In over 14 years of doing this, I think I have heard it all. I think I have heard every fear imaginable — fear of approaching, fear of getting intimate, fear of saying what’s on your mind and even fear of initiating that first kiss.
You guys have labeled all these things in so many different and creative ways, from monkey chatter to approach anxiety. I mean, if you Google “fear,” it is amazing how many different versions of it will pop up in the search results.
What I am about to share with you in today’s podcast is going to blow you away. I know that every week I tell you that the podcast is the most powerful one ever, but that is because every week I come up with something more powerful than the week before.
In this podcast, I am going to tell you why there are only two emotions in this world: one is love and the other is fear. Hate is fear. Approach anxiety is fear.
Love and fear really are the only two emotions, and in this podcast I explain to you how to really embrace loving everything and fearing nothing. Click here to listen now:
Also, if you want to learn how to truly embrace love in your life and also how to truly erase fear, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
Are you somebody who really takes a lot of pride in washing out your containers (to make sure they don’t smell), before you put them into your neat little recycling bin that you put out on the curb every Tuesday? Are you a recycler?
We can talk about how passionate you are about recycling plastics and glass another day, because this blog isn’t about the environment and isn’t about that kind of recycling. This blog is about recycling people.
Do you recycle people? Are you someone who has been in a dating mode – you’ve dated twenty or thirty people – but you’re still single, so you start to wonder if you might have missed the right person along the way? Do you think, “I wonder if I should go out with [name] again?”
This is what I call being a dating recycler. Here is how I feel about recycling in dating: The reason you’re not with someone is because it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.
A lot of people think that they maybe should recycle some of the people from their past. The truth is, though, that the reason why you’re not with people from your past now is because you didn’t connect with them in the first place.
Recycling is wonderful for the environment, but it’s actually dangerous in dating. If you recycle when you date, you’ll end up breaking up with someone two, three or more times. I used to recycle people, but it never worked because chemistry with someone is either there or it isn’t there.
There are some asterisks to the rules about recycling. You could have met someone after a breakup, went out with them, and it wasn’t right. You could recycle that person because, technically, you were not in a relationship with them.
In general, though, recycling in dating just doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because it never worked in the first place. So keep on recycling those bottles and cans. It’s great for the environment, but lousy for dating.
For those of you who have never seen a Cirque du Soleil show, it’s a must on anyone’s list. We saw Kooza the other night, and it was outstanding.
There’s one part of the show called “The Wheel Of Death,” in which two guys get into these two rotating gerbil wheel contraption and they run and jump around these wheels like it’s a carnival ride. They did all this with no fear.
It’s interesting that people can do things like this — death defying acts — with no fear. To some of you, saying hi to a member of the opposite sex is a death defying act.
Google Cirque du Soleil or do a search for it on YouTube, and watch some of the things they do and some of the ways they contort their bodies. Then I want you to think about all your fears about communicating with the opposite sex because, really, would you rather say hello to someone you’re attracted to or get caught in The Wheel Of Death?
For those of you who need some motivation today, here is The Wheel Of Death:
What I really want to talk about today, though, is all of the mumblers out there. Recently someone sent me a voicemail message. I had to listen to it four times just to figure out on what phone number to call them back, because the person who left the message was mumbling so badly.
If you’re going to leave a voicemail message, be concise, leave your number twice and speak clearly. Keep the message short. Don’t tell people how you won’t be available from 12:00 to 1:00 because you are going grocery shopping, or how you are taking a shower at 3:00 that afternoon.
For business, keep it short but friendly. Say something like, “Hi, it’s David, calling to talk to you about the work we discussed on Wednesday. Have a great day, and I’m looking forward to speaking with you soon.”
For personal, you can leave a message that is something like this: “Hi, it’s Joe. It was so great speaking with you the other day about Italian roast coffee. You know, I Googled that coffee that you liked, and I learned something really interesting about it. Call me and I’ll you something about it.”
It’s always good to bring someone back to the moment when you met them. Also, by doing this you show them you were listening and interested in what they were saying, which will intrigue them even more.
I tell guys all the time that when they meet a woman, they should learn at least three things about her and remember them. That way when you contact her later, you can bring her back to the moment you met.
This technique is important in business too. Let’s say you have been shopping for a new car. When you go to contact a salesperson with whom you spoke at the dealership, you can say “It was great talking to you about the new Audi A4 the other day.” It makes your communication instantly go more smoothly.
So many of you are voicemail mumblers. It’s time to stop being a voicemail mumbler, and to stop putting a strain on people’s eardrums!
