The first story I saw was about a catfight between Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz is apparently now dating Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod). I think that Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson used to be friends, but according to this article they now hate each other because A-Rod is Kate Hudson’s ex-boyfriend and she is angry that Cameron Diaz is now dating him.

This story got me thinking. Why do we feel the need to be possessive about our exes?

This isn’t just a celebrity thing either. In my business, I get tons of emails from people saying things like, “Boy, I really like a friend of mine’s ex. They broke up a year ago and I’d really like to start dating her, but I don’t want to ruin the friendship with my friend.”

I don’t know about you, but if any of my friends want to date one of my exes then my feeling about is “Go for it!” I love my exes. I love my friends. They are all great people. So it would be wonderful if they got together.

I’m friends with both of them. Even if I wasn’t friends with both of them, my exes aren’t my possession anymore.

So many people, though, act like their exes are their possessions. Their feeling about anyone going out with one of their exes is, “How dare you date my ex! I won’t be friends with you anymore if you date my ex.”

I grew up in a divorced home, and I remember how my parents’ friends took sides after my parents got divorced. They became either “Mom’s friends” or “Dad’s friends.” My Mom and Dad could not both be friends with any of them. Don’t forget that we’re talking about a bunch of adults here.

One of my best friends lost a friend he’d had for thirty years after his divorce. That friend decided he could only be friends with one of them after the divorce, and decided to be friends with my friend’s ex-wife.

Your exes are not your possession. You have no right to them, and no say about whom they date or what they do. They can date whomever they want.

Granted, it would not be great if your friend started dated your ex the day you broke up. If they run into each other three or four months later and felt an attraction to each other, though, then they may be a match and should be able to date each other.

Why are you going to ruin it for them? You don’t own your ex (or your friend), and you have no right to tell either of them that they can’t date each other.

As we all know, chemistry is hard to find. Great love is hard to find.

So if your ex falls in love with your best friend, can you be mature enough to still be friends with your best friend or would you tell your friend to choose sides like a five year old? You’ve heard my thoughts on this, and now I’d like to hear from all of your thoughts on this.

There’s a two letter word in the English language: “Ex.” Nobody is anyone else’s property. Nobody.

Now, granted, you don’t want to go out and sleep with your friend’s ex-girlfriend the night after they break up. There needs to be some time that elapses.

I truly believe that you can date anyone, as long as the person who used to date them is okay. Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say your best friend dated someone for six months. It didn’t work out, and now your friend has processed the relationship, realized why it didn’t work out, and is now dating other people. In that situation, there is no reason why you can’t go out with his ex-girlfriend if you want to do so.

Nobody is anybody else’s property. Just because you dated somebody in March of 2010 does not mean that nobody else can date them in September of 2010.

It doesn’t make any sense at all. If you think about it, this person wasn’t right for you (as evidenced by the fact that you broke up). You’re no longer having sex with them, dating them or hanging out with them.

One of your friends, though, maybe got along with that person really well back when you all used to hang out together. They actually probably would have been a better couple than the two of you were. The problem is that you met her first.

There is no rule that the first one to meet her is the last one to date her. So, as far as I’m concerned, the minute someone goes back into the dating pool anyone can swim with them.

Let’s stop with these silly rules. If you are not sure about it, then sit down with your friend and say, “Hey, look, how would you feel if I dated Ginger (or MaryAnn or whoever)?” If your best friend is the Skipper or the Professor, then you’ll understand that.

How do you deal with that?

How do you deal with the ex when you see them?

We’re going to talk about that in today’s podcast.

It’s a subject into which I’ve never delved and, let me tell you, it’s pretty damn controversial.

This is one podcast you are not going to want to miss . . .

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For those of you who seem to have trouble with relationships from start to finish, check out my Dating Principles For Great Relationships product.

Anyway, do you want to know how I feel about being friends with an ex? Then you need to listen to today’s podcast.

I’m going to share something with you that’s so different from anything you’ve heard on this topic. I’m also going to tell you something about how I feel about ex’s that will lead to you (and any person you’re dating) to never again dread breaking up.

They say that ‘breaking up is hard to do,’ but I say that breaking up is amazing. Listen to the podcast now to see what I mean by that . . .

