On the internet, the majority of people are ‘athletic and toned,’ yet we live in a country where most people don’t work out.

It seems like the internet is always bucking all trends. There’s a ton of women on the internet that are 39 years old but yet there are no women that are 40 or 41. It seems like everyone wants to remain 39, 29, 49 – no one wants to cross over to the 4-0, 3-0, or 5-0!

Internet dating is really interesting because to succeed there, you should really put up an array of photos of yourself. The fact is that you look exactly the way you do. There’s no denying that. You can’t just check a box that says ‘athletic and toned’ when you’re not, because eventually you’ll have to show up on the date and the other person is going to see that you’ve never worked out.

You’re not going to be able to convince them – you won’t become a date salesman who sits there and convinces someone to like the body type they don’t like, or to become attracted to you when they aren’t.

So the best thing to do is to put up five pictures of yourself: three body shots (I’m not talking naked ones, or bikini shots, or muscle shots for guys) but three shots where you are standing head to toe. Three current shots that show exactly what you look like today, so there are no surprises.

The reason that most dates don’t work out is because the person was afraid to put up a picture because they didn’t like the way their body looked. They then go on the date, the other person isn’t attracted to them, and they don’t call them back. You can eliminate that step – why go out on so many first dates when you are misrepresenting yourself?

The fact is that you should be proud of who you are. Your body is your body. It’s exactly what it’s going to be, and you shouldn’t compare it to anybody else. You need to embrace it. So put yourself up there on the net, be who you are, and don’t try to sell yourself like a used car!

It’s funny, when I look for used cars, I’m always weary of the car that only has one picture up of it. Doesn’t she want to seduce me? Doesn’t she want me to take her for a test drive? Shouldn’t I see the wheels and the shiny inside? Shouldn’t I see the leather interior? I hate looking at a used car that the owner says is in absolutely perfect condition, and there are rips on the leather seats. You don’t want to be the car that has the rips on the leather seats.

You want to show everyone who you are. Get a friend, take a few pictures, smile, and be proud of who you are.

You know what? In the long run, you’re going to attract a lot more people doing it this way, and you won’t have to worry about what body type box you need to check off. If they see you, they’ll know what type of body you have!

Do you know what that word means when a guy says it to you? It means that he is not listening to you anymore. He has not stopped listening to you because he’s bored or because he isn’t interested in you . . . in fact it’s just the opposite.

When I guy starts to respond to you with the word “cool,” it means he is very attracted to you and is nervous. Due to his nervousness he doesn’t know what to say, so all he says is “cool.” The “cool” guy will often have his hands deep in his pockets. He’ll roll his shoulders forward a little.

So how do you get these guys to come out of the “cool” zone? How do you get them to say something other than “cool?”

I understand that when men start doing the “cool” thing, it can be a quick conversation killer. You need to understand, though, that men need a little encouragement sometimes.

What I like to do is rephrase things. I tell women all the time that if they are in a conversation with a “cool” guy, they need to rephrase what they’re talking about with him.

For example, let’s say you are talking to a guy about dogs and he tells you about his Labrador Retriever. You say “God, I love Labradors!” to which he says “cool.” Here’s where you can rephrase what he was saying back to him in a question to get the conversation back on track. So ask him “What made you get a Labrador?” This will get him talking again and off the “cool” track.

If you can get a “cool” guy talking again, he will start relaxing. He’ll realize you don’t bite and that you’re actually approachable.

So the next time a guy says “cool,” don’t take it as a sign he’s not interested in you. Take it instead as a clear sign that he IS interested in you, but you need to dial it back a bit and pull the coolness out of him.

Women tend to be better conversationalists than men. It’s just a fact of life that when you come across a “cool” guy, you are going to have to get him to stop using that one word phrase that always seems to kill a conversation. Remember that once you get the “cool” guy talking again, though, you will be back talking to a guy who will be VERY grateful you did.

Frustration!

