My client was telling me, he goes, “I really want to meet new women.” He just wants to get to know them, maybe ask them out on a date. So far so good, right? I said, “Great. To get to know a new person, make an observation to her based on what you notice, listen to what she says…”

You know, all the things that I teach all the time.

Here’s where his negative excuse thinking comes in: He can’t, he says. He thinks that something bad will happen if he tries. He goes back into the past and–remember when we were talking about the past? If you’re going to live in the past, you’re always going to get what? That’s right, the past.

He said, “See, this one time I was at the mall with my friend—”

I had to stop him. One time! That’s the key word here: One time. He’s allowing this one experience to basically dictate what happens in his future. He’s allowing it to prevent him from all the things he could possibly be doing in the future. How many times have I told you guys, to be successful in life, you need to do things over and over and over again. You need to get rejected. You need to get blown off. Can you image if the world operated on some “one time principle”? You know what that principle is called? It’s called failure. Because if everybody in the world, if everybody operated on this one time principal, not one person would be successful. Nobody would make a dollar. No progress would be made in the world.

So my client, he’s at the mall with his friend, and his friend tried saying hello to a girl: “She yelled at my friend really loudly to get the hell away from her! How do I cope with that so I can talk to girls if this happens to me?” Basically, by the time my client gets the courage to go talk to someone, he’s already shot himself in the foot. He’s already thinking about that one time and he’s already thinking to himself, “She’s going to scream at me,” or “She’s going to tell the police.”

REALLY? Because in my 30 years of approaching and talking to women, I’ve never once had anybody threaten to call the police on me. Now granted, maybe your friend walked over and had zero confidence, was really staring at her like a creepy stalker boy for a long time before he decided what he was going to do. Most likely, by the time he finally walked over with a weird energy about him, she was totally creeped out. She basically wanted him to get the hell away. That’s what a lot of guys will do. Even though they’re well-meaning, they’ll stare at a woman endlessly before they do anything about it.
Honestly, if you’re having this issue, what you need to do is really work on yourself and your mindset. You need to invest some time in yourself. I’m coaching my client to get working on this issue of his, but the fact is that a lot of guys will send me these type of e-mails because they want that miracle answer. They want the ONE ANSWER that is going to change their entire lives! It doesn’t work that way. I can’t change the way you think in a one-paragraph email and nobody can. I don’t sell you crap that you can memorize and then regurgitate in a situation and to a person I know absolutely nothing about. I will work with you, I will give you some amazing insights, and I will help pave the way, but you’ve got to make a steady commitment. Commit to yourself, buy some of my products, get some personalized coaching, keep up with the blog, dig deeper, and go out there and work every single day to become good at this.

That’s what I would tell you in an e-mail.

You have to stop looking for that magic pill. I feel—and I’ve felt—my client’s pain. I really have, and that’s why I’m so good at coaching. But you really have got to stop looking for that magic pill and start doing the work. I could tell you right now: observe, see what she’s doing, react to what she’s doing with a smile, have power in your voice, etc. But it’s not going to mean anything if you don’t go out there—all of you—and make some type of commitment to this. It’s what it takes to live without that fear that some of you have, every day.

If you’re serious about meeting women and you’re seriously frustrated, send me an e-mail and we’ll set up some type of coaching. We’ll recommend the product you need. For those of you who need it but are worried about cost, we can work within your budget. Stop living so much in your head and get this part of your life taken care of. Otherwise, I am going to call the police and bring you into my prison. I’m going to be the warden of that jail, and you’re not going to like what you see, because it will be the most intense locked-down boot camp you’ve ever gone through. Because I want all of you to have the kind of success that I have.

You can not believe that you have made it this far.

The date that you have planned for tonight? Well, it’s worked out. Oh yes, you know everything about it! It doesn’t matter that it’s presently 2011–it doesn’t matter at all. You can see the future. Years down the road, you’re able to look into the future and know exactly how that date’s going to go tonight.

Aren’t you relaxed now? Isn’t it amazing knowing that THIS is the person you’re going to marry in a couple of years? Can’t you now just relax on this date and not obsess so much about it? The date you’re on is in 2011. But in your head, it’s 2017. 2011 has merely called back to you six years later to tell you how well the date you’re going to have tonight worked out.

