.
Another way I really like to meet people at the beach is by going to a store that has really fun beach towels. Maybe they have a Spongebob beach towel, or a Smurfs beach towel, or whatever it is. Get the biggest, funniest beach towel you can possibly have. Get two of them, actually, and spread them out on the beach, and use them as your towel.
Now you have something to talk about. A woman walks by, and she looks at you and says, “Spongebob, man, what are you? Ten years old?” You can say, “it’s the beach, come on! It’s about having fun and being a child again!” It’s just about lightening up. It’s the summertime, and you can just have a good time.
Another thing you can do is bring a cooler full of water, and you can basically have extra water for people. So when some one walks by you, you can offer them some water. They look in your cooler, and you can say, “hey do you want a bottle of water? I’ll give it to you for a buck. I’ll charge you a buck for that!”
It’s about having fun. Everything is about being different; everything is about having fun. Everything is about being unique. So stop being so uptight and have a good time at the beach!
The Realities Of Good Sex
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009Juicy…
It’s really funny because men don’t need any special reason to check out a woman’s ass . . . let alone women wearing something with the word “juicy” or “belief” written across it.
I was just in the grocery store and saw a woman wearing sweatpants that had the word “juicy” on it, and then saw another one in a different aisle with the word “belief.” Every time I see this, I always think how interesting it is how many women wear things like this.
Women get so annoyed that men check out their asses, but then they go out, buy and wear sweatpants with words like “juicy” on them all but putting a neon arrow pointing to their ass.
I mean, women know we’re curious and they know we don’t like a lot of text at one time. If women really wanted men not checking out their ass, then they would put a whole paragraph on the ass of their pants.
Anyway, I believe in juicy. Really, it’s true that if we’re looking at your ass we already think you’re ass is juicy.
So on to today’s juicy blog…
Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about the realities of good sex.
Sex should never get boring. The truth is that if you have good and open communication with your partner about what feels good and what you desire then sex should never get boring.
You and your partner should always be wanting and willing to please each other. So if you combine that with open and honest communication about what you each desire then you are going to have some amazing sex.
Let’s also talk about something else about good sex. Everyone is always talking about new sexual positions. They want something new to do other than 69. They’ll say, “I want to do 77. I want to do 48. I want to do 62.” The bottom line is that there are probably only four or five positions that really feel good to both of you or that allow both of you to orgasm really amazingly.
Let’s go even deeper into this. Let’s say you like five positions. Then let’s say you are really good at certain foreplay things, so that’s ten or fifteen more things you like to do. Finally let’s say there are ten different places in your house that you like to have sex.
There are then more than twenty different ways you can have sex that you both really enjoy. So if the average couple has sex two days a week (which, by the way isn’t enough for me), it is going to take you months to do everything you both like one time before you have to ever repeat things. Plus, by the time you get back to repeating something, it will seem new and exciting again.
Sex should never get boring with the person that you are with, because you should always be coming up with new and fun things to do and really enjoying each other’s bodies. It is amazing when someone knows everything you like. They know how to make you feel good, and they know how to make you orgasm in ways no one else does.
Granted, the newness does wear off. Everybody loves that newness. It is so great, and I love to have, new sex.
If you think about it, though, new sex is actually nerve-racking. When you’re having sex with someone you’ve only slept with once or twice, you don’t know what they like or what they are feeling.
Being with your lover and getting to know them in every which way, however, is the ultimate intimacy. Learning somebody, feeling them, experiencing things with them, and then making love to them, is beautiful. It is a beautiful thing to experience somebody and get to know everything about their body, because just when you think you know everything about their body you find out something new.
How Do You Define Intimacy?
Monday, June 15th, 2009I’m flipping through the television channels the other night and caught part of an episode of HBO’s “Real Sex.” I thought it was kind of interesting. You certainly get to learn what turns people on and about their fetishes.
If that show is any indication, the mega-full bush is making a comeback. I mean, there sure seem to be a lot of swinger camping retreats populated by naked 60 year old women who don’t shave under their arms and men who haven’t shaved their beard since sometime in the late 1970s.
As we’re watching this show, my girlfriend and I look at each other and said “Huh, we must be so . . . ” I’m actually not going to say how we are, because this blog is not about my sex life or how I define intimacy.
This is really about how you define intimacy. What is intimate to you?
Are you someone who needs to fantasize about other people while you’re having sex, or are your thoughts pure and wholesome? How do you get turned on sexually? I want to know.
I really want to know, because I want to know how all of you think. I know what turns me on sexually. If you all share with me, then stay tuned tomorrow . . . because I’ll share with all of you.
I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. Here are the things I want to hear about from you today:
When you’re having sex, what do you think about?
What do you need to be turned on sexually?
What do you need to have intimacy?
Comment on the blog today and tell me!
An Open Letter To All Women: Lay Off The Vibrators!
