So you are out on a date with somebody, it goes fairly well. Pretty soon, you’re waiting for them to call you back and you become obsessed about that person. You call up all your friends to try to figure out what you did right, what may have gone wrong, when they might call you, or why didn’t they haven’t called you yet.

“How come they didn’t call! What did I do wrong?”

And then all of sudden it’s six weeks later, you’ve been talking about this person constantly, and you haven’t dated anybody else since that date. You basically just wasted six weeks of your dating life.

Here is the deal: if you go out on a date and your date never calls you back afterwards––it’s over. Once it’s over, there’s no reason to think about it ever again. That person was not your dream person, that person was not your soul mate, that person was not the person you really wanted them to be since you went out on that date.

What you need to do is realize that all of that time that you’re wasting being obsessed about somebody you once dated and who doesn’t feel the same way about you is really just time wasted not going out and meeting anybody else. It’s time wasted not living your life the way you want to; time wasted on somebody that doesn’t give a damn about you; time wasted on a person who won’t even give you the time to call you back.

That’s the reality of it. This person who you’re obsessing over did not care enough about you to call you back. So now what do you do with that? You stop thinking about that person, you stop obsessing over that person, and you start realizing that there are so many more people out there. The world is abundant. There is an inventory of amazing single people to date everywhere you look.

I’m tired of the complaining, I’m tired of the obsessions.

Now is the time for you to get real with yourself, and stop the complaining, the whining, and start reengaging with the people around you.

Look at your life right now. Look at the people you’ve dated that didn’t work out. Look at how many hours and how many days you’ve obsessed about those people and think to yourself, “Why did I do it? Why did I drive everybody crazy talking about it?”

Stop.

. . .

It’s 2012. You’re all growns up now. Let the past be the past. Look around you and be grateful for all the attractive people you’re going to be dating soon.

Now get out there and engage life. Stop obsessing and get into your best relationship yet.

You deserve it.

PS. Whatever you do, don’t be this guy.

You’ve heard so many nightmare stories about it. You’ve heard about children acting up. You’ve heard about the lack of intimate one-on-one time.

There are so many things that can potentially go wrong. There is no spontaneity. Everything you’ve heard about children is multiplied by twenty because this kid isn’t even yours.

You’ve also heard about the tenacious sex drive that single moms have. Because they’re with the kids five days a week and they only have two days free, in those two days they need to satisfy all their urges. They want to have sex, but they’re not about wasting time because their free time is so limited.

So here you are. You’ve met an amazing woman and you’re dating “the single mom.” This is something you’ve never wanted. Welcome to one of the toughest times of your adult adolescence, because this is the time that you are forced to grow up faster than ever before.

I remember when I was living in Boulder, Colorado. I met a great woman named Denise who was beautiful and sexy. Everything about her was perfect, except she she had a four year old kid (and a boyfriend at the time too).

I remember that I would flirt with her every time I saw her. About a year later after flirting with her and being friends with her boyfriend, she came to my office one day and told me that she wanted to take me to dinner.

We went out to dinner. At dinner she looked at me and basically told me she was in love with me. I didn’t know what to do. I just really never wanted to adopt someone else’s kid, and she knew this.

So a few weeks later, she actually dropped her kid off for a few hours at my office. It was torture. It was hell. I was exhausted. I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment.

I moved to San Diego. About six months later, I actually called her and said, “Moving to San Diego and walking away from you was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.” By that time she had met someone else.

I wasn’t ready to date a woman with a kid. I wasn’t really mature enough. I realized, though, that not doing it was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.

It’s true that there are going to be limitations when you date a woman who has a kid. She is still a woman, though, and she still has needs, wants and desires.

Also, it’s true that the child isn’t yours and that it is not a dream situation. In life, though, we can try to live the dream situation or we can just live life and take things as they come.

In life, everything doesn’t go according to plan. Everything doesn’t go the way you think it’s supposed to go.

So if you meet an incredible who has a child, and the child has a father who is in his or her life, then all that woman is looking for from you is to be a great man for her. When you spend time with the kid, enjoy the kid.

Kids are beautiful. Kids are great. You can learn a lot of things about yourself through the child.

She doesn’t need a substitute dad. She just needs you to be her boyfriend, to be her man.

So if you’re dating a single mother, enjoy it! This woman may have a child, but you may not be able to meet another great woman like her.

This is a great time in your life. It enables you to grow and experience things that you never thought you would experience. So, enjoy that single mother!

