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Posts Tagged ‘Dating Advice’

 
 

Stop Beating Around The Bush

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Are you a passive aggressive person? Are you somebody who has a lot of trouble with confrontation? Do you have difficulty telling someone how you feel — whether it’s telling someone you love them, that you want to see them again or even asking somebody out on a date?

Are you a “beat around the bush” person? Mr. Beat Around The Bush is Mr. Passive Aggressive’s brother. He always waits and waits and hopes and hopes for someone to give him confirmation so he can ask them out.

Do you beat around the bush when you’re trying to ask somebody out? Do you say, “So, do you like coffee?” hoping they will respond with “I love coffee. Why don’t we get together for coffee sometime.”

Let me tell you something, Mr. Beat Around The Bush. Doing this is really no different than being passive aggressive.

People in life who beat around the bush and have passive aggressive behavior tend to be the most frustrated people, because they never seem to get their needs fulfilled.  They tend to walk away from situations saying over and over, “Oh man, I wish I would have asked her out. I just didn’t get the right signal.”

My question to that guy is, “Why didn’t you ask her out?” The reason is that they beat around the bush and are passive aggressive.

In life, you had better state exactly what you want.  You better state what you need and you better be damn proud of it. If you don’t state what you want, you’ll never get what you want.

If you don’t ask that person out and continue to beat around the bush, you’re always going to be frustrated because you never get your needs fulfilled. You’re never going to date the person you want.

Then, when you finally do date people, you will go from Mr. Beat Around The Bush to Mr. Passive Aggressive. This will manifest in your relationship. So stop this cycle now, and stop beating around the bush!

Your Perfect Date

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

So often in dating, a lot of your time is spent figuring out the “right” place or the “right” restaurant to take your date. Here is a little advice for guys out there who want to impress women when they take them out on a date.

Go to www.yelp.com. It has reviews on restaurants. When you’re on that third or fourth date trying to impress that date, you want to find a cute cafe or a great restaurant. So look at the reviews. Look not only at the reviews about the food, but also the reviews about the service.

The reason to do this is something I realized while I was in France. Waiters in France and the United Kingdom (and actually all throughout Europe) are professional waiters. In Los Angeles and New York waiters are struggling actors, so you are not getting great service a lot of times.

In Europe, however, you are getting waiters whose career is being a waiter. Also, in Europe they pay their waiter a respectable wage. It’s a career, not just a job. They even get health benefits and so forth.  Restaurants here barely pay you, and they expect the customers to tip you 30% so you can earn respectable wages.

We’ve already talked about tipping in a previous blog, so that’s not what we’re going to talk about today. What is really important about this, though, is to avoid having bad service when you’re on a date.

You don’t want bad service when you’re on a date because, if you think about it, you are not your nicest self when you’re faced with bad service at a restaurant.
Things may come out of your mouth that wouldn’t otherwise say, and on a date you are always trying to make a good impression.

Your surroundings are really important on a date. So the next time you’re planning a date, check out yelp.com and the restaurant reviews on there . . . especially the reviews of the service at each place. When you’re out there, you better make sure that everything is in your favor, and bad service can quickly turn a good date into a bad one.

Do You Really Respect Your Partner?

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

Have you ever been driving when that cute little gas guage light comes on, and you look at the computer which says “30 Miles To Empty?” I always wonder how it knows that, because I always drive until the car says “Refill Fuel Now!”

So it’s kind of like the car is lying, sort of like how someone is lying when they say “Give me a second.” I think the same person invented the phrase “give me a second” and the “Refill Fuel Now” message.

You can tell it’s Saturday since these are about the only thoughts on my brain. Good thing I have a blog written, otherwise the “refill fuel now!” message would have been the topic of today’s blog.

So onto a less “gassy” topic. . .

Do you really respect your partner? Think about all the people in your life. Think about your best friends. You respect your friends, otherwise you wouldn’t be friends with them.

Do you really respect the person you’re dating though? Do you really respect their wishes and the things they like to do? Do you make sure there is enough balance between the things you like to do and the things they like to do?

Say one of you is a late night person and the other is an early morning person. Do you compromise about that? Do you respect each other’s wants and desires? It is really important that you do. A lot of people tend to tune out or ignore their partner’s wishes.

Say your partner wants to go out for dinner to a Chinese restaurant. You had Chinese food for lunch, but you know how much your partner is craving it. So what do you do? You just kind of don’t answer them. You go into silent mode and hope they don’t ask you again.

Here’s how you should handle it. Don’t ignore them. When you ignore someone, they will immediately start to think that the answer is no and that you’re not on the same page with them. You don’t want to do this.

It’s just human nature that if someone asks us to do something we’re not really in the mood to do, we will tend to go on mute mode (and will just ignore the request). Pretty soon what happens when you do this, though, is that your partner will start to think you’re not interested in doing that thing with them (when maybe you just aren’t interested in doing it that night).

