Fantasy football season is around the corner. Although not for Shogo, because we learned from the Shannon Sharpe blog that Shogo throws like a girl and now I’m never going to ever, ever let him live that down.

Anyway, today’s blog is not about why Shogo can’t throw a football. What this is about is whether or not this summer was the magic summer for you. Man, fall is right around the corner. Did summer happen the way you thought it was going to happen? Did you have that summer magic that you thought or you were hoping for? Did the summer time share, the house on the lake, the house on the beach, the parties and the barbeques, the things that you planned out, did the magic happen on those summer nights? Were they your rescue from the year? Or, as you’re sitting here right now reading this blog, are you realizing that you still lack some of the social skills you need to really make the magic happen?

My mom is funny, she always wants to move. She always says to herself, I’m going to move, and things are going to be different when I move. When she would say that I used to say to her, “No Mom, you’re still bringing yourself there with you.” And she would laugh. But it’s the truth.

Who Throws A Better Football; Kardashian or Shogo?

So when you showed up to all the barbeques, while you’re planning your big Labor Day weekend—remember that you’re still bringing yourself. You may be going to some amazing events and doing some really fun activities, but you’re still bringing the fears, the excuses, you’re still bringing that old person with you. To me, when you have great social skills that you really work hard on, you can have fun standing at a bus stop. You don’t need the magic of summer. Every day can be magic for you. Every day can be this amazing day that yields great results. Every night can be that magic summer night. So if you’re right now staring at your summer and realizing that it’s gone by and it didn’t deliver the goods that you thought, then I strongly suggest that you craft a plan, and make a commitment, to make these changes this fall.

You’ve got to work on yourself, you’ve got to be in touch everything that’s around you, you’ve got to get rid of the monkey chatter. Keep up with the blog, take the messages to heart and use them every day. And if that’s not enough and you can’t do it on your own, come to one of my events that are coming up. We’ve got a Communication Seminar in Chicago the week of September 10th, and I’ve got an intensive live-with-me program and a boot camp in London at the end of October. Shogo will make sure you don’t have to throw a football if you don’t want to.

But it’s time you made these changes.

Because let me tell you something, fall is coming up. Then the holiday season. New Year’s resolutions are right around the corner, and guess what you’re going to be saying? The same thing you said about where you were going to be this summer. Only now you’re going to change it to January 1, 2012.

On to today’s blog. Have an amazing Labor Day weekend!

The other day something interesting happened. This probably happens every single day . . . on an elevator, in a restaurant and on the subway.

There seems to be a disease going around. I call the people with this disease “barrel inners and barrel outers.” The barrel inners are the people who, when you’re walking out of a restaurant or out of a subway train, have to get in before you get out (or vice versa).

They’ll actually physically push you as they do it too. I’ve been physically pushed in New York City by people wanting so badly to get on a train before the people exiting get off, that they push all the people trying to exit the train as they do it.

So the other day we were in an elevator on the way to an appointment, and there were some barrel outers behind us. It was amazing. When we get to our floor, we are standing in front of the elevator doors waiting for them to open when we feel this pushing from behind us.

These barrel outer women standing behind us apparently couldn’t wait to get out of the elevator or just wanted to get out ahead of us. So I turned around and told the barrel outer women that we were also getting off at that floor, but they didn’t care. Barrel outers will physically push and elbow their way ahead of you.

The barrel inners are just as bad though. After I had lunch recently, I was at the door to the restaurant on my way to leave when a whole group of barrel inners just started barreling right in the door. Did they think I was a doorman just waiting to hold the door to let them in? It’s amazing how many times you open the door to leave a place, and the barrel inners charge right in.  

I’m sure every single day you see your share of barrel inners and barrel outers. I’m sure some of you are notorious barrel inners and barrel outers.  

Have you ever been to Italy? They’re the worst in terms of being barrel inners and barrel outers. You could be the next one in line at a museum to pay, and the next thing you know there will be ten Italians all around you in a circle. You think, “Did I just inherit some big Italian family? Sure…get right in!”

That’s it for the barrels. I wondered where they got that song “Roll Out The Barrel…” In today’s video, find out how to be the opposite of barrel inners and outers — someone who women WANT to be around all the time…

Tonight is an event for which I’ve planned and done lots of research. It’s something that when it’s over, I want to do it again and again.

My brother and I have been on the phone six or seven times a day preparing for this yearly event. No, it’s not the Wygant family picnic or Daphne’s birthday.

No one is getting married and no one is having a baby. Those events would not even remotely come close to this. This is not a once-in-a-lifetime event like those. This happens yearly (although I know there are people who have babies — and maybe even get married — yearly).

As the clock strikes 5:00 pm PST today, I’ll be sitting at my desk with all my lists compiled, ready to make my first pick in the fantasy football draft. I’m in the 11th hole, so I’ll have to wait about 33 minutes, but I’ll be ready.

So tonight I will on a blog and email hiatus, because in six years of playing fantasy football I’ve made the playoffs five times. So there’s a lot on the line for me!

For those of you who don’t give a shit about fantasy football, let’s talk about how to approach women without waiting for confirmation.

