Years ago, I was vacationing in Boulder, Colorado. One day, after a two-hour massage, I went to Whole Foods for some dinner. As I was walking out, I passed by a gorgeous woman and we had one of those moments. (You know those moments that happen when a woman stares at you and you stare at her at the same time and an extreme sexual chemistry builds up that you can feel? It was one of those.) I smiled at her, she smiled at me, and I continued to my car, ready to leave.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I got into my car. I started my engine. I backed out, collected myself, and then pulled back into the spot. I looked at my golden retriever Jessie and I said to her, “Be a good girl. I’ll be back in a little while.”

I walked into that market and I walked directly over to that woman and I looked at her and I said, “Excuse me, I must be the biggest fool in the entire world. But I was about to leave just now, and you know what? How many times have I looked and smiled at somebody and continued on and didn’t stop to experience them as a person, or what could have happened between us. I’m not going to do that again.”

We talked for what seemed like ever; we were honest with one another; we went out for coffee until 4:00 in the morning; we had some breakfast; we talked some more. We had unbelievable chemistry.

A couple nights later, she came to my house and we made a barbecue. We got undressed—basically in our little underwear, just like little kids—and we snuggled all night long. All night long we were cozy in bed, spooning, holding on to one another. I never slept with this woman at all, and I was never meant to sleep with her.

What this lesson taught me was that something feels so out of the ordinary, that’s when you go for it. Because what we do, and as people, we constantly go for what we’re accustomed to. That’s why we end up dating the same people over and over again. That’s why we have the same relationships over and over again.

So the next time you feel this intense attraction, you immediately go for it. You speak it. You say you could be on a date and you can look at somebody and just say, “God, you’re hot.” And that’s something you would never say. But say it anyway and see what happens.

Watch how your world changes when you say the things that you never said before, and do the things you haven’t done. Watch how your relationships change and watch your experience change.

And watch how you blossom as a person.

You’ve met somebody you’re really jazzed about. You’ve exchanged phone numbers. You notice the area code is different than yours, so you ask them with some hesitation, “Where do you live?” They immediately tell you, “Oh, I’m just in town for the weekend.” BUT–they visit often, and still they’d still like to get together the next time they’re in town.

So, now you call each other up on the phone, you have some good entertaining conversations, and….they’re coming to town in two weeks. You’re meshing, your’e building up a little friendship over the phone, you’re really enjoying it and now your mind kicks in AGAIN, and AGAIN you become another version of “future man”or- “future woman.”

Remember that blog about future man and future woman? Well, here we go again! You start obsessing and thinking: What do they want? What are they looking for? Do they want something deeper? Could this turn into the dreaded long distance relationship? Are they just looking for a fling? Do I need to clean my house up because they’re going to come over and we’re going to have crazy and wild sex all weekend? We are going out Friday night and he or she will be around the whole weekend…you start thinking again.

Just enjoy it. You have no idea what may happen. This person you’re talking to might travel into town every week or every month. Maybe it’s because in the back of their minds that’s where they want to eventually settle down, and meeting somebody to be with would make it much easier and safer for them to move. Maybe they are just looking for a fling, maybe they just enjoy being able to getting out of their town and into a new town, and just want to have fun. Maybe they don’t even know themselves!

The only way you’re actually going to find out for sure is if you go out with them, and while you’re out you talk to them, you’re interested in them, and you find out more about them. Obsessing about it and planning ahead of time NEVER WORKS!

This person could turn out to be a future relationship, or a future fling, or it could be a future nothing. But you just don’t know, and you won’t know, until you two connect when you’re out on that date. Unless you make a real connection by keeping your head in the present moment, you will never have a handle on the future of whatever it is that you’ve got going on or whatever it could become.

So, stop worrying and thinking about what the other person wants. Talking it out with someone else can be good to help you sort out what you want, but if you’re so curious about what they want, you have to ask them. Don’t be afraid, when you’ve got some private time say, “Hey, you live out of town, and I like what we’ve got going on here. What are you looking for, are looking for a relationship, are you just looking to have fun…where are you at right now in your life? I’m interested, let’s talk about this.”

What happened to honesty? Why are we so afraid of it?

Why do we love to sell portraits of ourselves over and over and over again?

The point of this whole message, the reason for it, is that it’s really not healthy to consistently torture ourselves with our own thoughts. If you’re interested and you’re genuinely curious about somebody, ask them, “What are you looking for?” They will tell you, you will find out a lot about this person, and it will lead to a whole kind of different conversation—an honest conversation, a real conversation. It will give you an opportunity to get to know them on a much deeper and authentic level.

That’s what I want to give you, that’s what this blog is all about, and I hope that you really embrace today’s message.

I always tell people that whenever you lie, you have to remember that lie. A lie has so many levels to it, and you have to remember them all when you say a lie — where you were, to whom you said that lie, the name of the person you were supposedly with or to whom you were talking. You have to create a whole story.

