I’ve been wondering: why did I not do this my entire life?!

Why do we dance around certain topics?

Why are we so afraid to really say the truth?

It’s amazing, when you’re 100% truthful and honest with people, they think you’re actually defending yourself, justifying things, or selling yourself.

It’s really amusing in a lot of ways.

I wanted to hang out with a friend the other night.  They couldn’t make it.

I said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll sweeten the deal next time.”

She said, “What are you selling?”

I was like, “I’m not selling anything!  I like to sweeten the deals.  I enjoy doing things for people.  I enjoy hanging out with people, eating a good meal, whatever it might be.”

It was fun.

So instead, I had a client come over last night. He stayed late, and I looked at him and he seemed run down in so many ways.  He just didn’t have the zest, the pop, the energy that he always had.

And it’s because of his relationship.

So I looked him straight in his eyes and I said, “You need to end this for your health.” I went through a long synopsis of what I saw about him and how I was concerned. I gave it to him straight.

He kept saying that he hoped that his wife would change.

I told him that people don’t change. The only person that you can change is yourself. No one is going to change for us.

No relationship is going to miraculously get better.  No person is going to suddenly start to understand you.

We spend years hoping that people change. And they don’t.

Usually I would allow a client to engage me in the change conversation.  He would then tell me all the ways that his wife should change and can change and then I would listen to that and basically agree or rationalize with him, and say, “You know you’re right, give it another shot.”

But I felt like he was wasting time. I looked at him from a health point of view and I saw how stressed out he was—it wasn’t good. I told him that he needed to be honest with himself and make a decision, even if tough.

We’ll see how that goes.

Yesterday, I had a guy come to see a car that I’m selling for a friend.  He offered a ridiculously low number—$2,000 less than the asking price, and the care was already priced really well.

He then went into a whole sob story about his daughter’s birthday and how he needed to spend $500 on his daughter’s birthday, otherwise he’d be in trouble with his ex-wife.

I listened to him. I did.

And then I looked at him and said, “I don’t care. I’m not paying for your daughter’s birthday.  My friend deserves the money for his car. That’s fair to him, right?”

“All I’ve got is $14,000.”

“You shouldn’t have come over with just $14,000, you should have brought $16,000.”

I then paused for effect.

“Your final offer is 14? My friends wants 16. But I’ll tell you what: I’ll meet you halfway, plus 10%, for a final total of $14,800. My friend would be okay with that offer.”

“No, I can only do 14 because of my daughter’s birthday party.”

“Well, then go find another car.  Time is money.  You can run all around town, looking at different cars to try and hopefully find one that’s priced this low with this much work done, or you can spend the money because I know you have it.  Nobody just has 14.”

He just looked at me, hopeful.

“I hope your daughter enjoys her party.  But it’s not my friend’s job to pay for it. See ya.”

Later that day, he texted me:

All I’ve got is 14. Are you sure?

I sent him the same text back:

The number doesn’t change.  Good luck.  

And it felt good.

It feels so good to look at people and call them out.

It feels good to tell people exactly how you feel and not worry about being in your head.

And it’s fun to watch everyone’s reaction.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking right now, “Another blog post from David that has nothing to do with dating.” How do you know? How do you know this has nothing to do with dating, because—let me tell you something––it can have a ton of things to do with dating.

First off, when you sell something on Craigslist, you never know who’s going to come over and buy it from you. It could be love at first sight. Secondly, when you buy something on Craigslist, you never know who you’re buying from. She could be super hot, maybe she likes clothing swap parties, and the next thing you know, you guys are swapping clothes in your bedroom after meeting on Craigslist.

Yes, I said it. You can meet people on Craigslist. And it doesn’t have to be one of those cheesy Casual Encounters ads either.

But, I digress.

So, I’m selling my iMac on Craigslist and a guy writes back and tells me that he’s paying in CASH. Uh, well, what do you think we’re accepting on Craigslist? Credit cards? PayPal? Money order? Traveler’s checks? Of course you’re going to pay me in cash, dude—it’s Craigslist!

