I remember I went on an online date a couple years ago, this woman looked so great and amazing in her picture. Her profile described her as “fit and trim.”
Then when she showed up for the date, she was walking with a limp. This fit and trim athletic woman was walking towards me with a limp. And as she got closer, her shape got bigger and bigger. And pretty soon I realized that it wasn’t a limp she had, she was walking that way because she was carrying an extra ass with her.

She sat down to the table all nervous, fingernails bitten raw. The woman I saw in the picture looked glamorous. So I asked her, “How have you been?”
She said, “Man I’ve been really brutal lately. I’ve got this thyroid condition and I’ve just been putting on a lot of weight. I’m so sorry that I look this way. I really will get back to the way that I looked in those pictures, I swear I will.”

Meanwhile I’m thinking to myself, I’ve only known this woman for 15 seconds. This is going to be one of those half an hour dates where I pretend that someone texted me from the office and I’m going to go back.
So I said, “No, don’t worry about it, we all go through rough times. She said, “Rough times, you wouldn’t believe how this year’s been with my mother.” And then she went into this whole story about how her mother told her that she was gay. And how her mother now has a lesbian lover, her father got depressed and had a nervous breakdown. And she dumps all this on me in the first three minutes of our date.

So I start thinking to myself that would it actually be pretty rude to just check out and pretend I got a text from my office right now because I am terrified to know what the other 27 minutes are going to bring. So I did something which I think all of you should do.

When you have a crazy online date–and you will have crazy online dates–give the person a little bit of your time and attention and realize they might just need somebody to talk to. They might need an ear to listen to their stuff and unload on.

I like to be as nice as I possibly can. Why? Because I truly believe in karma, and I believe that being nice and authentic and amazing to people is the only way to treat people. You’re going to get brownie points in this world for doing that.

And then at the end of the date, look at her and say, “I’m so sorry, I’ve got to get back to the office. I really enjoyed talking to you and I wish you all the best.” It’ll make her feel good. She knows you’re not going to see her again. She’s done this on every date for the last probably three, four, five months.

You want to be the one who makes her feel good. Because you might run into her again. She might have a hot friend, and you don’t want to be the ass who basically blew her off on the day that she really needed to talk to somebody more than anything.

It’s about treating people with compassion. It’s about treating people the way you’d like to be treated. I hope you never go on a date and complain about your thyroid condition, how you’ve put on weight, and how depressed you are right now. But if you get that crazy date who unloads that on you, have a little compassion and you’ll see it will take you a long way.

So as I was sitting there waiting for my dinner, I was watching all the people interact and I was looking for the train wreck. I know if there are seven tables with seven dates going on at those tables, that there is at least one train wreck happening. It always seems to be the guy who doesn’t realize he’s in a train wreck.

Sure enough, a dating train wreck happened right in front of me. There was this couple sitting there. There was a little chit chat going back and forth between them. It looked like they only had coffee.

So the check comes, and immediately the woman whipped out her credit card as fast as she possibly could and said, “I’ll get it.” The guy said, “Really?” and she says, “Yeah, I got it, I got it.” She wanted out of there fast.

So he says, “I’ll get the tip.” At that moment he probably sensed something was wrong, but he obviously didn’t totally get it because after they sat there in silence he tried to get the conversation flowing again.

He quickly whipped out his credit card and said, “Look we have the same credit card.” Saying that really goes to show you that the conversation wasn’t flowing at all, because that was the best thing he could come up with to try and save the conversation.

You can’t save a date once the other person has already determined that they don’t want to be with you anymore. There is no way to save it.

Dating A Trainwreck

At that moment with that couple, there was nothing but awkward silence. She kept looking around because she couldn’t wait for the waiter to come and pick up her credit card. She kept playing with her credit card and playing with the bill. He just sat there spacing out and totally oblivious.

Finally the waiter came and picked up her credit card. As soon as the waiter returned with the check and she signed it, they got up and walked out.

As they were walking out, he started to initiate more chit chat with her. He was trying again to save that date. She was very nice and sweet. She smiled and listened, but she knew the date was over.

It’s funny. A lot of people the day after a date like this wonder what went wrong. They will wake up saying to themselves, “I had a great date,” and they will actually call that person again.

When you are on a date, you must pay attention to the details. You need to pay attention to the other person’s body language as the date is coming to an end.

How do they react when the check comes? Do they act like they can’t wait to get out of there — like they are leaving the scene of an accident?

This guy didn’t stand a chance of going out with that woman again. There was no way that woman was ever going to agree to go out with him again.

I just wanted to talk to him after the end of the date and ask him what he was thinking. Judging by the way he was carrying on trying to save it, I don’t think he even noticed that she wasn’t at all into the date. I think he probably thought there were some awkward silences, but that overall the date went fine.

