You thought it was so funny, in fact, that you might have even used that line if you called your grandparents or something. You would call and say, “Grandma, I haven’t seen you in like a year! When are you going to come?” It felt like the funniest joke.

Remembering how funny I used to think this was as a kid, I decided yesterday to try it as an adult. So when I woke up the next morning I looked at my wife and said, “Babe, man we haven’t had sex in like a year. This is ridiculous! Our marriage, what are we going to do about it?!”

I also tried it out on a friend of mine when he called me. I said to him, “Man, what is wrong with you?! I haven’t spoken to you in like a year!”

Then I went into a store to get a cup of tea. When the person behind the counter wished me a happy new year, I said “Happy New Year? You should look at me and say ‘Man you haven’t been here in like a year! What happened to you? You used to be such a good customer.’”

So how did this work as an adult? Not too well . . . The joke actually just didn’t seem to work anymore. Nobody really found it that funny.

That brings me to my first marching orders for you for the new year: Have fun and stop taking everything so seriously!

The other night I was watching an episode of the Showtime series called “The Big C” starring Laura Linney. Her character on that show suffers from untreatable Melanoma, and she only has between six months and three years to live.

So she decides to do things that are totally out of character for her. She has an affair. She buys a new car. She says things to people she would have never said.

The bottom line about this is that we just take things so seriously in life. We’re so serious all the time.

Why are we so serious?

People think things like, “My God if I don’t talk to this person now, I’m just going to beat myself up mentally for the next four days and be totally miserable” or “If this date doesn’t go well, that’s it. That’s the end.”

It’s time to stop taking things like this so seriously. You really need to start having some fun.

You didn’t think my ‘see you next year’ and ‘I haven’t seen you in like a year’ jokes were funny? It’s time you stop taking life so seriously, and time to start having some fun.

Just enjoy yourself. That’s actually a good New Year’s resolution: Stop taking yourself so seriously.

You are a guy and you don’t talk to that one woman you want to meet. You are a woman and you don’t get asked out by that guy you really like. So what?! It’s time to stop caring about all that stuff!

Have a “don’t care” attitude. When something like this happens to you, have an attitude of “Really? Oh well… There are plenty of other people for me to meet with whom I can have fun and date.”

Laugh every single day. Smile at people every single day. Have a good time. Most importantly, learn how to be able to laugh at yourself.

Here is what I want you to do tomorrow. Every time you see someone you know but are seeing for the first time since the New Year, I want you to say this: “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in like a year!” Do it with a really big child-like smile on your face, almost as if you’re still ten years old and think what you’re saying is the funniest thing in the world.

Try it! Do it as the start of your resolution to not take life and yourself so seriously in 2011.

I had a friend who died of a heart attack who, supposedly, hadn’t been to see a doctor for years. I knew someone else who died of cancer after ignoring a lump for months.

What is it with men and doctors? Do we think nothing will ever happen to us if we don’t go to a doctor?

My own brother didn’t have health insurance, and he is close to 40 years old. I don’t get it.

I mean, I am someone who goes to the doctor every year. I get a physical. I get a complete blood panel done. I make sure I’m okay.

It’s called preventative medicine for a reason. How do you know if there is anything wrong with you unless you go? Many times, things can be caught early enough so that you don’t have any major problems.

Look, nobody likes a finger up their ass, or likes a tube up their ass to get their colon checked. Nobody likes a lot of the things that doctors do, but it’s by going to the doctor that you can prevent really bad things happening to you.

Now don’t mistake what I’m saying. I am totally holistic. I take my herbs. I do a lot of preventative things on my own, but not because I am thinking I am going to get something.

I do that because our health and our bodies are all we have. It’s unbelievable how many men don’t get that until they hit 40.

So many men spend their entire 20s and 30s thinking they don’t need to go to a doctor. Women, on the other hand, undergo having their feet in stirrups as they get scraped and prodded.

Men are not Superman. Guys that I know who have had health problems over the last year – they all tought they were Superman too. They never thought anything bad could happen to them.

So if you are one of these guys, ask yourself why you do this. If you’re a guy and this blog resonates with you, then get your ass to the doctor and get some blood work done.

Virtually everything can be prevented. This is an open letter not for the people I know who have been diagnosed with something after not going to the doctor soon enough, but for those people reading this who think they are Superman.

You are not Superman. Get your ass to the doctor. Get your yearly physical.

Get health insurance if you don’t have it. If you cannot afford health insurance, eliminate from your life what you need to in order for you to be able to afford it.

Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re Superman. Take care of yourself!

Sometimes life is like a soap opera, but the story I’m about to tell you is something that even my writer friends here in Los Angeles could not have made up. You are truly not going to believe what I’m about to share with you. This story is so outrageous that it is just about the only relief I’ve had in the last week.

For any of you who don’t know, Daphne (my beloved English Labrador) had two tumors removed last Tuesday. I sweated the pathology report all week long. At around 5:00 pm on Friday, the vet finally called me back.

