He said, “I was hanging out with Khiem and his girlfriend, and there was this girl we ran into who was one of those loud girls. Everything she said was just over-the-top — amplified and loud. How do I deal with that? I mean, she was pretty. I thought she was hot, but how do I relate to her?”

Here was my answer: You don’t.

It’s so funny. As a man, we are so visual. We get so caught up with “the hot girl” that we tend to really never think about what it would like to hang out with her.

Can you imagine having a woman like the one Will met over for Thanksgiving dinner? She gets asked what she’d like on her plate, and she screams “drumstick!!” at the top of her lungs.

This person does not match who you are. This is not your personality style at all. This is not a person with whom you would get along.

So forget the fact that your penis is attracted to her, because that’s really all that is happening. Your eyes are attracted to her. Your penis felt some movement because it was attracted to her. That is all there is to it though.

It’s called penile attraction. Thank God it’s not fatal, because if it was a fatal attraction then other things would happen.

It is just penile attraction. That is all it is, so walk away from it.

You don’t vibe with her. You don’t relate to her. You two have totally different personalities. So walk away.

It’s Q&A day on the blog today and we have two more great subscriber questions that I’m going to answer here. Remember, if you are on my subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer in future blogs, simply respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question.

If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!

So, without further ado, here are today’s questions!

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**Reader Question 1**
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David,

I have a rather unique question that I think you would have a helpful response about. There is an obvious attraction between my former/future professor and I. It was a big uncomfortable step, but I actually worked up the balls to ask her out a few months ago, and we ended up going out twice more afterwards.

While there is an attraction between us, I find myself always holding back because of the age difference (I’m 23, she’s 30) and the superiority she has in school. It’s very difficult for me to do a complete role reversal when I see her outside of school and be the one in charge and leading, even though I am CERTAIN that is what she wants. Can you suggest any possible ways I can get over the age and superiority issues and just be as I would around any other women?

Your advice is much appreciated. Thank You, R.

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**My Answer To Reader 1′s Question**
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Thanks for your question R!

Listen, you’ve got this age difference between the two of you. How you feel about the age difference is all in your head. If she’s attracted to you and you are attracted to each other, then what does the whole superiority thing matter? If she’s okay with the age thing, then it really doesn’t make a difference. The thing is, though, that you are giving her all the power.  You’re giving her the superiority. If this woman is interested in you then she’s interested in you.

So go take her out and have fun like you would with any other woman. Don’t bring up the age difference. Don’t bring up the superiority issue. Don’t bring up the fact that she was your professor.

Just take her out and have fun like you would on any other date, and let her get to know you in that situation.  She can make up her own mind. If you go out with her feeling like she’s superior or some supreme being from another planet, then of course it’s going to be uncomfortable and won’t work.

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**Reader Question 2**
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Hi David,

Over the weekend I  attended a wedding to my aunt in which I was the best lady. I suddenly developed feelings for the best man on a Saturday morning at the church service. David, you know I love him so much that I would spend sleepless nights thinkming about him. But he doesn’t know I love him. All I know is that he’s been avoiding me, we had never remained together in the same place, he would leave if the person we are with leaves.

One thing I know is that I can’t tell him I love him. I have just recieved an sms from him telling me that he was still tired thou he had an honourable weekend. He told me I looked so beautiful. 

My question to you is, “How do I make him tell me that he loves me?”

Isabella

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**My Answer To Reader 2′s Question**
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Isabella,

How do you make someone tell you that he loves you? You’ve got to be kidding me. This is one of the most unhealthy emails I’ve ever received. I’m sorry that I have to say that, but anyone who has this type of mindset needs deeper help. I’m not talking about just from a dating coach, but perhaps in terms of some kind of therapy.

You don’t make someone love you. You don’t look for ways to make someone tell you that they love you. First, a guy needs to ask you out on a date. Second, you need to have chemistry and get to know each other. To try to get someone to make a guy love you is just wrong. It’s wrong from every angle.

This is like some fantasy in your head. Where is your reality? You don’t even know this person, but yet you say you love him so much? You don’t know what he is all about. He was avoiding you. You’ve never remained together in the same place. So how do you love this person? It’s a fantasy in your mind.

Isabella, you’ve got to start living in reality here. What do you want out of life? Do you want to have real connections with men, or are you just living what I call the ultimate fantasy? You barely meet someone and you have this beautiful and perfect picture of him in your mind that doesn’t really exist.

Isabella, go out and meet men, have some fun, and let a man fall in love with you for who you are. Don’t ever try to make a man tell you that he loves you. This totally reminds me of Glenn Close the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction.

No, I’m not talking to those of you with an affinity for handling joysticks and playing early 80′s video games with poor graphics and creatures making funny “gobbling” noises as they ate things. This open letter has nothing to do with video games. I’m also not talking rodents or anything else that invades your living space. I’m not even talking about clutter on your desk that gets in your way.

The space invaders I’m talking about here are ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends (we’ll just collectively call them “ex’s” here). This open letter is directed to all of you ex’s out there who are space invaders tormenting your ex’s.

