All of us think to ourselves, “Oh, if I were only taller…” Do you know that my entire life I’ve wanted to be shorter? I’m 6’2” – and I hate it. If I put on a pair of cowboy boots, I’m 6’3 ½” – there are photos where I’m just towering over everybody.

I have a bunch of Asian coaches – Yakub’s 5’6”, Khiem is 5’10” (he’s pretty tall for an Asian,) and Rey’s 5’8” on a good day – and here’s the Jolly Green Giant, towering over all of them. I have some funny-ass pictures of that.

I always wanted to be like 5’10”. If I was 5’10”, I could wear my jeans a little bit tighter, my legs wouldn’t be as skinny. There’s a major insecurity for me – my skinny legs.

And I wouldn’t have to worry about finding a pair of jeans that were long enough for me. It’s like, Jesus, if they shrink up a quarter of an inch, I’m done for!

But we all have these insecurities. People are always emailing me, saying, “Oh my god, I’m really short – what am I going to do?”

The answer is nothing! You’re not going to walk over to women and say to them, “Hey, I’m the short guy – you don’t want to date me!”

Let me tell you something: women are flexible. Some women, like my girlfriend, are very visual: all of her ex-boyfriends look the exact same. They are tall and in shape…she definitely has a type.

I have a type. My type is always very athletic women. When it comes down to hair color and everything else, I could care less.

But most women are all over the map. “My last boyfriend was French, and I thought I hated the French!” “My last boyfriend was an Asian guy, I’d never dated an Asian guy before then…”

And Asian guys totally have blond fever. I have tons of male Asian friends that won’t date Asian women. But I have a ton of male white friends who LOVE Asian women!

We all have a certain type, but women are much more open to new things. If you come at them with energy and confidence, you can change her. She may not like guys that are 5’7” – her “type” might be guys that are 6’2”. But if you come at her with a larger-than-life attitude and you turn her on – if you’re quick and you listen to her – all of a sudden she’ll become attracted to you.

And then her friends are saying, “Oh my god, you never dated a short guy before,” and she responds, “He’s short?”

They don’t see the things that we see. Men, we are SO critical it is ridiculous. If a woman has cellulite, we notice it. We really do. We’re fucked up like that!

Have you ever dated a woman who had one boob bigger than the other? I have. And I saw it all the time – hello big guy, hello little guy! We always notice stuff like that. And the younger we are, the more we notice things and the more critical we are.

And the fact is that women are not like that. We have to realize that women are much more evolved than we are! We’re way too superficial. This is why women freak the fuck out all of the time. God forbid they have a little stubble on their legs. God forbid their hair doesn’t look right.

But the competition they feel when they see airbrushed women in magazines and don’t feel as stick-thin… Think about all of the things that women go through, and be more accepting.

Not only are they under a microscope from the competition with other women in magazines and their friends, but they also know how fucked up we are as a species. They know how critical we are of them.

So just realize that you can rescue them from all of that by being strong, powerful, accepting, and by making them feel beautiful. Doing this will be the first thing that ever gets them to be attracted to you.

Now I’m not talking about walking over there with some cheesy line like, “You’re beautiful!” Definitely not. I’m talking about the way you talk to them, the way you listen to them.

You know what’s it like – she comes home, she had a shitty day, you wanted to have sex, but you know it’s not going to happen now. She had a shitty day, and now you have to go into listening mode all night and do things that you didn’t want to do.

If you do that, you become that much more attractive to her, so that the very next day, the sex is going to be so much better. Because you gave her what she needed that night, you’ll become that man that she always wanted.

Do that in every situation. Be open to her suggestions. I’m not talking about being a wuss or a wimp, but if you say, “Hey, let’s go see a movie tonight, I’ve really been wanting to see this one,” and she says, “Oh man, I’m not in the mood for that tonight,” then you can respond, “Alright, babe, what are you in the mood for?”

If you do her thing tonight, sure enough, she’ll go see your movie the next day. Hell, she’ll even watch the football game with you the next day!

It’s about feeling her needs from the get-go. You are every woman’s perfect man if you listen to her needs.

It’s not about how we look; it’s about how we act. Now of course you can’t go out like scratching your nuts and rocking the sweatpants on a date – you have to at least fit the mold in that manner.

But you have to understand that all of you have the capacity to do all this – it’s all about listening. Listen and make her feel wonderful!

A lot of times when a woman meets a new man and she feels like everything just “clicks,” she will immediately start to have all sorts of expectations about him. These are not things she expects him to do, however, but rather things she starts to expect that he is (or might be).

