If you are talking to someone you trust, honor and love and they tell you that your actions cause them pain and to feel things they never wanted to feel, do you defend those actions? Would you really listen?

In life, our ego is constantly protecting us. So many of you know that you are not good at meeting the opposite sex, but yet you always let your ego protect you.

Your ego will tell you, “Don’t worry. You just need a lucky break. Things will change. Spring is coming…” or whatever excuses your ego will provide you. Your ego may tell you, “There’s a party next week and you will meet somebody there.”

What you don’t do is anything to change yourself, because change is the toughest thing for you. Change means that we have to drop our ego and allow it to subside.

Nobody can change anybody else. The only person you can change is yourself.

You get out of life exactly what you put into it. So if you are in a spiral of life where things don’t work for you — whether that means disagreements with your boss, disagreements with your partner or not meeting the people you want to meet — it’s happening because you can’t embrace change.

It’s happening because your ego will not allow you to embrace change. Your ego is basically protecting yourself from embracing any type of change. We are all flawed.

I can’t stand when somebody tells me that I did something that caused them pain. I’m always about protecting myself.

Maybe the way that I deal with things is not the way they want to deal with things, and it causes them pain. So we’re all flawed.

So the next time someone challenges you about changing, do you react full of ego or do you react in an open way? The person who defends themselves is the person who is reacting out of ego, because your ego is defending you at all times.

My ego will defend me until the day I die. If you allow your ego to defend you until the day you die, you’re going to die alone and not having grown.

We all do things that annoy the hell out of people — partners, business associates and friends. If someone that you love tells you that something in your actions causes them pain, don’t look at them and say “Well this is how I’ve always been and no one seems to be bothered by it.”

If you like or love that person, you are going to say, “You know what, maybe that is something I need to work on and change in myself. Maybe that is a habit of mine, or maybe that’s the way I deal with things.” It really may not be that healthy.

Today’s story is about such a person. It is about none other than Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals. He is a guy who finally turned his life around, only to die on Wednesday falling out the back of a pickup truck during a domestic dispute.

Apparently he and his fiance were arguing. She jumped into the pickup. He ran after her, jumped in, fell out the side and died. He was just 26 years old, and just starting his life over again.

We read stories like this, and realize how easily it could have been us. Okay, maybe it wouldn’t likely have been any one of us falling off the back of a pickup truck, but it could have been our lives cut short in any number of other ways.

It seems like we never learn from things like this. We read these kind of stories. We feel badly about what happened. We reflect on it, but them we go right back to the “same old same old.”

There are two strong lessons to be learned here.

The first lesson is that when you’re fighting in a relationship and the other person wants to leave or be alone, respect that. So many times, people will continue a conversation and say even more hurtful things.

When we fight with our partners, it’s circular. So it’s really better to let them walk away and cool off. Nothing ever gets accomplished in the heat of an argument, except the creation of more arguments.

The second lesson is to answer the question, “What is your wakeup call?”

New Year’s Day is coming. Is that your wakeup call? Are you going to make another bullshit New Year’s resolution that you don’t have the self-discipline to implement in your life?

The only thing constant in our life is change. So why do we always fight it? Why do we always resist what is natural in evolution of life?

Why do we fight so hard when someone asks us to change our ways for the good? Why as humans are we content to sit around mired in things that don’t make us happy, and waiting for rainy days that don’t make us want to do anything?

Chris Henry was turning his life around when it was cut short. So today, think about Chris Henry and do something that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Ask out that person you’ve had a crush on for ages. Walk up to a stranger and wish them Merry Christmas (Oops, I mean Seasons Greetings).

Whatever pulls you out of your comfort zone, only you can do. Think about what would happen if you did one thing outside your comfort zone every day for thirty days.

If you did that, pretty soon those things would no longer be outside your comfort zone. They would be well inside it.

You won’t have to rely on bullshit New Year’s resolutions. You won’t even have to make any this year. It’s never too late to turn your life around and make it everything you want it to be.

So how are you going to pull yourself out of YOUR comfort zone. I want to know.

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go.
Take a look at the five and ten,
glistening once again,
with candy canes and silver lanes aglow…

Okay, enough of the Christmas spirit for today. Let’s move on to today’s topic . . .

Today’s blog is going to get you really thinking. Let me ask you a question: Are you lazy when you are in a relationship? I am not talking about a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

I am talking about in your relationship with yourself. Do you get lazy with yourself?

When I say ‘lazy with yourself,’ what I mean is do you know you have something about yourself you want to change but you don’t change it due to fear or laziness?

Do you realize that there is a negative connotation to the word change? Whether it was your mother, your grandmother, your father or your favorite aunt, somebody probably told you never to change for anyone (and that people should like you just as you are).