Now I know all you space invading ex’s know who you are, and this open letter is directed to you. So listen up and pay attention!

It’s amazing. Ex’s always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all of their own issues all over you at the very moment when you’re most happy with someone else. It’s like they have some kind of special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.

They will have an epiphany wherein they decide they are a new person and that they need to convince you to give your relationship with the “new them” a second chance. In their mind they will think “Wait! My ex is with someone else. How could they possibly be with someone else? I realize now that if we get back together, everything will be different because I’ve changed. They need to give our relationship another try with the new me!”

This whole train of thought misses a critical point: your ex is your ex for a reason. They’re an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren’t able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed.

Regardless, there seems to be no shortage of ex’s who are space invaders. So to all of you space invading ex’s out there, here are seven reasons for you to stop invading your ex’s space immediately:

1. Recognize What Your “Epiphany-Come-Lately” Really Means: It is no coincidence that so many ex’s experience the sudden revelation that they need to convince their ex to give their relationship another try ONLY after that ex has found someone else with whom they are genuinely happy. You need to see this “epiphany-come-lately” for what it really is: your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that your ex is with someone else.

It is an only slightly more complicated version of the “you only want them now that you can’t have them” syndrome. While you may believe that you all of a sudden see things differently, it is really a function of feeling like you are about to lose your ex unless you say something right now.

2. You Are Not Entitled To A “Review” Of Your Relationship: Here’s another thing all you space invading ex’s need to remember. You are not an NFL coach. You are not given a relationship red flag that entitles you to demand that your ex review your relationship and give you a chance to “replay the down.”

So, just because you decide that you and your ex need to revisit the wisdom of your breakup does not mean that your ex has to agree to participate. If your ex does not want to do it, you cannot (and should not try to) force them.

3. The Real Reason Your Relationship Ended Hasn’t Changed: Just because you believe you have changed, and you indeed may have changed, that does not alter the real reason your relationship ended in the first place. Further, just because you believe you are a different person or that “things” are different than when you and your ex were together, that does not mean that the two of you are more compatible now than you were at the time your relationship ended. It is really irrelevant that you have made some miraculous change or turn-around in your own mind, because what ultimately made your relationship not work out with your ex was about something much deeper than that.

What made your relationship not work out the first time was that the two of you at your cores were different people, people whose hearts and souls did not have an ultimate connection. So while you very truly may have made some changes, deep down you are the same person (and so is your ex). You were two people who did not share that ultimate peaceful feeling you have with someone with whom you share a true soul connection.

4. Life Is Not Like A Movie: – So many space invading ex’s seem to operate under the delusion that they are starring in their own romantic comedy movie. You know the basic plot line: Boy had girl. Boy loses girl (becoming the “ex”). Ex doesn’t think twice about girl he lost until girl finds someone else. Ex has “the epiphany” moment that he loves girl and needs to get her back (thus becoming the “space invading ex”). Space invading ex discovers that girl’s new boy is not the good guy that girl believes him to be, and that space invading ex is the right man for her. Space invading ex sets up elaborate plan to crash girl’s wedding/relationship and declare his true love to girl. Space invading ex gets girl back in dramatic and romantic wedding-crashing scene. All across movie theaters everywhere, sentimental choruses of “Aw!” can be heard as tear-soaked women frantically search for tissues in their purse. It all seems so romantic!

This is great entertainment and is very fun to watch in your local movie theater … but is not a good model to follow in real life. Think about what this typical movie plot line involves, and what you have to assume to make it the great romantic story that is shown. First, notice that each and every one of these films rests on the major premise that the space invading ex is the right man for the girl and that the girl’s current guy is (unbeknownst to the girl) not such a great guy. As we’ve discussed, and as all of you space invading ex’s know to be the case with your ex, that is not what is going on in your situation. Your ex is in a relationship with someone who is making them truly happy. You are not Patrick Dempsey or Hugh Grant (or Julia Roberts for you female space invading ex’s), so you need to stop trying to play the lead in this kind of movie plot with your ex!

Another flaw in these movie plots is that they paint the space invading ex as the “hero” doing his ex a favor by exposing the rotten current boyfriend and having the girl find true happiness when the space invading ex declares his undying love to her. Think about what you are really doing, though, by being the space invading ex. When you are invading your ex’s space in a relationship where your ex is genuinely happy, your invasion into that space is not romantic – it is selfish. Really, that’s what it is in its true sense. Think about it. When you invade your ex’s space, you are bringing stress not only to your ex but to their relationship. Stated simply, you are bringing unhappiness into your ex’s happy space. The only person who is served by this space invasion is YOU.

5. Think How You Would Feel: Another person you need to consider if you are a space invading ex is your ex’s current significant other. You need to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Consider how you would feel if you were in a relationship with someone and that person’s ex continued to invade your relationship space. How do you think it feels to know that your significant other has been on the phone throughout the day with their ex. Let me tell you how it feels. When someone is invading your relationship space, it makes you feel disconnected with your significant other. You can feel it happening.

