How do you like somebody that you’ve never spoken to before? That’s the most ridiculous concept in the entire world, and it’s something that everybody needs to get over. You like somebody? You like the way they look – let’s break it down into what it really is.

You see someone that is physically appealing to you, so you look at them from across the room and the first thing that triggers in your mind – the only thing that should trigger in your mind – is that you like the way they look. That’s it.

You don’t like them; you don’t even know what they’re about. The woman or man that you’re looking at could have a big huge piece of broccoli between their teeth, a booger hanging out of their nose, or breath that would absolutely rival your dog’s on his worst day.

But yet you’ve built them up as this incredible fantasy before you even talk to them. You build them up as something – maybe they are the person that is going to rescue you from your single hell. You hope that this is the last person that you ever need to talk to again, because you are just so sick and tired of being single.

But the bottom line is that the stranger that you’re looking at – is just that: a stranger, the physical image of who they are. It might as well be just a photograph. If you start manufacturing this entire fantasy about who they are, you’re not even notice anything about what they might be doing.

You’re not noticing what they are doing, you’re not noticing their body language, and you’re not noticing any emotions that may be on their face. You’re noticing absolutely nothing. Nothing. Because you’re lost in fantasyland, in la la land, and you’re creating this whole fantasy.

So now everybody in fantasyland starts thinking about what to say. What do I say to this incredible person that I like and want to meet so badly? You don’t like them! You like the way they look!

So what you need to do is realize that until you speak to a person, you have no idea what they are about. If you think about it – 90% of people that you spoke to in your life you had no chemistry with. That’s right – nine out of ten people that you don’t really have much chemistry with. And that’s fine – at least you went over there and talked to them.

The only way to figure out if you like them is to go over and talk to them. Talk to them like they are a person – which is exactly what they are. Don’t treat them any differently, talk to them exactly how they are.

Last night, we were in a bar and we were all out. I looked at my client and I said to him, “there’s a woman, why don’t you just go walk over and talk to her?” “Now?” he asked, and I responded, “no, why don’t you wait until you get hammered and shitfaced drunk? And then, when she’s sitting down at a table, you can beat yourself up because you didn’t go talk to her all night long.”

“Yes, NOW!” “But she’s cute!” he said, and I responded, “it doesn’t matter! Walk the hell over there and find out what she’s all about!” And he did, and they talked for 20 minutes and had a great conversation. Do you know what he found out? That she was a nice woman.

That’s what you need to do. If you see someone that you are attracted to, you don’t like them. You just like the way that they look. They are physically appealing to your eyes, and that’s about it.

So your mindset needs to be whatever it might be to get you to walk over there. You can use any type of mindset tricks. You can think to yourself, man, I’m going to go over there and talk to that person and see if they have as bad of breath as I think they do. Anything to get you laughing and smiling.

All you guys know the women masturbation fantasy, and if you haven’t heard about it, I go into unbelievable detail in the Mastery Series, where I give you an exercise to picture a woman full-blown masturbating about you – then you’ll have that devilish little smile when you approach her.

For all the women – you know exactly what I’m talking about – I give you the Scooby Doo fantasy – because men are just drippers and droolers and giant Scooby Doos – all of that is in my Women’s Mastery Series.

I don’t want to get into those visuals right now – if you haven’t purchased the Mastery Series, I suggest that you do. At this point, it will really teach you how to understand the mindset of the opposite sex.

But let’s go further into this right now: you don’t know this person yet. Walk the hell over there and talk to them. Start a conversation, as I always talk about, based on observations and everything else.

You know what? You might find out that this dream person is actually the worst nightmare in the entire world. She might be whipping out pictures of her mother and her father and her three illegitimate children running around the hills of western Kentucky.

You don’t know what the hell she’s all about. So go talk to her, and stay out of fantasyland – stay in reality.

Lets go even deeper into attraction today.

Howie: Here is another thing I realized: after I almost lost my life I discovered that while I was not really afraid of death, I was terrified of that last minute just before I died. In that moment, I had to run through my head all of the things I had desired in my life. Had I even attempted to achieve some of my desires?

What terrified me was that if I were to ask myself that question right then, I couldn’t live with the answer. I had put off everything that I had wanted to do, and it was such bullshit!

David: I don’t think people are afraid of death, I think that they are afraid of living. So many of us are in a coma all of the time – a self-induced coma.

Taking risks proves that you’re alive. Pushing your boundaries proves your vitality. If you haven’t pushed your personal boundaries today, then you haven’t lived.

As we’re sitting here chewing our food, I’ll ask you this: how did you live today? How did you push your boundaries? How did you force yourself to do something new? What did you do to challenge yourself today?