We’re always studying body language and everything else and looking for that confirmation that never comes. Now you can blow the confirmation myth out of the water, and realize that you are in complete and utter control.

It’s just like when people decide to do a weekend Bootcamp. You learn better by being out in the field and doing things (instead of just “studying” things). You’re learning and understanding that the confirmation will never come, which is very powerful. You can have the feeling of actually being free.

If we know that the confirmation will never come, then really, what is stopping us? Think about it in terms of baseball. If you’re a baseball player, you’re always looking for a fastball. Most pitchers know that’s what you’re waiting for, so they’re not going to throw it to you.

So many hitters, though, will just sit there and wait for it. Minor league players do so well because minor league pitchers are just trying to throw heat. You can always hit heat, but those hitters never figure out why they do so well and yet are stuck in the minor league.

So now you know that in life you’ll never get that fastball thrown right in the center of the plate — ever — and if you ever do then congratulations.

It worked out for you, and it was easy. With that in mind, you can go out there and create things for yourself. You can create opportunities for yourself and not care about what she is thinking or doing.

It’s the same mindset you have when you go out there and really learn from doing. If you just do it on a daily basis, it’s going to work . . . plain and simple! Look at the odds. That’s what life is: playing the odds.

I think if they dressed like that, though, then women would do all the approaching and it would defeat the purpose of the training! So onward into the late summer heat.

Have a great Saturday, and today let’s talk about something really hot…

Do men like women who like sports? Can men deal with women who can actually do better than them in their fantasy football league? Can a man sit there and be attracted to a woman with whom he debates stats about his beloved Red Sox, or fall in love with a fellow die-hard Jets or Lions fan?

The answer to that is yes, because misery loves company (especially if you’re a Cubs or a Lions fan). It’s nice to be among fellow fans. What men can’t stand, however, are women who pretend to like sports.

If I’m watching a football game, I really don’t want to hear “Wow, this is a really exciting 4th period.” A man hears that and he’ll say, “Really? You’ve had four periods in the span of this game? That’s a quick menstrual cycle.”

Another thing men can’t stand is when a woman watches a sporting event with you and is a cheerleader who shouts things like “Woo hoo! Go team go!”

You almost feel like she’s going to don the outfit and start breaking into the Marcia Brady “F-F-FIL-M-M-MOR–FILMOR HIGH!” cheer.

What’s worse is when you go to a baseball game with a woman and she asks you, “How long is this game going to last? Is it 4 periods like football?” It’s not that we don’t like you taking an interest, but all sports are different.

Basketball has quarters, hockey has periods and football has quarters. Isn’t it funny that hockey has periods since it is the bloodiest sport? So it’s the perfect analogy for hockey.

So if a man invites you to a game, don’t act like a cheerleader. Also, when a runner slides into second base and takes out the shortstop, don’t say “What a great tackle!”

We find your pretending to know everything about sports annoying, but we actually find your ignorance about sports adorable. When you ask your silly questions during a game, it makes us feel really mushy because we know we’re going to teach you to be that true sports fan.

Mine was great. I laid low and relaxed and had my Fantasy Football draft last night. As usual it looks like I will be the best team!!!

Today I want to share with you something that I find really wrong. A mans mother sent this to a friend of mine who is dating on Match.com

She of course forwarded it to me right away!!

From: saxxbh (xxxbh@talkmatch.com)
To:xxxfully1111 (xxxx1111@talkmatch.com)
Date received: August 31, 2008
Subject: its eric’s mom — your darling

Hi,
You may think this is odd….but my son is reluctant to search for someone special, because he’s a bit jaded of the whole dating scene. He does really want to find that special woman.

I thought I would act as my son’s matchmaker. I think you could be a good match for him.

Let me know if you would like my son (Eric) to email you some info about him and his photo. He is not on Match. Thanks.

Sandy

sanxxx
61-year-old woman
Beverly Hills, CA, US
Seeks men 58-68
Active within 24 hours

He is jaded by the whole dating scene.

Great so he does not have the guts to get out there and play the game like everyone else.

So his mommy is looking for dates. I can only imagine when you hang with this mommas boy and move in together.

Does mom come and move into the guest room?

Does she pick out all the furniture?

Does she tell him when and how to have sex?

In order to date you need to find your own dates and have a great attitude!!

What do you guys think of meddling mommies and jaded daters?

Sometimes life is like a soap opera, but the story I’m about to tell you is something that even my writer friends here in Los Angeles could not have made up. You are truly not going to believe what I’m about to share with you. This story is so outrageous that it is just about the only relief I’ve had in the last week.

For any of you who don’t know, Daphne (my beloved English Labrador) had two tumors removed last Tuesday. I sweated the pathology report all week long. At around 5:00 pm on Friday, the vet finally called me back.

He told me that Daphne has two mast cell tumors – one Grade I and one Grade II. Luckily the margins were clean on both and we had caught them in time. This dog is now going on a health regimen with herbs and healthy foods like her owner, because there’s NO way I’m going to lose her.

So it was a tough week last week . . . until I heard this story I’m about to tell you. You are about to see just how much influence a girlfriend should (and should not) have in a relationship.

