Status: Single.
Status: It’s complicated.
Status: Single again.

Do you know how many clients I talk to who have been broken up with via Facebook without even getting a phone call from their Facebook “ex”?
What is wrong with our society? We don’t even have closure anymore. We’re so afraid of actually having to face our partners when we’re ending a relationship that we resort to alternate, virtual ways to break up with them. Facebook. Email. Even texting! It’s ridiculous.

First, unless you’re married, real men do not post their relationship status on Facebook. Unless you’re married, it’s nobody else’s business.
And more importantly, real men do not break up over Facebook.

And real women do not post their relationship status on Facebook either. Your actual friends already know what your relationship status is.
Enough with the Facebook relationship announcements. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of constantly seeing so-and-so’s relationship status who I haven’t seen in 12 years, or so-and-so who I met at some party last summer.

I’m tired of all the bullshit.
If you’re going to break up with somebody, do it face-to-face.
At the very least, before you go out and publicly announce a relationship with someone over Facebook, have the courtesy to announce that relationship to your “significant other’s” face first so they don’t wake up one morning to their that surprise they’re suddenly in a relationship with you on Facebook—when all they thought was that you two were dating.

A client of mine recently reunited with a woman he used to have a crush on in high school, after they found each other on Facebook ten years later. They didn’t know each other very well in school, but they hung recently and hit it off.

They had dinner together, then she invited him over to her place for some drinks. He followed.

The woman had a young daughter, and once the daughter went to bed, my client moved in to try to kiss her. She turned her head away, but they continued chatting. My client immediately thought that she rejected him and that he was put in the friend zone, and didn’t make another move.

A little later, she suggested that he sleep on the couch because they had both been drinking. In the middle of the night, the woman came into the living room and got under his covers and laid down with him. Assuming she wanted to hook up, he then started feeling her up.

She pushed his hand away and said she just wanted to cuddle. Then she slept in his arms for the rest of the night.

Foreplay

The next day my client received a Facebook message from her saying that she was sorry about the situation last night, but it’s not something she does with guys right at the beginning.

Ok, let’s break this down:

My client thought he was in the friend zone because this girl did not want to hook up with him and in his mind, she was sending him mixed signals.

Was he in the friend zone? NO. Was she sending him mixed signals? Maybe, but we’ll talk about why that doesn’t matter.

First, you are NEVER in the friend zone on the first date with a woman. You are not friends with a woman on a first date, so you cannot be in the friend zone. Unless you’ve been hanging out with her for a while with no spark, or she says right in the beginning, “I like you better as a friend,” or “Let’s just be friends,” or something like that, you are not in the friend zone.

So, was she giving him mixed signals here?

Let’s dig into how female psychology works. My client assumed that because she invited him over for drinks that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she offered for him to sleep on the couch that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she got under the covers that she wanted to hook up.

He was wrong each time.

So if she liked him, why didn’t she want to get physical with him? After all, if you’re attracted to somebody, you will want to have sex, right?

Kind of. The problem with my client is that he was thinking too much like a man. If you’re a typical guy, the only thing on your mind is the shortest point from the tip of your penis to the entrance of her vagina. You’re attracted to a woman, you want to have sex. Period.

Not so fast with women. Sure, just like men, some women will be horny right then and there and are just craving some action. Even for women who are looking for a relationship, she may be really attracted to the guy and act on impulse and sleep with him, and still want a relationship with him later on.

There is no hard rule. Every woman is different, just like every man is different, and it all depends on where they’re at in life.

A young girl in her 20′s may be really concerned about finding the right guy and want to move slowly because she wants to be romanced and to feel special. Another girl in her 20′s may be sexually open or going through a phase where she wants to sleep with a guy right away. Some women are looking for relationships and will hold off on sex until they’re in one. Some women have been burned in the past and don’t want to get hurt again. Some have children and are looking for a guy who is stable and dependable, who will be there when she needs to call on someone for support. Some women have freed themselves up sexually and all they want right now is sex (the infamous “cougar”).

But most of the time, and this is the biggest lesson a lot of guys need to learn if you really want to turn her on, is that YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW. Emotions and fantasy have to take time to cultivate and they come into play slowly, not overnight. You have to keep your pants on. You have to lead my taking small steps, being the one to end things first and knowing when to leave, letting the sexual tension build, and giving her space.

You have to be patient with the woman you’re with. Just because you’re turned on does not mean that the pants need to come flying off. For a guy, sex is the goal. No sex? Fail. For a woman, intercourse is not the goal. Cuddling counts. Making out counts. Oral sex counts. Feeling turned on and emotionally connected, these things all count as part of the bigger picture. So don’t get discouraged if she tells you to put the breaks on because you’re moving too fast. A lot of times if you get shot down, you need to listen to what she’s telling you. She’s saying she wants to take it slow and get to know you better, not that she doesn’t like you.

