So let’s talk about dates and dating this Friday.  I’m sure a few of you have a an exciting date, a hookup, a potential partner, an online date–somebody–that you’re going to meet up and hang out with this weekend.  You may be nervous and wanting to make a good first impression, you may  really be hoping you’re going to get laid, you might just be going through the motions and waiting for your date to make the first move.

Whatever ends up going through your head this weekend, one of the biggest stumbling blocks when you’re out with a new person you barely know is running out of things to talk about.  Even worse if you’re the type of person who runs out of things to talk about so consistently on your past dates that you already fear it’s going to happen on your next date!

Now I’m not talking about having a moment of silence, looking at your date, and understanding how to enjoy that silence.  What I mean is when you go on a date with a new person, talk about some boring topic neither of you really cares about for 30 minutes, then, almost like clockwork,  you have  no idea what to talk about or what to do after that boring 30 minute discussion.

Nobody enjoys a night of sitting across from somebody, staring at their food thinking, “Oh my god, what can I talk about?  Is she bored right now?  Does she think I’m a boring person?  Is this a really awkward date?”  Before you know it, you’re in your head the whole night and this date ends up being just another one to chuck onto your pile of uninspired mediocre first dates.  That’s  a surefire date-killer, a surefire way to go home alone, and a surefire way to not get that second date.

"Does she think I'm boring?"

So what is it that’s causing this?  Are you a boring person?  Is it just really difficult for a guy like you to have chemistry with many different women?  Are you doomed to go on tons and tons of dead-end dates until you finally find that one (out of 100 maybe) who you finally have some sort of a connection and some fun with?

I don’t really believe in boring people.  If you’re reading this, to me you’re an interesting person.  I really believe that.  But you have to believe it also, because if deep down inside you think that you’re just another boring guy, then that’s exactly what you’re going to project for as long as you continue to believe it about yourself.

While I don’t believe in boring people, I do believe in boring lives.  I guarantee there are a lot of guys reading right now, when you look and reflect back at what your week looks like, what your 2012 has looked like up until now, what your 2011 looked like last year, you will see a whole lot of dullness, mediocrity, and forgettable moments.  And it’s not because you are dull or mediocre.  It’s because of what you’ve chosen to fill your life with every single day.

If you’re consistently running out of things to talk about on your dates, if you’re having a hard time connecting with a woman who you actually really like and you want to see again, it’s not because of who you are as a person, it’s because of what you do with your time, what you think about, and what you experience every single day.

Every time you go out on a date, every time you try to connect with a woman, all you can bring with you is what you have experienced up until this point and what you experience in your daily life.  If you live a life that you’d rather not remember, if you think thoughts that you’d rather not share, if you look back and think, “God, what a boring month I had,” the only thing you’re going to deliver to the woman sitting across from you is the energy of a lifestyle you’d rather not share.

If you can’t enjoy your week all by yourself in whatever you do, you’re bringing to the table a guy who doesn’t know how to enjoy himself in the things he does and the people he’s with.  If you’re not inspired by your own life every day leading up to this Friday night, what makes you think you’re suddenly going to be able to flip the switch and make this Friday night any more inspiring?  

But if you are engaged in the things you do, guess what?  You’re going to be engaging to the woman who you’ve brought on this date with you.

So you can sit around and wait for that one out of 100 women who you finally connect with, or you can do something about your lifestyle, start making some changes, and start connecting with women everywhere.  So tonight before you go out, I want you to do yourself a favor and sit for a while in a quiet place.  Maybe turn off the radio on your 30 minute commute home, maybe crack a beer and sit quietly on the couch,  sit still and meditate, get in the zone on the treadmill at the gym, just do something to give your mind a little rest.

Think about the way you live your life right now and how you feel about your connection to the world around you.  Are you perfectly content?  Are you bored?  Do you see yourself as a boring person?  Would somebody else think that your life is interesting?

Now envision the way that you would like your life to be.  What kinds of changes could you make to start moving in that direction? What are some things you’ve thought about doing but have just never gotten around to?   What new things would you learn about?  Have you always wanted to sky dive?  Would you pick up a cooking class or learn some new recipes?  Would you cut out a day of lifting weights and pick up some yoga?  Would you travel to South America for a week instead of another shitty trip to Vegas?  Would you watch less How I Met Your Mother reruns and go to read the new releases at Borders?

Write down three new things that you would enjoy seeing in your lifestyle.  Put yourself out there so that others can see and write them in the comments section.  Because you can talk about it all day long, but the key is that you have to start doing it.  So pick the most important one, the one that jumps out at you the most, AND START DOING IT.  Even if it’s something as simple as trying out one new restaurant a week instead of getting takeout 3 times a week.

You can’t just read a blog post, learn some pickup line, or post your dating questions on the internet.  You have to make that commitment when you wake up that day and actually add something new and inspiring to your life.

David: What would I say on my first phone call? The first phone call should always be based on something that we talked about the night before – always. I want to bring her back to the moment that we had before.

I don’t “date” that much at all. I’m very much about just hanging out; connecting… so my first phone conversation is always based on something we talked about the last time.

Jonathan: So let’s say I met her on the street when she was handing out fliers, and we bonded over Sweden. She’s from Sweden, and I’ve been there before.

David: Okay, what else?

Jonathan: Music, movies – she’s also a musician and an actress.

David: So how did you ask for her number? What did you say to her?

Jonathan: I don’t know, I don’t really remember.

David: Okay, well here’s the thing: it all starts with the way that you ask for the number. The way you ask for her number is the same way you start the phone conversation.

So if you said, “oh my god, I’ve really enjoyed talking music with you. Give me your number, I want to continue this conversation,” you’re giving her something to look forward to.

Then you call her up on the phone, you can say, “hey, how are you doing? You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night and I was really curious and wondering whether or not you listen to the Postal Service?” or something.

You want to make it as if the conversation has almost never stopped. You want her to feel like it’s just a continuous conversation from the last time until now.

So many guys don’t relate to women very well. They will get her phone number and then call her up and telemarket her: “so, I’m the guy that you gave your number…”

It’s all about creating that moment. It’s the only line from Jerry Maguire that actually made sense – “you had me at hello.”

Women are looking for that magic “hello” or whatever it might be. They are looking for something to help them build that story up. It’s a continual story.

So that Swedish musician? That story is Jonathan and the Swedish Girl. The story started with music and meatballs – she was handing out fliers on the street and she met this cool guy who asked for her number. He called her the next night and remembered the details about the conversation (which excites women, because their biggest complaint is that men don’t listen.)

You bring that real conversation into the phone conversation. That is how I would do it.

Today is also all about how to relate to her when you first speak to her. Check out todays video.