So if your partner wants to go to a Jazz club one night and you aren’t in the mood that day to do that, answer them by saying something like “No, I’m really not in the mood to go listen to jazz tonight and get drunk. Let’s do it tomorrow night.”

So, don’t ignore somebody when they have a wish. Don’t ignore somebody when they want something. Just tell them you’re not in the mood for it that night, otherwise you are going to cause your partner to form all sorts of erroneous opinions about you. If that happens, you will all of a sudden start to see your relationship go in directions you never wanted it to go.

Avoid The Art Of Detraction

Friday, November 6th, 2009

I’ve been ruined. Once again, I’ve been ruined. Every time I go to Europe and eat lots of small meals with fresh organic foods, I come back to America and the processed foods in my favorite restaurants make me feel lousy.

Last night, I went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, and now I am going to be off of sushi forever. The next time I eat sushi and raw fish will be when I am reincarnated as flipper. The other night I ordered in Chinese food from a healthy Chinese restaurant, and let me tell you that the next time I’ll be eating Chinese food will be when I’m reincarnated as Wo Ming Ching the fisherman.

I miss all the wonderful meals I had in London and in France. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another vacation soon.

Oh, and I want to personally thank everyone who left great comments yesterday about my big announcement on the blog. If you haven’t read about my big announcement, click here (because you missed something pretty huge).

This is something I talk about almost every single day. In order to meet the kind of people you most desire, you need to learn how to attract them (and not chase them).

I mean, how many times are you guys going to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and chase women before you realize that it doesn’t work. You are just what I call chasing the night. You need to realize that your actions — all of your actions — are picked up on by lots of different people.

When I was in Cannes recently, I was standing in line behind a man at a buffet. If you’ve ever seen me in a buffet line, I act like I’ve never eaten a meal before in my entire life. It was one at one of those beautiful hotels in Cannes with a great breakfast buffet, and I was really hungry and anxious to get my hands on the lox.

So I might have gotten a little too close to the man in line in front of me, and at some point we bumped into each other. It was really no big deal. I mean, how many times have you accidentally bumped into someone, right?

That man, however, gave me the dirtiest look in the world — one of those “f*^k you” looks. So I sat down at my table, and I saw him give me yet another dirty look.

How many of you do this? How many of you accidentally bump into someone because you get too close to them, and then give the other person a dirty look because they invaded your personal space?

Do you realize how many other people see you give that dirty look and see the whole interaction take place? They don’t look at the other person as the asshole. They look at you as the asshole.

They don’t wonder what’s wrong with you because you accidentally bumped into someone. They wonder what’s wrong with you that you have to be such as asshole.

When we’re talking about attracting people (and not chasing them), this is the type of thing that will not only not attract others — but will actually repel them. So be careful what you do.

The next time somebody is too close and they bump into you, just smile and say “No big deal.” You never know who is looking at you and checking you out. You never know who is getting turned off by your actions.

When you give the dirty look or something like that, you are turning off every person around you (not just that one person next to you). If you’ve learned anything from what we’ve talked about, it all comes down to creating attraction.

When you give the dirty look, you are actually creating instant detraction. That may or may not be a word, but it is the perfect term for when you doing the exact opposite of attracting people to you (including those people of the opposite sex you most want to attract). So everywhere you go, be sure to avoid the art of detraction.

Are You A Relationship Gypsy?

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

So yesterday was my first full day back in the office, and I got to spend most of it at the dentist’s office getting a crown lengthening and a crown. It’s so much fun having your mouth open for four hours! I found that I was fine, until I opened my eyes and actually saw what they were doing: yanking, pulling and scraping. So much fun!

Anyway, back in the office today and have I got some surprises in store for all of you! Check back on Thursday for a HUGE announcement. . .

Are you someone who breaks up with someone on November 3, 2009 at 4:30 pm, and by 4:31 pm on November 3, 2009 you are in another one? Are you someone who goes right from one relationship to the next?

Are you a relationship gypsy? Relationship gypsies are people who spend their entire life in relationships without ever taking a break. When you do that, you are basically bringing your baggage with you to every new relationship.

Another definition of a relationship gypsy is someone who basically dates the same person over and over again, but who thinks they are all different. In reality, though, they are not different at all because you have never taken that necessary “timeout” for yourself in between your relationships.

If I am talking about you, then I want you to think about a few things. Something that I talk about all the time — especially with my coach TK — is how to break the pattern of being a relationship gypsy. By the way, if any of you don’t know TK (Therapist Kim), she is one of my top women’s coaches.

I am actually going to be coming out with a product about this, but the way to stop being a relationship gypsy is to really learn how to spend time with yourself — embracing yourself — so that you will start to attract the right kind of person into your life the next time. This is so important to learn, because relationship gypsy behavior is truly detrimental to you and your life.

If you don’t break the relationship gypsy pattern, you will continue to basically go from house to house, without ever getting your own house in order. Look back at your relationship history. Are you someone who dates the same person over and over again?