People are very funny. What, am I supposed to be impressed because you’re paying in cash? It’s just a way of negotiating. When I negotiate, I always tell them that I will come over with (usually much less than) what they’re asking for right now—no hassle, nothing. “It’s $500? Okay, I’ll be over there in 20 minutes with $400. Cash.”

That’s how you negotiate. You tell them you’ll be there in 20 minutes because they’re already dreaming about the money. And, they already know where the money is going. Maybe they’re getting a new computer. Or maybe it’s the Craigslist in LA and they have to pay their ridiculous rent for the month. Either way, they’ve already got that money spent in their mind and it makes the deal go so much smoother for you, the buyer.

So that’s the key to negotiating on Craigslist. And as for dates, well, you never know who’s on the other end.

Share with us today if you have any Craigslist stories. Any people that you’ve met on Craigslist via putting up an ad or if you absolutely fell in love with the person who you bought your car from or your new Mac computer.

You never know.

So when you read today’s blog think about how you can use my funny observations as your openers to engage the world around you.

I drove by a Toyota lot the other day, and I saw a couple of really ugly cars. I started thinking to myself, “What happens to all of these cars? Is there really an ass for every seat? Do they all get sold?”

I know the cars that don’t sell and get a little old on the lot will go to an auction where some other dealer will buy them. Usually a small used car lot will buy a car at the auction that a big franchise dealer wholesales.

Are there some cars, though, that just never get sold? Are there some cars that just go from lot to lot and sit there, and nobody ever wants them?

There just seems to be so much inventory of so many things in life. Have you ever gone to a Nordstrom’s and looked at all the clothes? You know they can’t all be sold. Where do they go?

Of course they first get passed on to Marshall’s and then to Ross (and maybe some other stores), but what happens if they don’t get sold there? Do they just get exported somewhere else?

We’re such a “make more stuff” culture. We’re constantly producing things — televisions, clothes, cars etc. Where does all this stuff go?

Where does all the fruit go? Do you ever go to Whole Foods or to the supermarket and see all the fruit that is just sitting there?

You want to buy a peach, and when you reach for one you find it’s mushy. You think to yourself, “Well, that was a waste. That poor peach. It made this long journey from a tree to a truck to the fruit market, and now where will it go?” Do they throw it away, or give it away?

How about all the food that is at the “ready to eat” counters? They make all that prepared food. Where does it go? In the trash?

There are so many needy people out there. I wonder if these stores give the food to the needy or if they just throw it out.

More Stuff To Sell

What about the clothes that never end up being bought? Are they just thrown out? How about the cars that are never bought or sold at auction?

I think we should set up something. There must be some way to get all the stuff that is never bought or that nobody wants to people who cannot afford it.

There is so much extra surplus in the world. Does anyone else wonder where all this stuff goes, or is it just me? Maybe it’s just my crazy creative mind always thinking about things and processing stuff.

I’d like to hear what all of you think about this topic, and about where you think all this stuff goes.

I know some of it goes to Craigslist. You can find the weirdest things in the world on Craigslist. Where does the rest of it go?

Also, who really buys those orange colored Range Rovers? I can’t imagine. The other day I was driving around and saw a pink PT Cruiser — the exact thing I was craving the day that I was hung over, drunk, and needed a little bit of Pepto-Bismol.

So let’s hear from all of you today about this…

It’s true – every car. I find that very hard to believe, especially considering that 75% of the people who sell a car are selling it because the car has issues and problems that they do not want to fix.

Then when you ask them if they have any service records, they always tell you that they don’t have any because the car has been “dealer maintained.” They tell you that although they have no records, that the car is absolutely perfect.

Now, there is a trick I’ve learned about buying a used car. There are actually people out there who sell a car only because they’re sick of it or because they want a newer model.

What I always tell people is to look for the seller who is really honest and has all of the paperwork, including the service history. Look for the seller who actually washed the car.

You can tell if a seller is one of these honest sellers by the way their ad is written. Honest seller’s ads are written with a lot of passion. They love and are going to miss the car, even though they want something new.

So how does all this talk about buying used cars relate to dating? We’re all used cars. Every one of us.