He told me that Daphne has two mast cell tumors – one Grade I and one Grade II. Luckily the margins were clean on both and we had caught them in time. This dog is now going on a health regimen with herbs and healthy foods like her owner, because there’s NO way I’m going to lose her.

So it was a tough week last week . . . until I heard this story I’m about to tell you. You are about to see just how much influence a girlfriend should (and should not) have in a relationship.

Before I tell you about all the players in this drama, I need to provide you with some background information. I have been playing in a fantasy football league that has been around for six years and which is comprised mostly of childhood friends of mine.

This year we decided to expand to twelve teams and add two new members to our league. One new member is another of our childhood friends, and the other is a guy who does marketing for me. This all sounds very innocent so far, doesn’t it?

Well, apparently six years ago when everyone was drunk at a party, one of our new members (the childhood friend) copped a feel of the behind of one of our other member’s girlfriend. Now keep in mind that this happened six years ago, everyone was drunk and apologies were exchanged LONG ago.

So let me introduce the cast of characters to you. Of course, ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED . . . TO PROTECT THE INSANE.

We’ll call our ass groper “Kevin.”
We’ll call the groped girlfriend “Kate.”
And we’ll call the groped girlfriend’s boyfriend “Peter.”

Poor Kevin is not crazy or a pervert, he just likes women. He actually has a history of groping, but at least he’s honest about it.

The real question is whether deep down Kate is actually very turned on by Kevin, and it’s her guilt that is causing this whole crazy situation in the first place. (Don’t worry, I’m getting to the good part shortly!) Notably, Kate’s portrayal of the groping was a manifested lie. She turned a simple ass-pat into something FAR more sexual.

The irony is that Kate’s perfect Peter really is a pervert. When he was eight years old and away at summer camp, he asked me to send him a box of condoms. I mean what was he going to do with them there? Blow them up and make circus animals for his bunkmates?

So back to the story . . .

You won’t believe what happened this week. After our new members were in and the draft order had been set, Peter all of a sudden had a seeming change of heart and decided he can’t play in the fantasy league with his groping friend Kevin. As we dug deeper and heard more, the real story emerged.

It turns out that Kate had called up our fantasy football league commissioner and talked to him for a FEW HOURS about why Kevin should not be allowed in the league. You heard me correctly – she called the commissioner! Even worse, she did so while Peter was on the line listening but forbidden to speak (like a trained puppy).

If your jaw has already dropped, hold on because the story gets even crazier. After calling the commissioner, Kate then called another one of the league participants and spent TWO HOURS explaining to him why Peter is not allowed to play in the league with someone who groped her ass six years ago while everyone was drunk.

I know by this point you are sure this story is a joke, but let me assure you that I’m not making any of this up. Every part of this story really happened in the last seven days.

Keep in mind that this is a fantasy football league. We don’t even sit in a room together to watch games. It’s FANTASTY! It’s not real.

We’re not even hanging on the same therapy couch together after all of this. I have been playing in this league for five years and have yet to ever meet some of the members. Of course we exchange emails over the course of the season, but that’s about it.

Now our friend Peter, who’s dating meddling girlfriend Kate, has always been pretty weak. He’s allowed his mother to control him. He’s allowed his dad to control him. Now he has Kate, an older girlfriend he allows to control his every move. The sad thing is he’s actually a great guy – a little quirky, but a great guy I’ve known almost my entire life.

This next part of the story will make your jaw drop even further. Since the day Peter met Kate seven years ago, she has NEVER worked. He supports her. He, however, doesn’t work either. His trust fund supports them both.

As you can see we’re not talking about a normal relationship to begin with here. We’re talking about two people who have WAY too much time on their hands. You clearly have way too much free time if you have time to analyze to this extent which people in a fantasy football league should (and should not) have the right to play.

A relationship should be based on allowing your partner to have their own interests – including being able to play with their friends whether you like them or not! Your partner should never ever be in the position of getting to approve (or disapprove) of everything you do in your life. That is not having a relationship.

That is a man living with his mother. He might as well send an email to all the players in the league saying “Mommy won’t let me play after school with Kevin the groper anymore!” We’ve all done dumb things when we’re drunk that we’ve regretted . . . but this is ridiculous!

In relationships, you should NEVER control your partner. Not only that, but if you let your partner control everything you do, you need to look in the mirror and see who you are as a person.

Let’s remember that this whole thing blew up over FANTASY FOOTBALL! I can understand Kate not wanting to have Kevin the groper over to her house for a party, but to not allow your partner to play with him in a fantasy football league where everything is conducted via email is just plain psychotic!

I could maybe even understand this a little bit (and I do mean little!) if the groping had occurred yesterday, but it happened SIX years ago and apologies were exchanged. Give me a break!

By the way, if this story has you thinking that we’re talking about a group of college-aged kids, think again. Peter, the friend in question who can’t think for himself, is 38 years old. Kate, the meddling girlfriend, is 52 years old.