We’ve heard that over and over again throughout our entire existence.  We’ve heard “don’t change for anyone” and “people will love you just the way you are.”

Well, do you know what I say to those things? Wrong!

I truly believe that change is good. Change is strong. Change is positive. Change is necessary!

Say you meet someone and get into a relationship. People will tell you not to change your core. You know what? You had better change your core. It’s called growing.

To me, change means growth. It means that as a human being, I am evolving more deeply than I ever have before. It means I am evolving in ways I never thought I would evolve. I’m experiencing new things, new feeling and new emotions.

Change is great, but we have such a negative association to the word. You cannot change a person, but you can show them how to grow. When someone doesn’t want to grow and make changes, that is a person who is going to miss out on a lot in life.

I am very different than what I was 22 years ago. I want to constantly keep evolving.

Perhaps if we used the word “evolve” instead of “change,” more people would be open to it. Everyone needs to get rid of the negative connotation to the word change.

When you’re in a relationship with yourself or with someone else, you should not ever change for someone but you should evolve with them (and for them). When you evolve, you grow.

When you refuse to change, you become stagnant. When you are stagnant, you get the same lousy relationships with yourself and with other people over and over again.  

It’s something that all of us need to learn. We need to learn how to embrace growth and change, because it’s a wonderful thing.

Think about it in sports terms. Look at Eric Mangini. He is a terrible coach because he hasn’t changed his ways at all. He’s young. He’s stupid.

He acts like he wants to be Bill Belichick. He thinks he is Bill Belichick, but yet he hasn’t learned, grown, or changed his losing attitude. He’s carried his same losing ways from the Jets to Cleveland.

In life, you must learn from experiences and change. Change is good. Change means evolving. Change means that you are willing to see things through the eyes of another person.

All of us have messages for each other. I am just a messenger for a lot of you, here to teach you some lessons. The lesson this time? Realize how powerful change can be.

I grew up in a family of suppressors; a family that would sweep everything under the carpet instead of talking about it. When you’d walk into the Wygant household, you’d trip on everything that was under the doormat. I realized yesterday through one of our powerful conversations, that in my own personal life I do some suppressing of things when something bothers me.

When something bothers me, I’ll either make a joke or be sarcastic about it. Then I’ll hide it in the bowels of my subconscious, and walk around with a feeling of irritability inside me for several days. Now I know the warning signs and have to take action so I no longer sweep things under the Wygant rug.

We all are constantly working on ourselves. We all are constantly challenging ourselves. If you ever think the job is done, you’re so wrong. If you feel you’re done everything you need to do, then your life is full of people who do not challenge you to be a better, stronger and more dynamic person.

A nice, quiet and really amazing Indian man named Ajay is in the Bootcamp this weekend. He said to me “It’s nice to see David Wygant real, and that you actually have problems too.”

We all have problems. What makes me able to teach, coach and write about all this is that I’m still working through things in my own life as well. Everyone is. We’re all flawed.

So enjoy a nice little flawed Sunday (See, a little sarcastic remark has to come out!)

Oh…and one last thing. Daphne is flawed as well. She has low self-esteem issues at times. If you want to know more about Daphne’s occasional self-esteem issues, however, we’ll have to do a whole other blog on that!

So there you are, you’re out and about walking around during a typical day. You walk into your favorite grocery store and at the other end of the produce section you spot someone to whom you are really attracted.

They looked at you. You looked at them. There is that momentary glance that passes between you.

The question is: what are you going to do about that? Most of us don’t do anything about it.

Why do so many of us hesitate to take action in this situation? We tend to think too much about what we need to say, or how to be perfect, or what the exact right approach should be.

We tend to worry too much about how that other person will perceive us, wondering whether that person will be impressed by us. The fact of the matter is that they already are. They’ve looked at you. You’ve already exchanged that momentary glance.

We are all familiar with that momentary glance. We’ve all experienced it. It is what you do with that momentary glance, though, that shapes and creates your life.

Most of us will do nothing. We’ll just dismiss it. We’ll just walk away saying to ourselves “Well, I don’t know the right thing to say.” We’ll think that person was looking at someone else.

They were looking at you! All you need to do is acknowledge it with a simple “hello,” “how’s your day going?” or something else simple like that. Just say something – say anything! It doesn’t really matter what you say so long as you put yourself out there. They’ve already put themselves out there by looking at you, and you’ve put yourself out there already by looking at them.

So why not take that one small extra step and do something about that attraction. Take attraction action . . . you never know where that next simple “hello” may lead.

Todays podcast is all about the incredible beauty of women.

Listen in as I describe what really turns me on about women and what I look for.

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