Have you tried online dating? Everyone online is perfect according to their profiles and how they describe themselves. Everyone has had such a wonderful and exciting life. When you go out on a date with them, though, you start to see their cracks and flaws.

What you need to realize is that the older we get, the more flawed we become. There’s nothing wrong with flaws. Flaws are part of who you are. Learning your flaws, embracing them, going to the mechanic once in a while to get your flaws fixed, and having an action plan to work on them is really important.

You’re not perfect, so stop chasing after and looking for perfection. So many single people spend their time looking for perfection and thinking that they need to find someone perfect.

They will have a list of all the things that they want. The list say that the person they’re looking for MUST be this and MUST be that, and if someone isn’t those things then they’re out of there.

You’re not perfect. You’re as flawed as every single car you’ve ever looked at on AutoTrader. So embrace those flaws. Be honest when you don’t know something. You’ll be amazed at who you meet and how your life progresses.

So if you’re planning this week to put a classified ad on one of the online dating sites, try making yourself sound more real instead of sounding like all those cars that are posted on AutoTrader.

Yesterday I decided since I have a great deal with T-Mobile that I don’t want to give up, that I would look on craigslist for an unlocked iPhone. I mean, I am a mac guy after all, so it would be great to have one.

When I looked at the iPhones online, the prices were all over the map. That’s when I started looking for one on craigslist.

so I go to craigslist and I email a few people about their unlocked iPhones for sale. In my emails, I said that I would like to have the warranty documentation with any phone I’d buy.

At first, no one emailed me back. It’s like buying a used car — absolutely no one tells you the truth. My old business partner used to say that buyers are liars (and so are sellers).

So when I woke up this morning, I had a few emails in my inbox about my iPhone inquiries. There were three of them. The first one said I had to send a Western Union money order with my address on it. Are people really that stupid?

The other two were the exact same email from two people named Movie and Doobie. You’d think they’d just call themselves something like Joe and Bob.

It’s amazing how many people fall for these money order scams. Sonja had a friend who fell for one about a puppy. For $500.00, she got a lovely plastic Chihuahua. I mean, really, are people that stupid?

Really, how many times are we going to win the African lottery and be told there is $22,000,000 waiting for us. Who knew you had four long-lost grandmothers in Africa who would die and leave you that kind of cash?!

I’ve always said we are America the gullible. So many people want to get rich quick and get money for doing nothing.

Look at all the people whose dating life hasn’t changed in a year, but they refuse to do anything about it. It always makes me wonder.

So back to Craig and his list. I’m still looking for iPhones. So if anyone has any leads or knows where I can get one, who knows what I might do to get one? I might do anything . . . even give away a free Bootcamp. You never know what I’ll do.

Today’s blog is all about something (other than the African lottery) that just doesn’t work in life.

As I was flippin’ around the channels the other night, I saw a re-run of Mystery’s show about PUAs, “The Pickup Artist.” For any of you who do not know, PUAs are a bunch of grown men who call themselves “pick up artists.”

I have never been a fan of the whole PUA thing for a number of reasons, but most importantly because I don’t agree with their methodology.

Their whole methodology is reaction-seeking. Everything they do is premised on seeking positive reinforcement from women. They’re not leading it.

They are always looking for something positive from women, so they can move forward. They’re looking for any of the described feedback contained in the PUA manuals. It’s all an illusion.

When they go up to a woman, they’re walking on eggshells because they’re solely focused on looking for some indication of interest (which they can an “IOI”). They are not leading the woman and having a conversation.

They are waiting for an “IOI” that the woman is going to allow them to continue talking so they can continue to move forward in the conversation. They’re looking for some type of body language signal.

The funny thing about this system is that it really is a joke. You HAVE to be able to walk up to a woman and lead. I have never walked over to a woman looking to see if she is interested. I am never looking for confirmation.

I’m going to say whatever I am going to say to her based on the situation around me, and I’m going to lead the conversation. I’m not sitting there and worrying the whole time.

The PUA guys are a bunch of worriers. They worry about what the woman is saying and doing, and all the while they are missing the whole conversation. When you miss that whole conversation, there really is no conversation.