You draw battles into relationships due to ego and expectations. So many things can go wrong in a relationship due, very often, to the way you communicate your needs, wants and desires to each other.

There are ways to be sure that relationship battles don’t cause permanent damage. Here are seven ways to avoid relationship disasters (which will also help you take your relationship to an even better place):

1.Have Sex On The Brain?: How much do you think about sex in your relationship? Do you feel like the other person doesn’t do the things you like to do (or doesn’t do them enough)? We all get lazy sexually in our relationships at times. So how do you get the other person to do these things (or to do more of those things)? Well, you don’t look at them and tell them they are doing what you like (or aren’t doing enough of it).

Instead, when they do things you like you need to really let them know. Say things like, “Oh babe, I love the way you kiss me and touch me. It makes me feel good…” Describe the emotions you have and how you feel when they do those things. Doing this will turn the other person on and make them want to do those things to you all night long. Whenever you come from a place of abundance like that, you will always bring you more of what you need.

2.Never Nag: Nagging doesn’t work. Nagging to get the dishes washed, the garbage taken out and the dog walked doesn’t work. Instead of nagging, ask out of love. Say something like, “Hey babe, I’m running late today. Do you mind walking the dog? That would be awesome and would help me out a lot!”

Asking this way is a lot better than asking by saying something like “You know, you never walk the dog. I’m always walking the dog, and I’m running late right now and don’t have time to do it” or “Can you please empty the dishwasher for once? I said I can’t do it right now. Why are you so lazy?” Asking nicely always gets you better results.

3.Learn The Art Of Compromise: Learning how to compromise in your relationship is essential. When you go on vacation, for example, make sure you split up the things you do 50/50 between things you like to do and things your partner likes to do. That way, one of you never feels like you are being dragged around the whole trip. Neither person will feel about the other that “it’s just about you.”

The best way to have real compromise is to find out what each other really wants. In this vacation example, you could say something like “Today I’d love to do this. What would you like to do tomorrow? How about if we make today my day and tomorrow your day (or make half of each day be yours)? That way we can both do things we enjoy.” Real compromise is about coming to an arrangement that makes both parties happy.

4.Be Forgiving Of Family: When dealing with each other’s family, it can be very stressful. You may have old things to mend with your mother or brother or sister which get you tense or upset. Because of this tense feeling, many of us will pick fights with our significant other — the person who are there with us to support us on this tense visit — because we don’t want to act out with our family. So we take out our frustrations on our partner instead.

So the next time you go with your partner to visit your family, write down ahead of time the things you need to do or work through with your family while you’re there. Let your partner help you and see them as being there with you (and for you). You will avoid so many unnecessary arguments.

5.Avoid The Passive-Aggressive Approach: In relationships, one person will sometimes drag their significant other with them when they are going out to meet friends. Then that person will spend the entire night not reminiscing, but bringing up personal things about the relationship in front of the friends. Your personal life is your personal life, and your friends do not need to be privy to all of it.

The way this happens sometimes, is that one person will take passive-aggressive jabs at the other. They will start hinting to the friends about the things they would really love to have in their relationship. This is a very passive-aggressive (and ineffective) way to raise these items.

If you have any personal needs or desires about which you want your partner to know, don’t bring those things up in public and in a passive-aggressive manner. You need to bring these things up with your partner in person and face-to-face. If you want your partner to do more of something, then tell them how much you would love it. Don’t bring it up in front of friends.

6.Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry: When you get into a fight with your partner, do not tell your family and friends every little detail about it. When you do this, you are actually hurting your relationship. The reason is that even though your family and friends only want to support you, by knowing you had conflict they will judge your relationship and your partner after that.

They will judge your partner based on things you’ve said about them while you were upset or angry. Whenever you are speaking out of anger you will speak with disdain and venom, and often not tell all sides of the story. So keep your personal life between the two of you. It could save your relationship a great deal of unnecessary strain.

7.Do Something Special: In the midst of all these “don’ts,” I also have one “do” that you should do in helping to avoid relationship disaster. Every day, I want you to do at least three special things for your partner. Make them breakfast, walk the dog for them, rub their head, light candles or whatever you know they would really appreciate. Pick things that will make them feel wonderful, needed and warm.

Tell them that you love them. Send them ‘I love you’ texts, or something like that. Understand that the more you reach out to your partner and the more you express your love to your partner, the more intimacy you will have. You also make your relationship stronger each time you do things like this.

So, look at the above list and then at your own relationship. Ask yourself in how many of the relationship-destroying behaviors you and your partner engage. Ask yourself in how many of the relationship-building behaviors you and your partner engage. Then as to any areas you’re falling short, start making changes right away.