What makes any of us want to figure something out? We want to improve our lives, of course, and ourselves, but for me it also came down to pure frustration.

I wasn’t bad with girls when I was younger – but I wasn’t great either. There were guys who were much better than me with women, and there were guys who were much worse.

It was in my twenties that I began to realize that I wanted the power to date whomever I wanted. I was kind of sick of just getting whatever came my direction. And don’t get me wrong – what came my direction certainly wasn’t bad – I just really wanted to have the choice.

In order to really do anything successfully in life, you need choice. You can’t spend your entire life taking exactly what comes to you.

I decided in my twenties that I was really going to use that time period to grow and figure things out for myself.

The crazy thing about your twenties – as I’m sure many of you reading this know – is that it’s really your most emotional time period as well. You feel like you should have it all figured out by now – that’s the biggest fallacy of your twenties. You feel bad because you don’t have all of your shit together, but in reality, no one does!

Your twenties is the most emotional time that you have – and you don’t know shit! Everything is still really new to you, and you don’t yet have the mindset to realize that you can totally fuck up and you’ll be okay.

So my twenties was just a series of those fuck ups. Using trial and error, I really learned what worked and what didn’t work for me. I always joke about this, but I wish I would have known myself now when I was in my twenties, because then I would have saved myself like five years of fumbling around!

In my twenties, my goal was to become better with women, and I was going to do that at whatever cost – and I still had fuck ups! But I really just wanted to have that choice, the ability to go date whomever I wanted, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

Back then (and still) I didn’t want to have any regrets about my life. I tell everyone this – the day you get married is the day you had better have gotten everything out of your system! If you didn’t, you’re going to have regrets. And with regrets, you’re going to have to go out and do it again. And again, and again.

If you think about it, pretty much everyone’s goal in life is to find somebody to love. That’s what we really all want. We all want to be loved, and we want to love someone.

We may not want it right now in this moment, but eventually we all want that end result of a great relationship.

You have to take that time in your twenties to really get to know yourself. I spent a lot of time in my twenties journaling, writing things down and figuring things out. I spent a lot of that time period just trying to figure out life. And in my twenties, it was really important for me to do that work.

Whenever you talk to someone, you need to come away from that conversation with some personal information about them.

Ask yourself after each conversation, “What personal thing did I find out about this person?”

If your memory needs work, try using a digital recorder or start writing down what you remember. I tell this to guys all the time.

The fact is that the more you remember about people, the greater your chance is to bond with them in the future.

So after you talk to anyone, ask yourself, “What did I discover about this individual personally? What did I learn?” This also trains your brain to think in this way, and it helps improve your memory.

Next time you run into that person (which you will!), you can start the conversation with something personal you learned the last time you both met.

For instance, we were just talking to some women who were trying to raise money for the homeless shelter. In a few weeks I might run into one of them again and say, “Oh, I saw you a few weeks ago outside Whole Foods. Have you reached your fundraising goal yet?”

It’s really important for you to remember things like that. Without a personal takeaway, you have no way of following up with someone that you want to speak to again!

So Taras was just going through his pictures on his camera. He got to a picture of himself and this woman, handed his camera to Steve, and said, “Look, man, she’s really hot,” and then said, “But I really screwed it up with her.”

What he was looking for from Steve was what I call “male-bro validation.” Steve was supposed to respond, “Wow, dude, you’re right. She is really hot,” which would make Taras say to himself, “See, I could get hot women if I didn’t screw it up.” And then it just becomes this long conversation.

Taras is now going to tell this story to Steve about how he met her, how she was really into him, and then he made this one crucial mistake where he decided to freak out and flake out, and it was all over from there.

In reality, he never had her! If he’d had her, she wouldn’t be just a picture in his camera – she’d be in his bed. She’d be hanging out with him right now.

You don’t need the validation of another guy. That’s how men bond – by validating each other. “Look man, I could get hot women if I just did this…” But it doesn’t really matter. You don’t need to show him that, and you certainly don’t need to be going over that situation in a play-by-play anymore. That play-by-play doesn’t help.

