We started talking about life, women and all the things about which guys usually talk. Then we started talking about sex.

Specifically, we started talking about the differences between how men and women view and react to sex. For example, a man can leave the house at 7:00 am, go off to work for twelve hours, come home and mow the lawn. If at 11:00 pm his partner says she wants sex, what will the man do?

Even if he’s had a long day, the man is going to rally. He’s going to have sex, because a man never turns down sex.

A woman can have the same twelve hour day — whether it’s working outside the home or taking care of the kids. She will put the kids to bed at 7:00 pm, and her partner may try to initiate sex at 9:00 pm.

Many woman in that situation will say that it’s been a long day and she’s too tired to have sex. A woman will turn down sex. Men will never turn down sex.

What I find so funny about this is that women have multiple orgasms. Why would you ever turn down sex if you can have multiple orgasms?

Men have one orgasm. Women can have two, three, four and even five orgasms.

If men had multiple orgasms, they wouldn’t get anything else done. They’d be orgasming the day away and enjoying themselves, and they’d never be able to get any work done.

Forget about household chores. Forget about going to work. Forget about getting the kids off to school. A man would be having sex 24/7.

It is kind of unfair how things are. That’s life though.

When a woman is tired, she tends to say no to having sex. If a woman asks a man for sex, he will never turn down sex no matter how tired he is. We really need to line up the sexes a little better.

So when I write about what women do wrong online, I am not ignoring the fact that men are also guilty of doing wrong things online. I just like to address the sexes separately, because the mistakes men make online are either different from those women make or are “the same with a twist.”

Are you ready for the twist? Here are 8 of the most irritating online behaviors committed by men:

1. Athletic & Fit?: It’s time that all men realized that they are not Peyton Manning or Marvin Harrison. They’re not an Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer. Your body type is exactly what it is. So you really need to look in the mirror and make a determination of how you really look, because when you say “athletic and fit” in your online profile and only put up dazzling head shots of yourself, a woman is expecting a swimmer’s body to accompany that dazzling face. When what shows up instead is a dazzling face with a middle-aged body, the expression on a woman’s face is usually one of discomfort. When you post an accurate full-body photograph of yourself, you’ve already been exposed. Then you just let women make the choice if they are interested or not. It’s that simple. Lying about your body type never produces good results.

2. Stop Being A Salesman: When you contact a woman online, do not send her a cut and paste email telling her all the reasons why she should want to have a relationship with you, why you’re a gift to mankind and why she is a fool if she doesn’t answer your email. She can read your profile if she chooses. Your profile is intended to intrigue her. It’s not a sales brochure of all the reasons she needs to be in a relationship with someone she hasn’t even met yet. When you send a woman a message online, say something intriguing that will make her want to go and read your profile. Women do not want to read a cut and past email telling her how amazing you think you are. Let her find that out for herself.

3. Respect Her Age Range: If you’re a 50 year old man looking at a 25 year old woman’s profile that says she is looking for a man between the ages of 25 and 35, then you should not contact this woman. Period. You need to respect a woman’s stated age range for the men she’s looking to meet (give or take no more than five years). Nothing turns a woman off more than having her Father’s friends chasing her online. If a woman says she wants to date someone who is no more than five years older or younger than she, then she does not want to date someone twice her age. Men get visually impaired when they see pictures of beautiful women. Some men somehow think they have the right to date hot younger women half their age. Now there are some men can do this . . . but online is not the right place to try and do that. In online dating, you don’t stand a chance of dating women if you are outside their stated age range. Even if you would be able to completely dazzle a woman in person, online you’ll just be viewed as an old guy chasing younger women. If you want to meet younger women, get out of the house and dazzle them with your charm and wit – you’ll stand a much better chance.

4. Read Her Profile!: I’ve lost count of the number of women who email me saying “David, what is up with all these men who don’t read our profiles? I get so many men who wink at me when my profile clearly says ‘NO WINKS!’” Nothing turns a woman off more than a man who does not read her profile. Women are all about an emotional connection. So when you contact them, pick out something interesting in their profile and respond to it. By cutting and pasting a form letter to women without having read their profile, you are simply wasting your time. Online dating works, but you have to put a little effort into it by doing things like reading a woman’s profile so she knows you made some effort.