Having a great relationship takes work, patience and a lot of understanding. Don’t just give up on one before you work on it. If you do work on it and it still doesn’t work out, then at least you know you did everything you could to not only keep it from falling apart but to make it amazing.

The people I’ve battled with the most in life are the ones who seem to also frustrate me the most. I can love someone who also frustrates the hell out of me.

The fact is, though, that nothing is perfect all the time. It seems like there are certain people out there in this world that I have battled with over and over again on the same issues.

Do you know why we battle over and over again with certain people on the same issues? It’s because the universe is really trying to teach us a lesson. It’s to help us learn a hard lesson.

It might be something that stems from incorrect programming from childhood. it might stem from the unhealthy way we’ve handled things our whole life. Regardless of its source, certain people will come into your life who are meant to guide you, to love you or to show these lessons.

Sometimes these lessons are very difficult to learn. Sometimes it takes six, eight or even ten times to learn it.

Look back at your past relationships — whether it’s your romantic relationships, friendships or work relationships — and look at some of the fights that you had over and over again. Then drop the ego and look at how you can take responsibility for those fights.

There are two people involved in every relationship. If somebody says the same things to you over and over again about something that bothers them, then you need to look deep inside and see how that behavior is affecting other people. It might be a behavior that is really not healthy for you to have as you move on in your life.

If you love or respect someone and you brought them into your life, then you brought them into your life for a reason. This is especially true in love relationships.

Some romantic partners we bring into our life to be ultimately end up being our friends. Some romantic partners we bring into our life just to teach us something so we can move forward to our next great relationship.

Do you ever sit down and write all the things you have learned? Do you ever write down all the things about you that have driven people crazy over and over again?

It is when you stop blaming and stop defending that the real life lessons are learned. It is pretty powerful to really let that totally come out and allow yourself to be open to these biggest of life’s lessons.

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Understanding how your actions affect others could be life’s biggest challenge. I know I’ve written about this before (and probably a lot) in the blog, but I think this is something we all need to learn.

In a relationship, if someone comes to you about your behavior, you need to look deep into why they came to you in the first place. Relationships are about compromising, really understanding each other and how we make each other feel. There is no perfect relationship out there.

I know the majority of my readers are single. For those of you who are single, if you are searching for a perfect relationship, let me tell you something. You will be searching forever. There is no perfect relationship because we are imperfect people.

If you believe that you are perfect, then you have a lot of growing up to do. If you believe everything you do is okay, then you also have a lot of growing up to do.

Actions that effect people you love and make them feel a certain way are ones at which you need to look. You need to look deep into whether you believe those actions are harmless, and you need to listen to people you respect and love.

Are you like some couples who battle more than others? Why is that?

It could be because certain people bring out the battler in you. The reason why they do is because there is a lesson you need to learn.

So instead of getting angry at the other person and defending yourself, start to look at your piece and part you played in causing the battle.

Once again, dropping your ego is good not only for your personal growth, but because doing that can help love grow even deeper. Being able to drop the ego is a huge challenge.

If you are able to look at how your actions affect others every day, though, you will find that your love for yourself will grow even more. The more you love yourself, the more someone else can love you.

This is a great lesson for all of you who are single. I know a lot of you who are single and reading this are thinking that this blog doesn’t pertain to you. The truth is that it very much pertains to you.

It pertains to you in so many ways, because you still interact with people — friends, business associates and dates — every day. There are things that you do every single day about which you can look deep inside yourself and from which you can grow. Life’s biggest lessons happen when you drop the ego.

Today’s story is about such a person. It is about none other than Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals. He is a guy who finally turned his life around, only to die on Wednesday falling out the back of a pickup truck during a domestic dispute.

Apparently he and his fiance were arguing. She jumped into the pickup. He ran after her, jumped in, fell out the side and died. He was just 26 years old, and just starting his life over again.

We read stories like this, and realize how easily it could have been us. Okay, maybe it wouldn’t likely have been any one of us falling off the back of a pickup truck, but it could have been our lives cut short in any number of other ways.

It seems like we never learn from things like this. We read these kind of stories. We feel badly about what happened. We reflect on it, but them we go right back to the “same old same old.”

There are two strong lessons to be learned here.

The first lesson is that when you’re fighting in a relationship and the other person wants to leave or be alone, respect that. So many times, people will continue a conversation and say even more hurtful things.

When we fight with our partners, it’s circular. So it’s really better to let them walk away and cool off. Nothing ever gets accomplished in the heat of an argument, except the creation of more arguments.

The second lesson is to answer the question, “What is your wakeup call?”

New Year’s Day is coming. Is that your wakeup call? Are you going to make another bullshit New Year’s resolution that you don’t have the self-discipline to implement in your life?

The only thing constant in our life is change. So why do we always fight it? Why do we always resist what is natural in evolution of life?