You guys need to start paying attention to the details. The next time you call a woman after a date and she doesn’t call you back, think back to the date and ask yourself if she had any of the mannerisms like this woman had.

You can learn a lot through your dates. Sometimes a date doesn’t go well just because you might not have any chemistry together. Other times, you might be on a dating train wreck.

I’ll tell you where you don’t go. You don’t go to a movie, you don’t sit there in silence, wondering what she’s thinking, who she is, and feeling all uncomfortable wondering what to say after the movie.

You don’t go and spend money on dinner. That’s right, you don’t sit there and chew food, exchange resumes, and basically talk at each other for two and a half hours.

You don’t spend money on a first date. The reason being is most first dates never pan out to second dates. So why should you invest your hard earned money in a woman that you may never ever see again? Guys, dating is like an investment. You want to pick and choose who you date, who you spend money on, and where you go.

My best first dates have always been activity dates. Miniature golf is great, bowling is a lot of fun, walking in the park is great, playing Frisbee is a lot of fun, rowing a boat across a lake or across a pond is a blast, going to a street fair, and sitting and just having a cup of coffee or having hot coco in the winter time. Simple things, so you can go, talk, and hang out and have no pressure.

Here’s the deal, if you like her you can plan the next date at the end of the first date. But the bottom line is stop spending your hard earned money, stop wasting your money on women you never ever see again. You don’t need to impress her with where you take her, you need to impress her with who you are.

One of my greatest dates I ever had was this woman was telling me how much she loved the sunset. So I took her to this great beach in Malibu. Malibu is about 15 minutes from my house, so maybe I was out $2.25 in gas to get her to and from there. Bought a bottle of wine because she liked wine, I spent $10 on the bottle of wine. We sat, we talked, we watched the waves break, we walked some more, we watched the sunset, and we had a fantastic time. It was a great date. It created a moment.

That’s what women are looking for, to create that moment. They’re looking to have something that they can go back to their friends and say this was a really different date. I’ve gone on hiking dates where it was a lot of fun, where we just talked and we hiked and we saw things, and it takes the pressure off sitting across the table. When you’re doing an activity date it takes all the pressure off of you having to sit there and analyze one another. Not only that, for women, dating is about an adventure. You want to create an adventure the first date. You might go hiking, you might take a walk on the beach, you might take a walk with your dogs. Second date you might grab some dinner at this cool little stand because now they’ve got great food trucks all over the place where you can sit, stand outside and eat. You’re creating a movie for them. You’re creating the moment.

So stop trying to impress on a date, and start having fun on a date.

It’s 2010. Pay for the date. You asked him out. He didn’t ask you out, so he doesn’t need to pay.

Now I’m sure that there are women reading this right now thinking, “Wait a second. Men are always supposed to pay for the first date.” Yes they are — if they do the asking.

If you’re a man and you ask a woman out — you tell her where to meet you or you tell her where you’re going — then you better for the date. You better pay for the full date.

That does not mean that you pay for dinner and have her leave the tip. That does not mean that you buy the drinks and she pays for dinner.

When you ask someone out, then you had better be prepared to pay for that date. If you can’t afford where you’re taking them, find another place.

Always date within your budget. That’s so important. So many people try to impress someone with a date they cannot afford.

Then when it comes down to the end of the date, the woman is getting her car from the valet and you leave her to pay for it. This guys, is also part of what you should be paying for if you are paying for the date. If you don’t, she will think that you’re cheap for not paying for the whole date.

The bottom line is that when you ask someone out, you are responsible for paying for that date, including all the activities that go on that evening. It’s that simple. It really is.

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to do the “same old same old” first date of going out to dinner where you watch each other chew across the table, swap resumes and then end the night wondering whether you should kiss her?

To me, dates are about exploring each other. I like to keep the first date very simple — a cup of coffee and some good conversation. Then I see where it goes from there.

I like to see how I feel after the first date. When I was dating, I always knew I had a great date if on the drive home I smiled when I thought about things she said, or if I woke up the next morning smiling about something she said.

When that happened, I’d always follow up the next day with her and express that same thought. I’d either text her or call and say, “You know, I was thinking more about what you said about the economy, and I really look forward to talking to you again. P.S. Had a great time last night.”

Talk about whatever really interested you about her. Bring that back up, because it shows that you actually listened, bonded with her and was interested in her.

It’s really all about getting to know somebody. So why add the pressure of a dinner date? If you don’t like each other after the first twenty minutes and the service is slow in the restaurant, you’re going to have to painfully sit there and stare at each other.

That’s not worth it. Have a quick meeting – a cup of coffee or tea – so that you can find out if you have any chemistry at all before paying through the roof for dinner for no reason.

So keep your first dates really simple. Then on your second date, be more creative.