5. Nix The “Possession Pictures”: Before some of you get angry about this one, understand that I’ve ripped women on this same picture issue for putting up certain kinds of pictures with their friends or pictures of them from a distance. Men tend to put up pictures of their possessions – everything from their car to their Super Bowl tickets. The fact is that women don’t care about your possessions when they’re looking at an online profile. Now, granted, some women are looking for men to take care of them, but women still want to be able to see who you are when they look at your online profile. So put pictures up of you in different situations. Just be sure any picture you post is clear, up close, and current! If you have no hair, don’t put pictures up of yourself with a full head of hair. It’s just not going to work. Once again, you are who you are. There’s no need to go into salesman mode to get to meet women. There are plenty of women to meet out there – so represent yourself accurately and you’ll find them.

6. No Email Stalking: You contacted her once, and she didn’t respond. Why? Well perhaps she didn’t like what you wrote to her. Perhaps she’s busy. Perhaps there’s no reason at all. It doesn’t matter. If a woman doesn’t respond to your first email to her, email her again a week or ten days later just in case there was some snafu the first time (and so you won’t have to wonder if there was some snafu the first time). Doing this is perfectly fine. To send a woman a barrage of increasingly nasty emails for four or five days asking why she isn’t responding to your emails (or something similarly nasty), however, is behavior guaranteed to get a woman to NEVER want to communicate with you or see you. It’s frankly tantamount to email stalking. Two emails with no response equals you needing to move on to someone else.

7. Lose The One-Liner: I can’t tell you how many women have forwarded me emails they’ve received from men online whose first contact with them is something akin to a “hello” subject line with a one-line email body containing his phone number and an invitation to call him. It’s usually something like “Sally, give me a call sometime – my number is 301-555-5555.” How do men expect women to respond to this – by calling them? If a total stranger on the Internet sent you their phone number and asked you to call them sometime, you wouldn’t call them either. Women like to be intrigued and pursued a little bit. By sending this one-liner email, you did nothing to intrigue them. Get creative in your first email to women you meet online, and they’ll be offering their phone numbers to you.

8. Don’t Be An IM Stalker: Some online dating sites allow you to instant message with people you meet. This can be great! If you’ve emailed a woman several times and she’s never responded, however, do not start instant messaging that woman every time she gets online. You’re going to freak her out! Allow someone to answer you (or not answer you), but don’t become so obsessed over one person. Take a look at Yahoo! Personals. There’s TONS of people to date on there. TONS! So don’t start stalking one person with instant messages, and making them wish they would have never tried online dating in the first place. Respect when someone is not attracted to you or interested in you.

Online dating is fun. It also may be challenging at times. The best thing to do is to think of it as a party on the Internet, and don’t engage in behaviors online that you would never engage in at a real-life party.

If you want more online dating tips and/or a way to make your profile and contacts better, send me an email. I’ve told you here what to avoid doing . . . but there’s plenty you can do to make yourself a more successful online dater.

On the internet, the majority of people are ‘athletic and toned,’ yet we live in a country where most people don’t work out.

It seems like the internet is always bucking all trends. There’s a ton of women on the internet that are 39 years old but yet there are no women that are 40 or 41. It seems like everyone wants to remain 39, 29, 49 – no one wants to cross over to the 4-0, 3-0, or 5-0!

Internet dating is really interesting because to succeed there, you should really put up an array of photos of yourself. The fact is that you look exactly the way you do. There’s no denying that. You can’t just check a box that says ‘athletic and toned’ when you’re not, because eventually you’ll have to show up on the date and the other person is going to see that you’ve never worked out.

You’re not going to be able to convince them – you won’t become a date salesman who sits there and convinces someone to like the body type they don’t like, or to become attracted to you when they aren’t.

So the best thing to do is to put up five pictures of yourself: three body shots (I’m not talking naked ones, or bikini shots, or muscle shots for guys) but three shots where you are standing head to toe. Three current shots that show exactly what you look like today, so there are no surprises.

The reason that most dates don’t work out is because the person was afraid to put up a picture because they didn’t like the way their body looked. They then go on the date, the other person isn’t attracted to them, and they don’t call them back. You can eliminate that step – why go out on so many first dates when you are misrepresenting yourself?