She starts to think to herself “This guy could be ‘the one.’ This can be the guy who gets rid of this annoying single binge I’ve been on for so long. This guy is different from all the rest.” She starts building all these expectations about a guy she’s just met.

Then she goes out on another date with that guy which also goes really well and, all of a sudden, she builds the expectations even more. She starts dreaming a little bit and thinking about how that guy might be her soulmate. She may start to think about how this guy could be someone with whom she can spend the rest of her life (and possibly have children).

By the next date, if things are still going really well, she will build the expectations further and already be picking out her wedding dress, thinking about their first vacation together or thinking about what kind of house they are going to eventually buy together. Who knows where the fantasy side of her mind may be going.

What happens every single time you build up expectations on a date or go into expectations mode, is that you become less present to what he really is (and is not) all about as a man. You stop noticing some of the little things, especially some of the little things about the guy that may not be right for you.

You stop noticing some of the behavior patterns that he may be showing you and, because you are lingering in expectation mode, you may go six months into a relationship that will ultimately self-destruct. Because you blinded yourself to what kind of guy this was due to your expectations, you will spend that six months thinking you are having an amazing relationship instead of seeing things through non-expectation colored glasses.

What happens here is you miss every single verbal and visual clue that is right in front of you which told you that this guy was not right for you. He was not right in so many ways, but you didn’t see that because of the fantasy expectations you put on the relationship.

I actually recently dated someone for six months who had much higher expectations of the relationship than I did. She had a whole different version of the relationship in her mind, even though my behavior was very consistent for the entirety of the relationship. She had all these high expectations that we were “meant to be together forever and ever” when, in reality, my expectations were just about being present in the moment and seeing where things took us.

You have to realize when you’re doing this that you have to dial back the whole expectations mode. You need to start paying attention to little things and start evaluating relationships on what is happening in the now.

Don’t think about the future so early in a relationship, and don’t think about the expectations you have for a particular guy (or a particular relationship). Instead, keep yourself present in the moment and think about what is going in a relationship right now.

It’s not that I want you to not be optimistic about a relationship’s possibilities, I just want to make sure that you don’t ignore its warning signs. Take a look at the guy and the relationship and evaluate them both on what is really there, because a lot of times when you think you’ve had the “perfect relationship” that has crashed and burned, the warning signs were there the whole time but you just chose to ignore them.

Do you know that a LOT of men have trouble approaching women? A lot of men suffer from a disease they call “approach anxiety” (although I call it “self-inflicted torture!”)

In my more than ten years of coaching men, virtually every one of them seek my help in learning to conquer approach anxiety. You should see what happens over and over again at the beginning of every one of my men’s bootcamps.

A guy will see a woman he’s attracted to and point her out to me. I’ll tell him to immediately go over and talk to her. What does he do? He’ll stand there like he’s wearing concrete shoes . . . and do nothing. He’ll hesitate.

By the time he finally decides to walk over to the woman, she’s usually made a sudden right instead of a left and has disappeared. He lost his opportunity to approach her.

See, you’ve got to understand that in some ways men and women are built the same. Having a fear of approaching the opposite sex is one of those ways. Many men have a lot of trouble approaching women, and many times women are very unapproachable.

So the next time you see a guy looking at you whom absolutely makes your heart go “thump thump,” I can guarantee you that he is attracted to you as well and that his heart is also going “thump thump.” Stop wondering in this situation if a man is attracted to you.

With that doubt eliminated, you need to put yourself out there just a little bit. Help guys out a little! It’s very important to give guys a couple of signs so they know you’re interested.

Women almost always sit back and wait for guys to do all the approaching. Women spend a lot of time hoping men will approach and waiting to see if men they’re attracted to will approach them. The problem with this is that when you’re a “waiter” in life, you never get what you want.

So the next time you see a really attractive man, smile at him – not once, but twice. When you smile at a man twice, he might actually take the hint and get up the guts to talk to you.

You need to understand the mindset of a man when you’re thinking about this . . . and the mindset of a man in this situation is terrified. As he quakes in his pants, he freaks out about being unable to approach you and feels like he doesn’t know the right thing to say even if he did.

If you were able to be a fly on the wall and listen to what men say during each one of my bootcamps, you would absolutely be amazed at what you’d hear. If you could do this, you would understand that men sit around all the time and wonder what the most clever thing is to talk to you about when they approach you.

The fact is most men still don’t realize that they can just walk over and say “hello” to a woman to strike up a conversation. So the next time you see a guy that you’re attracted to, make it a little easier for him and see what happens!