So today in honor of what’s occurred, I am sending them a care package in the mail. I was cleaning out my house last Sunday, and found a collar that Daphne doesn’t wear anymore. I also found a training leash, one of those long ones that will give my friend some extra room in case he still wants to run on a leash. I’m heading to FedEx right now, in fact, because I don’t want Kate to lose track of her rich boyfriend at any time.

Oh . . . and if any of you have any extra bones, or anything else you’d like to send to my friend Peter, please let me know. We can put together a nice big care package to send to him.

Its a tough day for me, I had to drop Daphne my amazing Lab off to the vet to see if the tumor she has is cancer.

So today I am just a bit out of sorts in all ways.

And to top it all off when I got back to the office we had a mild earthquake.

Now i do not believe in God but someone up there was really mad about Daphne.
Today we have a video.
It is all about Facebook, crushes and 24 years later on how I should have never put myself in the friend zone.

This one is a real eye opener.

It was for me and it will be for you as well.

So, last night I was able to go to the Coldplay concert, which was just phenomenal. Yeah, yeah, I know what they said about Coldplay in “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” but I like Coldplay for a few different reasons.

I like Coldplay because they play with such passion, which made their concert last night a really great experience. You know, right in the middle of the show, Chris Martin of Coldplay said ‘Nothing is better than going out, standing there in front of all these people, creating great energy and playing with all of your best friends.’ That is what life is all about!

Life is about enjoying yourself. Life is about experiencing things. Life is about having fun with your friends. Life is not about chasing people you want to come into your life; life is about attracting people into your life.

It was an amazing thing to be in The Forum last night, which is saying a lot. For those of you who are unfamiliar with The Forum in Los Angeles, it is just an absolutely awful and outdated arena. It was cool, though, being there last night with about 20,000 people who were laid back and just having a good time.

No, this blog is not about giving you a wake-up call to buy Coldplay concert tickets (although I certainly would recommend their show). This wake-up call was inspired by the combination of the realizations I experienced at the concert and some other realizations I’ve made in the last few days.

Some things have happened to me in recent days that really rocked my world. I’ve been doing a lot of traveling, enjoying myself a little bit and, of course, working. I was in Santa Fe last weekend and was in Hawaii before that. While I was in Hawaii, the woman who sits for my six year-old English Lab Daphne noticed a lump on her belly. Although the lump was not new, it had been small and had not previously changed in size.

When I returned home, I saw that the lump had indeed gotten bigger so I took Daphne to the vet. The vet looked at it and didn’t want to do anything, but I made her aspirate it anyway. During my Santa Fe trip, the lab report came back which showed that there were mast cells in the cyst that was aspirated.

Now, mast cells in a dog can be either malignant or non-malignant. I actually have been learning all about them over the last several days. Although there seem to be conflicting medical viewpoints on what Daphne’s lab results mean and although I really didn’t think there was anything wrong with her, at this point I thought it would be better to just take the lump out anyway.

I am figuring she will be okay. My fingers are crossed. What all of this makes you realize, though, is that life is very precious.

Life can be taken away from you at any moment. Everything that you love or have ever built – whether it’s relationships, animals or friends – can be lost in an instant. You don’t know what fate has in store for you.

You have no idea what’s going to happen to you on any single day. So why do so many people choose not to live life to the fullest every single day? Why do so many people go through life like they’re in a coma?

It always amazes me how so many of us go through life like we’re here forever and like we have an unlimited amount of time to experience life. We live our lives as if no matter what we do and no matter what happens, we’re going to be here forever . . . but we’re not.

Not only are we not here forever, we could be here a much shorter time than we anticipate. Life is a gift, and it’s a gift that you need to embrace every single day.

I mean, this last week has been really tough for me – I had to go and research (and see pictures of ) this thing called a mast cell tumor, I had to talk to all sorts of people and doctors and vets trying to figure out whether my dog is sick. I wanted to make sure that Daphne gets the best attention, because I really don’t want to lose her.

What I’ve realized over these last days is that everything that is precious to me can be taken away in a second. So with that realization in mind, why don’t you enjoy everything you do to the max? Enjoy life! Enjoy the gift that is your life.

People spend so much time trying to chase members of the opposite sex and worrying about what to say or do when they see someone they want to meet. Just walk up to those people. Stop wasting your time with worry, and start experiencing.

Surrender yourself to the experience. That’s how you will live without regret.

I wrote a blog like this awhile back based on the movie “The Bucket List.” Well in this blog I’m going to talk about making other kinds of lists.

What if you made a list of all the things you are afraid of doing? How about a list of all the things you’ve been wanting to do “someday” but have never done? Why not start doing the things on these lists, because you never know when you’ll no longer be here.

As I’m walking Daphne right now and noticing how happy and content she is just sniffing the warm night air, I realize that this beautiful gift of this English Labrador may not be here forever. Although I am going to do everything in my power to make sure she is, I am also going to make sure that every moment she does have here is amazing. I am going to appreciate every moment I have with her.

It’s time for all of you get out of your comas and start looking at life as the gift that it is. Here’s your wake-up call!

Ok that was a heavy blog so todays video is all about being goofy and having fun!