Thanks David for letting me post another blog that really resonates with me. I hope all of enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.

We all have our go to excuses: for some it’s “I’m not good looking enough”, others it’s “I’ve been hurt before and now I’m just out for revenge.” For me it was always very simple:
“There’s something wrong with me.”

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. But I knew something was. Id’ been dumped, cheated on, and couldn’t find a job that I didn’t hate. Not only that it seemed like the women who dumped me and cheated on me ended up in more emotional pain than I was in. I was so rotten that even the act of getting rid of me hurt people. It seemed to me that the more someone got to know me the worse I became. And I could twist anything into making about why something was wrong with me.

If I met an attractive girl I’d tell myself that I wasn’t nearly good looking enough to talk to her. If she turned out to be smart she was way too smart to put up with me and if she was funny, I wasn’t nearly funny enough to be with her. I was NEVER good enough because there was something wrong with me.

Even when things were going well I always had it in the back of my mind… there’s something wrong with me and something bad is going to happen. Something I just didn’t see coming. It’s going to hurt and I’m going to feel like an idiot because I didn’t see it coming.

These excuses…they were my story. I was the tragic hero, fighting against the sad reality of my situation… that I could never be good enough for happiness… but I was sure as hell going to fight for happiness until I had breathed my last.

I’ll tell you all a deep dark secret… I liked my excuses, my story, my tragic heroism. It was romantic. It made me feel… special. It made me feel like I was unique. I wasn’t one of the shiny happy people but I also wasn’t one of those guys who had just given up and wrote sad poetry to try and impress girls. I had a quiet courage in the face of certain death. I was a Spartan at Thermopylae or a soldier at the Alamo. I embraced my excuses because the more I excuses had the more epic my struggle became.

Except, as much as I loved this story I had made myself the hero of… I didn’t love myself. My life seemed to be going nowhere. I had nothing. One day, it dawned on me that if I wanted to love myself and my life I’d have to get rid of my most beloved possession: My excuses. I had to drop the story I’d written for myself and honestly look at who I was. It was terrifying and I hated what I found. I was a miserable person. I wanted so bad to still be the doomed hero. I was safe there. But I refused to go back. I discovered that when you get rid of excuses you can create whatever life you want for yourself. You can be the REAL hero in your own story and save yourself.

So, if you have excuses, and we all do, drop them. Take a hard look at yourself and do all the hard work that needs to be done in order to be the person you want to be.

You know what my favorite part of a relationship is? The part of the relationship where you have to prove that you love the other person. Prove that you love me. If you love me, you will do this for me. People are nuts when they do that crap.

Prove it? You know, it kind of makes me scratch my head a little bit and makes me think. What, everything I have done up into this moment does not say that I love you? Are we misinterpreting each others’ actions so much that you just don’t understand anything that I do?

So many times, somebody will say that. If you really love me, you will cancel your night out with your friends tonight, and you will come and take me out to dinner. Or, if you really love me you won’t go visit your friends this weekend. You will fly around the world to go see me. Prove that you love me.

How To Prove Your Love

Let me tell you something. You don’t have to prove anything. If they don’t believe that you love them — if they don’t believe that you are into them, then you know what? Those relationships are not worth pursuing. They really aren’t. Any relationship that causes you grief — any relationship that just drives you off the wall and you have to consistently prove yourself to somebody is a relationship with a very needy person. An extremely needy person. Needy people always want things proven to them.

In reality, though, the reason why they always want things proven to them is because they don’t trust themselves in the first place. Prove that you love me. Have you ever dated somebody like that where you have to prove everything, and you are constantly on edge? Share with me today.

It seems like in the first three to six months of a relationship, you actually do things for the other person. You make nights special. You light candles for each other. You make sure nights are romantic. You make love for hours instead of minutes.

You really listen to the other person. You don’t just judge or get angry at the other person because you have a history together.

If you ask any couple what they love the most about each other, a lot of them will say it is the way they treated each other during the first three to six months with unconditional caring and romance, and without any judgment. They will say it was the way they listened, touched and kissed during that first six months.

There was a survey online a little while back that asked women what they felt was lacking in their relationship. A lot of them said it was that their man didn’t kiss them anymore the way he did during the first ninety days they were together.

Here’s the deal. You fell in love with someone because of all the things they did. Why is it so hard to keep doing those things over and over and over again?

Falling In Love

Why don’t we just call it a “groundhog day relationship?” That way we could just repeat the first ninety days over and over again. That’s four times a year you need to repeat that cycle.