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My football record stands on its own at 12-1. 12-1 is pretty good I think. The Titans are my only blemish. So, with that, I am going to go out on a limb and tell you which teams I’m picking this week

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The Giants are going to dominate over the high school quarterback led Oakland Raiders. The Vikings will be victorious over the Rams and its equally inept quarterback. Really, the Rams aren’t rams at all; they’re more like goats.

The Ravens will beat the Bengals. I’m not buying all the hype about the Bengals yet.

Here’s another tough pick. The Eagles will beat the Buccaneers. Let me tell you, Jon Gruden is laughing every single day. They fired him? Are you kidding me?

Braylon Edwards will catch a pass and lead the Jets to a victory over the finless Dolphins. The Patriots will win big.

Denver is going down this week. Is that not the worst 4-0 team you’ve ever seen?

Dante Culpepper will wish he was still on the bench after the Steelers destroy him on Sunday. As for the Buffalo vs Cleveland game, really who cares? It’s not even worth predicting.

As for Dallas, Tony Romo better start learning that finding the end zone is not as easy as finding one of his celebrity girlfriends. Maybe he should go back and run one of his family’s rib businesses. Tony Romo notwithstanding, Dallas will squeak a win out this week.

What is it about ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends? They seem to somehow know the exact wrong time to text you.

Here you are, about to have sex with your partner, and all of a sudden there it is. You hear that certain beep telling you that you have just received a text message.

You think to yourself, “Oh man, who is texting me? It’s really late. Who is texting me?” You get nervous about those 1:00 a.m. texts that come in.

It’s nerve-racking, because the only one who should be texting you at 1:00 a.m. is the person with whom you are laying in bed at that very moment. So you keep wondering who texted, until you can’t stand it anymore and you instinctively check your phone like Pavlov’s Dog.

At first you are relieved and you think, “Whew! Thank God it’s not me.” Then all of a sudden you notice that it is your partner’s phone that is blinking. You both have the same “beep” for incoming text messages, and the beep that you heard is theirs (not yours).

Now you think to yourself, “Oh man, I know EXACTLY who just texted them. It’s the ex.”

So here you are laying in bed, either just about to have sex or just having had great sex, and you have to have “the ex talk.” You may have already had the ex talk before several times. When that ex intrudes into your personal space at 1:00 a.m., however, that ex talk goes into a whole other dimension.

You will lay there wondering what your partner is thinking and feeling. You will want to know what the emotions are that they are experiencing, and how they are feeling at that moment about their ex.

Ex’s are a very powerful influence in a relationship. Even though you are with somebody new and you are sharing amazing feelings together, you will still wonder what your partner is thinking and feeling about their ex when a text comes in like that.

You tell yourself that you are not going to let your paranoid mind take over. After all, it is you who is laying next to then (and not the ex). You are the one with whom they are now hanging out and sharing feelings.

Regardless, you have that ex talk right there and then at 1:00 a.m. You are wondering about it, and your partner really needs to let out whatever is on their mind about it.

You need to be 100% okay with whatever they say, because the topic needs to come up and your partner needs to get out what is on their mind. Eventually, your partner is going to need to confront the ex issue, because at some point the ex needs to stop holding on to whatever part of that old relationship to which they are clinging.

The key is that your partner needs to feel that there is an open space where they can talk to you no matter what is going on and no matter what they have to say. They need to feel like they can talk to you anytime and about anything, because building a relationship is all about open lines of communication. That is the only way that two people are going to get close.

I am always fine with the ex talk because I like clean slates. Both people need to have clean slates when you’re in a relationship, and sometimes you need to clean those slates together to get there.

You’ve got to deal with things. Relationships are all about supporting one another.

You know who you are … or do you?

No, I’m not talking to those of you with an affinity for handling joysticks and playing early 80′s video games with poor graphics and creatures making funny “gobbling” noises as they ate things. This open letter has nothing to do with video games.

I’m also not talking rodents or anything else that invades your living space. Hell, I’m not even talking about clutter on your desk.

The space invaders I’m talking about here are ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends (we’ll just collectively call them “ex’s” here). This open letter is directed to all of you ex’s out there who are space invaders out there torturing your ex’s.

