Being visual does not refer to what men find attractive, but rather how they become attracted to women. It means that you need to use your sexuality and your femininity to attract men.

A man will look at a woman many times — five, six, seven, ten, twelve times — and will not stop looking until a woman acknowledges him. A woman who knows and understands this, can easily get a man to approach by acknowledging him. It’s really very simple.

Say you see a man to whom you are attracted. You need to look directly at him and smile. If he notices you, then go back and smile at him again.

When you do this, the man will become very curious and wonder why you’re smiling at him over and over again. You need to encourage him to come over to you.

Understand that men are basically Scooby Doos on steroids. You’re the Scooby Snack, and you need to lay the crumbs down for men.

The crumbs are your smiles. The crumbs are a casual hello. Once a man spots a woman to whom he is attracted, you are able to go and lead him with your femininity and your smile to come over to you.

In order to really learn and understand this at a deeper level, though, you need to be observant about all your surroundings. You have to be able to look around at all your surroundings and know that men are looking at you all the time.

Most women are not observant. Most women walk into a place with their head in the clouds — on their BlackBerry or thinking about what’s on their “to do” list — and never notice men noticing them.

So one of the best things to do to learn how to be more observant is to go out in the field with a friend for a day. Have your friend be your “wing girl” for the day, with her job all day long being just to observe you and to notice all the men who are checking you out.

By doing that, and by having her point all these men out to you, you will see all the opportunities you are missing to meet men every single day. Most women have opportunities to meet men that present themselves all day long, but unfortunately they are almost never looking!

Women have been taught not to look. Men, on the other hand, are looking at women nonstop.

Men never stop looking for women. Men are always looking for women, talking about women and obsessing about women. That is how men are visual. So in order for you to become better at this, you need to learn to be more aware of your surroundings.

When I talk about using your femininity and your sexuality, I am not talking about being “slutty” or overtly coming on to men all day long. I am talking about sexuality and femininity that exudes from within.

For example, women who have a lot of masculine energy need to dress more sexy. Many women end up having very masculine energy about them due their careers. You need to feel sexy as a woman. You need to put yourself out there more. You need to really explore your feminine side.

Take a look at your body type. Take a look at the type of woman you are. Start looking through magazines that have women with similar body types to you in them. See how those women dress sexy. Go to a store and get a makeover. Find a way to express your sexuality and to feel sexy from within yourself.

Men are attracted to all body types and to all types of women. The key thing here, though, is that men are attracted to sexy women of all body types.

So women really need to explore that side of themselves more. Women need to learn to use their feminine energy and start flirting. The Scooby Doos out there will respond when you do.

I love that shit. They’re offering you a shortcut! Do you remember that book The Secret? Write yourself a check for a million dollars, and it will just show up!

Not by working at McDonald’s, it won’t! That’s just not how it works.

There is no shortcut in life. You attract who you are, not what you want.

If you want a relationship that is based on love, great sex, confidence – whatever it might be – then you’d better be that person. When you walk over to a woman full of fear, and you see that she’s confident, guess what? She’ll walk away.

And then you will always wonder why you always seem to attract these really timid and scared women. Well, that’s who you are.

You attract who you are. Many people don’t realize that you have to work on yourself first. All of the guys who have come to my bootcamps realize this: the more you work on and embrace yourself, the more you love yourself – the greater the chance that someone else is going to love you back.

If your goal down the road is for a great relationship, then you’d better work on yourself now. You are always going to attract who you are.

Many people look at their past relationships and they don’t take inventory of them. They always place blame – well, I was this way with her, and she was this way. She did this, and I feel bad… bullshit.

The reason why you were a certain way with her is because that’s who you were. You have to take responsibility for everything that you are, and realize that you can attract who you are.

In my current relationship, I attracted me. I’ve attracted me in all of my relationships. I like this version of me that I’ve attracted now more than any other version of me that I’ve ever attracted. And this actually forces me to look deeper inside me and realize that I have to take responsibility for myself.

So it’s not just about writing down what you want – that’s fucking lala-ville. That’s just airy-fairy shit. “I want a big dick” – you can’t just put that shit out into the universe and expect it just to come to you.

You have to BE the big dick! You have to be that person. If you want a hot girlfriend, you have to be a hot guy. If you want a girl that is confident, you’d better be confident! If you want a girl that’s really a sexual dynamo, you’d better be that.