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009I’ve been spending months upon months frustrated in bed. I’ve been unable to sleep half the night. My body and my head won’t stop racing and feeling anxious. I keep looking over at her wondering when this problem is going to stop.
Then, last night, I finally made a big decision in my life. My heart was a little broken. My soul was a little twisted. I didn’t know what to do this morning, as I was still feeling a little anxious from last night.
After lots of soul-searching, though, I knew it was a decision I had to make. I had to kick her out … After six months of listening to Daphne snore, chomp and smack her lips all night long, we finally put her bed in the hallway.
For those of you who are members of PETA, this was not dog abuse. It was the end of human abuse. We could no longer take one more night of being kept up listening to Daphne snore and chomp and smack her lips nonstop.
I think it might be better for everyone involved. Plus, really, what does she know? We could probably put her bed on the porch and she wouldn’t know the difference. For the sanity of our bed, though, the dog had to move.
I still felt a little funny about it this morning. It was, after all, our first night ever not sleeping together. As I took Daphne for a walk on the beach, she looked at me and I at her, and I knew she we would be okay. If we don’t have to deal with my girlfriend’s insomnia, we would all feel better.
Now onto another issue that many men are facing in their beds right now…
Please lay off the vibrators. Trust me, I am not a man who is jealous of a vibrator. What I have found, though, is that some women are so vibrator dependent that trying to get them to have an orgasm by licking or playing with their clit is like trying to negotiate traffic on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles. It’s next to impossible.
So many women are vibrator dependent because a vibrator works so fast and produces such a centralized orgasm. Our tongues can never work that fast. We don’t vibrate at 10,000 miles per hour like we’re taking off in a rocket ship to the moon.
So the bottom line is this: If you’re a woman who is so vibrator dependent that you cannot orgasm with a man, then you’ve got to lay off of the vibrator. Vibrators are the downfall of women.
When a woman uses a vibrator, she can lay there and have an orgasm in three seconds (and then rest and have another one three seconds after that). Then when you are with a man instead of a vibrator, he has to go down there for about six hours to get you to feel anything.
Not only that, but really think about what kind of orgasm you want to be having. According to most women I’ve been with, the orgasm a woman experiences with a man during oral sex and foreplay is far greater and better because it’s achieved with lot of touching, caressing, talking and feeling.
So if you’re a woman and you’re about to start a relationship, my suggestion to you is to lay off the vibrator . . . for at least a week or two before you start sleeping with the guy. Let the sexual energy and tension build up again, and don’t let your clit get so numb. When you do that, you are giving the guy the opportunity to please you.
When you’re not in a relationship, go ahead and vibrate away to your heart’s content. Go for it! Have a great time with your little mechanical boyfriend.
If you’ve got a relationship coming down the pike, though, then you need to put the vibrator in the closet. If you feel like you just can’t resist that vibrator, then go and buy a room safe (like they have in cheap hotels), put it in there and forget the combination.
The fact is that when you’re in a relationship, you need that man to explore your body and you need to give that man the opportunity to please you in every way. Remember that no matter what a vibrator can do, it is never going to replace the the one-on-one intimacy and the one-on-one contact you have when you’re with someone of the opposite sex.
Give Yourself Permission
Sunday, June 7th, 2009Today on this full moon Sunday and the night of the season premier of the second season of one of my favorite shows, True Blood, it is the perfect day to work on getting rid of the demons in your head. Today is the day to eliminate the old stuff holding you back.
So in today’s blog I’m going to talk about a female client I helped to see that she needed to eliminate certain things that were holding her back sexually, and talked to her about how to eliminate some of the sexual demons in her head.
I recently had an interesting conversation with a client. She’s a woman in her early 30s who, for the first time in her life, wants to start experimenting sexually. She is learning about who she is and what she wants sexually with a man.
As we were talking, I told her that there are a lot of women who don’t give themselves permission to have great, fun and crazy sex because they believe that most will judge them if they do. The truth is that if you do have sex like this, that some men will judge you.
If you are the type of woman who wants to experiment sexually, then you need to find a man who is going to embrace who you are and what you’re all about because a judgmental man is never going to understand you. Why do you want to be with somebody who judges you?
If you all of a sudden want to have a sexual relationship with a man, then you should be able to have a sexual relationship with a man. There are no boundaries except the ones you put on yourself.
Why are you going to allow other people to put boundaries on you, when the whole point of exploring yourself sexually is so you can be boundary free? It’s the whole reason you make the decision to explore yourself sexually in the first place.
With each lover you have, you learn more and more about yourself. As you learn how to please a man, you will learn how you want to be pleased.
So then in the long run when you’re ready for a relationship, you’re the lover you always wanted to be and you’re going to find the kind of lover you’ve always wanted to find. That’s what exploring yourself sexually is really all about.
So for those women out there who want to experiment sexually, I say go for it. Enjoy it!
If while you’re doing that you run across men who judge you, those are not the men for you. Those are men who are going to impede your growth as a sexual person, not help you to become the kind of sexual person you want to be.
