What do I have in common with Fred Flintstone? My pet is not a dinosaur. My girl does not have outfits that use bones to hold them together. I don’t have a daughter named Pebbles.
I do, however, snore like a cartoon character. This is a new phenomenon in my life. I was never much of a snorer, but for some reason or other I’ve started to do it.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve met the woman I want to be with, so all my latent bad habits are coming out of the woodwork. Call it “domestic bliss at its worst.”
So if anyone knows a good cure for snoring besides hitting me over the head with a bag of rocks, please let me know. Well, that’s all I am going to complain about today.
Some of you, though, spend you lives complaining. As it’s Monday, I know some of you have been complaining since you woke up and got to work this morning. This leads me directly into today’s blog…
Complainers. I can almost hear the crying from you now, “Waaaaaaaaa!” So many people just complain their lives away.
“Poor me. I don’t have a good job.”
“Poor me. I don’t have a girlfriend (or boyfriend).”
“The weather is bad.”
Let me tell you something about complainers. They need to start checking themselves and reigning in all the complaining.
Also, I’m want to set up “complaining rules” which govern when and about what things people are allowed to complain. I don’t know if I need to send these rules to Obama or to Larry King. Of course, Larry never knows what he’s talking about anymore anyway.
If you’ve got a shitty driver in front of you, complain away. If you have a cold, the flu or the runs, then go ahead and complain if it makes you feel better. If you’re at Starbucks and the person making the coffee is so damn slow you believe they must have been dropped on their head at birth, then go ahead and complain. Go ahead and complain about all these things, but complain to yourself.
Really, though, don’t complain about things you can’t control and certainly don’t complain to others about them. Don’t, for example, complain about the weather. You’re not Superman, you can’t change it. If the weather is crummy for a few days, find something else to do.
My mother was a chronic weather complainer. That’s probably why I live in California where the weather is always perfect.
When it comes to things you can control, instead of complaining about things, DO something about them. Instead of complaining about your body if you’re dissatisfied with it, do something about it. Complaining is not going to get your body in better shape, and I’ve never seen the complainer’s diet or workout.
If you complain that you can’t meet someone but you never do anything about it, then guess what? You’re not going to meet someone. Stop complaining and start doing something about it.
Going back to those shitty drivers, unless you have a shotgun or a Bazooka there’s really nothing you can do about them. So complain all you want . . . to yourself.
I understand complaining when you have a cold, but again keep it to yourself. Don’t use it as a topic of conversation with others. I just love when I run into someone and ask how they are, and the response is “Lousy! I have a cold” followed by five straight minutes of complaining about it. What do I look like? A doctor? Really, do I look like I walk around with Sudafed in my pocket?
I also love when I’m in line at Starbucks and people in line complain about the person behind the counter serving the coffee. Do I look like the manager?
If you’re going to complain, do it to yourself or be proactive. It just seems like so many people complain but aren’t willing to do anything about whatever it is about which they’re complaining.
When someone starts bitching, I personally just tune them out. I really don’t want to hear it.
I’m really sorry you ate the box of Twinkies and that you’re not in shape. What do you want me to do? Stick my finger down your throat?
I’m a self-help expert. That means you read my stuff and you self-help yourself. I can’t do it for you.
If you want to meet more women, I can’t introduce you to them. I’m not a dating service. If you want to lose weight, I can’t get on the treadmill for you or make your legs move on the treadmill.
So let’s all stop complaining and start doing! By the way, Larry King called and said “Why complain? You can just get married ten times, and they just get younger and younger each time.” (Well at least that’s what I’m sure he would say).