Whatever you learned about her on the first date — whether it’s that she likes Thai food, that she hasn’t bowled in a long time or really enjoys art galleries — make the second date something related to something you learned about her on the first date. Do the same thing for the third date (creating it from something you learned on the second date).

Dating is about building momentum. Dating is about creating memories.

Nothing means more to me in my heart than my first three months with Sonja. I can remember every moment, every conversation and everything we did like it was yesterday.

It’s amazing, because you’re creating something that may last a lifetime. So by learning about each other, and by actually giving some extra thought to your dates, you may be able to look back with that person and say, “God, our first three months were so amazing!”

There is nothing more powerful than new love. Make it special with everybody you date, because that one amazing person is going to come through your life at some point and you better get good at dating and listening before they do!

Don’t ever again dread that first date. CLICK HERE to find out how to start really enjoying those first dates!

Anyway, during that flight I caught a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother. There was something great on one of those episodes that was very funny. I would love to take credit for the idea, but of course I can’t.

On the show Doogie Howser (Neil Patrick Harris), who happens to be gay, plays “the stud.” He plays a guy who is kind of a player.

In one episode he did something he calls “the lemon law.” The lemon law is when you go out on a date with someone and after two minutes you can say “lemon law” and end the date. He actually went out on some dates on the show where he “lemon law-ed” his date.

While this was all very funny, I think there might also be something to this idea. I’d like to come up with my own version of “the lemon law” called “The Two Minute Warning.”

Think about it. How many times have you gone out on that blind date and you just knew the person wasn’t for you. The person was supposed to look like a cross between Sharon Stone and Deborah Harry, and she actually looked like cross between Big Foot and Sandy Duncan.

Whatever the reason, you know in the first two minutes that you are just wasting your time with this person. You know you have absolutely no chemistry with this person.

Now, I know some of you are going to get very upset and think, “Well you’ve got to give people a chance etc etc etc.” All of that is wonderful, and I agree that you do need to give people a chance. We’ve all, however, been on dates with people we’d like to lemon law or call a two minute warning.

Do you think maybe we could start something wherein all blind dates would be on Tuesdays or something, and on all Tuesday dates you can institute the two minute warning? The two minute warning would allow you in the first two minutes of a date to say something like, “Look, I’m not quite sure about you. You’re not quite sure about me. If we don’t like each other, we can two minute warning each other.”

Maybe we can get this idea to spread. Having an escape clause on a blind date is something that could certainly spread.

In fact, I know how many of you have escaped from dates by doing ridiculous things like paging themselves or going to the bathroom and emailing themselves. Then you sit there pretending your phone is vibrating and telling your date, “Oh my God. My dogsitter just threw up.”

I mean, people will do some really ridiculous stuff just to get out of a bad date. So maybe we should come up with a better way too end these kind of bad dates. There just might be something here.

There’s an instant chemistry you feel with her, like you’ve known each other forever. There’s an immediate feeling of comfort. As the date progresses, that feeling of comfort grows even more.

You feel so comfortable, in fact, that you stop thinking about trying to sleep with her and start realizing that you can sleep with her. You are not obsessed anymore with trying to get her in bed, because you know it’s just going to happen naturally.

You have that amazing feeling where you just know you are going to be able to connect with her in so many different ways. That’s what true chemistry is all about.

On the other hand, how many times has that beautiful woman walked in on a date and you realize that you have no chemistry with her? Maybe you met her on match.com or Yahoo! Personals or something like that.

How many times have you had a woman walk in and your first thought when you see her is, “Oh man, I can’t wait to get the hell out of here. Where is the eject button? Why aren’t there any of those James Bond gadgets underneath this chair?”

In that situation, you just know from the second that she walks in the room that you have nothing in common with her. It’s a feeling that we all get.

The funniest thing about these two scenarios, is that both of these women could look exactly the same. They could both be stunningly beautiful, or the first one could even be less physically attractive than the second one.

The key here is that it doesn’t matter what the other person look like. It’s totally about the chemistry that the two of you have with each other.

That is the thing about dating that is really interesting — especially online dating. You can have the “Oh Wow” moment or the “Oh No” reaction at any time. We’ve all experienced both of these feelings.

I remember one time when I was single, walking in to meet a woman and having that “Oh No” moment big time. We just had zero chemistry with each other. We could have been lab partners in high school chemistry class and we would have been unable to create anything together.

Being the gentleman that I am, though, I spent the next hour and a half talking to her. The conversation was dead after the first five minutes, so I had to manufacture a conversation for the remainder of the date.

That’s the worst part of being on a date with someone about whom you have that “Oh No” feeling. You always have to manufacture a conversation. That’s the worst feeling.

That is why you want to keep meeting and keep going on dates with people. Although you’re going to have to live through your fair share of “Oh No” moments, it is all worth it when you walk in and experience the “Oh Wow” instant chemistry feeling.