I’ve been wondering: why did I not do this my entire life?!

Why do we dance around certain topics?

Why are we so afraid to really say the truth?

It’s amazing, when you’re 100% truthful and honest with people, they think you’re actually defending yourself, justifying things, or selling yourself.

It’s really amusing in a lot of ways.

I wanted to hang out with a friend the other night.  They couldn’t make it.

I said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll sweeten the deal next time.”

She said, “What are you selling?”

I was like, “I’m not selling anything!  I like to sweeten the deals.  I enjoy doing things for people.  I enjoy hanging out with people, eating a good meal, whatever it might be.”

It was fun.

So instead, I had a client come over last night. He stayed late, and I looked at him and he seemed run down in so many ways.  He just didn’t have the zest, the pop, the energy that he always had.

And it’s because of his relationship.

So I looked him straight in his eyes and I said, “You need to end this for your health.” I went through a long synopsis of what I saw about him and how I was concerned. I gave it to him straight.

He kept saying that he hoped that his wife would change.

I told him that people don’t change. The only person that you can change is yourself. No one is going to change for us.

No relationship is going to miraculously get better.  No person is going to suddenly start to understand you.

We spend years hoping that people change. And they don’t.

Usually I would allow a client to engage me in the change conversation.  He would then tell me all the ways that his wife should change and can change and then I would listen to that and basically agree or rationalize with him, and say, “You know you’re right, give it another shot.”

But I felt like he was wasting time. I looked at him from a health point of view and I saw how stressed out he was—it wasn’t good. I told him that he needed to be honest with himself and make a decision, even if tough.

We’ll see how that goes.

Yesterday, I had a guy come to see a car that I’m selling for a friend.  He offered a ridiculously low number—$2,000 less than the asking price, and the care was already priced really well.

He then went into a whole sob story about his daughter’s birthday and how he needed to spend $500 on his daughter’s birthday, otherwise he’d be in trouble with his ex-wife.

I listened to him. I did.

And then I looked at him and said, “I don’t care. I’m not paying for your daughter’s birthday.  My friend deserves the money for his car. That’s fair to him, right?”

“All I’ve got is $14,000.”

“You shouldn’t have come over with just $14,000, you should have brought $16,000.”

I then paused for effect.

“Your final offer is 14? My friends wants 16. But I’ll tell you what: I’ll meet you halfway, plus 10%, for a final total of $14,800. My friend would be okay with that offer.”

“No, I can only do 14 because of my daughter’s birthday party.”

“Well, then go find another car.  Time is money.  You can run all around town, looking at different cars to try and hopefully find one that’s priced this low with this much work done, or you can spend the money because I know you have it.  Nobody just has 14.”

He just looked at me, hopeful.

“I hope your daughter enjoys her party.  But it’s not my friend’s job to pay for it. See ya.”

Later that day, he texted me:

All I’ve got is 14. Are you sure?

I sent him the same text back:

The number doesn’t change.  Good luck.  

And it felt good.

It feels so good to look at people and call them out.

It feels good to tell people exactly how you feel and not worry about being in your head.

And it’s fun to watch everyone’s reaction.

If you tell a woman you’re going to call her, then you call her.

If you have sex with a woman, you don’t become text dependent. You don’t text her for two days. You get on the phone and you call her. You don’t substitute text conversations thinking that they’re real conversations.

Real men are men of their word.  

Women crave it, women desire it, and women deserve it. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel good about showing their body, their heart, their soul, and their everything-else with you.

When you tell a friend you’re going to help him move on Saturday, you show up and you do it no matter what.

When you tell somebody you’re going to pick them up from the airport and you don’t feel like it at the last minute, you either pick them up or you pay for their cab.

It’s about becoming a man of your word. What you say is what you do.

There are a lot of talkers out there. They talk the talk but when it comes down to walking the walk, they have absolutely no concept of how to do it.

If you break your word with somebody, the first thing you need to do is apologize and explain yourself and admit that you were wrong.

There are no excuses in life and we’re full of them.

I was going to call you, but time ran out.

I was thinking about you, I texted you.

No. You call when you say you’re going to call. Women crave it, women desire it, and women deserve it.

Become a man of your word. That’s what this month is all about: becoming extremely honest.

If you run into somebody and they confront you on something that hurt them in the past, instead of going into defense mode, man up.

Look at them straight in the eyes and say, “You know what, I was wrong, you were right.”

It’s going to throw them a bit. They’re going to look at you and say, “You don’t really need to explain yourself,” and that’s when you become an even better man.

You look at them and say, “Yes I do, you deserve it. You deserve an explanation, you deserve the truth. And I feel honored to be able to deliver it to you.”

No more white lies.

No more beating around the bush.

Ask for what you want. Make promises that you can keep and if you don’t keep the promises, admit your mistake and become a man of your word.