You need to let the sexual tension build up, you have to let her feel comfortable and safe around you, you have to let her know that you are actually interested in her as a person, interested in spending time with her, and not only that you want to have sex with her. You make sure that she knows you’re still going to be around for round two, round three, and round four.

So forget about mixed signals coming from a woman. You have to assume that she’s interested in you sexually if she’s inviting you over to spend time with you.

If you make a move and instead she wants to cuddle in bed with you the first time, that’s ok. Let her feel safe around you and build up your trust level.

If it’s the third or fourth time and she’s still pushing you away, you need to man up and ask her what’s up. She may not actually like you. She may have some hang-ups that you deserve to know about. Be up front and open. Tell her you’re into her, that you want to be intimate with her, and find out if she just wants to take things slow or if she’s not actually attracted to you.

But if you’re getting shot down the first couple dates and she still wants to see you again, that’s actually a good thing, not a failure. You’re making progress, you’re being clear with what you want, and it’s time to slow it down and take control by taking smaller steps instead of trying to go from 0 to 100 in one night.

In the beginning of the relationship, she does everything for you. Sh”s cool. You go out with your friends, she does’nt question it at all. No crazy texts. No psychotic e-mails. Nothing. You start falling for her. You think you’ve met the most incredible woman you’ve ever met in your entire life.

And then all of a sudden, she doesn’t get her way with something. And she starts using those female manipulation tactics. She starts questioning things that she was being so cool about at the beginning. All of a sudden now, she thinks you’re flirting on Facebook. Or she thinks those girls you just added as friends are women that you want to have sex with.

She actually is now trying to control your entire life. Control in a way that you don’t want to be controlled. But yet the sex is so great. She is cool most of the time, but all of a sudden you’re in this relationship with her and things are changing on a daily basis. You notice that if she doesn’t get her way, she becomes accusatory and she becomes downright mean at times. She starts using sex as a bargaining chip. She starts holding out for concert tickets, great dinners and other things. She starts talking about the future, but in that future you need to change some of the things that she was so excited about in the beginning.

You know what she’s doing guys? She’s a manipulative girlfriend. She’s a woman that basically loved you for whomever you were, but now decided that she really wants you a different way, and she will not quit until she gets her way.

Oh, she’ll make the sex great. You’ll take her to her favorite restaurant and she’ll give you the best blow job and the best sex you’ve ever had. But then she’ll take it away again the next time she doesn’t get her way.

I’m not into manipulative girlfriends. I’m not into girlfriends that try to control you and de-balls you. As far as I’m concerned, if she liked you from the beginning she should love you more where you’re at now.

Don’t be taken in by a manipulative girlfriend. Don’t be suckered in by some great sex. The bottom line is, if you’re with a manipulative woman, a woman that always wants her way, a woman that is devious and accusatory and jealous over things that don’t even exist, my suggestion to you is to run, to hide and get out of there fast.

Hmm is this really how I want to spend my Friday night?

And what if I don’t get picked by Mr Bouncer?

Actually that is a great post but today’s post has nothing to do with waiting online at a club.

Its all about the world of online dating!

There’s one tip about online dating that if you follow it, will make it much less likely that you will be disappointed when you meet people for the first time in person. Just one tip, and that’s it.

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? Any clue? Here’s the deal.

Here is the tip: When you look at someone’s pictures, be sure to look at all of them and pick out the worst picture of the bunch. If you are still attracted to them based on looking at their worst picture, then you’re much more likely to be attracted to that person when you meet them in person.

So many people put up beautiful pictures. They get professional shots taken.

Do You Think These Guys Are Datable

No one looks like they do in professional shots. Do you think that Victoria’s Secret models look like Victoria’s Secret models in real life? I live in Los Angeles and see celebrities all the time, and I don’t even recognize them most of the time.

Nobody looks as good as they do on the cover of magazines or in the movies. There’s airbrushing, there’s lighting, and there’s something called Photoshop.

It’s interesting. A friend of mine recently sent me an article from a UK newspaper that talked about how the majority of women in the UK are now Photoshopping their online dating photos to make themselves look better.

You know how annoying it is when you meet someone you met online, and they don’t look like their pictures. I think this happens most often, though, because we get all jazzed up about people’s best pictures and ignore their worst ones. It’s just human nature — we look at what looks best and ignore what looks worst.

So when we look at pictures, our eye immediately will go to and remember the best pictures. Those are the pictures that allows us to start a fantasy, and make no mistake that meeting someone online is a fantasy at first. You want them to look like their hottest picture.

