Kids are babied nowadays more than ever. The other day I was driving down the street, and I saw a kid on a tricycle with a helmet. A helmet. On a tricycle. There’s no way that tricycle was going to fall over and the kid was going to hit his head on the concrete. But yet the kid had a helmet on.

I think that can really serve as a metaphor for what society is nowadays. Society is all about babying every single step of our lives from the second we’re on that tricycle with a helmet for no good reason, all the way through high school and college, and then even while you’re off on your own.

I think that we’ve got a generation now that is full of people who have been absolutely babied every single step of the way, and that’s why they’re so afraid of conflict. I’m hoping that this blog pisses you off, makes you angry, and makes you realize some things about your own life, because I want to see you angry. I want to see you full of conflict, I want to see you really raging and fuming on the inside right now.

I want to see you sick and tired of the situations you put yourself into, over and over again.

Can you motivate yourself enough to keep yourself moving? Can you motivate yourself to face conflict and face your own fears head-on?
We’ve got boot camps coming up all next year. We’re doing one in each city, and that’s it.

You want conflict and growth? You get your butt to one of these boot camps. To check out next years schedule click here.

And if you can’t afford a boot camp, what are you going to do to change the mindset that you’ve put yourself in right now? How are you going to grow? Who is going to push you? Who is going to push you so far that you can grow through the conflict and start to work on yourself to get this part of your life handled?

Are you a dating “lister”?

Meaning, do you sit down and list all the things you desire in a person and then expect to put yourself out there and meet that very person?
Are you a person who has a checklist for things they’re looking for in a partner? Then at the end of each date, you go home and check off what that person did and didn’t do, or how they lived or didn’t live up to your expectations?

Dating and relationships are always a unique ride for each person. A lot of times you think you’ve found somebody great, they’re the perfect person, and then all of a sudden a few months into dating them you realize that they’re not for you.

How strict are you with your expectations of another person? And how many hoops do you need to make the person you’re dating go through in order to give them the gift of your love?
Check out today’s video and ask yourself if you are as stringent as this guy is in this video. If so, explain down below why you are.

What are your desires, your deal-breakers, and what can you tolerate? What are your negotiables and non-negotiables?

Let’s have a conversation today about how far you’re willing to negotiate when it comes down to things you desire in a relationship.
Let’s make this a great conversation!

I am sure all of you are back in the office wishing it was Black Friday all over again. But today I hear is cyber monday followed by some kind of tuesday.

It seems that we now name all the days before Christmas. It used to be the 12 days of Christmas now its some named day and were not even close yet. Back to the dating world and today we are all about the clueless people who have no idea that they are a dangler.

Have you ever had a dangler?
Do you know what a dangler is? Are you self-aware enough to know when you have a dangler?

The other day I was out to lunch with some people. A guy sitting across from me had a dangler. It was pretty distracting.
Now there are many forms of danglers. A dangler can be a piece of food that’s stuck on the tip pf somebody’s lip. You know, as they’re eating and talking, that little piece of food just seems to swing back and forth on their lip? It’s like its winking directly back at you.

So you wait for them to wipe their lip. You think to yourself, How could they not know they’ve got this huge dangler? Can’t they feel that there’s something dangling right from their lip? Pretty soon you get fixated , sitting there staring at the dangler while you’re trying to concentrate on the conversation. You think to yourself, How much longer am I going to sit here without telling them that they’ve got a dangler?

There’s other danglers too. There’s the booger dangler that flaps in and out of your nose every time you breathe. Don’t they know that there’s a little booger flapping in and out of their nose? I mean, can’t they feel it going in and out, in and out? Literally at each breath, the dangler sucks in, the dangler blows out, sucks in, blows out.
Yeah, it’s funny. We’re all human. We all have plenty of little danglers of our own from time to time.

But the question is: How truthful are we with people around us who have danglers? Do we say something? Do we say nothing? It is appropriate social etiquette to go up to somebody across from you and say, “Hey by the way, a little piece of spinach artichoke dip is dangling from your lip.” “Hey, you got a little booger flapping in and out of your nose, and I just thought you’d like to be aware of that.”

There are no clear-cut rules for whether you’re supposed to do it on a date. But then again, if that person goes to the bathroom and they found out they had a dangler there, they start thinking to themselves, What the…? Why didn’t my date tell me I had a dangler?
The same rules are in effect for food stuck in the teeth. Do you tell someone that they’re front tooth looks like it’s missing because it’s covered in spinach? Or do you just sit there and just pretend to ignore it the whole time so that by the time they get home and look in the mirror, they see that they have a grill full of spinach.
I say we tell people about danglers. Every time. Maybe we should make a dangler appreciation day where we go around and tell everybody about the dangler that they have, regardless of whether we know that person or not.