. . .

I hope everybody had a really good week.

Share with me some of your breakthroughs, some of your raw, honest moments.

And also please share with me if you broke down and weren’t 100% honest and why.

And after reading some of your comments, I want to reiterate that with extreme honesty it is all about being in a place of love.

But if someone pisses you off it’s also about telling them how you feel.

On that note, let me tell you about my day yesterday:

So, I’m selling my car. (I know, after all the fuss about me buying a car, I’m selling it. What can I say—I get bored.)

This guy sees my ad and emails me something like this:

I checked out the wholesale value of your car and it’s worth $xxx. I will give you a couple grand over that.

Meanwhile, ‘a couple grand over’ what he was offering was still about $4,000 less than what I was asking. And I’m already selling the car cheap—much cheaper than anybody else for a similar model.

I want to sell it fast.

So I wrote him back and said:

Look, I don’t need your money. You can go and low-ball people all day long and maybe after a year you can finally find the car that you want, but you see, I value my time.

Then he wrote:

So somebody offered you more?

And I said:

It’s not about that. I just don’t have time to deal with your delusional thoughts about getting this car from me at that price. Good luck!

And it felt good. It was honest, it was real and it was raw. And it’s something I want all of you to practice.

Later, I ended up going to see my therapist.

That’s right, David Wygant is seeing a therapist now.

I’m going to through some personal things and I really love and enjoy talking to others about it. We all have issues in life, sticking points, blockages—and just like you come to me for advice, I like to go to others for advice also.

I had a great session.

When I walked out of the office, I saw a guy sitting there waiting for his session. He looked down at the ground and hid his face behind his hand.

It’s funny how when you leave a therapist office, the people sitting in the waiting room don’t acknowledge you. But you are two people who have something in common: you are two people that are working to get things in your life straightened out. You’re both two people focused on growth.

Yet he was hiding his face down in shame.

People are funny.

A guy e-mailed me the other day saying that he wants to come to my boot camp. And then he wrote:

I really want to go to your boot camp, I’m really looking forward to it, you know. But I have to ask you a question: what am I going to tell my friends I did that weekend?

Tell them you went to a boot camp to improve yourself, dude.

We’re so afraid to be honest. We’re so afraid to be naked.

And that’s why we all need to join in on Extreme Honesty Month.

Let us set some examples.

Let’s get real.

This is going to be a fun, fun month.

It is the month of May, and I also declare it Extreme Honesty Month.

You’re all going to participate, hopefully.

We’re all going to participate in extreme honesty month.

Here is what it is all about:

For the next 31 days and 31 nights, you’re going to be extremely honest with everybody you come into contact with.

You’re no longer going to worry about what to say. You’re not going to be stuck inside your head. You’re going to speak your mind—no filter.

You’re also going to realize that the world is going to respond to you in an entirely different way. They’re going to respond to you in ways that you never have before.

For the next 31 days, you’re going to be fully authentic, real, and loving. You’re going to live your life every single day full of love—remember that. The two virtues necessary to be an honest person, are courage and love.

It takes courage to be completely you and say what you really feel. It also takes love to be able to do it without being a dick.

I don’t want you to attack people. Tell people how you feel but do it from a place of love. Don’t call people out from a place of anger or resentment—that will make this month very difficult for you. Be honest from a place of love.

You can come from a loving place, and explain why you’re hurt, why you’re sad, why you’re angry, why you’re upset. You’re more likely to honestly express yourself if you can control your emotions while you do it. Coming from genuine, positive emotions like respect, courage, and love will give you greater control.

This will be your most challenging and empowering month ever.

But imagine being able to walk up to a woman who you think is absolutely beautiful, and actually say it because you mean it, not because you want something from her.

Imagine being able to walk into your boss’ office, and explain to them why things are not working out for you at work, and your ideas on how things can be better so the work environment can be a more powerful, creative environment for everybody to flourish.

Imagine being able to tell your parents things you’ve always wanted to say. Imagine having a sit down with your best friend, who has been real selfish with your time and explaining how you feel.

Imagine being able to say all the things that have been dominating your thoughts for the longest time. Imagine being able to let them out and discuss them, so you can live a free, clear life.

That is what it is all about.

Extreme honesty month, it is time for all of you to join in.

I will be blogging (and tweeting #extremehonestymonth) every single day, sometimes more than once.

I will post videos.

I will post podcasts.

It is all going to be about being real, and I’m going to share with you what’s going on in my life, some of the conflicts, and some of the things I’m working on. Sharing with you is going to help me become more honest, and more real, and more open about my personal life.

I look forward to every day of this month, I hope you do too.

. . .