The fact is that you should be proud of who you are. Your body is your body. It’s exactly what it’s going to be, and you shouldn’t compare it to anybody else. You need to embrace it. So put yourself up there on the net, be who you are, and don’t try to sell yourself like a used car!

It’s funny, when I look for used cars, I’m always weary of the car that only has one picture up of it. Doesn’t she want to seduce me? Doesn’t she want me to take her for a test drive? Shouldn’t I see the wheels and the shiny inside? Shouldn’t I see the leather interior? I hate looking at a used car that the owner says is in absolutely perfect condition, and there are rips on the leather seats. You don’t want to be the car that has the rips on the leather seats.

You want to show everyone who you are. Get a friend, take a few pictures, smile, and be proud of who you are.

You know what? In the long run, you’re going to attract a lot more people doing it this way, and you won’t have to worry about what body type box you need to check off. If they see you, they’ll know what type of body you have!

It’s one of those days where the mail comes and you receive a huge medical bill for treatment you got three years ago (about which you thought they forgot). You think to yourself, “Wow, am I ever having a crappy day!”

In reality, though, you are not having a crappy day. You are having a crappy moment.

The whole day isn’t ruined, just that moment is ruined. That’s it. It’s just a bad moment in the day.

So you need to be able to look at that bad moment as just that — a bad moment. Nothing more and nothing less. A lot of us think too much about the bad day we’re having.

You need to realize that it’s just a bad moment, and be able to say “Who Cares?” to yourself about it. It’s about having an abundance mindset (which so many people don’t have).

So many people’s mindset is the very definition of a scarcity mindset. I hear people tell me all the time, “David, I just can’t find someone to date.” The truth is that you can go online anytime and find an abundance of people to date.

I mean, really, pick any website — ANY one — and there’s a ton of people you can meet and date. A ton. It’s about having the right mindset.

It’s understanding what online dating is all about. It’s understanding who you are so you can find the right people to date. It’s being able to write a good profile.

It’s knowing that you can go online at any time of the day and there are people to date. It’s having an abundance mentality.

Whenever you get online, it’s like a being in a giant bar in the sky. There’s just so many people you can meet.

To meet them, however, requires an understanding of how to work the online world. You have to understand how to meet people online. You have to understand the hot buttons and how to flirt.

It’s generally no different than meeting people in the real world. The one big perk, though, is that you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Have a bad interaction with someone online? You can just go to another website and meet someone else.

It’s actually quite fun . . . IF you know what you’re doing. So I’m really proud to have just launched my first video product, which is an online dating guide for men. If you want to learn more about it, then click here. (There’s great video preview clips on here too!)

Today’s podcast is all about how to deal with the mindset of a crappy day. Are you really having a crappy day . . . or is it really just a crappy moment you are letting affect your whole day? I will tell you exactly how to deal with these kind of days, and how to adjust your mindset so you will never again let a crappy moment become a crappy day.

Click Here to Listen Now:

Something that I’m always learning is that people in their twenties are so impatient. For some reason or another, they are always impatient.

When you get out of college, you’re supposed to become an adult. All of a sudden, your life is supposed to change. You’re no longer a kid; you have to become an adult. Things are supposed to be working a certain way.

The perfect picture of what you’re supposed to be doing was often painted by your parents. Your parents might have expectations for you, and you might have expectations for yourself, comparing yourself to your friends.

But what is amazing about your twenties is that if you can just kick back, relax and enjoy it without rushing life. You’ll realize that time goes by really quickly.

People are always asking me if I would go back to my twenties, and if I could, what would I do?

If I could go back to my twenties, the only thing I would do differently is be 100% present and okay with what was happening in the moment. If I could go back, I wouldn’t keep wishing that things would be different than they were. I wouldn’t beat myself up for missed opportunities.

If I could go back, I would just try to be present to whatever was happening. What was happening was amazing, and I didn’t give it all of the credit it deserved. I just wanted more.

Most people in their twenties suffer from the “I want more” disease. “I want more. I should have more. Jesus, I’m an adult now, I’m 23!”

But you have to get rid of that perfect picture that you’ve painted of how life should be. In college, we’re sold that perfect picture. “When I get out of college, this is what I’m going to do… this is how life is going to be…” But you haven’t even experienced life yet; how the hell do you know how it’s going to be? You have no clue.