I was about 33 when I got divorced. After my divorce, I remember my buddy Rich and I went out to a bar. I was standing in that bar drinking a Margarita, and all of a sudden I realized I was “him.” I was that older guy in a bar full of 20-somethings, nursing a drink and looking at women. At that moment I realized that those days were over for me.

Do you want to be ‘that guy?’ I never wanted to be that guy standing in a bar. There wasn’t any joy anymore being in a bar. I wanted to meet real women.

I didn’t want to get involved in idle chit-chat about nothing, meet somebody when they were drunk, call them the next day and have to remind them of the conversation we had. I was past that point in my life. I wanted to meet someone real.

So let’s talk about what to do after you get divorced. The first thing you need to do is make sure you clear your mind. Don’t go out and start trying to meet women just because your wife has left you (or because you left your wife).

Spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself again.

Start to think about what YOU really want. What are you looking for in life? With what type of woman do you want to spend your time? What did you learn from your last relationship?

Think about how you feel right now. Are you happy? Are you sad?

Spend time by yourself. Take some time to hang out with friends and get to know them again. Spend some time doing “guy things.” Enjoy yourself and don’t even think about women.

Once you’ve done this, then the next step is to actually go out there and start meeting women doing things that you enjoy. You don’t want to be that guy standing in the corner of a bar or nightclub wondering if you’re going to meet women.

Instead, think about what you like to do. Make a list of five things that you really enjoy doing — five things that are really important to you and five places you’d like to really be seen.

I remember doing this exact exercise when I was 35 years old. I found that I really enjoyed meeting women when I was “out and about.”

I enjoyed meeting women in supermarkets because I always had something to talk about with them (since food is a passion of mine). I enjoyed meeting women at coffee shops because I enjoy drinking a cup of tea. I really enjoyed meeting women when I was working out. I enjoyed meeting women when I was at the movies if I was able to talk to them before the movie or after the movie.

I wanted to meet women who shared the same interests as me. I wanted to meet a woman who was really like me — someone who likes to travel, eat great food and stay healthy.

That’s important. You want to really start figuring out who you are and what you’re all about. That way, when you are out meeting people you won’t make the same mistakes.

In all my years of coaching men in dating and relationships, I’ve found that men who jump back into the dating world too soon after a breakup or a divorce tend to find the same woman over and over again (and tend to marry the same woman again). They do it because that same woman is what they are used to.

So learn from your experience and from your last relationship. Embrace all the lessons from that relationship so that you can go out and find what you really want. You deserve it. Whether your last relationship ended because she left you or you left her, you deserve to be able to get back out there and find what you want.

Well now your friend is about to marry a crazy one. What do you do?

Let’s add a little fun dimension to this. You’re at a party one night. You open the bathroom door and that crazy lunatic woman is making out with another guy only a few months before your friend is scheduled to marry her.

She looks at you and she smiles. Then she corners you and says, “Don’t say anything to him. That was just an ex, and I really needed to just get that out of my system before we got married.”

What do you say to your friend, knowing he is about to marry this crazy one? Is it your place to say anything to him? I think it is, and I’m going to share something with you from my own personal experience.

Back in 1987, my best friend Mark was about to marry a woman I didn’t particularly like. I’ve known Mark since I was seven years old. I didn’t particularly like her because I found her to be very controlling and a little uptight sexually. From what he described to me, she just seemed like she had an underlying plan and I didn’t trust her.

When I asked him how the sex was with her, he said it wasn’t that great but was nice enough. He told me he wasn’t even that attracted to her, but that he felt he should marry her because she was the nicest woman he’d ever met.

That’s the problem about being in your mid 20′s. We tend to go off and marry someone who’s just so nice to us, but yet we’re not really into them.

About a month before Mark’s wedding, I confronted him and I told him that I didn’t think he should marry that woman. I also told him all the reasons why I didn’t think he should marry her. I had it all written down on a piece of paper, so I wouldn’t forget anything.

Do you know what happened? He ended up marrying her anyway, and I wasn’t the best man at the wedding.

Guess what happened fourteen years later? You got it . . . He had to write a really big check when the two of them got divorced. He had to move out of the house he bought.

Being the controlling woman I knew she was, she of course started manipulating the kids and telling them what a horrible father they have. Now two years after the divorce — after all the messes and financial cleanup has been done — his own kids don’t talk to him.

A real and true friend will be honest regardless of what the outcome is going to be. Your friend will make whatever decision he is going to make no matter what. He may marry the crazy, manipulative woman or he may listen to you. He may actually open his eyes and realize you are only looking out for his best interest. Regardless of what decision he makes, a true friend will still tell him how he feels.

Welcome to a really hard time of adult adolescence called honesty with your friends. Don’t sugarcoat things any more.

They’re dating a nut or are about to marry a crazy woman, then you as their friend better try to shake them into reality. They may be dating that woman or marrying that woman based on their own insecurities or their own fear of not being able to meet someone else. They lack an abundance mentality when it comes down to meeting women.

So you need to wake them up — and wake them up fast — because that divorce is going to cost them a lot of money in the future.

Whether you are currently married or are recently divorced, I want you to think about whether there was ever a time that you really forget that you are someone’s husband or wife. This is a really important thing that most of us don’t think about nearly enough — or at all.

We have so many different roles in our lives. Some of us are bosses, and some of us are employees. Some of us are parents, and some of us are not. For those of us who are married, though, we always have to play the role of husband or wife.

I am a firm believer that when you are married, your spouse is number one. Your kids came into your life because they were created by you and your spouse. Also, by showing your kids that your spouse is number one — someone you find amazing whom you honor — you are showing your kids how to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex as they grow older.

I think a lot of couples split up because they forget about how to be each other’s husband and wife. A mother becomes a mother and she forgets to be a wife. A man becomes a father, and maybe he becomes a workaholic who forgets to be a husband.

How To Be A Good Husband

I truly believe that there are times in relationships when couples do this to each other. When they do this, it becomes very destructive to their relationship because it makes the other person feel not wanted, not needed and not desired.

So ask yourself if you have ever made your spouse feel this way. If you and your spouse have separated, ask yourself if this might be one of the causes. Maybe you forgot how to be the other person’s husband or wife.

Today’s blog is all about taking responsibility for everything that has happened in your life (or that is happening in your life right now). Stop blaming other people — stop blaming your spouse — and start looking in the mirror.

It’s amazing. As each year passes, there seems to be less news and more pop culture dressed up as news.

It seems like all anyone was talking about was Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson’s divorce announcement, and the seemingly impending breakup of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ marriage. Apparently Katie wants to leave Tom, and the battle over daughter Suri will be a fierce one.

Do We Really Care?

The news — and television in general — nowadays is all all about other people’s “stuff” and exposing all of their personal business in the public arena. This is especially true when it comes to exposing the intimate details of other people’s love life.

People can’t seem to get enough of hearing about celebrity divorces. There are also just so many dating shows out there. They have figured out about every angle there is about dating . . . and divorce.

Think about the show The Millionaire Matchmaker. Can’t millionaires find love?

I’m sure you’ve seen at least some of these shows. If you have, then you know that it is no mystery why a lot of these people can’t find love. They are too dysfunctional to find love.

What has this to do with us and our own dating lives? Well too many people are so caught up in everybody else’s “stuff” (the drama and the garbage going on in everybody else’s dating life), that they don’t do enough work on themselves.

Let’s say you’re divorced. Where are you going to turn for guidance or inspiration for how to get healthy emotionally and move forward? Where are you going to learn how to get back in the dating scene if you’ve been married and haven’t dated in years? You’re certainly not going to gain anything by reading up on how a celebrity feels about being divorced, because their life is totally different than yours.

Think about who you’re reading about in terms of people dealing with and moving forward after a divorce. Hugh Hefner is getting married . . . again. At 85, he has found love again after divorce.

Really? At age 85 he found love with a 24 year old? Lust maybe, or maybe amazement that a 24 year old finds you (and not just your money) attractive.

We read so much about these celebrities, and we watch so many of these dating shows, that all people are hearing is very celebrity-geared advice. There’s no real advice on these shows.

There are no shows out there about how to really move forward after a divorce, and how to go out there again and start dating. There are no shows that have the message, “Hey you’re divorced and you need to learn how to date all over again. We’re going to show you how to do that.”

If there was a show like that, it would probably be called “Divorce Survivor” (or something like that) and I can envision exactly how it would be structured. They would have a group of divorced people who would battle one another and sleep with each other’s ex-spouses as they were trying to be the last one standing to win money at the end of the show.