And if you want to officially join me for a month of total honesty, and you want to do it in a very public way, click to tweet the following:

I am celebrating extreme honesty month. I vow to speak nothing but the whole truth for the next 31 days. Join me. – Click to Tweet.

Hope you’re having a great hump day.

It’s time for the Wednesday podcast and today we talk about honestly expressing oneself.

Being authentic and real is the secret sauce of life.

Listen in as we talk about it!:

Years ago, I was vacationing in Boulder, Colorado. One day, after a two-hour massage, I went to Whole Foods for some dinner. As I was walking out, I passed by a gorgeous woman and we had one of those moments. (You know those moments that happen when a woman stares at you and you stare at her at the same time and an extreme sexual chemistry builds up that you can feel? It was one of those.) I smiled at her, she smiled at me, and I continued to my car, ready to leave.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I got into my car. I started my engine. I backed out, collected myself, and then pulled back into the spot. I looked at my golden retriever Jessie and I said to her, “Be a good girl. I’ll be back in a little while.”

I walked into that market and I walked directly over to that woman and I looked at her and I said, “Excuse me, I must be the biggest fool in the entire world. But I was about to leave just now, and you know what? How many times have I looked and smiled at somebody and continued on and didn’t stop to experience them as a person, or what could have happened between us. I’m not going to do that again.”

We talked for what seemed like ever; we were honest with one another; we went out for coffee until 4:00 in the morning; we had some breakfast; we talked some more. We had unbelievable chemistry.

A couple nights later, she came to my house and we made a barbecue. We got undressed—basically in our little underwear, just like little kids—and we snuggled all night long. All night long we were cozy in bed, spooning, holding on to one another. I never slept with this woman at all, and I was never meant to sleep with her.

What this lesson taught me was that something feels so out of the ordinary, that’s when you go for it. Because what we do, and as people, we constantly go for what we’re accustomed to. That’s why we end up dating the same people over and over again. That’s why we have the same relationships over and over again.

So the next time you feel this intense attraction, you immediately go for it. You speak it. You say you could be on a date and you can look at somebody and just say, “God, you’re hot.” And that’s something you would never say. But say it anyway and see what happens.

Watch how your world changes when you say the things that you never said before, and do the things you haven’t done. Watch how your relationships change and watch your experience change.

And watch how you blossom as a person.

You’ve met somebody you’re really jazzed about. You’ve exchanged phone numbers. You notice the area code is different than yours, so you ask them with some hesitation, “Where do you live?” They immediately tell you, “Oh, I’m just in town for the weekend.” BUT–they visit often, and still they’d still like to get together the next time they’re in town.

So, now you call each other up on the phone, you have some good entertaining conversations, and….they’re coming to town in two weeks. You’re meshing, your’e building up a little friendship over the phone, you’re really enjoying it and now your mind kicks in AGAIN, and AGAIN you become another version of “future man”or- “future woman.”

Remember that blog about future man and future woman? Well, here we go again! You start obsessing and thinking: What do they want? What are they looking for? Do they want something deeper? Could this turn into the dreaded long distance relationship? Are they just looking for a fling? Do I need to clean my house up because they’re going to come over and we’re going to have crazy and wild sex all weekend? We are going out Friday night and he or she will be around the whole weekend…you start thinking again.

Just enjoy it. You have no idea what may happen. This person you’re talking to might travel into town every week or every month. Maybe it’s because in the back of their minds that’s where they want to eventually settle down, and meeting somebody to be with would make it much easier and safer for them to move. Maybe they are just looking for a fling, maybe they just enjoy being able to getting out of their town and into a new town, and just want to have fun. Maybe they don’t even know themselves!

The only way you’re actually going to find out for sure is if you go out with them, and while you’re out you talk to them, you’re interested in them, and you find out more about them. Obsessing about it and planning ahead of time NEVER WORKS!

This person could turn out to be a future relationship, or a future fling, or it could be a future nothing. But you just don’t know, and you won’t know, until you two connect when you’re out on that date. Unless you make a real connection by keeping your head in the present moment, you will never have a handle on the future of whatever it is that you’ve got going on or whatever it could become.

So, stop worrying and thinking about what the other person wants. Talking it out with someone else can be good to help you sort out what you want, but if you’re so curious about what they want, you have to ask them. Don’t be afraid, when you’ve got some private time say, “Hey, you live out of town, and I like what we’ve got going on here. What are you looking for, are looking for a relationship, are you just looking to have fun…where are you at right now in your life? I’m interested, let’s talk about this.”

What happened to honesty? Why are we so afraid of it?

Why do we love to sell portraits of ourselves over and over and over again?

The point of this whole message, the reason for it, is that it’s really not healthy to consistently torture ourselves with our own thoughts. If you’re interested and you’re genuinely curious about somebody, ask them, “What are you looking for?” They will tell you, you will find out a lot about this person, and it will lead to a whole kind of different conversation—an honest conversation, a real conversation. It will give you an opportunity to get to know them on a much deeper and authentic level.

