Eagles and the Chargers in the Super Bowl.

Client: So are you opposed to the idea of the first contact being through texting?

David: Yeah.

Client: Sometimes I feel like on the phone I can’t ever get my rap together. And nowadays, no one ever answers their phone!

Khiem: David’s a bit different from me. I don’t mind a quick text once in a while. I don’t mind the first contact to be via text but there needs to be a phone call very quickly after that.

David: I do like texting. Khiem, you just like to talk on the phone longer than I do. The other day Khiem got on the phone at 5:30 and rumor has it he wasn’t off of it until 11:30 or 12:00! When he wants to have a phone conversation, you might as well make plans for yourself for lunch, dinner, and a snack! It will be a while!

Khiem: With the girl that I’m seeing, I made a rule that I wasn’t going to talk to her every day. So then every time we talk, she wants more. I try to give her enough to last her a couple of days. I don’t want to talk to her every day!

Client: When you’re seeing somebody, how much do you think that they want to hear from you?

Khiem: I set a rule about what I want. Do you remember how I said earlier that you should make sure that you tell people how much you expect from them? Let them know what you want so that they know what to expect from you.

I tell women up front that I like my independence and that calling every day is too much for me. I tell her that I want her to grow and have her own life. I don’t like clingy girls, and I tell women that straight up. If you like clingy girls, that’s cool, but that’s not who I am, and I won’t do it.

And because I’ve laid that out to her, she accepts it. You have to tell them up front. For me, we can talk every two or three days – no more than that.

Client: But when you do talk to her, you have meaningful conversations, right?

Khiem: Oh yeah, it’s always meaningful, and many times it’s arousing as well. Not every phone call would include dirty talk, but many of them do.

Client: Do you think that there are special considerations when you are dating younger women?

David: How young are they? (laughter)

Client: Not like students, I’d say around 30. That’s the absolute youngest I would ever go.

Khiem: You have to understand their world.

David: Yeah.

Khiem: Try to understand their world, because each woman at different ages has different expectations in life. Based on their expectations and lifestyle, you can work from that angle.

You don’t want to try to accommodate yourself entirely to her. But if you’re dating a woman who is a lawyer or does something corporate, then you know that she has a busy schedule. You know that you have to set up a date at least three or four days in advance – if not a week.

But if you know that she’s more active and spontaneous, you can call her more often and be more spur-of-the-moment with your dates. That’s how you tailor your communication style to the woman that you are interested in.

At a younger age, she has a higher level of distractions. Women in their twenties have a high level of distractions, particularly around 23, 24, 25.

Client: 23 is like insane.

David: At 23, it’s like a Labrador Retriever on the beach! “Should I play? Should I sniff ass? Should I go? Should I get the ball? Oh my god, nobody wants to play with me? I’m going to go lie down and look sad for 20 minutes.”

Khiem: Yeah, at 28 you start to get settled. 28-year-olds still haven’t fully matured yet, but around that age they start to settle down. But again, what is she doing? What kind of life does she live? Is she working? Is she still in party-mode?

You can meet women in their thirties that are still in party-mode.

David: Oh yeah!

Khiem: But you can also meet 24-year-olds who are out of that, done with partying and looking for something more.

David: Let’s take it a bit deeper. I speak to all women in the same way, because I know that I attract a certain type of woman. I’m very careful about who I attract into my life. I like a certain type of woman.

Sometimes someone might slip through the cracks – because the sex is great or whatever. There are certain women you’ll put up with more shit from because you’re just in the mood for that type of sexual relationship or something.

But most of the time, if you like a certain type of woman, you’re used to dealing with that type of woman. Maybe you don’t like the hard, ball-busting, lawyer type of woman, so you avoid them. Maybe you prefer the creative types – or whatever it might be. You’re used to that type of woman, and that’s what you attract.

But I always tell a guy that if you’re looking for a woman a lot younger than you, you’re going to encounter a whole other language.

Client 1: I feel like on some of these online dating sites, the girls my age are always looking for men aged 28 to 45. What does that mean?

Client 2: What’s wrong with that? What site is that again? (laughter)

Client 1: But what does that really mean? Does that mean that they just want someone that is mature and confident?

Khiem: Probably. Usually what they mean by older is not so much age, but someone who is comfortable with themself.

A lot of younger girls who are looking for older men are tired of the guys their age who have no clue. They are looking for a guy who is really secure in his own identity. He might be established as well, but that’s usually coming from the maturity of being secure in yourself. Generally that’s what they mean when they are looking for older guys.

Client 1: Okay, I just didn’t know if I should take it at literal value, like, okay they are just looking for someone that is older.

David: It means that they are pretty much open. They are looking for somebody who knows himself. They are tired of meeting man-boys. They’ve dated them. They are sick and tired of guys that are indecisive.