When you lie, you usually leave all sorts of loopholes. You always forget at least one detail. If people are really paying attention, they can easily catch you in a lie.

Being honest is one of the hardest things for people to do, especially when it comes to being honest with ourselves. There are times, particularly when you’re dating, that you need to be 100% honest both with yourself and with the person you’re dating in situations where it is not easy to be that honest.

Say you’re dating someone who wants three kids and you don’t want to have any kids. Because you are so intoxicated by her beauty, instead of being 100% honest about that you say, “You know, I think I could have kids. I really do think I might want kids.”

You have to be 100% honest at all times with yourself, because otherwise it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. Being honest is very liberating because the more honest you are, the more honest people are going to be with you. When you have this kind of mutual honesty between you, you don’t get into nearly as many arguments.

Say your partner tells you that he wants to move out to the country, and even though you love living in the city you say that you would be happy to move to the country. When you inevitably stall about making the move, it will end up in an argument between you.

Your partner will say, “You told me you wanted to move to the country, and here we are still living in the city.” If you are (and were) being honest with yourself, you knew all along that you didn’t want to move to the country.

The only reason you said you did is that you fell in love with your partner. Instead of being honest with them and allowing them to have their dream, you lied.

Being 100% honest is really tough sometimes, because when you meet someone you think is so amazing and fantastic you really want to want the same things they do. So we will tell a little white lie, and we lie to ourselves in the process.

Then that white lie ends up putting us in a situation where we have to confront that dishonesty with ourselves. That’s where you get into a mess. It’s really important in life to be really clear about what we want.

How many kids do you truly want? There is a big difference between having one kid and having three (and an even bigger difference between having any number of kids and having no kids).

Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in the country or do you want to live in the city?

How often do you like to have sex? Sex is something you have to be this honest about too.

How many people who like to have sex four times a week get involved with someone who only likes to have sex once a week, and tell themselves they are okay with only having sex once a week. They tell themselves that it doesn’t matter.

The truth is that it does matter. I’ve been in a relationship with a person who liked to have sex a lot less than I do, and it was not okay (and mattered a lot!).

We make all sorts of compromises like this when we go into a relationship because we think to ourselves that all our our needs and desires are never going to be met in any relationship. After all, there is no ‘perfect’ partner, right?

The truth is, though, that if you listed all your needs and wants and desires, it is not that many things. You need to be on the same page with your partner in so many different ways. If you’re not, then you will find yourself in situations where you have to accept things you never wanted.

How many men and women really hear that? I don’t know who Minka Kelly is, nor do I care. I don’t care if Derek Jeter is screwing her. What she said in that quote, however, really resonates and rings true.

Why do we have such trouble being honest with our lovers, ourselves and people with whom we are in a relationship? If you’re brutally honest with someone, you might actually get what you want.

So many of us use manipulation games. So many of us beat around the bush. So many of us are passive aggressive when it comes down to discussing things with each other.

I’m all about brutal honesty. I want to hear from all of you today and know what you think about this.

The last time you were brutally honest, what happened? Are you 100% brutally honest in all ways in your love life? If you aren’t, why aren’t you?

Have you ever been in a relationship, and you just knew something you were doing – whether on a conscious or subconscious level – was not the right thing but you did it anyway? I am not talking about cheating (because I think cheating is 100% wrong).

I am talking about other things. I am talking about getting in touch with a friend and talking about your personal business with other people (or whatever it might be). Then, when confronted with it, you lie right to someone’s face about it.

Do you realize that whenever you tell a lie in life, you will get caught? You will always get caught in lies.

I learned something a long time ago: It is hard to keep a lie straight, but it is easy to keep the truth straight. It is easy to keep the truth straight because you don’t have to remember stories.

You never have to remember alibis. You never have to remember anything.

When you tell the truth, there is nothing to remember but the truth. The real truth, along with the real feelings and the real emotions behind it.

When it comes to a lie, you always have to “cover your tracks.” You have to remember what you said to each person.

Lies are not worth it. Lies are destructive in relationships, and they will never get you anywhere.

So, when you are out there right now trying to meet somebody, remember what I’m telling you here about the truth. It’s always easier.

Sometimes the truth might be hard to say in the moment. Telling the truth in that moment, however difficult it is, will mean you never have to go back and apologize about it later.

Now take this one step deeper and ask yourself this question: How honest are you with yourself?

When confronted with life’s lessons, are you 100% honest with yourself or do you always point the finger at others and play the role of the victim?

So what made me think of this today?

People are always looking for outside answers and help, when in reality the truth always lies within themselves.

Let’s declare today a day of self-confession and realization.

That is, are you somebody who won’t talk to people to their face – so you talk shit about them behind their back?

There is nothing I disrespect more than back talking. I don’t respect someone who can’t look me in the eyes and talk to me directly – someone who badmouths me behind my back. I find that to be the most disgraceful way of addressing something.