Now I know all you space invading ex’s know who you are, and this open letter is directed to you. So listen up and pay attention!

It’s amazing. Ex’s always seem to find their way back into your life to droptheir shit all over you at the very moment when you’re most happy with someone else. It’s like they have this beacon or special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.

They will have an epiphany wherein they decide they are a new person and that they need to convince you to give your relationship with the “new them” a second chance. In their mind they will think “Wait! My ex is with someone else. How could they possibly be with someone else? I realize now that if we get back together, everything will be different because I’ve changed. They need to give our relationship another try with the new me!”

Here’s the thing that is really so crazy about these thoughts. Your ex is your ex for a reason.

They’re an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren’t able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed.

These are the reasons your ex is an ex. The same issues are still there. People don’t change, at least not in these ways. They really don’t.

Ex’s don’t go on some miracle trip or special retreat where the light bulb suddenly lights up over their head and they realize all of a sudden everything in the relationship will be different. The core of each person is still the same.

When an ex all of a sudden decides things will be different and invades your space when you are at your most happy place with someone else, the ex is doing it because in reality they are not happy. Deep down they still have feelings for you, but those feelings are all about their own issues and not about yours.

An ex’s space invading is all about their issues. The only result for you when an ex invades the sacred space you’ve set up with a new person, is that stress will be brought into your life and your current relationship for no reason at all.

So at the first sign of an ex invading your space you need to be totally upfront and honest with your ex about everything. You are doing no one any favors when you “protect an ex’s feelings” by not being totally upfront with them.

By you not being totally honest with an ex, you are actually not protecting them from hurt. In fact, you are really causing them more hurt because you are not making it clear to your ex that there will be no second chance together.

It is also important for you to completely let your past with your ex go in order for you to move forward and have the love that you really deserve. You need to also remember that each time an ex invades your space, it hurts the sacred space you are forming with the person with whom you are currently in a relationship.

You need to be as open and honest with your ex about your feelings about them and about your current relationship as you are with the person you’re currently seeing. The reason you with the person you’re currently seeing is because you feel free to be yourself in the purest form.

Now back to all of you ex’s though, because there seem to be no shortage of ex’s who are space invaders no matter what the situation or what you are told. So I implore you to consider all the following things before you engage in any more space invading activities.

It is no coincidence that so many ex’s experience the sudden revelation that they need to get their ex to give their relationship another try ONLY after that ex has found someone else with whom they are genuinely happy. You need to see this “epiphany-come-lately” for what it really is: your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that your ex is with someone else.

It is an only slightly more complicated version of the “you want them only now that you can’t have them” syndrome. While you may believe that you all of a sudden see things differently, it is really a function of feeling like you are about to lose your ex unless you say something right now.

Here’s another thing all you space invading ex’s need to remember. You are not an NFL coach gifted with a red flag that you are entitled to throw a certain number of times during a game demanding the refs review a play. You don’t get to just “decide” that your ex needs to give you and your relationship another chance and invade their space to do it.

Your ex’s touchdown (i.e., the new relationship they’ve found that is making them completely happy) stands. You don’t get to review the play. You don’t get to replay the down. Your ex’s new relationship takes place entirely in the last two minutes of the game and only they get to decide if any plays get reviewed.

Further, just because you believe you are a different person or that “things” are different than when you and your ex were together does not mean that the two of you are more compatible now than you were at the time your relationship ended. It is really irrelevant that you have made some miraculous change or turn-around in your own mind, because what ultimate made your relationship not work out with your ex was about something much deeper than that.

What made your relationship not work out the first time was that the two of you at your cores were different people, people whose hearts and souls did not have an ultimate connection. So while you very truly may have made some changes, deep down you are the same person (and so is your ex). You were two people with whom you did not share that ultimate peaceful feeling you have with someone with whom you share a true soul connection.

Ex’s also seem to inevitably show up at absolutely the most inopportune times. So many space invading ex’s seem to operate under the delusion that they are starring in their own romantic comedy movie.