You have to be all these things first. Otherwise you’ll just attract people that will teach you lessons. You have to look back on your lessons, and when you make your list of what you want, make your list of who you want to be.

If you make your list of who you want to be, you’ll attract that person.

Frustration!

What makes any of us want to figure something out? We want to improve our lives, of course, and ourselves, but for me it also came down to pure frustration.

I wasn’t bad with girls when I was younger – but I wasn’t great either. There were guys who were much better than me with women, and there were guys who were much worse.

It was in my twenties that I began to realize that I wanted the power to date whomever I wanted. I was kind of sick of just getting whatever came my direction. And don’t get me wrong – what came my direction certainly wasn’t bad – I just really wanted to have the choice.

In order to really do anything successfully in life, you need choice. You can’t spend your entire life taking exactly what comes to you.

I decided in my twenties that I was really going to use that time period to grow and figure things out for myself.

The crazy thing about your twenties – as I’m sure many of you reading this know – is that it’s really your most emotional time period as well. You feel like you should have it all figured out by now – that’s the biggest fallacy of your twenties. You feel bad because you don’t have all of your shit together, but in reality, no one does!

Your twenties is the most emotional time that you have – and you don’t know shit! Everything is still really new to you, and you don’t yet have the mindset to realize that you can totally fuck up and you’ll be okay.

So my twenties was just a series of those fuck ups. Using trial and error, I really learned what worked and what didn’t work for me. I always joke about this, but I wish I would have known myself now when I was in my twenties, because then I would have saved myself like five years of fumbling around!

In my twenties, my goal was to become better with women, and I was going to do that at whatever cost – and I still had fuck ups! But I really just wanted to have that choice, the ability to go date whomever I wanted, and I wanted to enjoy myself.

Back then (and still) I didn’t want to have any regrets about my life. I tell everyone this – the day you get married is the day you had better have gotten everything out of your system! If you didn’t, you’re going to have regrets. And with regrets, you’re going to have to go out and do it again. And again, and again.

If you think about it, pretty much everyone’s goal in life is to find somebody to love. That’s what we really all want. We all want to be loved, and we want to love someone.

We may not want it right now in this moment, but eventually we all want that end result of a great relationship.

You have to take that time in your twenties to really get to know yourself. I spent a lot of time in my twenties journaling, writing things down and figuring things out. I spent a lot of that time period just trying to figure out life. And in my twenties, it was really important for me to do that work.

Think about football. Think about the quarterbacks who are successful. The ones that are successful have that attitude – “Fuck you. You picked my pass off? I don’t care. I’m coming back at you again in ten minutes anyway, and I’ll keep doing it.”

Brett Favre is notorious for that. Love him or hate him, he’ll throw so many games away that he plays. He’s 39, and look at his attitude. He’ll throw five interceptions in a game, and he’ll go fade back to pass and just do it again. He doesn’t care.

And all the fans are sitting there, saying, “Oh no! He’s doing it again…” but he just doesn’t care.

You are caring too much, so when you walk over you approach her with an expectation of rejection. You’re like that quarterback that’s fading back to pass and all you’re looking at are the defenders. You might as well just pick the one that you’re going to throw directly to right off the bat.

I don’t feel like I’m bothering anybody when I go over to someone to talk. And no one ever walks away from me.

But I used to feel that same way – that I was bothering someone when I approached them. You’re not bothering them at all.

But when you walk over to them with that concern, you’re bringing that energy with you. Women are feelers. Doesn’t that drive you crazy? They are always feeling and describing those feelings. “I feel this…”

You sit there and you just want to fix everything. “Okay, you’re feeling this way, and here’s the solution…”

So the fact is that women feel your energy. She feels every little bit of your energy as you walk over. She senses your fear.

Animals smell fear, and so do women! We’re basically all just animals, anyway. Think about the noises that people make when they fuck… we’re animals! Just because we’re standing upright doesn’t mean that we’re any better than Daphne. We may not smell each other’s asses, but we’re just like dogs.

So if you walk up to a woman with fear and the expectation of rejection, she’ll know it and you’re done. When you walk over like you don’t give a shit how she reacts, she’ll be responsive. She’ll wonder, who is this guy?

It’s a quantum switch inside your head. And once you make that switch, it’s like a paradigm shift. It’s an amazing shift in what you’ll begin to receive from other people. You’ll get what you want.