Enjoy your day!!!

We all want something. We want the end result.

You’re dating a woman, and you want to get her to fall in love with you. Or maybe you’re dating somebody, and you want him or her to move in with you. Or you see her two days a week, but you really want to see her four days a week.

So instead of being present and enjoying that moment, you’re thinking about what you want to get out of it. And you’re not really there.

My favorite times are with my girlfriend – and every single day with her is amazing because I’m always learning something new – but one of the best times we had together was in the beginning of our relationship when we stayed on the phone all night long. We’d get on the phone at 11 p.m. intending to talk for a few minutes, but we’d still be on the phone together five or six hours later.

That was amazing. I cherish that every single day. I embrace that. I am so grateful for those moments. Those moments are what created how we feel about each other now. The way we act with each other now is based on the foundation of those moments.

But people are so caught up in not enjoying those moments and moving on to something better. Those moments are precious, and they are never going to happen again. I’m probably never going to get on the phone with her again and talk to her for five hours.

That is what makes life so intense and so amazing. You have to really think about those moments and really enjoy them. They are not going to happen again.

Accept those moments as they come up because they are truly powerful!!!

When you’re in this situation, you get frustrated. As the conversation progresses and gets more and more heated, you start to panic. You feel the need to somehow swing the conversation in your direction.

So you either change the topic – which is a mistake, because you just needlessly killed a great conversation – or you feel driven to say something totally stupid.

Here’s what I tell guys who find themselves in that situation: it’s a great time to shut up and learn.

Life repeats itself nonstop. Twenty days later you may find yourself in that same conversation again. This time, you’ll know what to say. You’ll be able to add your opinion and provide interesting facts. Remember, knowledge is power.

When I’m in a situation where I don’t know what is going on, I shut up. I allow myself to listen and learn. I don’t try to add in clever comments just to stay in the game.

To stay in the conversation, I do look at the person speaking and show my interest in what they are saying. I direct my body language to the speaker, keep my eyes open and stay engaged. I’m enjoying the conversation; I’m having fun (even if I can’t contribute to the topic.)

The most important thing is to drop your ego. Your ego is what makes you think, how can I get this conversation in my direction? In reality, often that strong, silent type wins!

And twenty minutes later, you can pull the woman in the conversation aside and say to her, “That was really fascinating. I had no idea about the depth of the economic shakedown,” or whatever it might be. “I had no clue. Did you know all of that stuff? Are you passionate about that stuff?” In this way, you can bring the conversation back into your realm.

You have to learn that knowledge is key. Knowledge is the key to everything you do in life.

It’s all right to be silent. It’s all right to say that you don’t know about a topic. It’s great to listen!

Todays video explores why all men are 18.

But anyway, then we went for a hike, we’ve probably written about 30 blogs today, we did some audio – we did a new audio confession, another one of my Girls Tell All series tonight – which is a very interesting product that is coming out that I’ll tell you about in a week or two.

Yakub and Khiem were asking me tonight how have I become so good at dirty talk. And really, I love dirty talk. And let’s not say ‘dirty,’ I’d rather use the term ‘naughty.’

So how did I get so good at naughty talk?

I have to thank my college girlfriend. Not Amy Alterman, Amy Alterman was my college girlfriend junior year. I used to call her FISP – which stood for Flicking Itching Scratching and Picking – she was definitely very neurotic, and I teased her, of course. I’ve always been teasing women since I was a child!

But I have to thank Ellen Weinberger. Ellen Weinberger was this hot, sexy girl from Livingston, New Jersey, that I went to American University with. And Ellen Weinberger – every guy in school wanted her. I met her when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. She had one of those incredible bodies – 5’3”, natural big breasts, thin little body, brunette, big eyes, and she just reeked of sex appeal.

She was one of the sexiest girls you’ve ever seen. Every guy wanted her in school, but the problem was: she had a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend was this guy named Norm. Norm walked with a limp because he got into some car wreck, so we called him the Limping Boyfriend from Brooklyn (of course, being immature 19-year-olds, that was about the most clever thing we could come up with.) Ellen and I had instant chemistry, but she had this boyfriend.
I used to go to her room, we used to catch a buzz, and we used to talk dirty to each other. We would literally sit there and tell each other what we would do to each other if we were both single. So I would leave her room, after getting her all hot, and she’d go sleep with her boyfriend (because every weekend she’d go to Brooklyn to see Norm.) I’d go out and have sex with some random little college babe that I’d tried to hook up with – sometimes I’d get lucky, sometimes I wouldn’t.

At the end of the weekend, I would always see Ellen again, and we’d catch a buzz, and I’d look directly into her eyes and tell her, flat out, that I’d thought about her while I was sleeping with someone else. And I’d tell her about the things I’d want to do to her, and how great it would be if she’d just dump Norm.

