Are long distance relationships really realistic? To tell you the truth, I think long distance relationships are fantasies.
Let’s say you meet someone on vacation. You fall for them in two days.
Then after the trip you have hot phone calls, texts and emails with them. Every time you see them on the weekend, everything is perfect. Everyone is on their best behavior. The sex is great.
The whole weekend is great. It’s like going on vacation with somebody over and over and over again.
The only way you can really get to know somebody, though, is to see them every single day. You need to see what they’re like after a long day of work. You need to see how they are in the middle of a regular work day.
Relationships are difficult to begin with, but long distance relationships tend to be fantasy-driven. Now, there are long distance relationships that are successful.
Most of the ones that I’ve known about or seen, however, do not end up lasting long-term. When the people finally are together in the same place, they are often broken up within a month because they finally start to experience what each other is like and how each other behaves on a daily basis.
Remember, when you’re in a long distance relationship, you are just seeing each other on the weekends. You really are always on your best behavior every time you’re together.
It’s hot and passionate every time you meet. You look forward to seeing that person every time. In fact, you usually can’t wait to see that person. It’s sexy.
You think about them on the airplane. At the end of every weekend when you leave each other, you spend the next week thinking about how amazing the prior weekend was. You spend all week thinking about how you can’t wait until the next weekend.
The problem with this is that you never get to see the “nitty gritty” daily stuff. You don’t get to see the bras and panties hanging on the shower curtain rod. You don’t get to see his dirty underwear thrown on the floor. You don’t realize that neither one of you actually never clean up when you’re alone.
That is why long distance relationships are tough. I always truly believed that you are better off hunting in your own neighborhood.
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Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to count down the days until school was out for summer vacation? It started to get warm, and you would start to get excited.
You had all these big plans for summer, whether you were a young kid looking forward to day camp or whether you were a teenager looking forward to summer camp or to college. Whether you were going to work as a lifeguard at the neighborhood pool or you were just going have so much fun hanging out with your friends, you just couldn’t wait for that three-and-a-half-month summer vacation.
Summer used to be such magic. The anticipation and the feeling that you felt every day was special. No school. Going to bed later. All of it.
When I was in the third grade, we spent the summer out in The Hamptons. It was beautiful. I remember Gregory Seltzer and I running around and swimming all day long. We used to go deep into the ocean. I remember what it felt like deep into the ocean at that stage in my life.
I remember swimming out there, and then running back on the beach to make a beard in the sand. Then I’d shave my sand beard with a clamshell. Now, as an adult, I can’t stand shaving. I wish I never had to shave.
I remember all the magic. I remember all the traditions we had.
I would also go away to summer camp and spend almost the whole summer with friends there. It was so much fun. Then I’d come back, and we’d spend time as a family in The Hamptons.
My Grandmother had a house out in Hamptons Bay. It was on the water and absolutely beautiful. At the end of the summer, we used to go to go there.
The very last night we would have a lobster dinner. I remember picking up the lobsters at Tully’s, a seafood store in Hampton Bays, and all the anticipation about that dinner — cracking them open and sitting down to that last big dinner before going back to school.
I would sit there and wonder (now, please don’t laugh) if I would be the tannest or blondest kid in school on the first day. I was always working on my tan or letting my hair bleach out from the sun.
Summers used to be so carefree. Now as adults, what do we do?
We take a week off — maybe two — and that’s it. The rest of the time, we work.
Summer nights aren’t magic anymore. We need to recapture that feeling that we had as a kid.
What is your favorite summer memory? What is your most incredible summer memory? How can you get back that magic?
Wouldn’t it be great if your boss let you out of work every single day at 3:00pm just because it was summertime? What if everyone’s boss let them out of work at 3:00pm every day of summer, and everyone could go out and play tag? Maybe you could go out and have a color war like you did at camp, or go to the neighborhood pool and play Marco Polo.
Maybe we should institute that. Maybe I should ask President Obama and Congress to make that a law, i.e., that in July and August all businesses must close at 3:00 pm so that all adults can act like kids again.
Why do we need to be so old? Why do we need to act like adults? Why can’t summer be magical like it once was?
As I’m writing this blog on a Monday sitting with my wife in Palm Springs, I am realizing how amazing summer truly is. I want to have that amazing summer feeling back that I had when I was a kid. So I think if we all get together and maybe sign some type of petition to enact that 3:00pm summer rule, that we can get that magical summer feeling back.
For those of you who are single, imagine all the great dates you can go on if we get this 3:00pm summer law passed. Imagine all the amazing people you can meet when go to the adult summer camp at 3:00pm after work, and get to go on a “social.”
I remember socials at summer camp. They were so much fun. Boys on one side and girls on the other. It was so much easier than speed dating.
Anyway, I think we should pass this blog on to President Obama and see what he can do to make this 3:00pm summer law happen. I think this could be something that could really work!
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I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.
My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.
I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.
Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.
What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).
In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.
All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.
The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.
You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.
There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.
You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.
If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.
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Do you know a surefire sign that your relationship is on the edge, and is going downhill? It’s when you start masturbating again, and actually start enjoying it.
Think about your past relationships at the point they were ending, or at the point when you and your partner were “on the outs.” All of a sudden you get to a point in the relationship where you’re having sex, you’re fighting, and you’re not really connecting.
Then one day you’re angry because you haven’t had enough sex, so you beat off. You think to yourself, “This isn’t bad. I can do this again.” The next time you fight with your partner and have sex, you realize it’s not really working at all. You jerk off again.
Pretty soon you are jerking off a couple of times a week. You start to not care anymore about having sex with your partner. You are able to fight with your partner without any emotion.
You become a lot more mellow because you’re not dying for them. You’re not relying on them sexually. You’re not needing them sexually anymore. You’re just basically alright with wherever you are.
It’s the weirdest thing, but if you think about it there is almost a cycle to masturbation.
When you first meet a woman (or a man), you’re really hot for them — and even have sexual fantasies when you think about them — so you masturbate.
Then you start having sex with that person all the time, and you don’t need to masturbate anymore.
You will masturbate for fun, like if you masturbate together. You show each other how you touch yourself. You turn each other on that way.
Maybe you will masturbate alone if you’re not with your partner for a week. You’ll always tell your partner about it, though, and turn each other on by doing that.
At some point in the relationship, you start masturbating two or three times a week, and are hardly having sex anymore with your partner. You start to think, “What went wrong here?”
What went wrong is that you’re not connecting anymore. What went wrong is that you’re not sexually turned on by that person anymore.
At that point, you realize that it’s not worth it – what you’re going through in that relationship — because you’re not connecting and you’re fighting all the time. Looking at when, how and why you’re masturbating in a relationship is usually an indication of what’s going on in that relationship.
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Let me ask you a couple of questions…