What you need to is realize, and really assume, is that people you see online probably do not look like their hottest picture. When you do what I’m suggesting here and judge people you see online strictly by their worst picture, then you’re actually dating more realistically. Then if you meet someone and they do look like their hottest picture, it will just be an added bonus.

So from now on when you date online, use this test to decide whether to initiate or get involved in talking to someone. Look at the person’s worst picture and then ask yourself this question: Am I still attracted to this person? If so, then write them a clever email (or answer that person’s email) and proceed.

I rarely have the time to watch online videos but this one struck a chord.

Facebook is dumbing the world.

We no longer speak in real sentences and everything ends with BYB LOL.

We have become technology retards. The younger generation will use this form of communication over face to face and phone.

Check out the video, its funny but the social message behind it really makes you think about how we conduct ourselves today.

After watching this video how do you guys feel about facebook?

Thanks Nick for reaching out and sending me this!

How many of you find yourself typing away on the Internet, or playing on Facebook chatting up old friends that you haven’t seen in 25 years, at 11:00 each night? How many of you come home from work, watch television, get on the Internet, and then do nothing but sleep when you crawl into bed next to your lover?

Before the Internet existed, we needed to get creative to have intimacy. We actually lit candles. We actually had long conversations. We actually talked on the phone.

The Internet sucks us in now. It’s like a void. Before you know it, you have seven different windows open simultaneously with different things to which you need to respond. You might even be reading this blog instead of being in bed with the one you love.

In fourteen years of being a dating and relationship coach, I’ve found that most people retreat to the Internet because they don’t know how to retreat and connect with their lover anymore. The Internet really is one of the biggest intimacy killers.

I was recently traveling abroad with my wife, and I brought my laptop along (which I almost never do). I found myself feeling like I needed to keep in touch with people business-wise. I even found myself actually reading articles or reading the ESPN website instead of walking on the beach and connecting with my wife.

The Internet really sucks you in. It’s an addiction. It’s an addiction that could be as bad as drinking and drugs.

So many of us spend so much time on the Internet instead of spending time connecting with other people. Instead of going out and meeting actual human beings with whom we can develop a relationship, we spend time chatting online with people we barely know.

So, here’s a suggestion for everyone . . .

Bookmark a few of your favorite sites. When you get home, relax a little bit and spend some time on the Internet reading things.

Then when you have dinner with your significant other, sit there and just talk. Relax and enjoy each other’s company.

When it comes down to intimacy, if the only intimacy you are having right now is with your fingers typing on a keyboard, I strongly suggest that you start realizing how the Internet is killing any intimacy in your life. Realize how it’s killing your connection with your lover and with your friends.

Everybody Is Kung Fu Fighting.
Those cats were fast as lightning…

So, now you guys realize that not only do I give masterful dating advice, but I’m 3-0 on my football picks so far. I told you the Saints were going to beat the Lions. I told you the Jets were going to beat the Patriots. I also told you the Colts would squeak by the Dolphins last night.

Not only am I going to find you your next relationship and get you laid on your next date, but I’m actually going to put money into your pockets. I’m 3-0 already, so check back on Friday for my next pick…

Let’s talk today about Facebook fighting. How many of you are on Facebook?

For those of you who are, be sure to add me as a friend. I love seeing what my readers are up to in their life.

Today we’re going to talk about another phenomenon: Facebook fighting. Sing along to that tune with these words:
Everybody was Facebook fighting.
Those words are fast as lightening
Whenever you add a new friend of the opposite sex
You’re going to start brawling…

A friend of mine emailed me yesterday to say he and his girlfriend were fighting. Apparently his girlfriend saw that he added a friend on Facebook who was female, she wondered ‘who is this woman,’ and it caused a big fight. His girlfriend thought it was some girl he had the hots for that he added as a friend.

C’mon! Look at almost anyone’s Facebook friends. There is usually about 500 of them, and people usually only actually communicate with about one percent of those people.

I have thousands of friends on Facebook, but I couldn’t tell you about even one hundred of them. I know that Jim Almond had trouble chewing some nuts yesterday and was choking. I know someone else had hemorrhoids and decided to share that with everyone on Facebook.

I know yet another person (who supposedly is my friend) is having trouble with insomnia and wants to know how to get rid of it. I can tell him how to get rid of it. Get off Facebook late at night!

Really, though, so many people are Facebook fighting just like my friend emailed to me about what happened with his girlfriend. I mean, some new girl befriended him and his girlfriend thought he was having an affair.

People are changing their relationship status on a daily basis on Facebook. How many times do you look at someone’s page and see their relationship status listed as “It’s complicated?” Sure, it’s complicated, but do you need to tell the whole world?

Some things are private. Why do you need to announce to the whole world that you’re having problems in your relationship?

I love when people say on Facebook that they’re single again. Now that’s marketing. What a great place to date.

