No, not somebody who orders eggs and hash browns at the diner, takes them home, and then rehashes them the next morning.

The other rehashing.

Are you somebody who will go out on a date—maybe a few dates—and then if it suddenly fizzles out with him or her, you’ll go and drive your friends crazy for the next two weeks reliving and replaying every single moment of those dates. You want to rehash every moment: “If I just said this…” “If I just did that…” “If he just reacted to me this way…” “It was over all because I didn’t react that way, that’s the reason why we’re not going out again!”

All that rehashing is ridiculous. It’s not the one thing you did or didn’t do that killed it. It’s a combination of things. It’s energy. It’s chemistry. There’s so much more involved than just one stupid little thing you could’ve done better. Usually nothing you could have done would have saved the situation anyway.

So if you’re driving your friends crazy rehashing your last failed date or relationship 24/7 over something that you think might have gone wrong—you’re 100% wrong in that. Because what really went wrong is that you didn’t have the chemistry with that person. Maybe life at that moment was throwing you a curve ball. Maybe your date had things going on in his or her life. Maybe you had things going on in yours.

It’s never, ever just one thing. It’s not one thing that you said on that date that turned the whole thing around and killed the date momentum. It’s not one thing that made your date not want you or desire you or want to be with you. So stop rehashing the past, and start smoking all the hash that you want.

I was about 33 when I got divorced. After my divorce, I remember my buddy Rich and I went out to a bar. I was standing in that bar drinking a Margarita, and all of a sudden I realized I was “him.” I was that older guy in a bar full of 20-somethings, nursing a drink and looking at women. At that moment I realized that those days were over for me.

Do you want to be ‘that guy?’ I never wanted to be that guy standing in a bar. There wasn’t any joy anymore being in a bar. I wanted to meet real women.

I didn’t want to get involved in idle chit-chat about nothing, meet somebody when they were drunk, call them the next day and have to remind them of the conversation we had. I was past that point in my life. I wanted to meet someone real.

So let’s talk about what to do after you get divorced. The first thing you need to do is make sure you clear your mind. Don’t go out and start trying to meet women just because your wife has left you (or because you left your wife).

Spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself again.

Start to think about what YOU really want. What are you looking for in life? With what type of woman do you want to spend your time? What did you learn from your last relationship?

Think about how you feel right now. Are you happy? Are you sad?

Spend time by yourself. Take some time to hang out with friends and get to know them again. Spend some time doing “guy things.” Enjoy yourself and don’t even think about women.

Once you’ve done this, then the next step is to actually go out there and start meeting women doing things that you enjoy. You don’t want to be that guy standing in the corner of a bar or nightclub wondering if you’re going to meet women.

Instead, think about what you like to do. Make a list of five things that you really enjoy doing — five things that are really important to you and five places you’d like to really be seen.

I remember doing this exact exercise when I was 35 years old. I found that I really enjoyed meeting women when I was “out and about.”

I enjoyed meeting women in supermarkets because I always had something to talk about with them (since food is a passion of mine). I enjoyed meeting women at coffee shops because I enjoy drinking a cup of tea. I really enjoyed meeting women when I was working out. I enjoyed meeting women when I was at the movies if I was able to talk to them before the movie or after the movie.

I wanted to meet women who shared the same interests as me. I wanted to meet a woman who was really like me — someone who likes to travel, eat great food and stay healthy.

That’s important. You want to really start figuring out who you are and what you’re all about. That way, when you are out meeting people you won’t make the same mistakes.

In all my years of coaching men in dating and relationships, I’ve found that men who jump back into the dating world too soon after a breakup or a divorce tend to find the same woman over and over again (and tend to marry the same woman again). They do it because that same woman is what they are used to.

So learn from your experience and from your last relationship. Embrace all the lessons from that relationship so that you can go out and find what you really want. You deserve it. Whether your last relationship ended because she left you or you left her, you deserve to be able to get back out there and find what you want.

What is “flaking?” An example of flaking is when you’re supposed to have plans with someone on a Friday night, and they flake on you at the last minute. Another example is when in your mind you’ve met somebody with whom you feel you have great chemistry, and they flake never to be heard from again.

What if I told you that there is no such thing as “flaking,” and that this misused terminology in dating is just an urban legend made up in your mind to make you feel better about someone who wasn’t interested?

Here’s the key: If someone supposedly flaked on you, it really means either that you did not intrigue them enough, or that the so-called connection or chemistry that you felt was a one-way street. Let’s go even deeper into this.

How about if I told you that the reason why there’s no such thing as flaking, is because you played it safe when you met somebody and they decided not to pursue it further because they have no idea who you are. Or, what if I told you that this so-called flaking is really due to the way you’re meeting people in the first place.