You know how easy it is to make each other happy in relationships. We have all done it — and done it so naturally — in the first ninety days. We did it with such open hearts and open minds, and we did it because we really cared about making the other person feel amazing.

So what stops us from doing it over and over again? Do we just take people for granted? Do we think they’ll always be around?

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to live that ninety day beginning phase of a relationship over and over again. I think that time is magical. I think that time is so special.

Think about it. What’s so wrong with living in a magical place like that every single day?

Oh sure, we can come up with a list of excuses. Work was too hard or the kid bit my arm or the dog didn’t do his homework (notice the reversal there).

Notice, though, that you didn’t make any excuses during the first ninety days. You may not have had a kid at the time, but I’m sure you still had work and that the dog still didn’t always do his homework.

You need to really think back on why you fell in love with the other person, and start doing those things over and over again. Otherwise relationships will continue to cycle, and you will continue to feel unsatisfied. You’ll continue to search for something else, when in reality you probably have exactly what you want right there. It’s just that you might have lost it because you got lazy.

Falling in love is great. It’s a drug.

Let me tell you something. There is nothing greater than falling in love.

Close your eyes and remember the first time you fell in love. Remember your first love. Remember your high school or college love. Maybe you just recently fell in love with someone. It’s like you’re capturing that essence.

The feeling of love actually is kind of a drug. There are hormones – like Dopamine — which actually are produced in our bodies which give us that feeling.

Anyway, falling in love is such an amazing process. It really is. To look at someone and know absolutely that you love them is amazing.

Here’s something that is interesting about falling in love. Falling in love is really peeling a layer from yourself every single day and giving it to another person.

There is one thing about falling in love, however, about which most people don’t talk. While falling in love with someone is incredible, you should always be falling in love with two people.

The other person with whom you should be falling in love is yourself. Every day, you should be falling more in love with yourself.

You should be doing this whether you are in a relationship or whether you are single. Let’s say you are single right now and you’re searching for someone.

If that is the case, I have but one question for you (and it’s not about how many people you went out and talked to today). My question to you is this: Did you fall more in love with yourself today than you did yesterday?

Every day you should accept yourself more. Every day you should work on yourself. Every day you should realize more who who you are as a person.

Every day you embrace yourself is another day that you’re falling more in love with yourself. This is so important, because the more you fall in love with yourself the more someone else can fall in love with you.

Love is a selfless thing. Opening up and expressing love to somebody is a selfless thing.

Let me show you how this all fits into a relationship with another person. Let’s say you are a mushy person who likes to say “I love you” every five seconds to your partner, and expresses yourself by writing poetry and little Post-It® love notes all over the house.

Then suppose that your partner is someone who is just not a “Post-It® note” kind of person. That person loves you just as deeply, but expresses their love in a different way. The way they express love might be with a smile, in the way they hold your hand, the way they kiss or the way they say “I love you” in the morning.

If you’re a secure person and you’re falling in love with yourself, then you are going to also be a secure person when you fall in love with somebody else. The reason is that you are not going to expect to be treated the exact way you treat your partner (which will never happen). Never in life will you meet someone who is exactly like you in every way.

So think about this. When you are truly in love with yourself, you can truly love another person because you’ll expect absolutely nothing back.

When you’re not truly in love with yourself, you’re always going to be looking for confirmation. You’ll think and/or say things like, “I told you I loved you this morning. Will you tell me you love me tonight? Please do it so we can be even.”

There will be some days when you might say “I love you” to you partner thirty times, and your partner only says it to you once. This shouldn’t matter to you. If you are bursting with love and you are totally secure with yourself, then you should say “I love you” thirty times in a day if you want. If you get it back even one time, then that’s awesome. Appreciate and enjoy it!

Love At First Sight!

I’ve heard so many people describe the time they met their husband or wife, and have said they knew that person was “the one” the second that person walked in the room. I’ve had people say to me things like this all the time: “David, I just knew. I just knew when they walked in the room. I don’t know if it was the way they smiled or the way they talked, but I just knew.”

Have you ever held someone so close at that that you feel like you want to jump inside their body and inside their soul? Do you ever feel your soul communicating with somebody else?  You’re just laying there next to them, and you feel yourself talking to each other without saying a word.  

It doesn’t take words sometimes to describe what you really feel, because sometimes in life words just can’t adequately describe it. Words can’t fully describe what you’re really thinking, what your emotions are and what you’re feeling.