This went on for two years. We just talked dirty to each other for two years! It was unbelievable. It was the most freeing, fantastic experience. I couldn’t have her because she kept dating Norm, but the conversations got deeper, more erotic, and more sexual – I knew everything about her sexually.

Then, halfway through my senior year, I went to Florida and came back. It was 1984. January 1984 – the start of my last semester of college. That was the year that old man coats were in style – if you remember those long woolen coats you could get at thrift stores.

I bought an old man coat, I had a little suntan, and I walked into Ellen’s apartment. It was on a Thursday night – we used to go out on Thursday nights, we’d catch a buzz and then go out and drink some more. We used to just flirt and tease each other, and then I’d pick up another girl and she’d go to see Norm the next day.

I remember picking her up, and doing our usual thing, flirting, teasing, talking dirty to each other, and then I dropped her off at her apartment. I asked her if she was going to see Norm that weekend and she said she was actually going to stay around here. I said, alright, cool, and told her we should get together. She said alright, and then she grabbed me, and she kissed me!

Now this was like two years of dirty talk culminating in this fantastic kiss. I was kissing Ellen Weinberger, the girl that everybody at school wanted, and I finally had her!

Ellen Weinberger and I ended up going out for the next two years.

She taught me how to be free with my words. How to push the envelope – how to not care – because our situation was safe. I was busy turning her on for two years with dirty talk, and she was having sex with her boyfriend and thinking about the things that I’d said – and then she would tell me about it.

That’s how I learned how to talk dirty – that’s how I learned how to push it. That’s how I learned what to say, what not to say, and how to say it.

I have to thank Ellen for allowing me to be free. Ever since then, I’ve always been able to say what’s on my mind sexually. Always. Being sexually free is really what it’s about. When I talk dirty I’m not talking in a very graphic way, I’m talking very subliminally. But that’s how it all started.

I really believe that when you’re growing up, it’s the experiences that you have with the first couple of women that really set the stage to what kind of man you’re going to become. And I had fantastic sexual experiences with my first few girlfriends.

My high school girlfriend wouldn’t sleep with me, but we had foreplay all day long. So when all my friends were trying to get laid – thinking about it all the time and then not getting laid – I was getting some great education in foreplay. I learned the importance of foreplay at the age of 17!

And I learned the importance of dirty talk at the age of 19. I had to get really good at talking dirty to get Ellen to break up with Norm. It took me two years of dirty talk to get her to breakup. Two years of practice allows you to perfect it! Once I got her to breakup with Norm, I had the confidence to talk dirty to any woman out there.

So that’s my story of how I learned to talk dirty. What’s yours?

We’re just sitting here, doing some work, and I told him that patience is everything. I told him that the reason why I am successful in life is that I’ve been patient.

I was successful business-wise when I was younger, but I was so impatient that I kept sabotaging myself along the way. When you are impatient you begin to sabotage everything you do – instead of letting things play out naturally and happen the way that they are supposed to, you force things. When you force something, you turn other people off – in both business and your personal life.

So how does this relate to dating?

I will tell you exactly how. For instance, I was supposed to have a date for lunch today. As I was driving to meet her, I was on the phone with my brother, talking about the Mets being in first place (which, by the way, is fantastic and is also about patience!)

So I was on my way there, and the woman I was supposed to meet told me that something came up at the last minute for her business and she would need to meet later on. Unfortunately, my schedule is pretty tight during the week, but I told her that was no problem at all. We texted back and forth and we set up a date for another time.

Most people would have reacted to that experience by saying, oh, what a flake – canceling at the last minute? What’s up with that?

But something came up! It’s called being understanding to other people’s needs and their lifestyles. Just because it didn’t transpire in the way you expected it to doesn’t mean that you have to react in that way. It’s not about you.

It’s all about developing patience. The more patient you are the better things are going to be for you. Something I tell anybody that I coach is that we are out there to flirt with people today and get to know people today. When we’re out meeting people today, you might find somebody that you’d like to take out today.

Or you might meet somebody that you just don’t connect with today. But if you’re patient and open, you might run into them again in a few months and they might be ready to talk.

You’re building your social network not only for today, but also for the future. As you can see, nothing is really in the past. You might think that the past is ruining your present, but it’s not.

So be patient in everything you do. If you have patience, good things will come to you – from money to love to friendship and everything else.

When Rey was speaking Engrish, he hated it and didn’t want to speak it anymore. But he was patient and by being patient, he now speaks English better than many native English speakers I’ve met!

Fridays video is all about how to become patient when meeting the opposite sex.

Time to stop the crazy pickup routines taught by nicknamed man boys.

Its time to be patient and learn some real confidence.

