1. For Pete’s Sake!: Who’s this Pete . . . and how come everything’s always for his sake?

2. Heavens To Betsy!: Who’s this Betsy . . . and how come everything’s always heavens to her?

3. Betty Crocker: Who’s this Betty Crocker . . . and how come she gets to bake all the cakes?

4. Milton Bradley: Who’s this Milton Bradley . . . and how come he gets to play all the games?

5. Heavens To Mergatroy!: Who’s Mergatroy . . . and why is he the only one allowed in Heaven with Betsy?!

6. Let Me Be Frank: Why can’t you let me be David?

7. Holy Waddell Canal Batman!: What the f*%^ is a Waddell Canal?!

8. F*%^ Like Rabbits: Have any of you ever f*%^ed a rabbit to know what they f*%^ like? Am I missing some rabbit porn that other people have seen?

9. Hung Like A Horse: If you were really hung like a horse, you’d need a third leg in your jeans.

10. Bartles & James: Who are these Bartles and James guys, and why do they get to drink all the wine coolers? On the other hand, who cares because who wants to drink one of those anyway?

11. Scared Shitless or You Scared The Shit Out Of Me: Really? Can I check for skidmarks? Did you shit in your pants??

12. Are You Shitting Me?: Yeah . . . I woke up this morning and I shit my friend Fred out of my ass.

13. Born Again: Born . . . again? OK. What happened? Did you climb back in your mother’s womb and then were born again? Boy, that must have been painful for her!

14. For The Love Of Pete!: Man, that Pete is one special guy. Not only is everything for his sake, but also for his love!

15. Go To Hell In A Handbasket: That must be one uncomfortable ride . . . although the destination doesn’t sound so great either.

16. Great Scott!: Why can’t it be “Great Tim!” or “Great Bob!”?

17. Gung Ho: I’ve met people named Chin Ho and Mary Ho . . . and my sister’s a ho . . .

18. I Have A Bone To Pick With You: Fine. What about a rib? Why am I going to take a bone to pick you . . . is it a big bone, a small bone, a boner?

19. Laugh Your Ass Off: If you laugh your ass off, then what do you laugh with . . . your pubic bone?

20. Lip Service: Lip service is great . . . just don’t give my any of your lip. I don’t want someone else’s lip. What do I want someone else’s lip for?

21. Mums The Word: Is Grandmum mum too? How about Stepmum? Is she the word too??

22. Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass: Do you really want to touch a rat’s ass? In order to give it . . . you have to touch it.

23. It Is Better To Give Than To Receive: Aw c’mon now . . . we KNOW you like to receive!

24. Nothing To Sneeze At: If you learn how to sneeze on command, go for it.

25. Eager Beaver: I always wanted an eager beaver, ’cause I really like women who are really eager . . . especially with their beaver.

26. Another One Bites The Dust: Another what bites the dust?

27. Hold On A Sec: C’mon now, think about this. Someone tells you to ‘hold on a sec,’ and by the time they say it and push the button, it’s already been a sec and they didn’t come back!

28. You’re Full Of Shit!: Oh great. I just went to the bathroom and someone’s telling me I’m full of shit. How do they know I’m full of shit? Are they inside my colon? Do they know something I don’t know?

29. F*%^in’ A!: How about f*%^in’ B . . . or C . . . or D . . . or E? How did “A” become so f*%^n?!

30. The Whole Nine Yards: What are you . . . a measuring stick? Were you a referee one time in the NFL? Obviously you didn’t do your job very well, since it’s supposed to be the whole TEN yards.

31. Until The Cows Come Home: They never come home . . . and don’t you have to find a rancher to get them to come home?

32. Tastes Like Chicken: If it tastes like chicken, then what does chicken taste like . . . frog?

33. Under The Weather: This never made sense to me. Where exactly under the weather are you? So if you’re under the weather and it’s 75 and sunny, what are you . . . 74?

34. Feel Like Hell: Have you been there?

35. Turn The Other Cheek: Great, so now I get to see both sides of your ass.

36. Tit For Tat: I’d gladly take a tit for a lot of things . . . but I’ve never had a tat to exchange for a tit.

37. Pulling My Chain: What if I’m not wearing my chain that day? What are you going to pull then?

38. Well I’ll Be A Monkey’s Uncle: If you’re a monkey’s uncle, then that means that your sister or brother has a monkey for a kid.

39. Rub Me The Wrong Way: If you rub me the wrong way, I’m going to show you the right way really fast.

40. Pooh-Pooh Something: What does this mean? Are you going to rub your own shit on something? That’s actually really disgusting!

