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Soulmates…..Myth or Reality?

Todays blog will be part of a live coaching from London with a client. Hopefully these exchanges with my client will give you an idea of my coaching style. Consider it a sneak peek into what I do when I am coaching clients and leading bootcamps!

Robert: So what ages would you say were the women on the subway that you met?

David: They’re all ages – probably 25, 26, and close to 40 – they’re all ages, all the time. I don’t show the age.

When you ask them out, you want to do so basing it on something that you’ve already talked about, right? So for instance with the black woman in the shoe store, you can let it sit a bit, and don’t focus in, and you can have it. So I would have asked her out, and I would have been funny! I would have said, “so do I get a bigger discount if we go out for a drink?”

Or the British Nanny Girl in the art store, how would I have asked her out? I would have just said, “you know, I need another art lesson – give me your number, we need to talk more about it,” and that’s how I would have asked her out.

The Paul & Joe woman, I would have said, “you know what? You’re fun. You and I have to go shopping one day and look through a bunch of look books. Give me your phone number.” That’s how I would have asked her out.

There was another girl in Harvey Nichols that I met when I was trying on a pair of jeans. She picked out a pair of jeans that she liked for me, and I would have said to her, “you know what? I have to get back to my friends, but you have to give me your number. I feel really selfish right now, next time we’ll go jean shopping for you. I don’t want it to be only about me!”

Those are ways you ask women out. You ask them out based on everything that you have talked about with them during that conversation. You pick an emotional talking point, and you ask them out based on this. By asking a woman out based on an emotional talking point, it shows that you’re different than almost every other guy out there.

Most guys don’t listen, and they don’t pay attention. And what do women want? They want you to pay attention! What did your mother always tell you when you were a little kid? “You never listen to me!” So those are ways that you could have asked those women out.

What about one of the waitresses today? It would have been the same thing – you could have said, “I’m enjoying so much learning about your country, let’s get together, I want to learn more.”

Robert: And you would have done it like that? Like in her workplace?

David: Yeah, that’s how I do it.

Robert: And there are no repercussions or anything like that?

David: No, they either say yes or no. They don’t care about anything else.

What about the Whole Foods Girl? The Chip Girl with her hat? I would have said, “you know, I don’t want to see you hurt yourself on the way home. Give me your number; let’s get together and I’ll bring you a bag of chips. Because if you fall, then I want to make sure you have a nice bag of chips,” or “I don’t want them crushing when you put them on your seat.”

Here’s the thing: that’s creative. When you ask a woman out that way, you’re creating their Notting Hill/Hugh Grant moment for them. It’s that serendipitous moment for them. You want them to basically call all their friends and say, “you will not believe what happened to me today.”

Let them recite the story. What will happen is that by the time they tell their friends, text their friends – you’re a legend! All their friends are saying, “oh my god, Mary, that is so cool – I can’t believe that happened to you at work today! Wow, tell me about him again.”

Then you have a nickname – let’s say if you met her at the restaurant, you might be known as Beetroot Salad Man. You might be Portrait Guy, or Denim Guy – you want to be that guy. You want to be the guy that gets that nickname, because if you get the nickname then they are passing that nickname along to every one of their friends, and it becomes something that’s really fun. You’ve created that moment.

Women want a relationship to start at hello. That’s how they look at things. They’ve been reading romance novels. So when you open them in the ways we’ve talked about – with energy, observations – and you ask them out based on stuff you’ve already talked to them about, they feel like you’ve paid attention to detail. If you read any type of romance novel, or see any type of romantic comedy, that’s how it’s done! And that’s why women go ‘ooh’ and ‘aah.’

You can ooh and aah them just as easily as anyone else. And the great thing about this is that 95% of men don’t do this. You’re in that 5% range. Do you want to be like everybody else, or do you want to be in that 5% range?

Today we are going to tackle the toughest question ever.

Soulmates Myth or Reality?

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Something that is so funny is that so many guys try to get a kiss close.

For those of you that don’t know pick-up language, a kiss close is when you meet a woman in a square in Europe, or you meet a woman in a bar, or wherever, and you get a kiss close. This means you talk to her for like five or six minutes and then you get a kiss close.

But what is so funny, and what most guys don’t think about is this: that doesn’t validate you!

So you kissed some random woman? If she was so up for kissing you, you don’t know who’s dick she had in her mouth the night before! So basically you’re kissing someone’s dick from the night before. Think about that.

Not only that, but I know guys that have kiss closed women in bars, and I’ve seen it – they’ve actually kiss closed a woman in a bar, and they come over and they are so proud of it – all of a sudden I’ll see that woman making out with some other dude in the corner, grabbing his crotch.

Now the thought of sticking my tongue in a woman’s mouth that’s probably already gone down on some other dude doesn’t really appeal to me!

The fact is: why do you want to kiss somebody that you don’t even know? She could have the flu! She could have a really nasty cold. She could be skanky. She could have a cold sore – why do you have to validate yourself by kiss closing a random woman?

That doesn’t make you a man. It’s silly, it’s ridiculous, and it’s one of the dumbest things – this is why these guys call themselves ‘puas’. What does ‘pua’ stand for? Once again, every time I say it: it’s a pick-up asshole!

Basically you’re an asshole running around trying to pick up women all day long instead of learning how to attract women. Stop trying to pick them up – they’re not weights! You can’t lift them up over your head or curl them!

“Hey man, let’s pick up some women today,” “cool, I picked up two today, let’s put them on either side of a stick and just lift them and get a good workout,” right?

If you really want to pick up some women, lay down on the ground, I’ll throw one on top of you, and let’s see how many women you can bench press.

But that kiss close thing – this has always been something that has really repulsed me. Granted – I’m not a prude, I’m not an asshole, I have definitely gone out and had my share of make out sessions with random women in bars – when I was drunk and loaded.

But think about it as a sober person: think about where her mouth has been. Think about it: if she’s so willing to kiss you so quickly, think about where her mouth could have been ten minutes before.

Now do you still want to kiss close those lips?

Or would you rather spend the time, get to know her, and turn her into a dynamic, passionate, sexual being that absolutely indulges every inch of your body?

If you want that, I’ll tell you about it another day!