The following is a talk I gave to a client at a weekend bootcamp. This is a great example of my direct one-on-one coaching during bootcamps.

Whenever you try too hard in life to get people to like you, you push everybody away.

When you do this, you’re too over the top and you’re generally not listening to people. You’re actually overwhelming them.

It’s like a Golden Retriever: have you ever gone over to someone’s house and they have a Golden Retriever, and you’ve never met this dog before, but the dog will just not leave you alone? It just keeps running over to you, bringing you its ball, and all of its toys and everything?

In a dog, this is a great quality. In a human – well, you don’t want to be a human Golden Retriever.

Both men and women do it. When people try too hard, it’s just too much. You get in somebody’s face, and they automatically want to back down. I watch when a guy will go out there and be a human Golden Retriever – and I watch the way women react. At first, they will find him attractive, because he has great energy, but then after two minutes, she’ll just try to shoo him away.

She hasn’t gotten to know the guy in those two minutes, because generally the human Golden Retriever is just spitting out hyperactive words the whole time instead of connecting.

By tuning yourself down a little bit, and by listening and being intriguing, you’re no longer going to be a human Golden Retriever – you’ll be a person. And that’s all that it is about. It’s about connecting with people in a genuine way.

After this weekend, some of you guys will keep in touch with some of the guys here a little bit longer than you might keep in touch with some of the other guys – that’s just life. That’s chemistry.

So stop trying so hard. You’re such a deep and genuine soul. You’re a good person all around. You don’t need to try so hard to prove yourself to other people. So stop overtrying

Todays video dives even deeper into life and how to present yourself to a total stranger with confidence.

You do not want to be the human golden retriever.

In order to become more observant, your mindset needs to be this: everything you see you need to look at with a child-like curiosity. Look at everything like you’ve never seen it before.

The way you need to live life is to walk through a neighborhood every single day like you’ve never been there before. Every day you walk through that neighborhood, notice new things. Notice new buildings. Notice the color of the sky. Notice the new trees in springtime. Notice the new buds coming up. Notice everything you can possibly notice.

What happens is that this is tuning you to your environment. You can even do this on your way to work. If you walk to work, you can do this then. You can notice the cars, notice the way people walk, notice the way people are dressed. What happens is that you start training your mind.

What comes next is going into stores: let’s say you go into a Starbucks and you see someone you are attracted to. Have that same child-like curiosity. There’s someone standing next to you that you’re attracted to and you want to talk to them. You can look at the big menu board up there, the caramel machi-frattos and all that other junk, and you stand there and it’s called ‘throwing words to the wind.’ You project your voice so that the other person can hear it.

You never want to speak low or softly; you want to project your voice. When you project your voice, you can basically look up, throw those words out, and say, “god I was wondering, what’s good here?”

Immediately the person standing next to you will answer – everybody likes to pretend that they know it all. So she’ll answer, and there’s a conversation starter for you.

Everywhere you go, you can use the “I am wondering” or “I’m curious” method of reading people.

Let’s say you’re at a gas station, and you’re pumping gas into your car. Someone is standing next to you, and they’ve got this great Audi. “I’m curious, do you like your car? I was thinking of maybe getting one of those one day.” Whether or not you just bought your car or you didn’t – it doesn’t matter, you can still say that.

So be curious about everything. If you go to the Apple store – which is a place that a lot of people go – you’re looking at the iPods. You pick up the 70 GB iPod and say, “god, I’m wondering: do you think anybody ever fills up this thing with music?” The person will answer, “well, yeah, I have all this music…”

The most important thing you need to do is to look at everything in the world just like a child. You have the wonderment of a child, and you look at the world as if it was the first time you’ve ever been there.
Become and embrace that inner child.

Todays video is all about how to embrace who you are. How to love yourself and your insecurities.

You will learn all about my insecurity and how i deal with it!

I’m sure all of you have already read some of the posts we’ve done on body language and how to command a room when you first walk in. One thing that always comes to mind – and I get a lot of emails from guys about this – is eye contact.

Can you have too much eye contact? When is the right time to look at her? Is there too little eye contact? What if I’m nervous? Where exactly do I look?

Well, here’s exactly what I say about eye contact. Eye contact is very important. Whenever I talk to a woman, I look directly into her eyes. I don’t care if I’ve met her for the very first time or if I’m having sex with her, I will look at her directly in her eyes.

Women don’t trust people who look all over the room. Nervous eye contact is a guy that looks you in the eyes and then bounces around and looks all over the place. When your eyes are bouncing all over the place, what you are telling a woman – or at least what she thinks in her mind – is that you are looking at someone else, or checking somebody else out.

The reason that women like direct eye contact so much is that they feel like you are completely engrossed. When someone looks at you directly in your eyes, they feel like they are getting all of your attention. There’s a key element to this whole thing as well – when you’re looking at someone directly in their eyes, you’d better not look at them like a stone statue.