It’s essential to always challenge yourself no matter what you do. You’re on the path of just challenging yourself beyond belief. Chris, I think you’re the same path. You have always been on that path, you’re just starting that path and you are starting it too.

You have to start that path somewhere, somehow, sometime. But after you start that path, what are you going to do to challenge yourself further? You always have to keep challenging yourself every day.

I always tell people after they take any type of training with me to make a to-do list. We’re all so great with our to-do lists, right? We do them at work everyday. Make a to-do list. “Today I’m going to talk to five strangers. I normally eat lunch at my desk, but today I’m going to go to Whole Foods and talk to the people next to me. On the way home from work tonight, I’m going to have dinner at Baja Fresh (or whatever it is) and I’m going to talk to people. I’m going to learn how to be memorable.”

We’re all memorable. We’re most memorable when we push ourselves beyond our personal comfort levels. When you push your boundaries, you become memorable. People say, “man, that guy was so nice, he asked me great questions!”

Today we saw that guy fom the furniture store and you really connected with him. I was watching his body language and I saw a genuine smile. That’s the thing with people in retail – if you bored them in the store, they will run from you if they see you outside of the store. But this guy didn’t – he stopped and talked to you and gave you a genuine smile.

You pushed yourself beyond your boundaries. Many people truly believe that they are overstepping their boundaries if they get personal with someone. However, as human beings, we’re craving getting personal with others.

I love it when I meet somebody who is interested in what I do. I love when they are interested in me, and compliment me and make me feel good.

You got a great confirmation from that guy. You can say to yourself, wow, this guy really remembered me!

I know how this works, because I bartended for seven years. When I was bartending, I would have people come up to me on the street that had drank in my bar all of the time and I’ll have no idea who they were. They weren’t memorable.

They’d say, “hey, David, how are you?” and I’d have to play it off and say, “hey, man…” I had to call everybody ‘man!’ I’d play it off, and then we’d walk away, and the friend I was with would ask me who that was. I’d have to answer, “I have no idea.”

That night I’d go back to work and I’d see the person again and think, oh my god. This person has been coming to my bar for so long but they were never memorable. They never shared anything with me.

Now, there are two ways to be very memorable: one is to ask questions and get deeper with someone, but you also have to share something about yourself.

Whenever you leave a place, you have to 1) connect with people by asking a lot of questions and 2) leave a part of yourself with everyone you talk to.

Give them the gift of yourself. Share something with them. Maybe it’s about skiing. Whatever it might be. Your last trip to Mexico, how funny it was – whatever! It doesn’t matter.

You want to leave something behind of yourself. You want to leave part of your soul behind so that others can remember you. You don’t want to be that invisible person that walks into a bar every single night but nobody knows your name.

Just like Cheers – you want to go where everybody knows your name!

It’s interesting, because a lot of men – and I’m talking about MEN, I’m not talking about boys. As little boys, we used to look at girls and we used to rate them on a number system.

I remember being like 11 years old, and we’d look at women – well, at that time, girls – and go, “man, she’s cute, what would you rate her?” “Oh, she’s like a 6.8,” or “she’s like a 7.5.”

The problem is that any man over the age of, really, 22 should no longer be rating women on a number scale. The number system is just really ridiculous. Why are you rating a woman on a number? Really, it’s arbitrary anyway, because my 10 could be your 3. Your 3 could be my 7, your 6 could be my 6.18, and your 2.87 could be my 3.14 – wait, isn’t that Pi?

Anyway, I really think it’s time that men stop rating women on the number scale, and started evaluating women on a whole new system.

I am going to explain this whole new system. This new system is so revolutionary, guys, that women are not going to look at you as man-boys anymore. Women hear you say that stuff. I’ve seen guys out in a bar, and they look at a woman and they…

Come on man, wake up! It’s unbelievable. We’re doing this blog as we drive, and if any of you have not driven in Los Angeles, the horn in LA is called the ‘wake the fuck up’ device. People love to just sit at that light. There’s not much to do at a light. You have two things to do: you stop and you stare at the light, and when it turns green, you go.

But in LA, it’s amazing how many times the light turns green, and they just sit there. Being a New Yorker, I’m going to use the horn, because I love that horn. And in Los Angeles, by the way, too, the directional blinker is optional equipment, because no one ever signals here. So you can save a thousand bucks off your car.

But let’s get back to that number system. So I was in a bar one night, and these guys were standing there and rating women, and women were hearing them. “Oh man, she’s a 6.” And that’s really classless. You’re 40 years old, and you’re rating women on a scale from one to ten? You sound like an immature child!

So how would you like a covert system where you actually can go and meet a woman, and afterwards you can say words that women will hear over and over again, but will have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about? Hell, you can rate these women right in front of their faces and they’ll have no idea what you are talking about!