Yet you keep referring to this perfect picture you or someone else painted. Believing in that picture usually leads to disappointment.

Your greatest lessons in life happen in your twenties. So enjoy what you learn! These lessons will keep repeating themselves in your thirties, but by that time, you’ll know how to handle them:

You have to engage your life every single day. You have to make it happen. Only you can control your life.

And you have to enjoy the process. Your twenties are all about acknowledging that you are in complete and utter control of everything.

I think this video is also a great reminder for people over the age of 30 that all men are actually 18.

Have a great Monday!!

Are you ready for the twist? Here are 8 of the most irritating online behaviors committed by men:

1. Athletic & Fit?: It’s time that all men realized that they are not Peyton Manning or Marvin Harrison. They’re not an Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer. Your body type is exactly what it is. So you really need to look in the mirror and make a determination of how you really look, because when you say “athletic and fit” in your online profile and only put up dazzling head shots of yourself, a woman is expecting a swimmer’s body to accompany that dazzling face. When what shows up instead is a dazzling face with a middle-aged body, the expression on a woman’s face is usually one of discomfort. When you post an accurate full-body photograph of yourself, you’ve already been exposed. Then you just let women make the choice if they are interested or not. It’s that simple. Lying about your body type never produces good results.

2. Stop Being A Salesman: When you contact a woman online, do not send her a cut and paste email telling her all the reasons why she should want to have a relationship with you, why you’re a gift to mankind and why she is a fool if she doesn’t answer your email. She can read your profile if she chooses. Your profile is intended to intrigue her. It’s not a sales brochure of all the reasons she needs to be in a relationship with someone she hasn’t even met yet. When you send a woman a message online, say something intriguing that will make her want to go and read your profile. Women do not want to read a cut and past email telling her how amazing you think you are. Let her find that out for herself.

3. Respect Her Age Range: If you’re a 50 year old man looking at a 25 year old woman’s profile that says she is looking for a man between the ages of 25 and 35, then you should not contact this woman. Period. You need to respect a woman’s stated age range for the men she’s looking to meet (give or take no more than five years). Nothing turns a woman off more than having her Father’s friends chasing her online. If a woman says she wants to date someone who is no more than five years older or younger than she, then she does not want to date someone twice her age. Men get visually impaired when they see pictures of beautiful women. Some men somehow think they have the right to date hot younger women half their age. Now there are some men can do this . . . but online is not the right place to try and do that. In online dating, you don’t stand a chance of dating women if you are outside their stated age range. Even if you would be able to completely dazzle a woman in person, online you’ll just be viewed as an old guy chasing younger women. If you want to meet younger women, get out of the house and dazzle them with your charm and wit – you’ll stand a much better chance.

4. Read Her Profile!: I’ve lost count of the number of women who email me saying “David, what is up with all these men who don’t read our profiles? I get so many men who wink at me when my profile clearly says ‘NO WINKS!’” Nothing turns a woman off more than a man who does not read her profile. Women are all about an emotional connection. So when you contact them, pick out something interesting in their profile and respond to it. By cutting and pasting a form letter to women without having read their profile, you are simply wasting your time. Online dating works, but you have to put a little effort into it by doing things like reading a woman’s profile so she knows you made some effort.

5. Nix The “Possession Pictures”: Before some of you get angry about this one, understand that I’ve ripped women on this same picture issue for putting up certain kinds of pictures with their friends or pictures of them from a distance. Men tend to put up pictures of their possessions – everything from their car to their Super Bowl tickets. The fact is that women don’t care about your possessions when they’re looking at an online profile. Now, granted, some women are looking for men to take care of them, but women still want to be able to see who you are when they look at your online profile. So put pictures up of you in different situations. Just be sure any picture you post is clear, up close, and current! If you have no hair, don’t put pictures up of yourself with a full head of hair. It’s just not going to work. Once again, you are who you are. There’s no need to go into salesman mode to get to meet women. There are plenty of women to meet out there – so represent yourself accurately and you’ll find them.