You didn’t ever have her. If you had her, she’d be standing next to you instead of your friend! You wouldn’t be talking about it.

So look at how this who process breaks down. You guys don’t need to be validated, either to yourself or to each other. If I had a friend come over to my house and all I did was show him pictures of the women I’ve fucked for the last thirty years, he’d be bored in about thirty seconds!

You can’t really talk with men if that’s all you’re going to talk about. By talking in that way, you’re demonstrating that you don’t own it – you don’t really believe that you can get women. You’re just trying to validate yourself in whatever way you can – and in this way you’re trying to validate yourself through other guys.

Enjoy your day!!!

We all want something. We want the end result.

You’re dating a woman, and you want to get her to fall in love with you. Or maybe you’re dating somebody, and you want him or her to move in with you. Or you see her two days a week, but you really want to see her four days a week.

So instead of being present and enjoying that moment, you’re thinking about what you want to get out of it. And you’re not really there.

My favorite times are with my girlfriend – and every single day with her is amazing because I’m always learning something new – but one of the best times we had together was in the beginning of our relationship when we stayed on the phone all night long. We’d get on the phone at 11 p.m. intending to talk for a few minutes, but we’d still be on the phone together five or six hours later.

That was amazing. I cherish that every single day. I embrace that. I am so grateful for those moments. Those moments are what created how we feel about each other now. The way we act with each other now is based on the foundation of those moments.

But people are so caught up in not enjoying those moments and moving on to something better. Those moments are precious, and they are never going to happen again. I’m probably never going to get on the phone with her again and talk to her for five hours.

That is what makes life so intense and so amazing. You have to really think about those moments and really enjoy them. They are not going to happen again.

Accept those moments as they come up because they are truly powerful!!!

So now lets turn the tide and talk about the opposite sex.

If you have not seen this record blog click here.

So what do you do if she has a boyfriend?

You walk over to her and you’ve been talking and you think you’re doing great. You say, “hey, I’d love to get together with you; let’s grab a cup of coffee,” and she says, “well, I have a boyfriend.”

At this point, most guys tuck their tails between their legs and run away. This makes you the asshole that ran away as soon as someone mentioned the word “boyfriend.”

Here is what you should do instead: say something like, “oh man, what a lucky guy.” This plants a seed in her head, where she thinks, what a lucky guy? He’d better think he’s lucky to have me!

Then she goes home that afternoon and gets into a fight with her boyfriend and she’ll be able to say, “do you realize how lucky you are going out with me?” You’ve planted that seed.

Another one of my favorite responses to the “I have a boyfriend” is this: “oh man, I hope he treats you well,” or “I hope he appreciates you.” This also gets her thinking, oh man, this guy doesn’t really appreciate me! I’ve been fighting with him for the last few weeks!

This opens up a potential conversation down the road. Two minutes later she will be telling you about the boyfriend that doesn’t appreciate her.

You have to say all of these things from your heart, or they will sound fake.

Another thing you can say is, “just my luck, this is ridiculous. I was so ready to start dating again. I just processed my last relationship and I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself. I have to tell you, I’m super picky, and the last few women that I’ve hit it off with…” – which tells her that you’ve hit it off with her and that you’re very instinctual – “have all seemed to have had boyfriends! Do you have a twin or anything? A friend just like you?”

I’ve been set up like that with a friend that was pretty damn hot. You’re also networking for a date, which a lot of guys try to avoid. You want to network for the date because this will allow you to go out and meet some more interesting people.

And remember the 50% rule: 50% of the people that you meet today that are in a relationship will be single in a year.

Do you want to be the guy that complimented her with confidence and dignity? And then when you run into her again someday and ask, “so how’s that boyfriend treating you?” guess who is going to get the phone call? You. She will remember that good spirit and great energy every single time.