41. Dagnabbit!: Where does this come from? Who is Dag . . . and why does he always get the nabbit?

42. Take The Cake: If you take it, then there’s none left for anybody else.

43. Done Like Dinner: Are breakfast and lunch raw?

44. As Far As You Can Throw Him: As far as you can throw him? When’s the last time you picked someone up and threw them? Do you have a weight limit? Since when did you become bionic?

45. Cheez Whiz: What’s that . . . a cheese taking a piss?

46. That’s What They Say: Who the hell are they . . . and why are they always recommending the same restaurants?

47. Houston We Have A Problem!: You don’t live in Houston and you’re not up in Apollo 13 so really, what IS your problem?

48. Hold The Phone: But I’m on my headset!

49. I Don’t Know Him From Adam: Does she even know an Adam?

50. Cool your Jets: What am I . . . an airplane?

51. Get My Drift?: What? Did I become a storm front all of a sudden?

So which ones did I miss. Feel free to add as many as you can.

So I was boarding the flight and it’s funny, I’ve been a relationship coach for so long now that I pick up on first encounters everywhere I go. As I was getting seated, in the row in front of me I spotted a guy sitting next to a young woman and he was clearly trying to get a conversation going.

Problem was, he couldn’t get a sentence out without going “uhh” and “umm” every other word.

“That’s cool…ummm… Yea, that’s nice… uhh… So, um, where are you from?” Now I’m not making fun of this guy at all, he was just nervous and the woman he was talking to was trying really hard to listen to what he was saying.
Are you an “umm-er” or an “uhh-er”? There’s some new terminology. So this inspired me to do a “umm-uhh” blog today.

Here’s the deal: You know the people who, when they don’t know what to say next in conversation, they always go, “uh” or “um”? The only place where “uh’s” and “um’s” are great is when you’re in the heat of passion, you’re having great sex, and it feels really good and you let out an occasional “ah”, or an occasional “um”, or an occasional “hmm”.

But when you’re “ah-ing” and “um-ing” in the middle of a conversation, it means you’re not really listening to the conversation flow. It means that you’re stuck in your head thinking about what to say next and thinking about if what you’re saying right now is the right thing to say.

I’ve seen this with a lot of guys that I’ve coached. I’ve watched them go over and talk to women, and I know they stop listening in the middle of the conversation because what happens is the woman will say something interesting, the guy will not know what to say because he gets lost inside his head. He stops being present and he comes back with an “uh” or an “um”.

I know that when someone “uh’s” or “umm’s” me, it means that they’re really not paying attention. It means that they’re focusing on something else. Maybe they’re watching the television. Maybe somebody else caught their eye.

But in real conversations that are engaging and interesting, “uhh’s” and “umm’s” just don’t come up in the first 30 seconds of talking unless you’re not paying attention and you’re not present in the conversation. So if you’re an or an “umm-er”, realize why you’re doing it. And realize that you need to start paying deeper attention to what other people are saying so that you can be engaging and really carry the conversation forward.

If you’re starting a conversation with somebody, you don’t want to be the subordinate person or the weak person. You don’t want to be the subordinate person because conversations are all about energy, and if you walk over to someone feeling weak or insecure then your energy will make that person perceive that you as a person are weak or insecure. Nobody wants to be in a conversation with someone who is weak or insecure.

Have you ever noticed that when you walk up to a woman (or walk up to a man if you’re a woman) and you’re not feeling great about yourself, that the conversation always goes the same way? It usually goes down the toilet in about fifteen seconds. It’s usually one of those conversations where you have to push the eject button almost immediately because the conversation is just plain not working.

Blah Blah Blah

The only way you can every start a successful conversation with someone is to become the attractor. You cannot be the retractor and start a great conversation.

So before you go and approach someone, you need to feel good about yourself. I can’t stress enough to all of you the importance of self-love, feeling great about yourself and really being a person you respect every single day.

If you’re needy when you walk over to someone and start a conversation, do you know what your needy energy will do? It will repel that person, because you will be the weak person.

So how do you feel good before you have every single conversation? You can do a visualization exercise about something that you love to do, or something about which you feel great that puts a smile on your face. Put whatever that is on your SmartPhone. It can be anything that is going to warm you up and make you feel really good.

For years I’ve been saying, and I want you to really understand, how important the first impression is when you meet someone. So you really have to get yourself feeling good before you have that first meeting.