People who tend to bet blown off a lot are people who tend to chase the wrong people. For instance, I have a friend who’s in his mid-forties who constantly chases women in their twenties. These women supposedly always flake on him.

If you’re getting supposedly flaked on (and remember I said flaking is getting blown off), then let’s call it what it is. If you’re getting blown off regularly, then it’s because you’re chasing women and not intriguing them.

If you’re chasing someone, then you put yourself in a position of weakness. If you intrigue, engage and be upfront about everything with women, you will not get flaked on or blown off. Because that too is just a myth.

Let’s say when you meet someone you’re 110% upfront with them about everything, you’re powerful, you’re interesting, and you engage them, but you guys just don’t connect. If without playing any games like this you two just don’t connect, it means that you have no chemistry. What’s good about this, though, is that you at least found out immediately.

If I meet a woman and we don’t connect (either on my side or her side), I don’t lose any sleep over it and I don’t care. There’s plenty of other women to meet and to get to know.

If you, however, are the type of guy who’s constantly playing games and trying to sell yourself to women, then you are creating a lifestyle of being flaked on by women. Flaking is not even in my lifestyle or in my vocabulary.

The only flakes that I ever see either come from the sky in the winter, or come from the nasty man in front on me on the airplane as they fall from his head onto his shirt. It’s all about how you approach this.

Men who chase women get flaked on all the time. More specifically, men who chase women who are wrong for them get flaked on all the time.

Take a look at your life right now. If you’ve been flaked on recently and you use the term flaking, it’s time you looked in the mirror and realized that it’s something you’re doing not something they’re doing. Everybody who is going to date is going to meet people with whom they don’t have chemistry. It’s just a matter of how you go about doing it and thinking about it.

It got me thinking and I get this question from from readers all the time. “David, Help! I’m dating two people, and I can’t keep my stories straight. I don’t remember what I said to one person, and now they’re starting to blend. How do I keep these two people separate?”

My answer to this question is: Concentrate a little more, and remember what is distinctly different between the two of them.

A lot of people will date more than one person at a time while they’re trying to figure out which one of the people they’re dating will will win the lottery. Yes, the person who is lucky enough to hang out with you has won the lottery! If you don’t feel like you’re a gift to the people you’re dating, then it doesn’t matter whether you’re dating two people or ten people . . . because you’ll be dating the wrong people.

The first person you need to date is yourself. Knowing who you are and what you’re all about is far more important than your ego dating two or more people at a time. I speak extensively about this in my Men’s Audio Mastery Series program.

So now, after you’ve done the the work on yourself and you know who you are, then what do you do when you’ve met two fantastic women that you want to know (or two fantastic men that you want to know)?

Dating is about being patient. In order to get to know somebody, you need to be patient. You don’t want to make a quick decision and jump into a relationship based on not enough information. Every day that you speak with someone you’re dating is another day to get to know them on a more intimate level.

If you’re dating two people and you’re liking both of them, there’s nothing wrong with that. Take your time! Date both of them, and then you’re not creating your own version of ABC’s “The Bachelor,” where you’re trying to date 25 women in an overpriced Malibu mansion. What you’re trying to do is figure out with which one of the two you want to hang out.

The key thing here is to take notes. Now I’m not saying that when you’re out on a date with girl or guy #1, that you need to bring your little notepad with you and write down all the things that they say. What I’m suggesting is you need to journal entry when you get home.

Keep a dating journal and write down what you like about the person. Write down what they’re all about. After each phone conversation do the same thing. Write down and keep a journal about who they are, what some of their interests are, and about some of the things you’d like to do with them.

We’re human . . . it’s hard to remember everything that somebody says. It’s hard enough to remember what you say. So it’s perfectly okay to keep a journal and read it over before you see someone to remind yourself of all the things you’ve talked about with them previously. This will help you to not repeat the story of your cousin Larry getting drunk at the family picnic. If you have an intense emotional connection with them, this will also help you not repeat the same things so they won’t look at you like you’ve got the memory of a 93 year-old with Alzheimer’s.

A dating journal is a good idea. It will also prevent you from getting involved in an unhealthy relationship. Being able to share your feelings with yourself on a daily basis is an extremely healthy proposition.

So the next time you’re dating two people, start journaling! Or, if you’re dating three or four people, start journaling as well. It doesn’t matter . . . it’s just a number.

The one thing you do not want to do though is leave your journal on your coffee table when one of the people you’re dating comes over for dinner. Not only is that embarrassing, but you will have a lot to explain about who Amy is . . .