Because I would certainly appreciate it if someone told me I had a dangler blowing in and out of my nose or dancing on my lip.

Oh wait…wrong holiday.

This is it: Over the river and through the woods; To grandmother’s house we go!

Who wrote that annoying song anyway?

So today, one day before you are attacked by the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, where they all are going to ask you this one big question:

Why are you still single? How come you didn’t bring anyone to Thanksgiving dinner?

So instead of the usual defensive mode you go into, I have a solution for you.

Today’s podcast will give you the exact reason why you are single this Thanksgiving.

Your answer to Granny, Mom and Dad, friends, and co workers, lies in today’s special holiday bonus one hour podcast.

It’s time to understand the importance of your journey. It’s time to embrace how how being single is the way to go.

And one last thing: Do not let Mom, Aunt Susie, or Grandma set you up on a date. They have no clue what you like in another person, and they did not listen to this podcast to understand why you are single and what you are looking for.

Now they’ve broken up, and she’s started calling you. She tells you she’s starting to have feelings for you. At the same time, your best friend still talks about her and wonders if he did something wrong.

You’re in love with your best friend’s ex, and she is in love with you. How do you handle this? What do you do in this situation?

I am somebody who truly believes that people are not possessions. If I break up with someone — and I have broken up with a lot of people — I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying her.

This has, in fact, happened to me. My good friend Charlie is married to a woman I used to date. They started dating three years after I broke up with her, and I was perfectly fine with it.

So, if you have feelings for your best friend’s ex, here is what you need to do: you need to confirm your feelings with her.

Sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. You know she feels the same way about you, as you do about her. Have that heart-to-heart talk with her and then ask her, “What do we do about telling my buddy? I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, but yet I don’t want to act on my feelings for you.” Both of you know your friend extremely well, and together you will be able to come up with a way to tell him so that he will not be angry or hurt.

There are a lot of guys out there who truly feel that once they have dated a woman, she is off limits to all of their friends — no matter how long it’s been since they broke up. I think this is the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. We don’t own people; we just share our time with them.

Once you’ve had a conversation with your best friend’s ex, you’ll need to sit down with your friend, and do one of the toughest things in the world — have “the talk.”

When you sit down with him, first tell him that he is your best friend and talk about how amazing your friendship with him is and how much it means to you. Then, you’ll need to ask him how he would feel if you start dating his ex. You need to be honest, and tell him everything; about how you feel, and if you’re serious about her or still trying to figure this out.

He may be angry and upset at first. He may not want to see you for a week or two. In time, though, he is going to understand; so, if you need to, give him his space. He’s not with her anymore. He is out there dating, having fun and sleeping with other women. Eventually, he is going to get over it.

If this is an amazing woman with whom you have incredible chemistry, women like her don’t come around that often. You have every right to pursue a relationship with her.

This is one of the tough times of your adult adolescence. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty not only with yourself, but with a woman with whom you are in love and also with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to be honest and confront difficult conversations with two people you care about, even though they won’t be safe or easy conversations, will exhibit what sort of person you are.

In dating, being challenging is great. It’s part of the picture when you’re just meeting someone new. You don’t want to be overly agreeable with this new person you hardly know, and you certainly don’t want to be a pushover and play it too safe.

Being a challenge is also fun. You get to enjoy the push-and-pull, you get a sense for each other’s sense of humor, and you build up anticipation and sexual tension right from the get-go.

But be careful when your challenges start backfiring. For a lot of you guys, I know this is happening. A guy who’s too challenging can easily end up repelling women when he’s out getting to know people, be at a bar, at Whole Foods, in line at the coffee shop, you name it. Act too cocky, and people will start shying away from you.

So how do you know when you’re being TOO challenging? It’s when you’re turning the moment into something that’s no longer fun. It’s when you’re going out, and you’re racking your brain about HOW you can be a challenge to this woman right now. If it seems like it’s just so much work to come up with all these challenging, funny lines, you’re going way over the top.

Playing Hard To Get

A very bold, risky woman may respond to that kind of behavior, but most people in everyday situations won’t. Most people respond to someone who’s friendly, who’s got a great smile, and who’s staying present in the moment interested in what’s going on around them. If your challenge is coming out of nowhere because it was something you thought so hard about to say, and not based on something going on in the moment, you’re done. You’re being fake, you’re overcompensating for your insecurities, and you’re going to get blown out.

A challenge demands a challenge back, and if the woman you’re talking to is not comfortable with your major attitude coming at her from out of the blue, she’s thinking, “What the hell is going on!? I was just fine before this guy came along, and now I’m not. I’m outta here because it’s going to take way too much effort to try and keep up with this clown right now.”