So the next time she says that she has a boyfriend, you have to think about what your answer is going to be instead of running away from her like the bratty kid who didn’t get his toy.

It’s about the dividend. It’s like investing in real estate. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all buy real estate today and sell it tomorrow for a profit? Right. There is nothing in life that you do today that is going to pay you a dividend tomorrow.

Anything that you invest in now is going to have its great payoff in the future. This is just one of the future benefits.

And I am enjoying the future benefits now. My girlfriend when we met had a boyfriend and now she is with me. We were friends, she broke up and we reconnected a year later.

Thats why you just kick back and be yourself with no expectations.

Todays video is all about Live Street Approaches.

Does your car have so much shit in it that when a girl gets into the front seat you have to move everything onto the floor?

It’s gross, and it doesn’t turn her on. It really turns her off.

Do you pick up a woman and your car has mud all over it? It’s really dirty because you haven’t washed it in a while?

It doesn’t maker her feel comfortable, and it definitely turns her off.

I always have my car cleaned and it’s great for a few days, and then as time progresses… it just gets worse. But I try.

These little things are so important. It’s funny, but it matters.

The guy always goes over there with his training wheels on – and not even decent training wheels, but the ones that are squeaky and wobbly. So he goes over and tries his ridiculous line on her, and it obviously doesn’t work.

The second he leaves, you can go over there and say, “okay, I’ve got to know: what the fuck did that guy say to you? I watched him and his friends over there, checking you out and elbowing each other to decide who was going to come over and talk to you. So, just for the sake of social research, I’ve got to know what he said to you – I bet you money he picked it out of some book, right?”

You can play the odds at that point, and say, “did he say, ‘I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,’ or did he ask you, ‘who lies more, men or women?’ Or was he REALLY creative and said, ‘my friend got caught by his girlfriend the other night kissing someone else, would you consider that cheating?’”

Client: Or, “did he say, ‘I have to get back to my friends, I just need your opinion on something…”

But you really could go up there and be curious about something. For example, you could approach a girl wearing a scarf and ask her if it’s okay for a guy to wear scarves. I see all these guys wearing scarves all of the time, and I just don’t know if I could pull it off. I’d kind of feel weird being a guy wearing a scarf! You could just ask for her opinion, if you’re genuinely curious. Then you could see where it goes from there.

David: But you should go even deeper with that and tell a story. Say, “look, I just moved here from Cali, so I’m already wearing some weird shit to begin with. I’ve been hanging out with my buddies today and realizing how crazily I dress, like wearing flip-flops in October…” – you can be self-deprecating with your humor.

And then you can say, “but I have to get this scarf thing down because the other night it was like 40 degrees out and I was thinking about how cold my neck was here!” Boom – she’s laughing, and it shows that you are real and genuine.

It’s an entirely different thing. Instead of these ridiculously manufactured conversation-starters that don’t actually work, this is real.

We talk and learn about all this because we want to meet someone who absolutely blows us away. The real reason why we spend so much time and energy working on ourselves and our inner confidence is so we can learn how to love ourselves (by understanding who we truly are and what we’re truly all about).

We do this so that one day all of a sudden out of left field we will meet someone who absolutely captivates our mind. We don’t do all this work on ourselves so we can remain alone. The whole reason we do all this is so we can meet the most amazing person we’ve ever met.

We spend such a considerable amount of time getting to know ourselves so that we can appreciate when magic happens with a most amazing person, and so we will go with it and embrace it.

This most amazing person is someone about whom we spend entire days thinking. We are anxious for each phone conversation with them. We eagerly await every text message from them.

You know what the most amazing feeling is that you can experience? It is the smile you have on your face every single time you learn something new about someone. It is equally amazing to find someone with whom you easily stay present and on the same page.

I may be using the word “amazing” too much, but when you meet someone who just blows you away it is really difficult to accurately describe in words the emotions that creates inside of you. Those emotions – that warmth you feel inside – are a combination of so many things.