You know the basic plot line: Boy had girl. Boy loses girl (becoming the “Ex”). Ex doesn’t think twice about girl he lost until girl finds someone else. Ex has “the epiphany” moment that he loves girl and needs to get her back (thus becoming a space invading ex). Space Invading Ex discovers that girl’s new boy is not the good guy that girl believes him to be and that HE is the right man for her. Space Invading Ex sets up large scheme to crash girl’s wedding/relationship and declare his true love to girl. Space Invading Ex gets girl back in entertaining romantic wedding-crashing scene.

Ahh – the tears fly, women frantically search for tissues in their purse. It all seems so romantic! This is great entertainment and is very fun to watch in your local movie theater … but is not a good model to follow in real life.

Think about what this typical movie plot line involves, and what you have to assume to make it the great romantic story that is shown. First, notice that each and every one of these films rests on the major premise that the Space Invading Ex IS the right man for the girl and that the girl’s current guy is in reality NOT such a great guy.

As we’ve discussed, and as all you space invading ex’s know is true, that is not what is going on in your situation. Your ex is in a relationship with someone who is making them truly happy. You are not Patrick Demsey or Hugh Grant, so you need to stop trying to play the lead in this kind of movie plot with your ex!

Another flaw in these movie plots is that they paint the Space Invading Ex as the “hero” doing his ex a favor by exposing the rotten current boyfriend and having the Ex declare his undying love to her. Think about what you are really doing by being the space invading ex.

When you are a space invading ex into a relationship where your ex is genuinely happy, your invasion into that space is not romantic – it is selfish. Really, that’s what it is in its true sense.

Think about it. When you invade your ex’s space, you are bringing stress not only to your ex but to their relationship. Stated simply, you are bringing unhappiness into your ex’s happy space. The only person who is served by this space invasion is YOU.

Also, consider how you would feel if you were in a relationship with someone and that person’s ex continued to invade your relationship space. How do you think it feels to know that your significant other has been on the phone throughout the day with their ex. Let me tell you how it feels. It makes you feel disconnected with your significant other when someone is invading your relationship space. You can feel it happening. Then when you get emails from your significant other telling you how emotionally drained they feel because their ex keeps calling, it causes you to feel emotionally drained yourself. You become emotionally drained because you start wondering what your significant other’s ex said, and what your significant other thinks and feels about what the ex said.

After connecting with your significant other at an emotional and spiritual level deeper than than you have with anyone in your life, to be in the dark about what was said by an ex is a terrible feeling. You want to be there for them and to help them through this, but you also don’t want to be in the dark yourself. Also, this space invasion causes your ex’s energy to be directed totally away from their currently happy relationship, and into a place where they shouldn’t have to explain themselves.

Many space invading ex’s will invade an ex’s happy relationship space under the guise of “wanting to become friends.” This is another very selfish act dressed up as an altruistic one. You can’t be friends with all of your ex’s. It all comes down to whether you and your ex were friends in the first place. If you were, then you would not be invading their relationship space in this way. You would already be a part of their life.

You trying to create this sudden friendship with your ex when it wasn’t there before is again nothing more than a selfish act, because a true friend would not want to cause their friend all this stress and pain. A true friend would see that their ex had moved on and has given their heart to someone else, and would not want to do something to directly disrupt that.

Finally, a bit of advice to all you space invading ex’s. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why you all of a sudden feel the urgent need to get your ex back is that you see them feeling the kind of peace, connection and happiness with someone that you wish you had in your own life?

Instead of invading your ex’s happy relationship space and causing damage to the happiness they are feeling, why not instead take your ex’s happiness as the inspiration for you to go out there and find the same kind of happiness for yourself. This is the perfect time to work on yourself so you can find the same kind of true soul connection that your ex has found.

So, to all of you space invading ex’s, I hope this open letter has opened your eyes to what kind of impact your space invading is really having on your ex and their relationship. If you are someone who still has feelings for an ex who has moved on and found a truly happy relationship with someone else, then it’s time you let them move on and be happy.

It’s time that the only space invading you do from here on out is with a joystick and on a vintage arcade game. Stop pining over an ex who is not the right person for you … and stop torturing that ex you claim to love so much!