6. No Email Stalking: You contacted her once, and she didn’t respond. Why? Well perhaps she didn’t like what you wrote to her. Perhaps she’s busy. Perhaps there’s no reason at all. It doesn’t matter. If a woman doesn’t respond to your first email to her, email her again a week or ten days later just in case there was some snafu the first time (and so you won’t have to wonder if there was some snafu the first time). Doing this is perfectly fine. To send a woman a barrage of increasingly nasty emails for four or five days asking why she isn’t responding to your emails (or something similarly nasty), however, is behavior guaranteed to get a woman to NEVER want to communicate with you or see you. It’s frankly tantamount to email stalking. Two emails with no response equals you needing to move on to someone else.

7. Lose The One-Liner: I can’t tell you how many women have forwarded me emails they’ve received from men online whose first contact with them is something akin to a “hello” subject line with a one-line email body containing his phone number and an invitation to call him. It’s usually something like “Sally, give me a call sometime – my number is 301-555-5555.” How do men expect women to respond to this – by calling them? If a total stranger on the Internet sent you their phone number and asked you to call them sometime, you wouldn’t call them either. Women like to be intrigued and pursued a little bit. By sending this one-liner email, you did nothing to intrigue them. Get creative in your first email to women you meet online, and they’ll be offering their phone numbers to you.

8. Don’t Be An IM Stalker: Some online dating sites allow you to instant message with people you meet. This can be great! If you’ve emailed a woman several times and she’s never responded, however, do not start instant messaging that woman every time she gets online. You’re going to freak her out! Allow someone to answer you (or not answer you), but don’t become so obsessed over one person. Take a look at Yahoo! Personals. There’s TONS of people to date on there. TONS! So don’t start stalking one person with instant messages, and making them wish they would have never tried online dating in the first place. Respect when someone is not attracted to you or interested in you.

Online dating is fun. It also may be challenging at times. The best thing to do is to think of it as a party on the Internet, and don’t engage in behaviors online that you would never engage in at a real-life party.

If you want more online dating tips and/or a way to make your profile and contacts better, send me an email. I’ve told you here what to avoid doing . . . but there’s plenty you can do to make yourself a more successful online dater.

1. Take Action And Keep The Momentum Going: One of the biggest things I stress to people when they are dating online is to make a meeting happen with people you meet as soon as possible. Don’t write emails back and forth for two weeks. Don’t wait ten days before you will give someone your phone number. If you’re interested in someone, then you need to remember that online dating is a momentum based thing. The person in whom you are interested may be corresponding with six, seven or ten other people. You want to be the one that sticks out among the group. You want to be the person who is full of action. So immediately, the minute after you have exchanged emails twice, get a phone number, talk on the phone and set up a meeting. Set up something very simple. Go meet for a cup of coffee. Take a walk with your dog. Pick something really easy.

Online dating is dating by the numbers. So don’t go back and forth forever with someone via email or phone before you have your first meeting. You don’t want to do that. If you’re emailing back and forth with someone and enjoying it, then get on the phone with them because it is all about momentum. If you continue to just email back and forth you are going to lose the momentum.

2. Real Chemistry Happens In Person: A problem in online dating is that most of the time you are not going to have the chemistry with someone in person that you do over the phone or via email, so you always want to keep your first meeting simple. You want the meeting to happen quickly, and you want to make sure that you both drive to the place you’re meeting so you are able to leave when you want to leave. Once you decide to meet, pick a place like a coffee shop or an activity like taking a walk where you both of you can come to meet each other. Never have dinner on a first meeting.

Chemistry is all about the voice and the physical presence, so never engage in these ongoing email marathon sessions with someone before you meet them. It is likely to get you disappointed once you do finally meet up with that person. You need to realize that the faster you get together for that first meeting, the faster you are going to find out whether or not this is someone who is really worth your time. Just like with the emails, don’t spend two hours talking on the phone with someone you haven’t yet met in person. Remember that you haven’t met them, and when you speak on the phone talk only long enough to establish that you potentially have some chemistry before you set up your first meeting. Once again, it is worth it for me reiterate the point that most of the time you will not have the chemistry with someone in person that you do with them on the phone.

3. Put The Right Kind Of Photos On Your Profile: The minimum number of photos you should post with your online profile is five, and every single one of those photos must be current. Of those five pictures, three of them need to be full body shots. Your photographs on your online profile need to be such so you are clearly visible in them. Don’t post any of these ridiculous kind of photos where you are so far off in the distance you are totally unrecognizable, but the picture shows you off in the distance skydiving or something. Don’t post pictures of you from a distance surrounded by ten of your friends at a dinner table. Each of your photos need to clearly show who you are and what you’re all about. All of the photos you post also must have you in them. Don’t post photos just of your dog or of a waterfall you saw during your last trip to Hawaii. Your online profile is not a travel agent brochure. Instead, show clear pictures of you with your dog or on your vacation in Hawaii.