First off, I hate picking people up at the airport. I’ll tell you something, picking people up at LAX is a nightmare. They don’t allow you to park. Secondly, you don’t want to circle around waiting to pick someone up because LAX is a long track where traffic can get as bad as it is on the 405, and you can sit in your car at the airport for two hours, driving 1/8 of a mile.

But the fact of the matter is, when you pick somebody up at the airport, that’s relationship material. You do that when you’re in love. You don’t do that when you first start dating. That’s crazy.

“Yeah, I took her out on three dates, we haven’t slept together yet, but I’m picking her up at the airport.” Really? Why? I mean, you’re basically picking her up at the airport and driving her home, bringing her bags in and then she’s going, “Alright, thank you. We’re not sleeping together so you’re not staying here.”

So she’ll give you a glass of water and then find a way to get you to leave. The only way you ever pick somebody up at the airport is if you know you’re going to have massive crazy sex afterwards because you’ve missed each other. That makes it fun. That’s a blast.

I love pick-up sex. One of my favorite things in the entire world — airport pick-up sex after a trip out of town. It’s great. You pick her up, she’s all excited to see you after a few days, you play with her, fondle her a little bit on the way home, you get her all excited, you schlep her way-too-heavy bags (I mean, who needs that much stuff for a weekend trip?) into her place. Then you have amazing sex.

But if you pick her up from the airport and you’re not already sleeping together, you’re immediately in the friend zone. So unless you desire to be in that friend zone, I strongly suggest you wait to pick her up from the airport until you guys are intimate and committed.

We’re sitting in Egoscue, and I’m working on my back….by the way, it’s feeling much
better. Anyway, she was describing her date from the other night. She
went out with this guy-now listen up, okay, because this is going to
blow you away. This guy was fascinating, interesting, ex-lawyer, a
big-time movie guy. He had a degree in economics, traveled the world,
and studied with monks—one of the most fascinating men in the entire
world. Spoke four languages—daughter was a valedictorian at Yale. I
mean everything was perfect. He talked, and talked, and talked, and
bragged, and talked, and bragged, and talked, and impressed, and then
talked. He was entertaining as can be, but he was what we call the “B”
for bragger.

Granted, she was fascinated by him, but after three and a half hours,
she wanted to go home, crawl into a ball, and go to sleep because she
was so exhausted by him. Only once during the whole three-and-a-half
hour marathon bragging session did he ask her one question about
herself. He said, “So tell me, why did you get divorced?” That was it.
Nothing else about it.

Gentlemen, learn from this experience. Bragging about your
accomplishments, bragging about what you have, bragging about your
kids, bragging about your children’s accomplishments, bragging about
everything about you and not being interested in her is basically
going to send you home to another night at staring at the ceiling,
whittling your own thumbs, and tickling your own nut case. You
basically are a “B” for bragger. “B” guys that basically just brag
about all their accomplishments, and think women are going to be
impressed by it. But in reality, they’re bored by it.

They want to be engaged. That’s not the way to go out on a date. A
date is 50-50. Fifty percent of the time you talk. Fifty percent of
the time they listen. You learn about them half the time, and they
learn about you the other half. It’s not 100 percent bragging about
who you are.

To top it off, this guy was so impressed with what he’s done that he
brought along a documentary about himself, so she could go home and
watch. Isn’t that wonderful? And he’s probably one of those guys that
thinks he had a fantastic date, one of the best dates he’s had in a
long time. Wake up gentlemen. It’s a date.

You think they’re a certain age because they listed it that way in their profile. Then, all of a sudden, you’re about to get close and intimate and they drop the age bomb on you. They say something like, “You know, I’m not really 39. I’m really 47.”

How do you feel about that? How do you feel when someone does that to you?

How do I feel when someone tells me they’ve been lying about their age on the Internet? I tell them to immediately stop lying about their age.

What that says to someone is that you might be lying about other things – and that you’re willing to lie in general. Nobody wants to start a relationship on a lie.

Relationships are tough enough, but starting one off on a lie just makes it that much tougher. It’s going to bring back emotional trigger points of all the bad relationships and all the lies that someone told them in the past. Then you’re going to have to start talking your way out of this, and convincing them that this so-called lie was a one-shot deal.

You’re 47. You’re not 39. If you desire to date people that much younger than you are then you need to go about it by showing people how young you are in person and attract them that way.

When it comes down to the Internet, you need to really be honest about your age. Actually even if you meet someone in a bar (or in any other place), you need to tell the truth about your age too. Once again, if you look amazing for your age then you will attract those younger people you want by your appearance and your demeanor.

Lying about your age basically will give you an uphill battle with any person you start dating. So be proud of how old you are, and realize that whatever age you are is exactly where you need to be.