But they don’t really realize that the older guys are often just as indecisive! We have more life experience to share with them, which they like, but age doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secure with yourself.

It’s amazing how many people I call, and the first thing I learn about them is their phone number recited by a computerized woman’s voice. Do you realize that your first “meeting” with and introduction to someone might be via your voicemail message?

You may thereafter hand somebody a business card with the intention of introducing yourself to them for business purposes, but their first impression of you will remain hearing “You have reached 310-555-1212 . . . ” Do you know what type of first impression that makes? None.

The other terrible thing about this ever-so-sexy computerized voice reciting a phone number as your voicemail message, is that as the caller you sometimes think you may have dialed the wrong number because there is no way to know whose voicemail you’ve reached (since today we don’t usually memorize everyone’s phone number). So you don’t leave a message. Thus, even though we know we dialed 312-555-1212, we might have hit the wrong button and we didn’t memorize it.

I don’t care whether it’s your business or your personal voicemail, you need to leave a warm personally recorded message so people who hear it can get an idea of your personality. For example, I’ve been using basically the same voicemail message for years. In mine, I say:

“Hey, it’s David. Great to hear from you. Looking forward to speaking with you, but I can’t get to the phone right now. I’ll call you back as soon as I get into the office. Take care, and make it a great day!”

Your voicemail message should at a minimum be something that’s strong. I have excitement in my voice in my message.

I want people to be excited to talk to me. I want people to be interested in talking to me. I want them to know that I’m a warm person.

It’s amazing how lazy most people have become. This is a problem that is equally prevalent in men as it is in women.

There is no reason you should have a computerized voicemail message at work. It’s unprofessional in every way. Let people know about who you are.

If you’re dating, then having a computerized voicemail message is simply ridiculous. If I call a woman and get the “You’ve reached 310-555-1212 …” voicemail, then I wonder if I was handed a wrong phone number and very often I will not want to leave a message.

Why should I leave a message in that situation? I don’t know whose phone I’ve reached. I don’t know if I’ve reached Amy, Lisa … or some weird 90-year old guy in prison somewhere who just likes to listen to voicemail messages.

So when you record your voicemail message, make it warm and friendly – but don’t make it stupid. I can’t tell you how many times I have called someone and, after hearing their dog barking in the background, their message in their cutest tone of voice says “Fred says ‘leave a message!’ Ha Ha Ha …” That is really annoying.

Also, what about when you call up a family home and after the voicemail begins “You’ve reached the Wilsons ….” you hear each child in turn yell their own name like “Timmy! Amy! Joe!” followed by the dog barking after being introduced. How cute … if you’re a part of that family.

How about the people who put an excerpt of a tv show or song as part of their voicemail message? Like that makes sense. Why in order to leave someone a message am I being forced to endure 30 seconds of a tv show that I don’t watch?

It’s time we all grew up. It’s time we all stopped being lazy. It’s time we all recorded a personal voicemail message.

So for all of you who have the “You’ve reached 310-555-1212 …” message on your voicemail, it’s time you decided to say “hi.” As for me, I’ll end this blog by saying “This is David . . . and welcome to my voicemail!”

Going further into voice. Do you know how to create powerful emotions with the tone of your voice.
Todays video explores that and more!

Josh: I’m curious about how you suggest following up with somebody you’ve just talked to that day – if you want to see that person again.

David: It goes back to gathering information. Remember when we were out on the street and I talked to the Pomeranian couple?

Josh: Yeah.

David: And then we saw them in Barney’s later? What did I do? What had I learned about them?

I learned what they do for a living. I learned that they are from LA. I learned about some neighborhoods that they really like (because I’m buying a house.) She told me about a real estate deal that she did and how she got through to the guy to get the best possible deal.

So how did I follow it up?

I already knew five or six things about them, so when I saw them in Barney’s the second time I remembered that they were from LA. I said to them, “what, so we don’t have a Barney’s in LA? What are you doing here?”

The woman responded, “oh my god, that’s so funny,” and then she started talking about why she doesn’t like the Barney’s in LA. We then went further in the conversation.

That’s what it’s about: gathering that information. Knowledge is powerful. If you don’t remember stuff, get a little recorder or a BlackBerry. I tell guys all the time to put notes in their phones.

Your memory is all you have, so you have to start using it to remember things about people. If you don’t remember something about somebody then it means that you didn’t connect with him or her in the first place. It’s all about connecting. It’s all about having fun and learning things about other people.

That’s why this is so important. As we just talked about, Howie, you have to draw out emotions from the other person. If you can elicit their emotions the first time, then the next time you see them you can go right into that emotion again.

Josh: How do you use emotion without constantly feeling like you have to amp up the emotional level? How do you just keep everything on an even keel and still be strong man? It seems like I have to keep amping up to the next topic.