Start working on yourself so you can cultivate a wonderful relationship for you with someone with whom you share a true and deep heart and soul connection. Maybe once you find them, the four of you can meet up at an arcade for a friendly game of Space Invaders…

Ok got that put there…..now check out how 2 guys try to meet a few gals in Bed Bath and Beyond.

In this video you are going to find out what beyond really means!!
Have a great Saturday, time to take Daphne for a run on the beach!

Just when you think nothing can disrupt that amazing relationship place, it happens. Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend (we’ll just collectively refer to them as the “ex”) starts contacting you. They start calling you, sending you text messages and leaving you voicemail messages. They want you to give your relationship with them another try.

It’s amazing. Ex’s always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all their issues on you at the very moment when you’re most happy with someone else. It’s like they have a special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.

So what do you do? How do you respond to this crusade to win you back? Many people, out of the best of intentions and out of a residual feeling of caring for their ex, will not be totally honest in how they respond. Not wanting to hurt their ex, many people will either not give their ex a definitive “no” to their request and/or will downplay the depth of their feelings and commitment to their current significant other.

This is not the best way to respond to an ex. Although not intended as such, this kind of “soft pedal” response to an ex actually is damaging to all parties involved as well as to your current relationship. Here are four reasons why you need to be totally open with your ex:

1. Your Ex Will Believe There Is A Chance Until You Tell Them Otherwise: An ex who comes to you after having an “epiphany” wherein they decide they are a new person and that you need to give your relationship with the “new them” a second chance, feel very strongly that their epiphany is a truth. They believe with absolute certainty that what they feel is the right thing for both of you. When you respond to an ex in this situation, then, you must keep any measure of ambiguity out of your response. It is imperative that you are clear.

If you do not respond to an ex’s plea with a very definitive “no,” your ex will continue to believe there is still some chance to convince you to say yes. You need to be totally honest with your ex and tell them that there is no chance that the two of you will get back together. You need to be completely open about the fact that you are not only with someone else, but that you are with someone for whom you have very deep and intense feelings.

2. You Are Not Sparing Your Ex’s Feelings: As I indicated above, you need to be totally upfront and honest with your ex about everything at the first sign that they are seeking to try to reconcile with you. You are doing no one any favors when you “protect an ex’s feelings” by not being totally upfront with them. When you fail to be totally open and honest with your ex, you are not protecting them from hurt. You are instead causing them more hurt because you are not making it clear to your ex that there will be no second chance together.

You need to realize that when an ex decides they need to reconcile with you the minute they discovery you are at your most happy place with someone else, your ex is doing this because in reality they are not happy. Deep down they still have feelings for you, but those feelings are all about their own issues and not about yours. So you need to clearly dispel any thoughts in your ex’s head that their perceived feelings are about you, so that they can see that they need to address their own issues which are the real cause of their unhappiness. To fail to do this will only ultimately cause your ex more hurt down the line.

3. You Are Hurting Yourself: It is also important for you to completely let your past with your ex go in order for you to move forward and have the love that you really deserve. When you allow an ex who has invaded your space to linger there, you are causing yourself a lot of unnecessary hurt and preventing yourself from progressing on your own emotional path.

You already know that your ex is an ex for very important reasons. They’re an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren’t able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed. You are with someone currently who does meet all of of these needs for you, so you need to completely let your past go so you can concentrate on the person with whom you are developing a true and deep connection.

4. You Are Causing Damage To Your Current Relationship: You need to also remember that each time an ex invades your space, it hurts the sacred space you are forming with the person with whom you are currently in a relationship. The only result for you when an ex invades the sacred space you’ve set up with a new person, is that stress will be brought into your life and your current relationship for no reason at all.

You have met someone with whom you have been developing and experiencing a true soul connection. Allowing your ex to continue to bring stress and pain to you and to your relationship dynamic will inevitably put a strain on the bond you’re building with your significant other. Your current significant other will feel disconnected from you both by your involvement in dealing with your ex, but also in their frustration in being completely unable to help you. There is no reason to allow an ex who will not be a part of your life to affect the amazing connection you have been creating.