It’s time to grow up, and it’s time to use the new system of rating people. I’m not talking about the Nielsen ratings, I’m not talking about the Arbitron ratings for radio; I’m talking about the new system here that Khiem is so proud of that he’s thinking of patenting it.

And he hasn’t even thought it up – it isn’t even his. But he’s going to share something with you guys that you need to learn. It’s called, for you technical guys, YMN.

Khiem: Thank you, David. You’re right, you shouldn’t rate women on a scale, because truthfully, at what number is a woman attractive to you? A 6? Above a 5? How about you simplify it to yes, no, and maybe.

Let’s be honest: would you want her? Yes or no. And if you’re not sure, then maybe. Maybe can be a lot of things. Maybe could be if she has a good personality, and you just might want to do her. But if she’s really bad, then she falls quickly into the no category.

Let’s be honest here. You’re a man, and you meet a woman. We’ll put you one-on-one in a room, and assuming that there are no distractions, how much do you desire her?

It’s so much simpler. And even when you wink at each other in the bar or wherever you are, she’s like, yeah – okay, I don’t even know what you mean, David, I can see it in your eyes!

David: It’s a yes or a no!

Khiem: It’s a yes or a no, there’s no ifs ands or buts about it. It’s just yes or no. Once in a while, you’ll get the occasional maybe, and that’s why you go up and talk to her. When you’re not sure, go find out! Go find out and be curious about her.

And then you can come home and say, “you know guys, I saw a yes girl,” or “no way, I saw a no girl.” And it’s so much easier.

It doesn’t matter what your guys tell you – it’s all up to you. Either you like her or you don’t.

David: Not only that, but think about this: you might run into a woman in the street, and you might see her walking to Whole Foods, and she might actually work in Whole Foods, or whatever, and she’s a maybe. You’re not quite sure about her yet. Guess what? You met a maybe! That means you can go back in there and meet her again. She might turn into a yes; she might turn into a no.

I’ve had maybes that have turned into yeses, and I’ve had maybes that have turned into nos. Hell, I’ve had some maybes that have turned into long-term relationships! I wasn’t quite sure about her the very first time I met her. I wasn’t quite sure about her personality, and who she was. And I learned more about her the second time around.

So expand your horizons! Become a yes-no-maybe man. Lay off the number system. Numbers are great – on a calendar. Numbers are great on a phone. Let’s look at my car right now – it is 68°. Does that mean that the women around us are all 6.8s?

So let’s lay off the number system, guys, and let’s go to yes, no, and maybe. It’s going to make you sound a hell of a lot more mature in life. Really, the fact of the matter is that these numbers are just validating you anyway. Every guy wants to be with that “perfect 10.”

Really, the perfect 10 comes from inside out. And the perfect 10 is very different for each guy. You don’t need to tell your friends that she’s a 10, you don’t need to high-five, your friends don’t need to validate you; you need to validate yourself!

Go after what you want with a vengeance. If it’s a yes, go after her and ask her out! If it’s a no, then be nice to her because she may lead you to a bunch of yeses.

But, once again, be open to everything.

Alright, that’s it. I’m sitting at a green light right now, and I’m the lead car. In Los Angeles, it’s really important to be the lead car. If you’re the lead car, you don’t have to use the ‘wake the fuck up’ device. If you’re the lead car, the only you have to do is make sure that the person next to you doesn’t weave into your lane – they tend to be lane weavers here too.

Do you have lane weavers in your town?

You think you have flaky people in Missouri, right? You have flaky people in Vegas? You have flaky people all over Southern California, right? And there are flaky people all over Jersey and New York, right? And in Arizona…

But here’s the thing about flaky people: they don’t exist. If someone flakes on you, it just means that they are not really that sure about you. They are just indecisive about if they are into you or not.

We all flake on people that we’re indecisive about. Do you know how many times I’ve been invited to a party or out to dinner with some people, and then at the last minute I realize that I really don’t want to go? And I bail out.

Does this make me a flaky person? No, it’s just because the people that were invited to the party just didn’t really intrigue me enough to want to go. It wasn’t worth my time to go.

Client: You said you were going to go in the first place?

David: Of course! We always accept those invitations before we think about it.

Client: Yeah, we all do that to a degree.

David: Right, and then later – at the last minute – we realize that the person that we’re going to go hang out with doesn’t really excite us, so why are we going to go give up one of our nights?

So when people bitch and complain about people being flaky in terms of dating and other things, I just tell them to let it go. You just didn’t excite them enough, and for once you’re on this end of the stick. More often you’re the one flaking on somebody.

If someone is truly excited about hanging out with you, they are not going to break the plans. If they do have to break the plans, they will say something to you like, “something at work just came up, can we do something tomorrow night?”