It’s the anticipation of seeing that person again. It’s waking up in the morning with a smile on your face as that person pops into your mind.

It could be remembering that certain little thing they said to you that day (or even days before that). It might be remembering a lingering kiss you shared with them – a kiss you feel like you can still taste on your lips hours or even days after the kiss has ended.

It doesn’t matter what the specific things are that engender this feeling within you. There is no doubt, though, that we all desire to experience this kind of feeling.

That kind of feeling is created when every moment you are getting to know someone becomes a special moment for you. You eagerly await each phone conversation, because every new thing you learn about that person becomes one more reason why you like them and makes you like them even more.

As incredible as it feels to experience this depth of emotion about someone, it is perhaps an even better one to wake up in the morning knowing this person is out there thinking you are equally as fascinating, and amazing. That person also waits eagerly for each phone conversation with you. That person also wakes up smiling as you pop into their head. That person feels those same intense emotions inside themself about you.

Life is about experiencing this kind of magic. Most of us don’t spend enough time experiencing this kind of magic (and some miss experiencing it all together) because we are so afraid of experiencing it. I’ve written about this in a few other blogs.

Think about this. What is the point of doing all this work on ourselves unless we are willing to share ourselves with someone else? Sharing your thoughts, feelings and emotions with another person is truly the greatest high you can experience.

There is no greater feeling. There is no drug or type of alcohol that produces a high as intense and incredible as being truly emotionally, physically and spiritually connected with someone.

When is the last time you kissed someone and that kiss was so intoxicating that you were lost in that moment long after the kiss ended? Even after you said goodnight and parted company with that person, you craved and wanted more of every part of them.

You craved and wanted to hear more of their voice.
You craved and wanted to feel more of their lips.
You craved and wanted to touch them more, and to feel more of their touch on your skin.

When was the last time you experienced raw passion and lust? When was the last time you drove someone home after a soul shattering kiss and literally felt drunk, so much so that you worried that if a cop pulled you over you would be convicted of DUK (driving under the influence of kissing)? This DUK feeling is precisely how you want to feel when you’re with someone.

How about the person you wish you were still talking to even after you’ve just returned from taking them home? Every time you hang up from talking on the phone to that person you wish you could immediately call them again. You constantly want more of that person and feel like you could never get enough of them.

What about the person with whom you have sex for the first time and it is so natural that you never think about it being your first time togethe? As we all know, the first time you have sex with someone it rarely feels exactly right because you don’t know their body well enough yet and you think about it a little too much.

So if you meet someone and the very first time you have sex with them it feels so completely natural and like you already have learned each other’s bodies, that is what makes you feel as though you are meant to be with that person. You feel like your bodies communicate perfectly with each other without either of you having to speak.

Your bodies communicate with each other so deeply and intensely that you can still feel their energy inside you all throughout the next day. You anxiously anticipate the next time you will have sex with them because deep in your soul you know your connection with them will be better, more intense and more amazing.

We spend our lives working on ourselves so we can experience these kind of deep and intense emotions. We do it so we can feel that drunk-like intoxicating soul connection when you have sex.

We do it so we can feel comfort and a true sense of peace. That’s the best way to describe how it feels when you truly make love to somebody – it’s a sensation of peace. You completely stop thinking and solely are connecting with that person. Your bodies just move. You get lost in the touches, the kisses and the entire experience. If you think about it, that is what we are looking for in the best sexual connections: the ability to become totally and effortlessly lost in each other.

Life has its ups and its downs, so why not search for someone with whom you share this kind of intense emotional, physical and spiritual connection? A connection that has you excited for every phone conversation, every kiss, every little touch – so much so that you feel you can never absorb enough of that person.

Imagine falling asleep every night with the last thoughts in your mind being a yearning for more and more of every part of someone. Imagine wanting to know more about them, wanting to taste more of them, wanting to devour every word they say, and wanting to know their every thought and emotion. This is what magic feels like, what life is truly all about, and what we all should aspire to find.