4. Look Within Your Area First: Another tip to increase your chances for a successful transition from online into real life is look in your own geographic area first. Don’t send winks to people who live 3,000 miles away from you. It is ridiculous. Search within your own geographic area. Try limiting your search at first to a twenty-five mile radius. Now, don’t do that for one day then declare there to be no one in your area to meet so as to give yourself permission to re-expand your search area. Instead, keep looking within that same mile radius. If you live somewhere and there’s not a lot of women there or a lot of men there, respect other people’s boundaries.

Also, don’t waste time trying to connect with someone who says they are looking to meet someone who lives within a ten mile radius of where they live when you live 500 miles away from them. Don’t waste other people’s time, just as you would not want someone wasting yours. Successfully dating online is all about being as time efficient as possible. If you do that, you are going to really be able to go out and meet more people. So respect other people’s boundary lines.

5. Remember to “Reapply”: When dating online, it is important to remember that going online to meet someone is very much like going to a giant singles bar. So just because you contacted someone a month ago (or two or three months ago) and they did not respond, does not necessarily mean they are not or would not be interested in you. There are a million reasons why they may not have responded to you the first time. They may have been dating someone else. They may have had their profile online but not have been checking it at all. They may simply have gotten a flood of emails the day you sent yours and your message got “lost in the shuffle.” So, in online dating it is perfectly okay to “reapply” if you are still interested in someone who did not respond to you.

There are a few important keys to remember when reapplying online. First, do not ever reapply with the exact same email as the one you originally sent. Type something different and something fun. Do not reference the fact that the person did not respond to you the first time. Also, only reapply once. Do not take the idea of “reapplying” as a justification to start online stalking someone.

6. Make Your Contacts Real Conversations: Online dating is about starting the conversation. A lot of people don’t understand that it’s about starting a conversation. So before you contact someone, make sure you read their profile. It’s very important to begin communication with someone you see online by addressing something substantive you liked or noticed about their profile. Remember that when that person (and ostensibly all people who put up a profile) wrote their profile, they did so to communicate certain pieces of information about themselves to you. That is, they gave you information so they could start a conversation with you.

So, imagine what someone is like when you read their profile. Read it aloud so you can actually hear their voice tone, and then take the first couple of questions that come into your mind and send them to that person. It will make for the start of a real conversation with them so you can see if they are someone you want to get to know better and to meet.

These tips will really make your online dating experience far more rewarding, far better, and will help you start to finally meet people from online that you want to get to know in the real world. It’s about being different, and not being the same as everyone else who is online looking to meet someone.

I don’t know what you all think of MySpace or Facebook, but in my opinion, social networking sites are borderline weird – especially if you’re like me and have dated somebody who basically lived for them.

Earlier this year, I was actually dating a Facebook/MySpace junkie. So today, Rey was on the computer when he started laughing really loudly. When I asked him what was up, he told me that I had been removed from her friend list.

I was removed from both her MySpace and Facebook friend lists. Is this elementary school? Have I been banned from the tree house? Have I been eliminated?

Do you remember that tree house when you were a kid? The one that you weren’t allowed to enter because you weren’t cool enough or something?

So I’m no longer on her Facebook or MySpace page. Is that supposed to hurt me? I moved on the day she left! I couldn’t wait for the relationship to end – because it just wasn’t right.

So now she’s punishing me? By taking me off of her MySpace and Facebook pages? Really, are we in kindergarten? “You can’t have this piece of gum because I don’t like you anymore!”

How many of you eliminate people from your life and then subsequently eliminate them from your MySpace and Facebook pages as well?

Is that supposed to be the final slap? So we can’t play anymore online. She can’t tag me or bite me. She can’t poke me anymore?

That’s quite all right – because we’re done ‘poking’ in reality as well! I don’t need to be poked in fantasyland. We already poked in real life and it didn’t work out, and now the relationship is over. I don’t need to be poked on Facebook.

