I don’t know how pancakes and sex ever came into the conversation, but I was laughing. I remember from about age 18 to age 23, it wasn’t having sex once a day. It was more like do it now, then do it again in twenty minutes . . . then do it again in another twenty minutes.

I remember by the fourth time screwing in a day, I was basically pounding for forty minutes. I felt so good to be able to say that I could f^*k for forty straight minutes.

The poor girl would be laying there screaming and yelling. I of course thought screaming and yelling was from pleasure. The screaming and yelling was because she was getting so raw. Forty minutes is a long time for anybody.

Four times in a row, and that’s 160 minutes of screwing. I mean, the poor woman was moaning and groaning — yes out of pleasure part of the time, but mostly out of pure pain because she was getting wet and dry and wet and dry. I would just keep going and going and going like the young testosterone filled man that I was.

Let’s practice quality over quantity when it comes down to sex. Let’s do it in all areas of our lives. Quality over quantity is much better.

So if you’re going to have sex, make sure it’s the best sex session you can have. Have some good foreplay.

If you’re a guy, make sure you get her to cum first. That way, she’s more sensitive when you go in there and you are able to also give her a g-spot orgasm.

If you’re a woman, make sure you spend some quality time giving him some foreplay as well. Tease him sufficiently, so that when he does have sex with you he’s all ready to go.

Start having fun together. Even a quickie can be quality.

Back them, a quickie was doing it then twenty minutes later doing it quickly again. It’s not a double quickie. It’s called a quickie for a reason.

I don’t care who makes it from the National League, because the Yankees are winning it all this year. You can take that prediction to the bank . . . and maybe even to the bedroom.

Life is not fair.  The other night I was having a conversation with someone about sex. I’m not going to tell you all the specifics, other than to tell you that after that discussion, I was absolutely orgasm envious! So let’s talk about orgasms, and I will tell you the reason why I’m orgasm envious.

By the way, if I could have one wish it would be that I could have a vagina for a day. I just think it would be so much fun. I already know exactly what kind of orgasms I’d want to have. I’d love to know how to have multiple orgasms through all different ways.

I’d want to have a g-spot orgasm. Of course there is the clitoris, so I’d want at least one clitoral orgasm (since the only reason it exists is for pleasure). Then there is this other place way back in the bowels of the vagina that supposedly can create a whole other type of orgasm.

I mean, give me a break. Right there, that’s three different kinds of orgasms! We men only get one kind.

I really don’t, however, want to talk today about the unfairness of orgasm counts between the sexes. What I really want to talk about today is sexual prime.

By the time men hit the age of 25, they are basically out of their sexual prime. Age 25? Half of the guys out there don’t even get laid enough to enjoy their sexual prime while they’re in it. Then by the time they are getting enough sex, they are already out of their sexual prime.

Women, on the other hand, don’t hit their sexual prime until they are around 37 years old. Think about the way that balances out.

By the time a guy is 37 years old, he isn’t exactly producing the same amount of “little swimmers” as he used to produce. Not only that, he doesn’t really want to have sex five times a day anymore (while women at that same age are machines!).

It’s no wonder that 37 year old women are the number one consumers of vibrators. They can basically vibrate their day away.

It’s really not fair the way things line up here. It really seems like things are very askew. It’s no wonder that there are so many cougars running around out there.

If I were a 37 year old woman who was hanging out with a Viagra-infused 55 year old guy with no stamina, I would certainly go find myself a young buck. I mean look at Demi Moore.

Don’t ever give her a hard time. She has a guy who is (whoops, I mean was) in his sexual prime. Wait, she may need to go find someone even younger. Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron, Demi Moore may be calling you really soon.

All joking aside, it just doesn’t seem right how the sexual prime thing is set up. Is this God’s way of punishing us? Someone was being mean when they designed the penis and the vagina. Why aren’t those two things created to be in alignment with one another?

Can all the guys remember when you were 18 and you basically would hump the air every five seconds (almost like a dog that humps the air all the time)? The reason why you were humping air was because you constantly wanted your dick to be touched.

I remember when I was 18 years old. I was so penis conscious, it was ridiculous. I felt my penis nonstop. No, I don’t mean that I touched my penis nonstop. I was just aware of it nonstop.

My penis led my life. It made me sleep with some really iffy women. It wasn’t my idea to sleep with them. It was my penis’ idea.

Not only that, but some guys can’t snuggle with a woman until they hit 28 years old. When you are a male who is 22 or 23 years old and your girlfriend asks you to snuggle, you have to go to the bathroom and snap a load off before you can do it.

This sexual prime gap between men and women just does not seem fair. Something is kharmically wrong here! It’s a mean joke. It’s like our sexual primes should have been matched.

Then again, some of this seeming mismatch may actually have been designed better than we thought. So although a guy past his sexual prime may no longer be able to pump and grind five times in one night, he can really satisfy a woman during the one time they do it and will be more likely to want to engage in a lot more of the foreplay that women crave so much.

The Discovery Channel has Shark Week. Is this going to be “Ass Week” here? Is the week before Memorial Day going to annually be “Ass Week?” If you really think about it, it already is.

Women are in the gym working on their ass and trying to get it ready for bikini season. Men are in the gym checking out all the women’s asses. Women are also going to be going out shopping for an outfit for all the Memorial Day barbecues going on, and they will all be asking their friends “Does my ass look fat in this?”

So now I think that from this year forward, the week before Memorial Day will be “Ass Week” on the blog. In keeping with this new tradition, tomorrow I will have a podcast all about how not to be an ass when you’re out meeting women.

Also, if you want a nice preview of “Ass Week,” check out this great ass-related blog from times past:

With June Around the corner and I am sure some of you have to endure a wedding or two, lets talk about the ultimate wedding gift to every couple I know getting married. You’ll never guess what it is.

I go to a sex toy shop and put together what I call “The Lover’s Package.” I get them the best G-spot stimulator/vibrator, the best clitoral ring, outfits to wear, handcuffs, silk handkerchiefs to tie each other up…

You and I both know that after a long time with someone, sex may need some creativity.

Not only that, but this is the only wedding present that they’re ever going to remember!

I give this gift to every single person that is getting married. I’ll spend $100 or $150 and get them some stuff that they will actually use!

So you can sell her the Cube Method or the “pick a number between one and ten” method or the ring finger method – or whatever bullshit it is – but the problem arises when you exchange phone numbers with her and have to take the next step.

From then on, she’s expecting Ring Finger Man and Cube Man to take her on a date, and then you show up!

Sure, women are looking for a bad boy. So I tell every good guy out there that if they want to learn how to be the bad boy, they have to learn how to kiss, learn foreplay, learn how to touch her, and when you have sex with her, you satisfy her better than anybody else ever has or will.

Most of these bad boys are pump and dumpers. All they want is another notch in their bedpost, and to get off. They are no different then masturbating monkeys at the zoo.

So if you want to go and connect with a woman, when you kiss her, you create so much sexual tension that she feels it. You learn how to do dirty text and how to talk to her on the phone. You learn how to seduce her mind.

And then when you have sex with her, you know how to have sex with her and give her orgasms – both clitoral and G-spot orgasms!

She will talk about you and say, “my boyfriend is the nicest guy, and I can’t stop cumming!”

Most guys that I know that are supposed ‘players’ are the worst in bed. I talk sex with them and they have no clue. They are total minutemen. They don’t even know what foreplay is!

So it doesn’t take a ridiculous persona – you don’t have to act like anything that you aren’t. You have to know that you can sexually please any woman. If you know that, you are a hundred steps more evolved than any bad boy.