So if you want to know more about relationship gypsies, post a comment in the blog today. If you’re not a relationship gypsy then stay tuned, because later in the month we are going to talk about relationship junkies. . .

Intrigue Her The Minute You Walk In A Room

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Do you want to be that guy who walks into a room and women are instantly mesmerized by him? How does that happen? Well, it’s actually very easy!

The first thing to do when you walk into a room is to slow down. A lot of guys will walk into a room very quickly, hustling and making a beeline to the bar or the corner of a room. They somehow feel they need to get there really fast.

What I always tell guys to do is stop when they walk into a room. You frame whatever doorway there is, and if there’s not a doorway then you make a doorway around you.

You stop for two to three seconds, and you look around the room. You scan the room — look left, center, right, right, center, left — so you’re looking at the entire room. People naturally are always looking toward the entranceway of a party or bar to see who is walking in the room.

Not only do you do that, but when you walk in you also make sure you have really good posture. Make sure your shoulders are back and your chest is puffed out. Make sure you’re standing up straight and tall.

Body language is very important. So much of life is based on initial impressions.

So once you walk in a room and you command power (commanding power is standing upright and walking in), then you have to walk through that room slowly. You literally should strut through that room.

Walk through that room at a very slow pace, smile at a woman that you see – make that initial contact. Give her a look directly in her eyes, smile, and ask her “How are you doing tonight?” That’s it.

You can walk away right after you do that, because it is all about how you deliver that smile. If you deliver that smile very strongly — with conviction and with good body language — then she’s going to wonder who you are and will be very intrigued by you.

Next, go directly to your friends (or whoever else you are meeting) and have great body language when you talk to them. People noticed you when you walked into the room. You smiled at the woman and she smiled back at you, and you now have acknowledgment from all of the people who are around you.

When you go to talk to a friend, you make sure that you greet your friend in the same powerful way. Put your hand on his shoulder, shake his hand, look directly in his eyes, and have a very commanding presence.

So not only is body language important, but the speed of your walk is equally important. When you walk into a room slowly, you’re a commanding presence that people will notice. When you walk into a room quickly, you’re hustling into that room so fast that you’re basically just a blur.

You have to be a commanding presence. You may have the body language right, but you’ve got to get the walk right too.

Another important thing to remember is the right body language when you’re talking to a woman. When you are talking to a woman, you need to look directly at her. Your body needs to frame her body. This means that if you’re standing there in front of her, you have to face her directly so you’re mirroring each other.

It’s all in the way that you look at somebody. Once again, a strong, powerful man looks directly into someone’s eyes and shows them who the man is in that situation.

If you have any questions about body language, I suggest you go to YouTube and search for Bill Clinton videos. Bill Clinton has great body language when he speaks.

I know when I’m talking to a room of people, I’m talking to left, center, right. I’m looking directly into people’s eyes to make them feel like I’m connecting with them, which is what people are looking for every time.

The Magic Of The Story

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.

Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.

I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.

So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.

Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.

Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.

As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.

Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.

A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.

If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!

The Four Words You Never Want To Hear

Monday, October 26th, 2009

What are the four worst words in the English language? Do you have any idea what they are? They are: We have to talk.

What a powerful phrase that it. It’s never good when anybody says those four words to you. Usually when people say “We need to talk,” they do so lurching at you with a frustrated energy, because no one wants to have the talk that follows the announcement that “We need to talk.”

If you think about it, the reason that you have the “We have to talk” talk before you have the real conversation, is because you’re full of anxiety. What you have to talk about is probably something you’ve been thinking about for weeks, but just couldn’t get yourself to raise with the other person.

Because there has been all this buildup, when you do finally bring it up the tone that is taken is unbelievable. It is never a loving tone.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend ever says to you “We need to talk,” you know it is not good news. If it was good news, you would have heard about it already..

Nobody uses the phrase “We need to talk” to tell someone that they love them. When your boss calls you into the office and says, “We need to talk,” it’s never good.

It’s funny, too, because you could have just been in the kitchen with your boyfriend or girlfriend five minutes before talking about breakfast, then all of a sudden you are hearing “We have to talk.” So you say, “Weren’t we just talking?” and they will say “No, we weren’t having the ‘we have to talk’ talk.”

I don’t have a solution for the “We have to talk” problem, but I can tell you one thing. If you have something good to say to someone, you’ll never preface it with “We have to talk.”

Also, no matter what you have to say to someone — whether it’s something great or telling someone they are driving you up the wall — don’t start it off with “We need to talk.” Start it off with something more loving like, “Hey babe, I want to share something with you about the way I’ve been feeling that I think will really be beneficial to our relationship.” Doesn’t that sound much better than “We need to talk?”

Let’s talk about this. There are so many better ways to start a conversation than, “We need to talk.”

What would the theme music be for ‘we need to talk?’ Maybe the theme from The Exorcist? It must be something ominous sounding. Let me know if any of you have suggestions.