It’s the same way that I feel about strip clubs. Why go and get someone to grind on you when it’s totally fake?

I’m all about reality – not fantasy. So for those of you who play around on MySpace and Facebook – I’m talking about poking, rearranging your top five friends like they’ve earned a promotion – stop!

I remember when I was hanging out with this girl – she used to rearrange her top five friends on MySpace depending on the mood she was in that day.

Seriously. This isn’t elementary school, and it’s not a popularity contest – oh wait, it’s the internet, I forgot that it is a popularity contest!

First, you have to look at your mutual friends. Obviously, you couldn’t be looking at her profile if you don’t have a mutual friend. You’re not cruising Facebook – you’re just looking through other people’s friends.

Joe Smith sends you a friend request, and you don’t know him, so you look at his friends. You see Mary Thompson is one of his friends, and you add her as a friend.

And of course Mary Thompson confirms you as a friend – because the internet is a fucking popularity contest and everyone wants a lot of friends! Facebook and MySpace are like having 5,000 friends that you never talk to! They could give a fuck about me, but they are still all of my buddies.

But when I show up as their happy friend, it makes them feel popular. Being on the internet is like regressing back to junior high school. Don’t you feel bad on Facebook when you see someone with like two friends? You think to yourself, oh, what a loser, he’s got two friends! It’s ridiculous; it’s such a popularity contest.

So anyway, you go to this woman’s profile and add her as a friend. She will always add you, and then you send her an email.

Subject line: Man, Joe knew we would be…

I always like the dot-dot-dot because when it comes down to marketing yourself, you have to think like a business. Most people in the subject line of an email write “hello.” What the fuck, hello? Delete.

But you know when you get good junk email, and you swear that you don’t want to open it, and when you do open it, you’re like, oh shit, I got caught again! How did you get caught? They had a good subject line, right? So your subject line has to be something good that will make her want to open your email.

And then the body of the email: …that we would be great friends, so I added you. So now that you’re my really good friend, can you help me out with one thing? Who the hell is Joe Smith? He just appeared one day as my friend, and I’m hoping you can hope me unlock the mystery of Joe Smith. ☺

You do the smiley face so that she knows that you are funny and clever.

She’s going to open it, giggle and laugh, and she’s going to answer you back. You just became her buddy. Then your messages will go back and forth just like any other email exchange.

You have to get clever. Most guys are so bad at emailing.

Many times people who are dating on the internet are absolutely terrified to see the person in real life. You never know if the person is going to look like their photo. You hope that they do, but many times they don’t.

I have a rule of thumb about internet dating: pick out the worst photo of the four or five that they post, and assume that this is how they actually look. If they look any better than their worst photo, then that’s great. That’s better than being disappointed!

It’s tough getting really excited about somebody on the internet and then meeting them to find that they look nothing like their photo. So I’d like to introduce a new form of dating to you: drive-by dating.

Here it is: you met somebody on the internet, maybe you’ve chatted on the phone with them for ten or 15 minutes, but you’re not quite sure about them. Perhaps they’ve intrigued you a little bit, but you don’t really know yet.

So what do you do? You download one of their photos, you print it out and tape it to your dashboard. Make an agreement that the two of you are going to drive by each other and check each other out.

Pick a busy street – for example, in LA I live near San Vicente Boulevard – and then plan to drive by each other in an intersection. If you like each other, you make a U-turn and you hang out! If you don’t like each other, you just keep driving along.

It’s drive-by dating! It’s the hottest new thing. Now you don’t have to invest any time in a coffee shop talking to each other, and you certainly don’t have to waste any time at dinner swapping life stories that you’ve already told 100 other people.

In this way you can figure out if you are attracted to somebody. It always comes down to the carnal: are you attracted to each other or not?

So I think that from now on, when it comes down to internet dating, instead of coffee, suggest a drive-by date! Make a decision of where you are going to drive by each other. Text each other: “I’m at the intersection of San Vicente and Barrington, and I’m about to drive by you.”

You wave, you look at each other and you do a Siskel and Roeper: thumbs up or thumbs down. If it’s thumbs up, make a U-turn and go meet at Starbucks. If not, no time wasted!

So there you have it. That’s how I think you should conduct your internet dating. It’s called drive-by dating.

Todays video is the truth behind what women really think when they see you on the street.

Have a great Saturday!