Before I tell you about all the players in this drama, I need to provide you with some background information. I have been playing in a fantasy football league that has been around for six years and which is comprised mostly of childhood friends of mine.

This year we decided to expand to twelve teams and add two new members to our league. One new member is another of our childhood friends, and the other is a guy who does marketing for me. This all sounds very innocent so far, doesn’t it?

Well, apparently six years ago when everyone was drunk at a party, one of our new members (the childhood friend) copped a feel of the behind of one of our other member’s girlfriend. Now keep in mind that this happened six years ago, everyone was drunk and apologies were exchanged LONG ago.

So let me introduce the cast of characters to you. Of course, ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED . . . TO PROTECT THE INSANE.

We’ll call our ass groper “Kevin.”
We’ll call the groped girlfriend “Kate.”
And we’ll call the groped girlfriend’s boyfriend “Peter.”

Poor Kevin is not crazy or a pervert, he just likes women. He actually has a history of groping, but at least he’s honest about it.

The real question is whether deep down Kate is actually very turned on by Kevin, and it’s her guilt that is causing this whole crazy situation in the first place. (Don’t worry, I’m getting to the good part shortly!) Notably, Kate’s portrayal of the groping was a manifested lie. She turned a simple ass-pat into something FAR more sexual.

The irony is that Kate’s perfect Peter really is a pervert. When he was eight years old and away at summer camp, he asked me to send him a box of condoms. I mean what was he going to do with them there? Blow them up and make circus animals for his bunkmates?

So back to the story . . .

You won’t believe what happened this week. After our new members were in and the draft order had been set, Peter all of a sudden had a seeming change of heart and decided he can’t play in the fantasy league with his groping friend Kevin. As we dug deeper and heard more, the real story emerged.

It turns out that Kate had called up our fantasy football league commissioner and talked to him for a FEW HOURS about why Kevin should not be allowed in the league. You heard me correctly – she called the commissioner! Even worse, she did so while Peter was on the line listening but forbidden to speak (like a trained puppy).

If your jaw has already dropped, hold on because the story gets even crazier. After calling the commissioner, Kate then called another one of the league participants and spent TWO HOURS explaining to him why Peter is not allowed to play in the league with someone who groped her ass six years ago while everyone was drunk.

I know by this point you are sure this story is a joke, but let me assure you that I’m not making any of this up. Every part of this story really happened in the last seven days.

Keep in mind that this is a fantasy football league. We don’t even sit in a room together to watch games. It’s FANTASTY! It’s not real.

We’re not even hanging on the same therapy couch together after all of this. I have been playing in this league for five years and have yet to ever meet some of the members. Of course we exchange emails over the course of the season, but that’s about it.

Now our friend Peter, who’s dating meddling girlfriend Kate, has always been pretty weak. He’s allowed his mother to control him. He’s allowed his dad to control him. Now he has Kate, an older girlfriend he allows to control his every move. The sad thing is he’s actually a great guy – a little quirky, but a great guy I’ve known almost my entire life.

This next part of the story will make your jaw drop even further. Since the day Peter met Kate seven years ago, she has NEVER worked. He supports her. He, however, doesn’t work either. His trust fund supports them both.

As you can see we’re not talking about a normal relationship to begin with here. We’re talking about two people who have WAY too much time on their hands. You clearly have way too much free time if you have time to analyze to this extent which people in a fantasy football league should (and should not) have the right to play.

A relationship should be based on allowing your partner to have their own interests – including being able to play with their friends whether you like them or not! Your partner should never ever be in the position of getting to approve (or disapprove) of everything you do in your life. That is not having a relationship.

That is a man living with his mother. He might as well send an email to all the players in the league saying “Mommy won’t let me play after school with Kevin the groper anymore!” We’ve all done dumb things when we’re drunk that we’ve regretted . . . but this is ridiculous!

In relationships, you should NEVER control your partner. Not only that, but if you let your partner control everything you do, you need to look in the mirror and see who you are as a person.

Let’s remember that this whole thing blew up over FANTASY FOOTBALL! I can understand Kate not wanting to have Kevin the groper over to her house for a party, but to not allow your partner to play with him in a fantasy football league where everything is conducted via email is just plain psychotic!

I could maybe even understand this a little bit (and I do mean little!) if the groping had occurred yesterday, but it happened SIX years ago and apologies were exchanged. Give me a break!

By the way, if this story has you thinking that we’re talking about a group of college-aged kids, think again. Peter, the friend in question who can’t think for himself, is 38 years old. Kate, the meddling girlfriend, is 52 years old.

So today in honor of what’s occurred, I am sending them a care package in the mail. I was cleaning out my house last Sunday, and found a collar that Daphne doesn’t wear anymore. I also found a training leash, one of those long ones that will give my friend some extra room in case he still wants to run on a leash. I’m heading to FedEx right now, in fact, because I don’t want Kate to lose track of her rich boyfriend at any time.

Oh . . . and if any of you have any extra bones, or anything else you’d like to send to my friend Peter, please let me know. We can put together a nice big care package to send to him.