Why do we fight so hard when someone asks us to change our ways for the good? Why as humans are we content to sit around mired in things that don’t make us happy, and waiting for rainy days that don’t make us want to do anything?

Chris Henry was turning his life around when it was cut short. So today, think about Chris Henry and do something that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Ask out that person you’ve had a crush on for ages. Walk up to a stranger and wish them Merry Christmas (Oops, I mean Seasons Greetings).

Whatever pulls you out of your comfort zone, only you can do. Think about what would happen if you did one thing outside your comfort zone every day for thirty days.

If you did that, pretty soon those things would no longer be outside your comfort zone. They would be well inside it.

You won’t have to rely on bullshit New Year’s resolutions. You won’t even have to make any this year. It’s never too late to turn your life around and make it everything you want it to be.

So how are you going to pull yourself out of YOUR comfort zone. I want to know.

Now on today’s non-football related topic…

Let’s talk about relationships and, specifically, about being stubborn in a relationship. Let’s talk about giving in when you’re in a relationship.

When you’re in a relationship, you will have arguments. You will sometimes argue about something even when you know the other person has a valid point. Your ego wants to “win” and be right, so you’ll get into an argument instead of really thinking about what the other person was saying.

During every argument, there will come a time when someone needs to give in . . . but it seems like everyone always wants the other person to be the one to do it.
Each person will think, “I don’t want to hug them first” or “I don’t want to make the first move.”

How many nights when you’re in a relationship has your bed felt like it has an imaginary dividing line down the middle? You might accidentally touch knees or ankles in the middle of the night, and you jump because you don’t want to make the first move.

I mean, it’s crazy how many people are stubborn. I, myself, am very stubborn. I hate apologizing. I have always hated apologizing.

I have always hated making the first move. My mindset was always, “Why should I make the first move. They are the ones who brought the issue up.” The fact of the matter is that relationships tend to get very sour very quickly if both of you are being stubborn.

How many nights do you want to sleep on opposite ends of the bed? How many nights do you want to look at your lover and realize that what you’re fighting about is really ridiculous?

Saying you are sorry is really easy. Saying you are sorry and really meaning it is sometimes harder. So I think you need to really realize what your arguments are really about in your relationship, and start to see that it’s really not worth it 90% of the time.

Check out this great new in field approach video we shot last week. Its all about how to approach a group of women,

No feedback? No “love it” or “hate it” remarks? What’s up with that?

My designer called today and asked for feedback from all of you about the site, and I had to tell him I hadn’t heard a peep from anyone. Now he is depressed and thinking of a new career!

So, let’s help him out and give him some feedback. Tell me what you think of the new site design.

In this corner, we have a BlackBerry weighing 6.2 ounces.  In that corner, we’ve got an iPhone weighing 8.1 ounces. 

The iPhone has texting that you can do with your fingers that is a self-predicted type, but your fingers can’t be too big to get that little keyboard to work. The BlackBerry Pearl has predictive type where they actually choose words for you. The BlackBerry Curve doesn’t have the predictive typing, but it’s bigger so you’re able to type really fast on it.

Now the question is: Which device is best for text fighting? Text fighting is the newest thing in dating.

It’s a wonderful thing. You’re in the middle of an argument with the person you’re dating and they leave the house. Do you remember the good old days when you got into a little argument with your significant other, you walked out of the house and you were able to not talk to that person again until you were ready?

Well that is no more, because now there is the phenomenon of text fighting. Text fighting is wonderful because the second they walk out the door you can send them a text.  Why walk out the door like that? 

Not only that, but you can continue text fighting for hours. You can do it while you’re watching television. You can text fight while driving (although it’s not a brilliant thing to do and against the law in California). You can even do it at the office.

You can consistently text fight for hours — back and forth, circles and circles, round and round.  If you’re really good at texting, you can almost text them as quickly as they text you back.  Some of you are so fast you can have three texts for every one of theirs.

Fights used to last five or ten minutes.  Your lover would leave, you’d have a few hours to cool off, and by the time they got home you’d both apologize because you’d realize both of you were being an ass. 

Now-a-days with text fighting, though, you can continue a fight for long periods of time and even turn the original fight into other fights. Not only that, but text fighting gives each person proof of what an ass they were being during an argument. With text fighting, you can go back and re-read the texts you sent in anger, re-live each angry text.

It’s so destructive! Things that are said in anger should never be thrown back in somebody’s face. Things that are said in anger — whether they come out of your mouth or out of a BlackBerry — should be deleted right away.

They should never be re-read again, because we all say stupid things in anger. We all say stupid things at the wrong moment. You should never hold anyone to what they said in anger.

So if you do get into a text fight, delete those negative texts.  Delete them immediately, because they’re just going to bring more unnecessary bad stuff into your relationship.