Have you ever met someone of whom you just can’t get enough? Time just flies by every time you’re with them. When you meet them, you want to remember everything they say. You want to show them your life. You want to remember everything that happens between the two of you, because you know everything that’s happening is a memory you are going to want to be able to talk about in the future.

Have you ever had that amazing feeling all over that you just can’t put into words? It’s almost an overwhelming emotion.

Have you ever been able to look at someone and know exactly what they’re feeling at all times because they communicate it with their eyes? Sometimes words are overused.  

I can tell you one thing for sure. When you find someone for whom you have these kind of feelings, you’ve got to go with it because there’s not too many times that it’s going to happen to you in your life. When you’ve found this person, you just know in your heart that you’ve found something magical.

It’s Q&A day on the blog today and we have two more great subscriber questions that I’m going to answer here. Remember, if you are on my subscriber list and want to submit a question for me to answer in future blogs, simply respond to any one of the newsletter emails with your question.

If you’re not on my newsletter subscriber list and would like to be, all you need to do is go to the blue box at the upper right hand corner of each page of this website and submit your name and email. It’s that simple! Then as soon as you receive your first newsletter via email, you can submit your question!

So, without further ado, here are today’s questions!

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**Reader Question 1**
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David,

I have a rather unique question that I think you would have a helpful response about. There is an obvious attraction between my former/future professor and I. It was a big uncomfortable step, but I actually worked up the balls to ask her out a few months ago, and we ended up going out twice more afterwards.

While there is an attraction between us, I find myself always holding back because of the age difference (I’m 23, she’s 30) and the superiority she has in school. It’s very difficult for me to do a complete role reversal when I see her outside of school and be the one in charge and leading, even though I am CERTAIN that is what she wants. Can you suggest any possible ways I can get over the age and superiority issues and just be as I would around any other women?

Your advice is much appreciated. Thank You, R.

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**My Answer To Reader 1′s Question**
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Thanks for your question R!

Listen, you’ve got this age difference between the two of you. How you feel about the age difference is all in your head. If she’s attracted to you and you are attracted to each other, then what does the whole superiority thing matter? If she’s okay with the age thing, then it really doesn’t make a difference. The thing is, though, that you are giving her all the power.  You’re giving her the superiority. If this woman is interested in you then she’s interested in you.

So go take her out and have fun like you would with any other woman. Don’t bring up the age difference. Don’t bring up the superiority issue. Don’t bring up the fact that she was your professor.

Just take her out and have fun like you would on any other date, and let her get to know you in that situation.  She can make up her own mind. If you go out with her feeling like she’s superior or some supreme being from another planet, then of course it’s going to be uncomfortable and won’t work.

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**Reader Question 2**
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Hi David,

Over the weekend I  attended a wedding to my aunt in which I was the best lady. I suddenly developed feelings for the best man on a Saturday morning at the church service. David, you know I love him so much that I would spend sleepless nights thinkming about him. But he doesn’t know I love him. All I know is that he’s been avoiding me, we had never remained together in the same place, he would leave if the person we are with leaves.

One thing I know is that I can’t tell him I love him. I have just recieved an sms from him telling me that he was still tired thou he had an honourable weekend. He told me I looked so beautiful. 

My question to you is, “How do I make him tell me that he loves me?”

Isabella

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**My Answer To Reader 2′s Question**
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Isabella,

How do you make someone tell you that he loves you? You’ve got to be kidding me. This is one of the most unhealthy emails I’ve ever received. I’m sorry that I have to say that, but anyone who has this type of mindset needs deeper help. I’m not talking about just from a dating coach, but perhaps in terms of some kind of therapy.

You don’t make someone love you. You don’t look for ways to make someone tell you that they love you. First, a guy needs to ask you out on a date. Second, you need to have chemistry and get to know each other. To try to get someone to make a guy love you is just wrong. It’s wrong from every angle.

This is like some fantasy in your head. Where is your reality? You don’t even know this person, but yet you say you love him so much? You don’t know what he is all about. He was avoiding you. You’ve never remained together in the same place. So how do you love this person? It’s a fantasy in your mind.

Isabella, you’ve got to start living in reality here. What do you want out of life? Do you want to have real connections with men, or are you just living what I call the ultimate fantasy? You barely meet someone and you have this beautiful and perfect picture of him in your mind that doesn’t really exist.

Isabella, go out and meet men, have some fun, and let a man fall in love with you for who you are. Don’t ever try to make a man tell you that he loves you. This totally reminds me of Glenn Close the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction.