So you walk up to a woman and you start talking to her. It could be about anything. It could be about something really simple.
Say you are looking at a sushi bar and you say to her, “Man, there’s a lot of different colors here” and she ignores you. What do you do next?
A lot of guys run. They play the “oops I spoke and you didn’t respond right away so I’m going to run and hide” game. The guys who run in this situation do so without realizing a lot of things.
They do so without realizing that the person they talked to might be shy. In fact, that person might even be shyer than you.
You might have taken her off guard, and she wasn’t ready for a conversation. She might have been thinking about something else. You have no idea because you are not inside her head.
So let’s go back to the sushi scenario. In that situation, here is how I would handle it.
If when I say the observation about the colors the woman looks taken aback, then I would say to her, “What are you getting? What’s good here?” I would give her the opportunity to respond.
Think about yourself and how many times you are out somewhere — at the market, a coffee house, a clothing store or wherever — and you are trapped in your own thoughts. You might be thinking about your day, about work, about what you have to do when you get home or even about your underwear. Who knows?
Just think about how many times you are stuck in your own thought process. So, with that in mind, give someone another shot to respond to you before you bail in these situations thinking someone blew you off.
You may not be getting blown off at all. You might have just caught her stuck in her own thoughts and shocked her for a moment.
That is all it takes. Give it another whirl. If she still ignores you, then maybe she isn’t interested.
If that is the case, then you move on and say “no chemistry” to yourself. Then you think, “They weren’t interested. Who cares? Next!”
Listen to LIVE interviews with some of the hottest women in L.A. as they confess to me what they secretly want and desire from men, and what really works (and turns them on). CLICK HERE to check it out.
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It is your energy that dictates how someone feels around you, and how someone feels about you.
Have you ever walked up to someone and you’re just so nervous? You are so nervous that you are squeezing your ass together like you are holding in your own shit?
So when you do walk over so scared like that and say what you think is the right thing, what happens? You are going to scare off the person you are approaching.
You could say something to a woman as simple as “Nice dog!” If you are nervous when you say it, though, you are going to make that woman (and her dog) nervous.
People’s reactions to you are all about you. They are all about your body language. They are all about your attitude, your energy and what you convey.
The next time you are about to walk up to someone, ask yourself this question: Am I relaxed? If you are not relaxed, then hold off on walking up to them. Breathe deeply. Take a minute to calm yourself down.
Don’t go up to that person until you have calmed down your energy. Otherwise, when people run away from you, it will be because you walked up to them looking like you are holding in your own shit and it scared the shit out of them.
Hear women tell all about what they want when they are approached, and how they perceive what guys do. Also, hear them confess what turns them OFF most — mistakes so many guys make. CLICK HERE to listen to what they reveal that all guys need to know.
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You know, today is usually the day of the week I give you a podcast. “Podcast Wednesday” has become a favorite. I was thinking, though, that this week I am going to do something different.
So I decided I would have a live teleconference. Why not? Why don’t we all get on a call together and do this thing live — and even do a little “Q&A” — instead of you listening to me babble as I often do into my little recorder.
There are a few reasons why I like online dating so much, and why online dating is a great thing to do as part of your “dating repertoire.” So tonight I am going to talk all about online dating – and I am ready to really spill the beans on some of my best secrets.
There are some things about online dating that everyone needs to know to be successful at it. So in this teleconference, I am going to reveal my top three tricks to “crack the code” of even the most competitive online dating sites.
I’ll share some of my personal, private foolproof “grabbers” which are virtually guaranteed to make you stand out from the sea of other people online. I will also tell you how to avoid perhaps the biggest mistake people make when online dating.
This teleconference is free. All you have to do to get a spot on this call is register for it by CLICKING HERE. (All the details about how to get on the teleconference are provided after you register).
So I’ll see you tonight at 6:00 pm PST for the first ever live podcast! Who knows? Maybe we’ll make the podcast a live one every other Wednesday. Who knows? We might be starting a new trend here.
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I know I live in southern California, but Sonja hates feeling chilly so we have radiant heat going in the house. The problem with the radiant heat in our place is that it cranks up really high and starts cooking us like we’re living in a sauna.
So the guy who fixes the heat came by the other day and finally looked at the thermostat. He said that the problem is that the thermostat is not communicating with the heat, i.e., that there is a communication breakdown between the two.
It’s interesting. If you really look at the way life is, it is a series of communication breakdowns.
Here you are just standing there wanting to approach a woman. Even though you do everything right — you observe, and you walk over and say something great — she may not respond to you the way that you imagine.
She doesn’t respond the way you want her to respond, so there then is a communication breakdown and you don’t know what to do next. Your brain is like a computer, and it starts firing off all sorts of things, but really it’s just a communication breakdown.
Communication breakdowns happen between people and things every single day. It could happen during the first approach, it could happen between two people in a relationship, and it could even happen with the water heater not communicating with the thermostat.
When it comes to communicating with people, though, you need to listen in order to avoid communication breakdowns. You need to listen to everything going on around you.
If it’s your first approach, you need to listen to every verbal clue that’s around you. You need to be observant, open, and talk to her based on something that’s going on around you. Then you need to listen very carefully to what she says so that you can react.
If you are not truly listening, there will be a communication breakdown and you won’t know what to say. It also means that you are approaching that woman just hoping that some words will come out of your mouth to say to her.
When you do this, you are no different than the thermostat that is not communicating with the radiant heat. You’re no different than when you’re on a Mac and that wheel of death spins because the Mac is not communicating with whatever program it’s trying to open.
The key to avoiding communication breakdowns in life is to listen — every time you talk to someone. I don’t care if it’s on your first approach or if you’re in a relationship.
Here’s a great exercise for all you to do. Take a look at somebody with whom you are in conflict. It can be anyone from a relationship partner to a co-worker to a family member.
The next time you speak with that person on the phone, record the conversation and listen to it after the call is finished. Then you need to learn what your part is in the communication breakdown that is taking place between you.
You can also do this with emails between you. Read an email exchange in which there is conflict between you and someone else and find where the communication breakdown occurred.
Who is to blame? It’s always right back at you.
This is going to really help you communicate better all the way from the first approach to long-term relationships. Life is just a series of communications, and without listening you are going to have a constant series of communication breakdowns.
I go through in depth how to have better communication with your partner in my Dating Principles For Great Relationships product. CLICK HERE to find more about it.
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I’ve talked quite a bit recently in the blog about self love, and I read all the comments you post. One comment that was posted asked a great question: How do you accept yourself and love yourself if you are trying to improve yourself? There is a very simple answer to that question.
We only know what we know. We only know answers when we have the experience to know them. So if you are trying take the fast track working through something, working through it more quickly than you have the knowledge and life experience to do it, then you are never going to be able to accept yourself.
Every moment you experience in life is there to teach you something. Every moment is a lesson for you to learn. Some lessons take months to learn. Some take years to learn. Some only take hours to learn.
Regardless of how long it takes, you need to understand this concept and allow yourself the time to go through that process. The time it takes you to learn and the time to accept is exactly the time frame in which it needed to happen in the first place.
Don’t rush it, because there are no shortcuts in life. There is no shortcut to meeting women, to loving yourself, to accepting yourself, to making money or to anything else you want in life.
If there were such a shortcut to any of these things, everyone would be happy, with the person of their dreams and rich. There are no shortcuts.
So instead of beating yourself up and thinking how you failed at the end of each day, take a different perspective. Write down all the things you learned that day. Do that, and you will all of a sudden start to feel better.
You learned one thing or two things today? Well then you had a great day!
Every day you learn something. You learn how to deal with something better or how to meet women better or how to deal with yourself better.
There is always something you learn how to do better each day. If you’re not learning something each day (or think you’re not), then you need to listen better both to yourself and to the people you’ve chosen to mentor you along the way.
It is an honor for me to be able to mentor you in your dating life. You need to understand that this mentoring relationship we have is two-fold. By me mentoring your, I am really listening to you. The other part of that relationship is that you also need to listen to me.
If you want me to walk you through this journey to self-acceptance, then check out my “Self Love” Audio that is in my Men’s What’s Your Excuse? and Women’s No Excuses programs. In it, I take you through my personal journey to self-acceptance and self love.
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It’s Saturday, March 6, 2010. Do you know where your children are?
I used to love those commercials as a kid. I’d be watching television, and then this stern voice would come on and say, “It’s 10pm. Do you know where your children are?”
I would always answer him and say, “My children? I haven’t even had sex yet!” So then I’d run upstairs, wake up my Mom and Dad, and say “I’m here, in case you were wondering.”
My Mom would say, “What makes you say that Son?” I’d tell her, “The scary man on Channel 11 always asks ‘It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are,’ so I’m just telling you I’m here.” Then they would thank me and go back to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
I’ve learned that is a behavior you never want in a relationship. Think about it. “Goodnight Dear.” “What? I can’t hear you all the way over here on the other side of the bed. Oh…goodnight Babe.”
So you might be wondering where I am going with this blog, and why we are all crying like babies. I’m glad you asked, because I was losing track of my mind today.
Have you ever been to a party where every conversation that people are having around you made you feel like you were from another planet? You are wondering why you can’t feel how these people are feeling and why you can’t seem to connect with them.
The reason you feel this way is because you are in monkey chatter mode. Whenever you go to a party and people are talking about things in which you have no interest, what you do is get frustrated.
Instead of listening and enjoying the conversation, and waiting for something about which you do want to talk, you start crying like a baby in your head. You say to yourself, “Waaaaaaaaah, I can’t talk to these people!” or “Waaaaaaaah, I’m socially inept!”
In reality, though, this is one of the best times to grow socially. It gives you the opportunity to listen and to learn.
I guarantee that you’ll be at another party at which the same subject matters will come up in a conversation, except then you’ll have stuff to contribute because at the first party you listened and stopped crying like a baby in your head. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and start realizing that the more you learn, the better conversationalist you will become.
When you go home tonight after a night like this, and you’re laying in bed beating yourself up for not being able to impress anybody with your conversational skills, realize that you just learned things that you didn’t know before now. If you learned something during that evening then that, by itself, made it an amazing night.
so maybe we should change this whole thing to, “It’s 10pm, do you know where your monkey chatter is?” Have a great Saturday, and I’ll see you guys at the monkey cages at the children’s zoo tonight.
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There you are, alone at a bar waiting for your friends to arrive. You are standing at the bar only a few feet away from a woman who is also standing alone at the bar.
This woman is beautiful. She is everything you think you want.
You see her take a sip of her drink, play with the straw, look at her watch and check her cell phone. She looks around the room and, for just a split second, your eyes meet and you have a moment. Then she quickly looks down, and looks back at her phone again.
There you are, standing there alone at the bar with your hands in your pocket waiting for you friends. Apparently she is also waiting for her friends.
Your mind starts racing. You start thinking to yourself, “What can I say? What can I do?”
There are so many clues in this situation! She checked her watch. She checked her phone. Obviously she is waiting for her friends.
It is very easy to walk over there, look at her and say, “Obviously you are waiting for your friends. My friends are late too.” You could start chatting with her.
The problem is that your mind starts messing with you. You don’t see the obvious or, even if you did, you start to freak out the second she looks at you.
You start to ask all those questions in your head like “What can I say” and “How can I get this amazing woman’s attention?” Listen, though, to what you are saying.
You already have her attention. She already looked over at you.
It is because you are afraid and overcomplicate things so much that you don’t see the obvious signs in life. You don’t even see the wonder of this moment. You don’t even realize what a powerful moment this can be because you over-analyze things so much.
You have such a fear of embracing the unknown, that this is what is going to happen to you in this scenario: You are going to stay standing where you are and another guy is going to walk up and start talking to her.
Then her friends are going to arrive, and you are going to watch she and her friends get into a great conversation with him and his friends. When you go home, you are going to wonder what you could have done.
The truth is that you already know what you could have done. It is just your fear of the unknown that doesn’t allow you to do it.
Every day you need to face the unknown. Every day you need to push yourself to do something of which you are afraid.
Otherwise, the unknown will continue to scare you and you will end up dating women who don’t intrigue you and to whom you are not attracted. There is nothing worse than having sex with a woman who doesn’t intrigue you.
You also don’t want to ever end up in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t intrigue you. Fear of the unknown is what drives us to loneliness.
I talk more about how to approach women in any situation without feeling any of this kind of fear or anxiety. CLICK HERE to check this out now.
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There are a few reasons why I like online dating so much, and why online dating is a great thing to do as part of your “dating repertoire.” So tonight I am going to talk all about online dating – and I am ready to really spill the beans on some of my best secrets. 
is mentoring relationship we have is two-fold. By me mentoring your, I am really listening to you. The other part of that relationship is that you also need to listen to me.