That’s what I want to give you, that’s what this blog is all about, and I hope that you really embrace today’s message.

I always tell people that whenever you lie, you have to remember that lie. A lie has so many levels to it, and you have to remember them all when you say a lie — where you were, to whom you said that lie, the name of the person you were supposedly with or to whom you were talking. You have to create a whole story.

When you lie, you usually leave all sorts of loopholes. You always forget at least one detail. If people are really paying attention, they can easily catch you in a lie.

Being honest is one of the hardest things for people to do, especially when it comes to being honest with ourselves. There are times, particularly when you’re dating, that you need to be 100% honest both with yourself and with the person you’re dating in situations where it is not easy to be that honest.

Say you’re dating someone who wants three kids and you don’t want to have any kids. Because you are so intoxicated by her beauty, instead of being 100% honest about that you say, “You know, I think I could have kids. I really do think I might want kids.”

You have to be 100% honest at all times with yourself, because otherwise it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. Being honest is very liberating because the more honest you are, the more honest people are going to be with you. When you have this kind of mutual honesty between you, you don’t get into nearly as many arguments.

Say your partner tells you that he wants to move out to the country, and even though you love living in the city you say that you would be happy to move to the country. When you inevitably stall about making the move, it will end up in an argument between you.

Your partner will say, “You told me you wanted to move to the country, and here we are still living in the city.” If you are (and were) being honest with yourself, you knew all along that you didn’t want to move to the country.

The only reason you said you did is that you fell in love with your partner. Instead of being honest with them and allowing them to have their dream, you lied.

Being 100% honest is really tough sometimes, because when you meet someone you think is so amazing and fantastic you really want to want the same things they do. So we will tell a little white lie, and we lie to ourselves in the process.

Then that white lie ends up putting us in a situation where we have to confront that dishonesty with ourselves. That’s where you get into a mess. It’s really important in life to be really clear about what we want.

How many kids do you truly want? There is a big difference between having one kid and having three (and an even bigger difference between having any number of kids and having no kids).

Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in the country or do you want to live in the city?

How often do you like to have sex? Sex is something you have to be this honest about too.

How many people who like to have sex four times a week get involved with someone who only likes to have sex once a week, and tell themselves they are okay with only having sex once a week. They tell themselves that it doesn’t matter.

The truth is that it does matter. I’ve been in a relationship with a person who liked to have sex a lot less than I do, and it was not okay (and mattered a lot!).

We make all sorts of compromises like this when we go into a relationship because we think to ourselves that all our our needs and desires are never going to be met in any relationship. After all, there is no ‘perfect’ partner, right?

The truth is, though, that if you listed all your needs and wants and desires, it is not that many things. You need to be on the same page with your partner in so many different ways. If you’re not, then you will find yourself in situations where you have to accept things you never wanted.

How many men and women really hear that? I don’t know who Minka Kelly is, nor do I care. I don’t care if Derek Jeter is screwing her. What she said in that quote, however, really resonates and rings true.

Why do we have such trouble being honest with our lovers, ourselves and people with whom we are in a relationship? If you’re brutally honest with someone, you might actually get what you want.

So many of us use manipulation games. So many of us beat around the bush. So many of us are passive aggressive when it comes down to discussing things with each other.

I’m all about brutal honesty. I want to hear from all of you today and know what you think about this.

The last time you were brutally honest, what happened? Are you 100% brutally honest in all ways in your love life? If you aren’t, why aren’t you?

Have you ever been in a relationship, and you just knew something you were doing – whether on a conscious or subconscious level – was not the right thing but you did it anyway? I am not talking about cheating (because I think cheating is 100% wrong).

I am talking about other things. I am talking about getting in touch with a friend and talking about your personal business with other people (or whatever it might be). Then, when confronted with it, you lie right to someone’s face about it.

Do you realize that whenever you tell a lie in life, you will get caught? You will always get caught in lies.

I learned something a long time ago: It is hard to keep a lie straight, but it is easy to keep the truth straight. It is easy to keep the truth straight because you don’t have to remember stories.

You never have to remember alibis. You never have to remember anything.

When you tell the truth, there is nothing to remember but the truth. The real truth, along with the real feelings and the real emotions behind it.

When it comes to a lie, you always have to “cover your tracks.” You have to remember what you said to each person.

Lies are not worth it. Lies are destructive in relationships, and they will never get you anywhere.

So, when you are out there right now trying to meet somebody, remember what I’m telling you here about the truth. It’s always easier.

Sometimes the truth might be hard to say in the moment. Telling the truth in that moment, however difficult it is, will mean you never have to go back and apologize about it later.