There is no good, “real truth” advice for people like you and I who go through a real-world divorce. I’ve been divorced, and I know what it’s like to go back out there into the dating world after that. I know what it’s like be dating again and to be thinking, “Wow, I have to get back out there after all these years.”

Here is some great advice for you if you are in this place in your life right now. I’ve written this before, but it is some of the best advice you can hear about this: Focus just on you and your own life.

Choose only one person right now from whom you are going to take advice (so you don’t get conflicting advice). Whom should you choose? The person you need to get advice from is yourself.

Sure, you can read books and check out my blog posts, but what I really want all of you to do first is to figure out where YOU want your life to be post-divorce.

Concentrate on what you really want. What type of man or woman do you want to meet? What did you learn from your past relationships?

Don’t compare yourself to anybody else — not your friends, your neighbor or any celebrity. Look at you and your personal situation. Enjoy the process.

That’s why I recently wrote that blog about getting rid of bitterness and forgiving after a divorce. When I say this, I am talking not just about forgiving your ex, but also about forgiving yourself.

So what I want all of you to do this week is to come up with a game plan. Write down all the places you go where there are women (or men) you’d like to meet. Then when you’re out at these places every single day, start saying hello. start being more open and communicating.

Put down the iPhone or the BlackBerry. Stop thinking about work. Take a break from worrying about what your kids are doing at that moment.

Start being 100% present in the moment. When you’re out and about becoming more open and being friendly, people will want to meet you and be in your space.

There’s a big world out there. So start looking outside and make that list right now. Sit down in front of your computer and make out your list of all the places you see people that you’re attracted to.

Then set a goal for yourself and get out there the next day to achieve it. Your first goal could be to say hello to three people. Do that for a week, and then set your next goal. Maybe your next goal will be to start actually talking to people and asking how they are doing. It doesn’t matter what it is; it only matters that you do it.

The greatest thing about divorce is that you get to do the dating thing this time around with all the knowledge and wisdom you have learned from your past relationship. You can have fun dating and find true love.

Dating is fun, and falling in love is amazing. All of you deserve that.

So get out from behind the computer. Stop worrying about how celebrities are handling their divorces and their lives, and start being open to all the wonderful opportunities available to you in the post-divorce world.

To tip or not to tip?

When you get takeout food, do you tip or not tip? When you grab takeout food, what really does the register person actually do? Think about what they’re doing. The kitchen cooks the food. The kitchen usually puts the food into whatever container in which it will go out to you.

So what is that register person usually doing? Taking down the order, putting it in a brown paper bag and handing it to you. They also have to work the front desk and ring up the order, but isn’t that their job?

Isn’t that what they get paid to do? Nevertheless, it seems that every single place you pick up (or take out) from has a tip jar and a place designated on the credit card receipt to put a tip. Not only that, but most times they will stare at you while you fill out the credit card receipt so that you feel like you are being guilted into leaving a tip.

I don’t leave a tip when I get takeout. It’s called takeout for a reason. If you are the person giving me my takeout, you are not serving me. You’re not getting me water and drinks. I’m not asking you to anything but pack my food into a bag. That’s it.

So the question I have for all of you is this: Do you tip on takeout?

I don’t, not because I am cheap but because I feel that putting together the takeout orders is what they are being paid for by the restaurant. I’m already paying the money for the food. I don’t really need to hand somebody $5.00 for putting that food in a bag.

How about at places other than restaurants, like at a Starbucks? Do you tip at Starbucks?

I don’t. They chose to work at Starbucks. I don’t feel like I have to tip for someone pouring me a cup of coffee.

We have been over-tipping as a society. There are tip cups in coffee shops, donut stores, delis and ice cream parlors. People always want a tip. If we tipped every single person out there, we’d be broke at the end of the day.

So here’s a tip for you. If you want to work for tips, get a job as a bartender or a waiter. I was a bartender for seven years, so I know what it’s like to hustle and work for tips. If you want a cushy job working behind a counter, and don’t want to hustle for tips, then don’t expect them.

So tell me what you guys think. To tip or not to tip . . . that is the question.

John took one of my bootcamp’s that I had in London several years ago and he had something that he needed my help on.

John, being in the Christmas spirit, also volunteered to share his email with all of you.

Today I am going to talk about why being alone is the most powerful and amazing growth time in your life.

For those of you who have ended a relationship this year, today’s podcast will really hit home for you.

For the rest of you, listen and embrace the power of you.