So the next time an ex comes into your life when you are happily involved with someone else, you need to be wise in how you respond. You need to be as open and honest with your ex about your feelings about them and about your current relationship as you are with the person you’re currently seeing. The reason you with the person you’re currently seeing is because you feel free to be yourself in the purest form. It is in everyone’s best interest that you do so. So even though it is not always easy, being completely open and honest with an ex is the kindest thing you can do for your ex, for your current relationship and for yourself.

No, I’m not talking to those of you with an affinity for handling joysticks and playing early 80′s video games with poor graphics and creatures making funny “gobbling” noises as they ate things. This open letter has nothing to do with video games. I’m also not talking rodents or anything else that invades your living space. I’m not even talking about clutter on your desk that gets in your way.

The space invaders I’m talking about here are ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends (we’ll just collectively call them “ex’s” here). This open letter is directed to all of you ex’s out there who are space invaders tormenting your ex’s.

Now I know all you space invading ex’s know who you are, and this open letter is directed to you. So listen up and pay attention!

It’s amazing. Ex’s always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all of their own issues all over you at the very moment when you’re most happy with someone else. It’s like they have some kind of special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.

They will have an epiphany wherein they decide they are a new person and that they need to convince you to give your relationship with the “new them” a second chance. In their mind they will think “Wait! My ex is with someone else. How could they possibly be with someone else? I realize now that if we get back together, everything will be different because I’ve changed. They need to give our relationship another try with the new me!”

This whole train of thought misses a critical point: your ex is your ex for a reason. They’re an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren’t able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed.

Regardless, there seems to be no shortage of ex’s who are space invaders. So to all of you space invading ex’s out there, here are seven reasons for you to stop invading your ex’s space immediately:

1. Recognize What Your “Epiphany-Come-Lately” Really Means: It is no coincidence that so many ex’s experience the sudden revelation that they need to convince their ex to give their relationship another try ONLY after that ex has found someone else with whom they are genuinely happy. You need to see this “epiphany-come-lately” for what it really is: your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that your ex is with someone else.

It is an only slightly more complicated version of the “you only want them now that you can’t have them” syndrome. While you may believe that you all of a sudden see things differently, it is really a function of feeling like you are about to lose your ex unless you say something right now.

2. You Are Not Entitled To A “Review” Of Your Relationship: Here’s another thing all you space invading ex’s need to remember. You are not an NFL coach. You are not given a relationship red flag that entitles you to demand that your ex review your relationship and give you a chance to “replay the down.”

So, just because you decide that you and your ex need to revisit the wisdom of your breakup does not mean that your ex has to agree to participate. If your ex does not want to do it, you cannot (and should not try to) force them.

3. The Real Reason Your Relationship Ended Hasn’t Changed: Just because you believe you have changed, and you indeed may have changed, that does not alter the real reason your relationship ended in the first place. Further, just because you believe you are a different person or that “things” are different than when you and your ex were together, that does not mean that the two of you are more compatible now than you were at the time your relationship ended. It is really irrelevant that you have made some miraculous change or turn-around in your own mind, because what ultimately made your relationship not work out with your ex was about something much deeper than that.

What made your relationship not work out the first time was that the two of you at your cores were different people, people whose hearts and souls did not have an ultimate connection. So while you very truly may have made some changes, deep down you are the same person (and so is your ex). You were two people who did not share that ultimate peaceful feeling you have with someone with whom you share a true soul connection.

4. Life Is Not Like A Movie: – So many space invading ex’s seem to operate under the delusion that they are starring in their own romantic comedy movie. You know the basic plot line: Boy had girl. Boy loses girl (becoming the “ex”). Ex doesn’t think twice about girl he lost until girl finds someone else. Ex has “the epiphany” moment that he loves girl and needs to get her back (thus becoming the “space invading ex”). Space invading ex discovers that girl’s new boy is not the good guy that girl believes him to be, and that space invading ex is the right man for her. Space invading ex sets up elaborate plan to crash girl’s wedding/relationship and declare his true love to girl. Space invading ex gets girl back in dramatic and romantic wedding-crashing scene. All across movie theaters everywhere, sentimental choruses of “Aw!” can be heard as tear-soaked women frantically search for tissues in their purse. It all seems so romantic!