For those of you who missed getting my football picks this week, I needed to take a break to attend to my fantasy teams. I am, however, going to give you my pick for tonight’s game.
For tonight, I like the Ravens over the Browns. Boy, that’s a tough one to pick. The Browns are about the worst team in football, and I think a team of teenage girls could probably beat them.
Today, I want you not to read, but to watch and listen. If you’ve ever wanted to know how to appear confident every time you approach a woman, this video is a “must see” for you! This video is not only a great example of something I teach, but I also tell you how I used this technique in my own life. Enjoy and have a great Saturday!
What is it about hotels? Why is it that no matter in what type of hotel you stay, you can hear the plumbing?
Also, why does housekeeping start so early even when you have the “f*^k off” sign on the door? You can hear them at the crack of dawn knocking on doors up and down the hallway.
I mean, if someone is out of their room at 7:00 am, I highly doubt there are coming back at 8:00 am. So I think the mandatory start time for housekeeping ought to be 9:00 am so the rest of us can get our money’s worth and our sleep!
I am writing this in a cafe called “Mommy World.” We are the only non-childbearing, non-pregnant, non-breast feeding people in here!
OK, I’m off to the streets of New York City, and leaving you with today’s blog…
So, you’ve got to break up with somebody. Breaking up is hard to do.
I’ll tell you something – I was never a good breaking up person. I mean, it was one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. Through much of my adult life, I would work to get women to dislike me so the relationship could end.
Once a relationship was over, I just hated having to have “the talk.” I hated having to have that breakup talk.
The breakup talk is the worst talk in the entire world. To sit down and to break somebody’s heart is awful. Then again, they may want to break up with you too — you just never know.
There are, however, rules about breaking up that everyone should follow. I really think breaking up is something that needs to be done face to face. Silvester Stallone is famous for breaking up via Fed Ex.
Other people will break up with someone via text message, which I think is cowardly. Never break up with somebody you’re dating via text message.
Never break up with someone via email. It think that is really tacky. Never stick a Post It® note on someone’s refrigerator or their pillow case right after you’ve had sex saying, “Sorry but I don’t think this is going to work out.”
Once you realize that you need to break up with somebody, you need to sit them down immediately. The passive aggressive way of breaking up (of which I’ve been guilty in my past) wherein you try to get someone to break up with you by putting them through a year of torture to get them to hate you, is totally wrong.
Once you know you no longer want to be with someone, it needs to be you who initiates the breakup — now and face to face. When you know you need to break up with somebody, you need to sit them down and be honest about how you feel.
You shouldn’t be that passive aggressive person who stops returning someone’s phone calls to get the other person to be angry with you.
Think about it from their perspective. Here is this person who is getting to know you for a month or two, and then all of a sudden you stop taking their calls and stop calling them.
They’re going to be confused. They won’t know what’s going on with you. They will start to get really nervous. They’ll start having talks with their friends about it. They’ll start to wonder what they did to cause you do act this way.
You will be leaving things open-ended. Instead of causing all this upset and anxiety in the other person, all you really need to do is to tell them that you are no longer feeling that relationship. By doing that, you are giving them closure.
You don’t want to leave someone without closure in these situations. Why? Remember what that feels like when someone in the past has done this to you, and you will never do it to someone else again.
So, breakups are something that should be done immediately once you know you want to end things with someone. Don’t hesitate. Breakups should happen fast.
The minute you know you need to break up with someone, you need to figure out how to do it quickly and face to face. There should be some kind of 48 hour break up rule, wherein you must do it within 48 hours of deciding you need to do it.
For any of you who are wondering where the usual Wednesday podcast is, it is still going to be here every Wednesday EXCEPT for this week (when it will be making a special appearance on Friday). So be sure to check back here on Friday for a very special podcast and blog!
I am in New York City for a few days. I saw a great sign yesterday here that said, “Don’t Honk — $350.00 Penalty.”
Now, how would they know who honked? What if four people honked all at once? Is that an instant $1,400.00 for the City of New York?
You got to love New York City. It’s the loudest city in the United States, and they think that one less car honking its horn will help.
Speaking of travel, let’s talk about traveling and dating . . .
So, you are dating somebody brand new, and you are really excited about them. You decide you are going to plan a weekend trip for the two of you to take together.
A weekend trip is so much fun, but do you know what is the most interesting thing about taking a weekend trip together? You are going to get to know this person better.
Let me tell you something. When you travel with someone, all the wrappers are taken off the candy.