Khiem: And if you seem to be meeting constant flakes, well, then you just aren’t exciting or intriguing enough.

In order to become more observant, your mindset needs to be this: everything you see you need to look at with a child-like curiosity. Look at everything like you’ve never seen it before.

The way you need to live life is to walk through a neighborhood every single day like you’ve never been there before. Every day you walk through that neighborhood, notice new things. Notice new buildings. Notice the color of the sky. Notice the new trees in springtime. Notice the new buds coming up. Notice everything you can possibly notice.

What happens is that this is tuning you to your environment. You can even do this on your way to work. If you walk to work, you can do this then. You can notice the cars, notice the way people walk, notice the way people are dressed. What happens is that you start training your mind.

What comes next is going into stores: let’s say you go into a Starbucks and you see someone you are attracted to. Have that same child-like curiosity. There’s someone standing next to you that you’re attracted to and you want to talk to them. You can look at the big menu board up there, the caramel machi-frattos and all that other junk, and you stand there and it’s called ‘throwing words to the wind.’ You project your voice so that the other person can hear it.

You never want to speak low or softly; you want to project your voice. When you project your voice, you can basically look up, throw those words out, and say, “god I was wondering, what’s good here?”

Immediately the person standing next to you will answer – everybody likes to pretend that they know it all. So she’ll answer, and there’s a conversation starter for you.

Everywhere you go, you can use the “I am wondering” or “I’m curious” method of reading people.

Let’s say you’re at a gas station, and you’re pumping gas into your car. Someone is standing next to you, and they’ve got this great Audi. “I’m curious, do you like your car? I was thinking of maybe getting one of those one day.” Whether or not you just bought your car or you didn’t – it doesn’t matter, you can still say that.

So be curious about everything. If you go to the Apple store – which is a place that a lot of people go – you’re looking at the iPods. You pick up the 70 GB iPod and say, “god, I’m wondering: do you think anybody ever fills up this thing with music?” The person will answer, “well, yeah, I have all this music…”

The most important thing you need to do is to look at everything in the world just like a child. You have the wonderment of a child, and you look at the world as if it was the first time you’ve ever been there.
Become and embrace that inner child.

Todays video is all about how to embrace who you are. How to love yourself and your insecurities.

You will learn all about my insecurity and how i deal with it!

Saturday in the park……can any one tell me that song….or I am just pushing you in the right direction today?

I want to share a story with you about a client I had whose name is Charles. Charles was someone who was extremely quiet when we first met – he actually was so quiet that you couldn’t hear him speak in a restaurant. He also didn’t dress well. He was a good-looking guy, but he didn’t have any confidence.

So we went out and did a complete makeover, from head to toe. We gave him an incredible new look that really fit him well. It’s funny, because he showed up one night to go out in his brand new look, and we played the game that I love playing. It’s one of my favorite games that I love to play with a waitress.

It’s called the Guess What We All Do for a Living game. The waitress is hanging out and working, and she gets a lot of different people hitting on her in different ways, and she’s able to read people. So we were talking to her a bit, and then I asked her, “guess what we all do for a living?”

She looked at Charles, and she said, “hm. He looks like he’s a fashion photographer from London.” And Charles’ mouth just went from side to side – here’s a guy who didn’t have any confidence, and all of a sudden, this woman thought he was a fashion photographer from London. It made him feel really good.

So the look was completed, but what he did after the fact was also really important. After the coach session, he did a couple of things – you want to go out there not only to stores and be friendly with people, and restaurants, but you want to have activities. You want to create dates with yourself. You want to create a social calendar with yourself.

Some of the great things to do with yourself are to volunteer at a dog rescue place that gives out dogs on a Saturday or Sunday in the park or wherever. By volunteering at a dog rescue place, you’re forced to meet people, talk to them, and get to know them.

Another idea is to become a tour guide of the city. Going and showing tour groups around different neighborhoods in your city will help you to learn people. The more you learn people, the better you’ll be at understanding people and flirting.

One of the best things to do is to take an Improv class. An Improv class will teach you how to be quick, how to be observant – if you think about Improv, you have you get up in front of the entire class, and the teacher says, “red,” and you say, “blue” – and you have to concentrate really hard on what the other person is saying. Improv class will also teach you how to be playful and more fun.

Those are some really good suggestions, but I think everybody who is single should have a social calendar. Get the free weekly newspaper on a Thursday and find things to do. There are art gallery openings, and many other things that you can do and put on your social calendar.

Start booking dates with yourself. All of a sudden, you’ll start finding other people who do the same thing. Then you can begin to expand your social network.

Todays video goes over how to start doing all of this and lose the negative monkey chatter in your brain!!

Have a great Saturday!