Remember that you’re the director and the star of your own movie. Would you want to watch a movie about a weak person walking up to someone and having a conversation? No, you wouldn’t.

So you’ve really got to start feeling good about yourself. All of the power to start a great conversation with someone and to attract someone starts within you. It starts with who you are as a person and how you feel about yourself.

There is no shortcut, magic pill, or go-to phrase that someone can give you that will allow you to start a successful conversation with someone if you don’t feel good about yourself as a person when you start it. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it doesn’t matter what you say.

This is so important, and I stress this all the time. Every single person who comes to one of my seminars or Bootcamps understand this principle, and they have gone on to be a master communicator.

If you walked into a business meeting and started the conversation as the subordinate person, how do you think that business meeting would go? It’s no different when you meet someone socially. So if you want to be a master communicator, understanding this principle is where it all starts.

Here’s a great video that I did on the topic as well.

Have a great weekend!

So when you read today’s blog think about how you can use my funny observations as your openers to engage the world around you.

I drove by a Toyota lot the other day, and I saw a couple of really ugly cars. I started thinking to myself, “What happens to all of these cars? Is there really an ass for every seat? Do they all get sold?”

I know the cars that don’t sell and get a little old on the lot will go to an auction where some other dealer will buy them. Usually a small used car lot will buy a car at the auction that a big franchise dealer wholesales.

Are there some cars, though, that just never get sold? Are there some cars that just go from lot to lot and sit there, and nobody ever wants them?

There just seems to be so much inventory of so many things in life. Have you ever gone to a Nordstrom’s and looked at all the clothes? You know they can’t all be sold. Where do they go?

Of course they first get passed on to Marshall’s and then to Ross (and maybe some other stores), but what happens if they don’t get sold there? Do they just get exported somewhere else?

We’re such a “make more stuff” culture. We’re constantly producing things — televisions, clothes, cars etc. Where does all this stuff go?

Where does all the fruit go? Do you ever go to Whole Foods or to the supermarket and see all the fruit that is just sitting there?

You want to buy a peach, and when you reach for one you find it’s mushy. You think to yourself, “Well, that was a waste. That poor peach. It made this long journey from a tree to a truck to the fruit market, and now where will it go?” Do they throw it away, or give it away?

How about all the food that is at the “ready to eat” counters? They make all that prepared food. Where does it go? In the trash?

There are so many needy people out there. I wonder if these stores give the food to the needy or if they just throw it out.

More Stuff To Sell

What about the clothes that never end up being bought? Are they just thrown out? How about the cars that are never bought or sold at auction?

I think we should set up something. There must be some way to get all the stuff that is never bought or that nobody wants to people who cannot afford it.

There is so much extra surplus in the world. Does anyone else wonder where all this stuff goes, or is it just me? Maybe it’s just my crazy creative mind always thinking about things and processing stuff.

I’d like to hear what all of you think about this topic, and about where you think all this stuff goes.

I know some of it goes to Craigslist. You can find the weirdest things in the world on Craigslist. Where does the rest of it go?

Also, who really buys those orange colored Range Rovers? I can’t imagine. The other day I was driving around and saw a pink PT Cruiser — the exact thing I was craving the day that I was hung over, drunk, and needed a little bit of Pepto-Bismol.

So let’s hear from all of you today about this…

I remember one time when I lived in New York City, I had an appointment on the 70th floor of a building. While I was waiting for that appointment, I had to go to the bathroom. So I asked the receptionist, “Where are the bathrooms?” The receptionist replied, “You will need the key to use the bathroom.”

A bathroom key? This makes no sense to me at all. Why do you need a bathroom key? People aren’t coming off the street thinking to themselves, “Hmmm, I think I’m going to use the bathroom on the 70th floor.”

It has never made any sense to me why bathrooms are locked. It’s ridiculous.

Sometimes when you arrive early for an appointment, you have to go to the bathroom. Right? So you go up the elevator, walk to the bathroom, and it’s locked.

So then you have to go to the receptionist and ask for permission to use the bathroom. You have to literally tell her, “Look I have to take a dump really, really bad. Can I have the bathroom key?”

Going to the bathroom is a private thing. You should be able to go to an appointment and just use the bathroom so you can walk in all fresh. You should be able to do that without having to announce to the office first that you need to do it.

It’s just the weirdest thing in the world. It’s almost more annoying than telephone trees.

When I want to pee, I want to be able to pee without first having to ask the receptionist for permission. It is like when you were in school, and you had to carry that huge wooden paddle bathroom pass (or other equally conspicuously big and noticeable item) in order to be able to use the bathroom. As grownups, do we really need to have a “pass” to be able to use the bathroom?