You get to know all sorts of things about the other person you would not probably get to see at this point in your dating relationship. You get to know their bathroom habits. You get to know how long they spend in the bathroom. You get to see how they really look and act first thing in the morning.
Let me tell you something. People can’t pack all the stuff they protect themselves with at home. So on a trip, they expose themselves.
You get to know if they are grumpier in the morning than they’ve acted on those few nights you’ve spent together so far. You get to know more about what they are really like.
Traveling with somebody is the best way to get to know them. It is something that I tell people to do all the time.
If you are dating for a month, then go away for a night. Get them out of their home element. Get them to put their BlackBerry down. Take them out somewhere away from home.
After you’ve been dating someone for two months, go away for a weekend with them. Really get to know them more.
After three or four months of dating themsomeone, go away together for four or five days. Let me tell you, it is when you are away for this many days that all the shit really hits the fan.
You get to see them in all situations. You get to see them when they get frustrated at the airport. You get to see them when they’ve had a long and exhausting day. You get to see how they deal with all of those various “travel mishaps” that inevitably occur.
Traveling with somebody strips them down to their core, and gives you the opportunity to get to know them in all ways. I have had relationships in the past end after I took someone away for the weekend. Things would be great and then, all of a sudden, I’d be away for the weekend wondering who this monster was with whom I was spending the weekend.
So, one of the greatest things to do when you’re dating someone is to follow my travel schedule. If you follow my travel schedule, you are going to get to know somebody very, very quickly.
Are you a passive aggressive person? Are you somebody who has a lot of trouble with confrontation? Do you have difficulty telling someone how you feel — whether it’s telling someone you love them, that you want to see them again or even asking somebody out on a date?
Are you a “beat around the bush” person? Mr. Beat Around The Bush is Mr. Passive Aggressive’s brother. He always waits and waits and hopes and hopes for someone to give him confirmation so he can ask them out.
Do you beat around the bush when you’re trying to ask somebody out? Do you say, “So, do you like coffee?” hoping they will respond with “I love coffee. Why don’t we get together for coffee sometime.”
Let me tell you something, Mr. Beat Around The Bush. Doing this is really no different than being passive aggressive.
People in life who beat around the bush and have passive aggressive behavior tend to be the most frustrated people, because they never seem to get their needs fulfilled. They tend to walk away from situations saying over and over, “Oh man, I wish I would have asked her out. I just didn’t get the right signal.”
My question to that guy is, “Why didn’t you ask her out?” The reason is that they beat around the bush and are passive aggressive.
In life, you had better state exactly what you want. You better state what you need and you better be damn proud of it. If you don’t state what you want, you’ll never get what you want.
If you don’t ask that person out and continue to beat around the bush, you’re always going to be frustrated because you never get your needs fulfilled. You’re never going to date the person you want.
Then, when you finally do date people, you will go from Mr. Beat Around The Bush to Mr. Passive Aggressive. This will manifest in your relationship. So stop this cycle now, and stop beating around the bush!
So often in dating, a lot of your time is spent figuring out the “right” place or the “right” restaurant to take your date. Here is a little advice for guys out there who want to impress women when they take them out on a date.
Go to www.yelp.com. It has reviews on restaurants. When you’re on that third or fourth date trying to impress that date, you want to find a cute cafe or a great restaurant. So look at the reviews. Look not only at the reviews about the food, but also the reviews about the service.
The reason to do this is something I realized while I was in France. Waiters in France and the United Kingdom (and actually all throughout Europe) are professional waiters. In Los Angeles and New York waiters are struggling actors, so you are not getting great service a lot of times.
In Europe, however, you are getting waiters whose career is being a waiter. Also, in Europe they pay their waiter a respectable wage. It’s a career, not just a job. They even get health benefits and so forth. Restaurants here barely pay you, and they expect the customers to tip you 30% so you can earn respectable wages.
We’ve already talked about tipping in a previous blog, so that’s not what we’re going to talk about today. What is really important about this, though, is to avoid having bad service when you’re on a date.
You don’t want bad service when you’re on a date because, if you think about it, you are not your nicest self when you’re faced with bad service at a restaurant.
Things may come out of your mouth that wouldn’t otherwise say, and on a date you are always trying to make a good impression.
Your surroundings are really important on a date. So the next time you’re planning a date, check out yelp.com and the restaurant reviews on there . . . especially the reviews of the service at each place. When you’re out there, you better make sure that everything is in your favor, and bad service can quickly turn a good date into a bad one.