I was at Whole Foods with a client last weekend, and at the beginning of the day he came way over the top with all his challenges. We’re getting sandwiches, and he pulls a ticket. As we’re waiting in line chatting, we miss our number being called, and two women order ahead of us.

“HEEEEY,” my client says to the girls in a loud sarcastic voice, “We’re up! Unless you want to buy this ticket from us, eh? How much? $100?” Now he was smiling and trying to be funny and engaging, but it was way too much for the sandwich line at Whole Foods at noon. The girls basically got scared, looked at him really quickly and said, “Oh, sorry, you go ahead.” And that was that.

I told him he had the right idea, but he really had to tone it down. I told him to watch me as I sidled up next to one of them and said in a normal voice, “You know, you did cut in front of us but I’ll let you go this time,” with a smile and a wink. And we proceeded to have a great conversation about all sorts of stuff.

Luckily my client was a great guy to work with, just a great all-around guy, and he watched me and got the picture right away. The very next interaction he had, we saw two more cute girls outside Whole Foods in the pumpkin patch. He walks up, talks to the girls about pumpkin carving and how he’s never carved a pumpkin, and the next thing you know, boom, one of the girls is taking down his information in her iPhone. All because he cut out the fake challenging behavior that wasn’t really him to begin with.

So next time you’re out, ask yourself not only if you’re being funny. Also ask yourself whether you’re actually fun to be around. Watch the reactions of others around you when you challenge them… Do they laugh and go along with it, and give you a little bit of a fun challenge back? Or do they give you a strange look and take a couple steps back?

People like to have a little fun, people respond to a fun challenge, but if you come across too strong, you’re being fake and everyone in the room can smell it.

“David, that’s my 3:30, man. He’s going to tell me he’s stuck in traffic.”

He picked up the phone. Sure enough, it was his 3:30 appointment. The guy was stuck in traffic.

10 minutes later, the phone rang again. He looks at the caller ID, he goes, “Oh this chick, Sharon, she always cancels on me last minute. I’ll bet you she’s going to cancel.”

Sure enough, she was calling to cancel the appointment. He looked at me and he said, “David, do these people actually think we’re buying their excuses? Do these people think that we were born yesterday?”

That got me thinking: the older you get, the more you’ve seen, the more you’ve experienced and the more you realize there’s so much bullshit going on out there. You know the only reason why people are late is because they didn’t leave early enough. That’s the only reason why I’m ever late.

Do You Date Late

My entire life, the reason why I’ve ever been late to any appointment is because I did not leave early enough. If I just left five minutes earlier, if I just didn’t try to squeeze in one more e-mail in or take one more phone call, I would have arrived on time. So when I give somebody an excuse like it’s traffic, or there was a line at the grocery store, or whatever the excuse is, it’s bullshit.

The reason I was late is because I didn’t leave early enough, which really comes down to what I’m talking about here in today’s blog. Look at the bullshit you throw out there every single day. Look at all the bullshit you throw out there. People aren’t really buying it. You may think they’re buying it, or you may want to believe they’re buying it, but in reality they’re not. So why not be a little more honest?

“Hey Mr. Barber, you know, the reason why I’m late today is because I didn’t leave home early enough. You see I didn’t respect your time as much as I should have, and because I didn’t respect your time, I’m arriving late. And because I’m arriving late, all your other appointments for the day behind me are going to be late.”

Doctors should know all about this. Go to a doctor’s office and the doctor will tell you, “Oh sorry for being late, it’s just that I had this call I had to be on.” It’s bullshit. The reason why doctors are late is because their patients show up late for their appointments too.

Shogo was supposed to edit this blog and send it to me 2 hours ago. Where were you Shogo? On a client call? Bullshit.

I like to be more mysterious, because I know that’s what will drive the women to really want me.

You guys remember Intern Dan’s blog about nice guys. You can be nice, no problem at all, but you’ve got to be great. You’ve got to be a guy who doesn’t act like Mr. Accommodating all the time. Those are the things you don’t want to do.

Don’t go out on certain dates if you don’t want to do, just because you think your date wants to. Don’t go hiking if you hate hiking. That’s simply a misconception that so many of us have throughout our entire lives. You become Mr. Accommodating, or even for women, Mrs. Accommodating.

Somebody tells you something that they’d like to do—something that you actually don’t want to do at all—but you do it anyway. And it’s a behavior pattern that you probably have done your entire life. Your friends want to go out on a Friday night, you’re not in the mood to go to a night club at all, but you go anyway. And then, because you acted so agreeable, you stand there in the corner all upset and wondering when you’re going to go home, and you just stand there wishing you drove your own car so you could leave. Or your friends start drinking in the afternoon, you’re not in the mood to drink, but you do it anyway because you don’t want to be left out.