So how does all of this relate to our favorite topic of dating and meeting people?

Say you’re sitting in the waiting room at your doctor’s office. You see someone you’re attracted to sitting in the waiting room too, and you wonder what to say to them. It’s very easy.

Look at them and say, “It’s so bizarre how these buildings always have a key for the bathroom. I mean, who started that rule?” There is your conversation starter.

Your conversation starter in any office building can be, “I don’t understand why you need a key to use the bathroom.” or “They always put the bathroom keys on such ridiculous huge keychains. Why? Do they think someone is going to want to take the bathroom key home? Is there somebody out there who’s got a collection of bathroom keys? Can you imagine someone saying, ‘Wow man, I scored 1402 Broadway today, 1407 Broadway, 1521 Madison Avenue, and now I got the keys to the bathroom on the 70st floor of the Park Place Towers.’ Or maybe they’re worried that if it’s on a small keychain, people will put it in their pocket and forget to return it. Do they think we’re that pre-occupied or that stupid?”

Since we seem to have a bathroom humor theme today in the blog, here is another funny thing about bathrooms. Have you ever gone into a public restroom and someone in one of the stalls is having a conversation on their cell phone? They are just talking away as they’re taking a shit.

That always cracks me up. Can you imagine being the person on the other end of the phone? Does that person know that the person they’re talking to is taking a dump?

That can be another conversation starter if you’re gutsy. You can say, “Have you ever been in the bathroom and someone was talking behind the stall?” Hilarious. You can actually use that as you come out of the bathroom if you see someone to whom you would want to talk. You could say, “I can’t believe it. I was just in the bathroom and someone was having a long conversation on their cell phone in the stall next to me.”

So you see, I can always relate any topic back to dating and meeting. It’s what it’s all about for all of you.

So the next time you need to go to the bathroom, and you are near 27101 Vermont Avenue in Los Angeles, I happen to have the key. Hit me up.

If you expect nothing from people, then you will accept every gift that they give you – the gift of themselves, and the gift of sharing with you.

Life is just a series of continual conversations. Whenever you meet somebody you connect with and find interesting, you want to continue that conversation with them, right?

So what do you do? You ask them out as a conversation continuance: “oh my god, it was so great to talk to you about your dog and this trip you just got back from. Hey, I want give you a call and learn more – give me your number.”

It’s just a continual theme. That theme is connecting – and you can maintain that continual connection that you have together in that moment of time.

Many guys will go into salesman-mode when they see a woman that they are attracted to; they will just try to sell themselves. “Buy me, please!” They continue to talk AT them rather than with them.

But you all know what a real connection feels like. If you’re talking to a woman and you’re both with groups of people and her eyes can’t stop looking at you – that’s a connection. If she’s directing all of her energy towards you, you know what that feels like.

So if you’re just going out there to practice conversation and listening skills, just talk to people all day long – that’s important to do. But if you’re looking for a real connection, you want to weed through as quickly as possible.

These are the two steps: the first is to go out and talk to people and build your conversation skills, the second is to look for that connection.

Todays video is all about how to create a more powerful version of you!!

Here is what is amazing: when you go out there all day long and start looking at your neighborhood, observing and talking to people, you’ll start to enjoy your life just a little bit more.

Maybe you walk into a museum, or a clothing store, or a furniture store – whatever it may be – what you need to do is gather information. You’re learning about things that you’ve never learned about before. Learning new things makes you memorable to other people.

Today, in LA, we went into this great furniture store and we saw this cool Arne Jacobsen Egg chair. You’ve seen that chair a few times and you’ve been interested in it. And three months down the road – and this will happen, because that’s how life works – you will go to a party and the host will have that chair.

Everybody is going to look around and say, “wow, that chair is really cool,” and then you’ll be able to say, “yeah, it’s a very famous mid-century designer” because of what you learned today.

All of a sudden, the conversation starts to go to YOU. You become the guy that is the expert. You are able to contribute to the conversation, and you will become the leader of that discussion.

All of the information that you pick up every day is information you can use anytime.

Todays video is part two of a live street meeting with a few dutch women in Amsterdam.

Remember when you were a little kid and you learned in school about the “5 W’s?” You know what I’m talking about: who, what, when, where, why and how. How did “how” ever become a “W” anyway? Maybe we’ll explore that in another blog . . .