Then when you get emails from your significant other telling you how emotionally drained they feel because their ex keeps calling, it causes you to feel emotionally drained yourself. You become emotionally drained because you start wondering what your significant other’s ex said, and what your significant other thinks and feels about what the ex said.

After connecting with your significant other at an emotional and spiritual level deeper than you have with anyone else, to be in the dark about what was said by an ex is a terrible feeling. You want to be there for them and to help them through this, but you also don’t want to be in the dark yourself. This space invasion likewise causes your ex’s energy to be directed totally away from their currently happy relationship.

6. You Can’t Create A Friendship If There Wasn’t Already One: Many space invading ex’s will invade an ex’s happy relationship space under the guise of “wanting to become friends.” This is another very selfish act dressed up as an altruistic one. You can’t be friends with all of your ex’s. It all comes down to whether you and your ex were friends in the first place. If you were, then you would not be invading their relationship space in this way. You would already be a part of their life.

Your attempt to create this sudden friendship with your ex when it wasn’t there before is again nothing more than a selfish act, because a true friend would not want to cause their friend all this stress and pain. A true friend would see that their ex had moved on and has given their heart to someone else, and would not want to do something to directly disrupt that.

7. You Need To Switch Your Focus: Finally, a bit of advice to all you space invading ex’s. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why you all of a sudden feel the urgent need to get your ex back is that you see them feeling the kind of peace, connection and happiness with someone that you wish you had in your own life? You should therefore see this revelation as an opportunity to work on yourself and find for yourself what your ex has found.

Instead of invading your ex’s happy relationship space and causing damage to the happiness they are feeling, why not instead take your ex’s happiness as the inspiration for you to go out there and find the same kind of happiness for yourself. This is the perfect time to work on yourself so you can find the same kind of true soul connection that your ex has found.

So, to all of you space invading ex’s, I hope this open letter has opened your eyes to what kind of impact your space invading is really having on your ex and their relationship. If you are someone who still has feelings for an ex who has moved on and found a truly happy relationship with someone else, then it’s time you let them move on and be happy.

It’s time that the only space invading you do from here on out is with a joystick and on a vintage arcade game. Stop pining over an ex who is not the right person for you … and stop torturing that ex you claim to love so much!

Start working on yourself so you can cultivate a wonderful relationship for you with someone with whom you share a true and deep heart and soul connection. Maybe once you find them, the four of you can meet up at an arcade for a friendly game of Space Invaders…

David: I’ve seen this for so long – and every single guy does this.

What do they do? They go from being whatever they were when they started (perhaps shy or introverted) to being way over the top.

What they forget along the way (on their journey to being way over the top) is to really listen to the other person when they are having a conversation.

You have great conversations, but what I saw last night (when you randomly approached that drunk women – and that’s all they were, just drunk, stupid women. The whole point of last night was NOT to approach and just to observe. I don’t know, but they all turned me off! Every single one of them – their behavior, the way they walked, talked, the way they carried themselves. They had so much negative energy – I didn’t like it at all.)

But you went up and you like announced yourself – like boom! I’m here! The fact of the matter is that you are much more Zen-like in your personality than that! You have to really tone it down a little bit and just observe more.

You’ve proven to yourself that you can walk up to everybody – great. That’s the first step that every guy needs to do. That’s where the over the top thing comes in.

Now, you need to say to yourself, I can approach anybody, congratulations, I know I can do it. Congratulate yourself and give yourself a really big pat on the back – it’s a big step.

Now you need to become really keen to everything that is going on in your environment. The reason why I didn’t really talk to anybody last night was that there was nobody there that was interesting to talk to – not one woman. None.

So today when we walk around, we’re all just going to work within our own environments. It is our environment that gives us the clues.

Don’t worry about missing a woman. If you miss one, that’s fine. You can’t have them all, because if you do, you go into pick up mentality and that’s really not attractive.

Do you remember Dragnet? It’s like, “here we are downtown in a city in the US. Five guys walking around picking up women…”

It really looks like that! It doesn’t look like five guys just having fun. It’s all about having fun and having a good time.

You just have to tone it down a little bit and go in there with what I call an action plan: what do you see?

I see it very quickly – I see it like THAT. You guys might see it in a minute. You’ll miss a few more opportunities but that’s okay. Eventually, you’ll see it in 50 seconds, then 40 seconds, then 30… and then you’ll start seeing it in an instant.

Observe, take in the environment, look around and see what’s going on around you. What do you see?

There are so many tourists out here today! This is far better than LA. LA is a great place – but here it’s mellower, more laid-back – there are endless amounts of people down here today.

July and August are tourist months here. That’s it. If you’re going to come to Seattle, you’re only going to come in July and August. That’s why this is great place to do this because it’s a target-rich environment.

Client: There’s the Danskin Triathlon tomorrow morning at 7:00 with 4,000 people!

David: That’s not fun at 7:00 am!

Todays video is a shocking one.

Have you ever opened a woman using dead bunnies?