You’d should be looking at them very animatedly – if they’re telling a story, don’t just stare directly at them without a smile on your face. React to the words that they say. If they say something funny, smile! If they say something sad, show sadness in your face.

You can’t just stare directly at them, because that type of direct eye contact is going to make them nervous. You need to make sure that your facial expressions also match your eye contact.

Another thing that makes women nervous is when you are talking to them, you look at them in the eyes, and then you keep looking down. Looking down shows women that you’re an insecure man. Women will not feel secure around you, and they will actually start wondering whether or not they want to continue talking to you. They wonder why you keep looking at your shoes. They wonder if you’re reading the Nike label on your sneaker or whatever it might be – but it shows the signs of a weak man.

Don’t forget – 80% of what you do and how you communicate with women is nonverbal. You never have another opportunity to make a good first impression. By looking down, you are showing a sign of weakness.

Women are looking for strong men, so the eye contact you give has to be backed by animation on your face as well. So if you don’t know how to animate your face, or how to react to something, what you need to do is hang out with a friend of yours and have them tell you a story. Look directly in the mirror (instead of looking directly at your friend) and every time they talk, check out your smile. Check out how you look. Check out the way you nod your head. Check out the way you use hand gestures.

Would you trust yourself? Would you be attracted to yourself? You’ve got to work on it. A lot of men (and women too) have trouble smiling. You’ve got to smile, and you have to be comfortable in your smile. You have to be comfortable in the way you frown, and in the way you animate.

Look at trained actors. This is another great thing – if you take a look at actors, there is something in the industry called ‘eye actors.’ If you look at the way an actor reacts to certain things, there are actors that will move their eyes all around and scrunch their foreheads a bit and get animated.

That’s why a lot of actors are shooting themselves up with Botox. They are really using their eyes all the time – they are penetrating with their eyes. It’s a known thing living in Los Angeles that there are lots of eye actors out there. There are some really good eye actors – take a look at Patrick Dempsey on Grey’s Anatomy. Look at the way he looks at a woman – look at the way he smiles, the way his face lights up. Look at his eye contact.

Or George Clooney – he does it the same type of way. Tom Cruise is a wonderful eye actor – same thing, he looks directly at you. His facial expressions always match the emotions being shown in his eyes. Don’t be afraid to show emotion when someone tells you an animated story. These are some great ways to practice.

We notice it more and more – eye contact has to be strong, powerful, and has to really show your intent. Not only are you showing that you are really listening to her, but you are also showing that you are not afraid of her. That’s one of the key things that turn a woman on – they can sense that you have a powerful, masculine energy coming off of you.

How do you turn that energy into a more seductive look though? Let’s talk about that another time. It’s important to practice this eye contact in order to master it, before we get to advance the seductive eye contact. So we’ll talk about seductive eye contact another day.

Todays video is all about how to become interesting. Have you ever spoke to a woman and ran out of things to say.

No more boring talk!!

Hey hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!!

I just got out of the water I spent the early part of the day surfing!!

Hawaii is amazing and I think I found a new sport!
Onto todays blog.
When you’re in the mall and you really want to start conversations, start them based on observations. Your observations are always a good way to start conversations.

You can start by saying, “hey, look, I need some help with the furniture,” and then observe. A client and I recently went into a Pottery Barn and did this. We listened to how she talked – in this case, the woman was Russian – so I threw in, “what part of Russia are you from?” to get her to start talking about herself.

The key is to observe, to then start the conversation, and then to listen intently. Whenever you listen, you get to pick up on all of the things that you want to be able to talk about next. Instead of thinking about what you NEED to talk about, you’ll actually be able to flow with the conversation by just listening to them.

The other person is giving you all the information you need to carry on a deep conversation with them. The more you listen to them, the deeper you can go.

When she mentions that she is from Moldavia, you can say, “Moldavia, I’ve never been there. What is Moldavia known for?” What happens is that you are creating an emotion in them, and by doing that; they are going to start to have some type of connection.

By asking her about things that she actually likes, enjoys, and is a part of, you will make her think about her home. When she thinks about her home, she’s going to want to talk to you more about that and she’s going to look at you as an emotional response. She’s going to bond with you, and think, oh my god, this guy is really interested in me – most guys aren’t really interested in ME, they’re interested in the physical aspects.

You can see when she starts talking a little bit about her language, and she gets red in the face. And then it’s like, well how much money do you have? I’ve got this magic pill – at that point, you have her. It’s done. That’s all you need to think about.

Today our video is all about getting wet with women in the rain.

Have you ever wondered what to say to a woman in the rain to get her intrigued and willing to get even more wet with you.