David: That’s what we were talking about earlier, the overcompensation. I keep my energy high. When I talk to somebody, they know that I’m interested. When I talk to you, you all know that I’m really interested in what you are saying, right?

How do I do that? I change my voice tone just a little bit. You notice the way that my voice tone changes just a little bit every single time I’m speaking? I’m not speaking in monotone.

You don’t have to be over the top. I think that when guys first start to learn how to do this, they get so over the top. It’s like they have to climb over the mountain first.

What I do is just say, “wow, that’s so interesting.” It’s genuine; it’s about being authentic. Do you really give a shit about what the other person is talking about? If you don’t give a shit, then you aren’t connecting with them, and what is the point? Unless you’re trying to have some one-night-stand and you’re going to fake it with her for an hour, what’s the point?

Faking it for an hour and a half is what I find overcompensating. If you’re genuinely interested in someone, you will naturally be very interested in what they are saying. You’ll be having a good conversation because you will be connecting with them.

Josh: What about the topic itself? How do you keep talking about those emotional topics without petering out? Is it just your emotional energy level taking over?

David: It’s all about energy. You’re never going to peter out if the conversation is going well.

If you talk to some woman for ten minutes and you do start petering out, you have to say to yourself, I would rather give the best two or three minutes of myself 100% (and tease her a bit with how amazing those two to three minutes were) than continue and half-ass it.

Make the determination: do I like her enough to ask her out? Then you have to do something. If you’re at a mall, say, “you know what? You and I need to go fill this bag,” or, “I’m going to call you. I have to go meet my buddies right now, but give me your number. I’m going to have you a call and we’re going to get together.”

This is how you build upon it. Sometimes you think that you have to talk to a woman for such a long period of time, but in reality all you have to do is give her a couple of strong and powerful minutes of yourself. Intrigue her and tease her a little bit and then get her phone number.

You can then get your energy back a little bit and call her up on the phone later. You’ll then have a conversation based on some of the things you talked about the first time you chatted. Does that make sense?

Josh: Yeah. But in this situation, when we were talking to the tri-athletes, I’m thinking about what you’ve taught me so far, and I wanted to say, “I have to get back to my friends, but I really want to finish this story sometime. Give me your number and I’ll call you…”

David: Exactly! Let’s say she hadn’t yet find out the results of her race. Say to her, “give me your number, I want to find out the results.” After doing a triathlon, she’s probably craving sugar or carbs or whatever, so say, “after you find out the results, we’re going to get together and carb out.”

Make it fun! Make it an adventure.

Something that is so funny is that so many guys try to get a kiss close.

For those of you that don’t know pick-up language, a kiss close is when you meet a woman in a square in Europe, or you meet a woman in a bar, or wherever, and you get a kiss close. This means you talk to her for like five or six minutes and then you get a kiss close.

But what is so funny, and what most guys don’t think about is this: that doesn’t validate you!

So you kissed some random woman? If she was so up for kissing you, you don’t know who’s dick she had in her mouth the night before! So basically you’re kissing someone’s dick from the night before. Think about that.

Not only that, but I know guys that have kiss closed women in bars, and I’ve seen it – they’ve actually kiss closed a woman in a bar, and they come over and they are so proud of it – all of a sudden I’ll see that woman making out with some other dude in the corner, grabbing his crotch.

Now the thought of sticking my tongue in a woman’s mouth that’s probably already gone down on some other dude doesn’t really appeal to me!

The fact is: why do you want to kiss somebody that you don’t even know? She could have the flu! She could have a really nasty cold. She could be skanky. She could have a cold sore – why do you have to validate yourself by kiss closing a random woman?

That doesn’t make you a man. It’s silly, it’s ridiculous, and it’s one of the dumbest things – this is why these guys call themselves ‘puas’. What does ‘pua’ stand for? Once again, every time I say it: it’s a pick-up asshole!

Basically you’re an asshole running around trying to pick up women all day long instead of learning how to attract women. Stop trying to pick them up – they’re not weights! You can’t lift them up over your head or curl them!

“Hey man, let’s pick up some women today,” “cool, I picked up two today, let’s put them on either side of a stick and just lift them and get a good workout,” right?

If you really want to pick up some women, lay down on the ground, I’ll throw one on top of you, and let’s see how many women you can bench press.

But that kiss close thing – this has always been something that has really repulsed me. Granted – I’m not a prude, I’m not an asshole, I have definitely gone out and had my share of make out sessions with random women in bars – when I was drunk and loaded.

But think about it as a sober person: think about where her mouth has been. Think about it: if she’s so willing to kiss you so quickly, think about where her mouth could have been ten minutes before.

Now do you still want to kiss close those lips?

Or would you rather spend the time, get to know her, and turn her into a dynamic, passionate, sexual being that absolutely indulges every inch of your body?

If you want that, I’ll tell you about it another day!