This is great entertainment and is very fun to watch in your local movie theater … but is not a good model to follow in real life. Think about what this typical movie plot line involves, and what you have to assume to make it the great romantic story that is shown. First, notice that each and every one of these films rests on the major premise that the space invading ex is the right man for the girl and that the girl’s current guy is (unbeknownst to the girl) not such a great guy. As we’ve discussed, and as all of you space invading ex’s know to be the case with your ex, that is not what is going on in your situation. Your ex is in a relationship with someone who is making them truly happy. You are not Patrick Dempsey or Hugh Grant (or Julia Roberts for you female space invading ex’s), so you need to stop trying to play the lead in this kind of movie plot with your ex!

Another flaw in these movie plots is that they paint the space invading ex as the “hero” doing his ex a favor by exposing the rotten current boyfriend and having the girl find true happiness when the space invading ex declares his undying love to her. Think about what you are really doing, though, by being the space invading ex. When you are invading your ex’s space in a relationship where your ex is genuinely happy, your invasion into that space is not romantic – it is selfish. Really, that’s what it is in its true sense. Think about it. When you invade your ex’s space, you are bringing stress not only to your ex but to their relationship. Stated simply, you are bringing unhappiness into your ex’s happy space. The only person who is served by this space invasion is YOU.

5. Think How You Would Feel: Another person you need to consider if you are a space invading ex is your ex’s current significant other. You need to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Consider how you would feel if you were in a relationship with someone and that person’s ex continued to invade your relationship space. How do you think it feels to know that your significant other has been on the phone throughout the day with their ex. Let me tell you how it feels. When someone is invading your relationship space, it makes you feel disconnected with your significant other. You can feel it happening.

Then when you get emails from your significant other telling you how emotionally drained they feel because their ex keeps calling, it causes you to feel emotionally drained yourself. You become emotionally drained because you start wondering what your significant other’s ex said, and what your significant other thinks and feels about what the ex said.

After connecting with your significant other at an emotional and spiritual level deeper than you have with anyone else, to be in the dark about what was said by an ex is a terrible feeling. You want to be there for them and to help them through this, but you also don’t want to be in the dark yourself. This space invasion likewise causes your ex’s energy to be directed totally away from their currently happy relationship.

6. You Can’t Create A Friendship If There Wasn’t Already One: Many space invading ex’s will invade an ex’s happy relationship space under the guise of “wanting to become friends.” This is another very selfish act dressed up as an altruistic one. You can’t be friends with all of your ex’s. It all comes down to whether you and your ex were friends in the first place. If you were, then you would not be invading their relationship space in this way. You would already be a part of their life.

Your attempt to create this sudden friendship with your ex when it wasn’t there before is again nothing more than a selfish act, because a true friend would not want to cause their friend all this stress and pain. A true friend would see that their ex had moved on and has given their heart to someone else, and would not want to do something to directly disrupt that.

7. You Need To Switch Your Focus: Finally, a bit of advice to all you space invading ex’s. Did it ever occur to you that the reason why you all of a sudden feel the urgent need to get your ex back is that you see them feeling the kind of peace, connection and happiness with someone that you wish you had in your own life? You should therefore see this revelation as an opportunity to work on yourself and find for yourself what your ex has found.

Instead of invading your ex’s happy relationship space and causing damage to the happiness they are feeling, why not instead take your ex’s happiness as the inspiration for you to go out there and find the same kind of happiness for yourself. This is the perfect time to work on yourself so you can find the same kind of true soul connection that your ex has found.

So, to all of you space invading ex’s, I hope this open letter has opened your eyes to what kind of impact your space invading is really having on your ex and their relationship. If you are someone who still has feelings for an ex who has moved on and found a truly happy relationship with someone else, then it’s time you let them move on and be happy.

It’s time that the only space invading you do from here on out is with a joystick and on a vintage arcade game. Stop pining over an ex who is not the right person for you … and stop torturing that ex you claim to love so much!

Start working on yourself so you can cultivate a wonderful relationship for you with someone with whom you share a true and deep heart and soul connection. Maybe once you find them, the four of you can meet up at an arcade for a friendly game of Space Invaders…