I believe that one of the best lessons we ever learn as a kid in school is the power of who, what, when, where, why and how. They are powerful because when you are able to grasp the importance of who, what, when, where, why and how, you can create an amazing conversation with ANYONE in any situation.

It is all about becoming curious. My whole life I’ve been questioning everything.

Being confident in your ability to engage in conversation with anyone not only is a great general skill to have, but it has a huge impact on the success of your dating life. Do you you think you would get more dates if you felt comfortable to start a conversation with anyone, especially with those members of the opposite sex you really want to meet but usually feel too nervous to approach?

Think about how using the “5 W’s” can help you easily meet people in the places you go every day and how that could immediately result in you getting more dates. Let’s say you are in a coffee shop and you see a woman you find attractive. Note that this applies to either gender, but since I’m writing this I’ll use the male’s perspective for this example.

So let’s say I see a woman I’m attracted to in a coffee shop and I hear her say “Gosh, I really need a mochachino today.” Notice how you can utilize all of the five “W’s” and create a great conversation:

David: “Why do you need a mochachino today?”
Woman: “It just reminds me of this trip I took.”
David: “Really, when did you go on that trip?”
Woman: “Years ago I went on a trip with a really good friend of mine and we had an awesome time.”
David: “Where did you go?”
Woman: “We took a summer road trip up the coast.”
David: “That sounds really fun! How long have you two been friends?”
Woman: “She and I have been friends since grade school.”
David: “When is the last time you talked to her? What did you guys used to like to do together?”
Woman: “I haven’t talked to her in a couple years since she started having kids. We used to take a trip together every year to a different place.”

You can see that I actually easily used each of the who, what, when, where, why and how elements in that conversation. Notice how easy it is to create a conversation just by realizing and using the power of who, what, when, where, why and how.

Have you ever been nervous about engaging in conversation with someone, and questions keep running through your mind like “What can I talk about with them?” or “How will I think of the right thing to say?” The power of who, what, when, where, why and how eliminates all of these questions and gives you the ability to confidently engage in conversation with anyone, because you always have an endless supply of conversation topics ready and available.

You should be cognizant of the “5 W’s” every time you are talking to someone. You will never be nervous about what to say again!

The “5 W’s” are an integral part of most conversations whether you realize it or not. Think about every conversation you’ve ever had. I’ll bet they are all a series of who, what, when, where, why and how questions.

Life really hasn’t changed much since we were kids. One of the main things that has changed is our ability to rationalize. We rationalize our fears and decide we are “unable” to talk to certain people. The truth is you are able to talk to anyone in any situation.

So the next time you’re standing there looking at a total stranger you’d like approach, just think who, what, when, where, why and how and start talking. You never know where that next conversation might lead.
In order to learn and master the art of conversation you will need to watch this video. Together with this blog you will explode your interactions and meet some amazing women.

Ladies….watch this as well….it will work for you too!!

Hey hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!!

I just got out of the water I spent the early part of the day surfing!!

Hawaii is amazing and I think I found a new sport!
Onto todays blog.
When you’re in the mall and you really want to start conversations, start them based on observations. Your observations are always a good way to start conversations.

You can start by saying, “hey, look, I need some help with the furniture,” and then observe. A client and I recently went into a Pottery Barn and did this. We listened to how she talked – in this case, the woman was Russian – so I threw in, “what part of Russia are you from?” to get her to start talking about herself.

The key is to observe, to then start the conversation, and then to listen intently. Whenever you listen, you get to pick up on all of the things that you want to be able to talk about next. Instead of thinking about what you NEED to talk about, you’ll actually be able to flow with the conversation by just listening to them.

The other person is giving you all the information you need to carry on a deep conversation with them. The more you listen to them, the deeper you can go.

When she mentions that she is from Moldavia, you can say, “Moldavia, I’ve never been there. What is Moldavia known for?” What happens is that you are creating an emotion in them, and by doing that; they are going to start to have some type of connection.

By asking her about things that she actually likes, enjoys, and is a part of, you will make her think about her home. When she thinks about her home, she’s going to want to talk to you more about that and she’s going to look at you as an emotional response. She’s going to bond with you, and think, oh my god, this guy is really interested in me – most guys aren’t really interested in ME, they’re interested in the physical aspects.

You can see when she starts talking a little bit about her language, and she gets red in the face. And then it’s like, well how much money do you have? I’ve got this magic pill – at that point, you have her. It’s done. That’s all you need to think about.

Today our video is all about getting wet with women in the rain.

Have you ever wondered what to say to a woman in the rain to get her intrigued and willing to get even more wet with you.