What am I talking about here? Future people! Future men and future women, that’s what I’m talking about it. You’re the person who’s such a nervous wreck about a future date that you spend your entire time leading up to that date obsessing about what to do! You even talk to friends: “What should I talk about? What do you think I should tell my date about me, hm? What do you think I should talk about on this date?” Once you’ve set the date, you think about how many times you need to text him or her until the first date to keep their interest level up. You strategize about the date ahead of time. You wonder when to kiss ahead of time. You think about the right moment to hold her hand ahead of time.

You think about when to flip your hair to show him you’re interested. You think about interesting topics to talk about ahead of time.

That’s not a date, that’s just worrying! You’re making it so hard on yourself. Here’s the deal: you set the date, you confirm the date the day before, and then you meet them at the place you confirmed. You don’t think about what signs to look for or what to say. You don’t plot out a whole conversation. You don’t think about when the perfect time to kiss is. You stay present in the moment. That’s what you do. You have a conversation as you would any conversation with any other person that you’ve met.

You need to stop worrying about what this person is going to be in the future, because when you worry about the future, there is not going to be any future. There will be no future at all. So many people, all the time, worry so much about what to say on a date. When you go out with your friends, do you plot out an entire outline of things to talk about, or do you just stay present and have a good time? The most powerful thing about a date is that the person you’re with can really get to know who you are. They can get to know your interests, what you’re about, have a conversation, see if you two really connect.

The absolute worst thing you can do on a date is water yourself down. Just be yourself, talk, and listen. And of course, on a date don’t talk about how wounded you have been from past relationships. Keep it positive, talk about the good times. Stop obsessing about whether or not she thinks (or he thinks) it’s a date or if you’re going out as friends.

It’s a date if you set it up that way. If your intentions are clear, if you’re not hiding a secret agenda, it’s a date whether you’re taking them out for dinner, for coffee, for a drink, for a walk in the park—as long as you set it up as a date. Stop obsessing about what to do.

Don’t try to get to know the “future him” or the “future her” or “future both-of-us-together”. Play it cool and really just get to know her. And to the women right now reading this, get to know him.

If you are thinking about the future your present moment will create a future that is the opposite of what you desire.

Think about this statement and share with me your thoughts.

Have a great Saturday!!

I had an interesting talk with a client this morning and thought i would write it up for you guys.

David: Stop thinking about the future! The future is not right now.

We hear this all the time, but let me tell all of you this right now: if I could predict the future, you would not be sitting here with me right now. If I could predict the future, do you think I’d be spending this time coaching you guys?

I’d probably take my girlfriend and my dog with me and we’d go surfing on my own private little island. I heard Marlon Brando’s island is going to be up for sale eventually – maybe I’d buy that.

If I could predict the future, I would predict the winning numbers in the lottery. I would tell you the Steelers would win the Super Bowl and I would have put all of my money on it. I would tell you which stocks would rise during Obama’s presidency. If I could predict the future, there are so many different things I would do. But I can’t!

The only thing in life that we have the power to do is to remain present. That is it. We have no other powers.

So if there is a woman that you really want to get to know and you’re thinking about how to somehow swing her in your direction, you’re not really being present. You’re just thinking about how to get her to come to you, instead of really just having a great time. If you’re having a really great time and she starts to see you that way, you’re going to create attraction.

If you’re really enjoying the company of her friends, she’ll start to see you in that way. That’s how women look at things. But instead, you’re just thinking about the future. You’re not even thinking about that day. You could all be just hanging out at a bar on a Saturday night, but you’re not really there. You’re only thinking about how you can manipulate the situation and change the future.

The fact is that the future is not now – the present is now. Stay focused and stay present to what is going on in the moment. It takes a lot of work to truly stay focused in the present.

Client: Is there something that you can do to really work on that? I feel like I can’t really control it on my own.

David: You’re doing it right now – you’re listening to me. You’re listening intently to every word that comes out of my mouth. For the last few minutes, you listened to every word I said, and then you asked a question based on what you heard. And you did it with authority and conviction in your voice. You weren’t nervous, and you did it from your heart. I could see that it came from your heart, and I could see who you are as a person.

So that’s how you do it. You just listen. If you’re outcome-derived, or you expect something from somebody, then it’s not going to happen. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Don’t expect anything from anybody. If you do, you’ll set yourself up to be disappointed. Why should you be disappointed? Life is an amazing ride. Enjoy it. Enjoy the entire process.