Facebook actually is a great place to date. Do you know why?

People put up their real picture (unlike on match.com), not their fantasy picture of how they looked ten years ago or their “body-less picture” with just their head showing. People actually put up their real photos because they think their friends are the only ones looking at them.

People don’t like a cheesy dating profile like they see so often on match.com. Facebook is also great because people tell you their real age and what they really do for a living. It seems like everyone on match.com is 29 or 39 years old, in great shape and wealthy.

On Facebook you get the truth. It’s a much better place to date because it’s not meant for dating (or is it?). People are Facebook fighting, but they’re also Facebook dating.

So, really, you should not air your dirty laundry on the Internet. No one should fight on the Internet.

I’ve heard of people breaking up on Facebook. Someone will go to their significant other’s page and all of a sudden discover they’ve been de-friended and blocked.

The Internet is wonderful and social networking sites like Facebook are wonderful for reconnecting and finding old friends. They should, however, never be used for airing your dirty laundry.

If you are Facebook fighting — and for those of you who don’t have the tune in your head already — check out this video and fight out why everyone used to be Kung Fu Fighting and are now Facebook fighting.

If you really want to see what Facebook can do to relationships check out this funny video.

A lot of us tend to repeat the past. We tend to date the same people over and over again. We tend to accumulate the same type of friends. We do these things without understanding how and why we do them.

Your past unlocks a lot of answers to a lot of questions you have in your mind. There’s a lot of great things in your past, including all the great friends and memories you’ve left behind.

The greatest thing about Facebook is all the people with whom you can reconnect. Yesterday I put up some old pictures from my childhood (like the one above), then spent a lot of the day talking to old high school and college friends to whom I sent them. I know that by posting those pictures, that I put as big a smile on their faces as looking at those pictures put on mine.

So let’s not forget the past for two reasons. First, it holds clues to your behavior — good and bad — that you need to acknowledge. Some people make the same mistakes over and over again due to bad programming they had in their past. Second, it holds beautiful memories of great things and people that have been part of your life.

In today’s podcast, I’m going to talk about the memories and the lessons of the past. Click here to check it out now:

In realizing that, I thought “I miss talking to him. He’s a really good friend and a good person.” So I decided to post a happy birthday message to him on there (his birthday is on the 22nd). I didn’t hear from him all day, which surprised me because he was kind of a wiseass and a funny guy, and I would’ve expected some kind of response from him.

So at 8:30 pm last night, I received an email from a guy whose name is very familiar to me. It said, “David, I think you should know that Ron passed away.” I sat there and just stared at the computer in shock.

He was 52 years old. I was wondering how it happened. I mean, we just IM’d about a month ago.

Well, apparently, it was one of those weird and ugly twists of fate. My friend Ron was walking through Central Park, got hit by a speed biker, fell down, cracked some ribs, and hit his head. When you land on your head in the right spot, it’s always trouble.

He spent a couple weeks in the ICU — brain swelling, bleeding, in and out of consciousness and incoherent. He couldn’t fight it and the doctors couldn’t fix him.

I spent the next little while just thinking about Ron. I remember every time we hung out.

I remember his generosity. I remember that he believed that every time you have a house guest, you always take them out to dinner and show them a good time.

I also remember his honesty. When I was in my last relationship, he was one of the first ones to tell me I wasn’t feeling the things I should have felt, and that there was no reason to continue the relationship.

This blog today, however, was not written for all of you to say, “Sorry for your loss.” I am going to another funeral tomorrow also, but I don’t want to hear, “Sorry for your loss David” from any of you. Not once. This blog is your wakeup call.

Here is what I want each and every one of you to do this weekend for me and for yourself. Put together a list of all the great people in your life, and ask yourself if you’re in contact with them.

Forget the reasons why you’re not talking to them, and spend the weekend reconnecting with all of them. Call them, email them or text them. Take the time to get in touch with someone who’s a good friend but with whom you may have lost touch.

Forget the reasons why. Life happens.

Doing this is more important this weekend than thinking with your penis and going out trying to get laid. For the women, this is more important this weekend than trying to figure out how to get the right men to approach you.

It reminds me of the Mitch Album book “One More Day.” You’re not going to get one more day with the person who meant a lot to you. Shit happens. Life happens. So stop waiting like this is the endless ride, and start reconnecting.

I don’t want to see one “I’m sorry for your loss” comments today, and if you do I’ll know you didn’t read this whole blog. What I want to hear from you instead is, “Thank you for my gain. thank you for reminding me of the importance of reconnecting with a good friend.”

“Thank you for my gain David” is all I want to hear. Have a great Friday!

This was this afternoons lead story. And just think all you need to do is facebook someone with the same name as yours.

I think we found a new way to fall in love!