One last thing. Today’s podcast has a very special announcement that will shock all of you!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

After my divorce, I remember my buddy Rich and I went out to a bar. I was standing in that bar drinking a Margarita, and all of a sudden I realized I was “him.” I was that older guy in a bar full of 20-somethings, nursing a drink and looking at women. At that moment I realized that those days were over for me.

Do you want to be ‘that guy?’ I never wanted to be that guy standing in a bar. There wasn’t any joy anymore being in a bar. I wanted to meet real women.

I didn’t want to get involved in idle chit-chat about nothing, meet somebody when they were drunk, call them the next day and have to remind them of the conversation we had. I was past that point in my life. I wanted to meet someone real.

So let’s talk about what to do after you get divorced. The first thing you need to do is make sure you clear your mind. Don’t go out and start trying to meet women just because your wife has left you (or because you left your wife).

Spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself again.

Start to think about what YOU really want. What are you looking for in life? With what type of woman do you want to spend your time? What did you learn from your last relationship?

Think about how you feel right now. Are you happy? Are you sad?

Spend time by yourself. Take some time to hang out with friends and get to know them again. Spend some time doing “guy things.” Enjoy yourself and don’t even think about women.

Once you’ve done this, then the next step is to actually go out there and start meeting women doing things that you enjoy. You don’t want to be that guy standing in the corner of a bar or nightclub wondering if you’re going to meet women.

Instead, think about what you like to do. Make a list of five things that you really enjoy doing — five things that are really important to you and five places you’d like to really be seen.

I remember doing this exact exercise when I was 35 years old. I found that I really enjoyed meeting women when I was “out and about.”

I enjoyed meeting women in supermarkets because I always had something to talk about with them (since food is a passion of mine). I enjoyed meeting women at coffee shops because I enjoy drinking a cup of tea. I really enjoyed meeting women when I was working out. I enjoyed meeting women when I was at the movies if I was able to talk to them before the movie or after the movie.

I wanted to meet women who shared the same interests as me. I wanted to meet a woman who was really like me — someone who likes to travel, eat great food and stay healthy.

That’s important. You want to really start figuring out who you are and what you’re all about. That way, when you are out meeting people you won’t make the same mistakes.

In all my years of coaching men in dating and relationships, I’ve found that men who jump back into the dating world too soon after a breakup or a divorce tend to find the same woman over and over again (and tend to marry the same woman again). They do it because that same woman is what they are used to.

So learn from your experience and from your last relationship. Embrace all the lessons from that relationship so that you can go out and find what you really want. You deserve it. Whether your last relationship ended because she left you or you left her, you deserve to be able to get back out there and find what you want.

You know, not too many people ever give that kind of weird look. They might give an indifferent look meaning they were not attracted to you or not really into talking to you, but that is fine.

Do you know how many times I walk up and talk to someone and they don’t want to talk to me, and then give me an indifferent look and walk away? It happens to everyone, and it’s no big deal.

Why? Because you do the same thing whether you realize it or not. If someone comes up and talks to you and you’re not in the mood to be talked to, you give that same look of indifference.

We do this to each other every day, but yet when you’re out trying to meet the opposite sex and it happens then you freak out. You act like it’s the end of the world, and it makes you never want to approach anyone ever again.

Sometimes you go and sit down near some people, and they walk away when you start to talk to them. They were not in the mood to talk, but yet you think to yourself, “Damn, that didn’t work!”

I’ve walked away from people at times when I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, and so have you. For whatever reason, it’s the wrong time or place to talk to those people. Don’t take it personally or as an insult.

If someone does that to you, just look at them and just say, “Enjoy your day!” Suddenly they’ll realize, “Hey that guy is kinda cool. We weren’t into talking to him, he acknowledged that fact, and he’s cool enough to realize we just were not in the mood to talk right now.”

You know what? Maybe you’ll talk to them another time. Stop taking life so personally.

People aren’t out to hurt you. They don’t know who you are and what you’re all about, so stop taking life so personally all the time. Start enjoying life a little bit.

So what if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. Who cares? It doesn’t matter. It is perfectly okay if someone doesn’t want to talk to you. It happens to me all the time, and I don’t ever care.

I don’t think twice about it, and I would never jump into my head about it and think, “Oh my God, life is over because a stranger didn’t want to talk to me. So now I’m going to crawl in a hole and die.”

I don’t think I’m going to die if that happens, I just keep moving forward. Remember, you do this to people too.