Here’s the deal: If someone says something to you that you do not want to do, then you need to stand up for yourself. Say you’re on a date and your date says to you, “God, I’m a staunch Republican and I hate Obama.” If you love Obama, you need to stand up for it. Don’t give somebody an image of you that’s entirely wrong. Don’t be people’s doormat.

The reason you’re not driving women to really want you more is because you’re acting like her doormat. Women are not interested in having sex with doormats. But they are interested in being challenged, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Start with standing up to your friends first. The next time your friends want you to go out with them somewhere you don’t want to go, tell them, “Hey, I want to pass on this one, let’s come up with a better idea.” Or better yet, let them do what they want while you stay home.

It’s time you started being less accommodating to others and more of an individual.

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I don’t have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and it’s oten difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,

Danny

Here is my response:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, “As an introvert.” In a three-sentence e-mail to me, you’ve used the word “introvert” twice. Which leads me to believe that was you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, As an introvert, I do X. As an introvert, I do Y. Because I’m an introvert, I can’t talk to that person over there. Because I’m an introvert, I won’t be able to meet somebody.

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that you’re an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

I’m shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and it’s because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day I’m just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because that’s what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that I’ve developed over my entire life. But I’m willing to tackle my issues, I’m able to do this, and I’m going to work on it every day. Every day I’m going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually I’m going to get comfortable doing these things.

You see the way I phrased it differently? Your words are very powerful. Your words are your actions. The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.

This week has been really hectic, I’ve been on a lot of coaching calls with clients, and few calls with some of you blog readers from all over the world as well. Just a lot of guys I’ve talked to this week.

There’s one common thread that runs through almost everybody. And that fear is what’s commonly called APPROACH ANXIETY. The moment you see somebody who you’re attracted to, you make a determination that you’ll go talk to them. But then the fear kicks in. Well, now you’re stuck in a situation where you CAN go up and talk to them, you’ve got no excuse not to, but you’re afraid of what might happen. Actually, you have no idea what might happen, and that’s what makes it so scary.

It’s like you get this crazy sensation in your stomach, your mind starts racing thinking all sorts of ridiculous thoughts, thinking of any excuse in the book why you should not go up and start talking to this person or just say “Hi, how are you today?”

So how about this for an invention: Anti-Rejection Specs.

Just like those cardboard X-ray Specs you used to get in the old comic books, you could put on these magic Approach Sunglasses when you enter the bar, or browse the supermarket, or you’re at the gym, and just like an X-ray, the Anti-Rejection glasses would tell you exactly who is going to be interested in you and who isn’t. Wouldn’t that be great? You would know exactly who to approach. You would never ever get rejected again. Wouldn’t that solve all your problems putting yourself out there trying to make a connection and meeting women?

But the fact is glasses like that don’t exist. In fact, it’s actually quite a scary thought if they did. Men everywhere would be running rampant like the lock to the chimpanzee cage just got cracked.

So many guys have this fear of the unknown, fear of getting rejected, fear of putting themselves out there and getting shot down. So many guys think their entire manhood is on the line if they get blown out and the woman he wants to talk to decides she doesn’t want to talk to him. “What if I approach her and she doesn’t like me? What if I get rejected? She’s really cute and I don’t want to look like a fool.”

But guess what? You’ll never know unless you try. There’s no such thing as Anti-Rejection Sunglasses, and yes, every woman will not be interested in you all of the time. That’s life. But there are plenty of great single women out there who WILL be interested in you. It’s up to you to put yourself out there and find them.

You’ll never find out if she’s interested in you unless you drop the games, stop trying to act cool and standoffish, and just be open and receptive and introduce yourself without putting on a front.

I understand the games. The games are there for a reason. You tiptoe around, you pretend not to be interested in her, so that way if you find out that she’s not interested in you—well, you never had to put yourself out there now you don’t look foolish.

But that’s not going to get you the girl you want. To really grow, to radiate confidence, to be with the kind of woman you really desire, the fact is you have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to drop the games and the gimmicks. You have to go out and approach women even if you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. And yes, you have to experience rejection.

You’ll never know unless you try, and that’s the hardest part. But it’s also the best part. Because when you do approach, and you are successful, and you do get the digits, or the date, or the lay, or the girlfriend, or whatever, you’ll know that you had the guts to approach her just the way you are, without any silly games—and without any Anti-Rejection Specs telling you every time it was safe to approach.