Status: Single.
Status: It’s complicated.
Status: Single again.

Do you know how many clients I talk to who have been broken up with via Facebook without even getting a phone call from their Facebook “ex”?
What is wrong with our society? We don’t even have closure anymore. We’re so afraid of actually having to face our partners when we’re ending a relationship that we resort to alternate, virtual ways to break up with them. Facebook. Email. Even texting! It’s ridiculous.

First, unless you’re married, real men do not post their relationship status on Facebook. Unless you’re married, it’s nobody else’s business.
And more importantly, real men do not break up over Facebook.

And real women do not post their relationship status on Facebook either. Your actual friends already know what your relationship status is.
Enough with the Facebook relationship announcements. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of constantly seeing so-and-so’s relationship status who I haven’t seen in 12 years, or so-and-so who I met at some party last summer.

I’m tired of all the bullshit.
If you’re going to break up with somebody, do it face-to-face.
At the very least, before you go out and publicly announce a relationship with someone over Facebook, have the courtesy to announce that relationship to your “significant other’s” face first so they don’t wake up one morning to their that surprise they’re suddenly in a relationship with you on Facebook—when all they thought was that you two were dating.

Have you ever thought that when you were in a relationship that came to an end? Have you ever been completely taken by surprise?

I don’t think there’s any truth to a statement like that. Nobody gets dumped just like that out of the blue. Nobody wakes up one morning, everything perfect in the relationship, and then gets dumped just like that out of the blue. Similarly, nobody in a wonderful relationship wakes up one morning and decides to dump their significant other out of the blue, just because they felt like it for no particular reason. It doesn’t work that way.

If you got dumped and it came out of nowhere, it is because you were oblivious to all the warning signs from your partner. Or you chose to ignore all the signs. You weren’t really paying attention to them. You ignored the conversations where she (or he) was trying to tell what was on their mind, you ignored the body language, the emotional disconnect, you’ve ignored or been oblivious to everything.

How To Dump Her

There are always warning signs in relationships. There are always signals that tell you when things are going well and things are going poorly. The successful relationships are those where both of you pay attention to each other’s signals, you work to please each other, to communicate, and work things out when you hit a rough patch. And when it comes down to being broken up with all of a sudden out of the blue, it’s because there was a breakdown in the communication, you did nothing to reach out to him or her, and you chose to ignore all the signs of a failing relationship.

You are never broken up with “out of the blue.” It just doesn’t exist. If you’re in a relationship, I want you guys to take some time and really open up to your partner, really make sure that you are communicating with them, and that you’re not turning a blind eye to their needs. I want you guys to think about that for today.

John took one of my bootcamp’s that I had in London several years ago and he had something that he needed my help on.

John, being in the Christmas spirit, also volunteered to share his email with all of you.

Today I am going to talk about why being alone is the most powerful and amazing growth time in your life.

For those of you who have ended a relationship this year, today’s podcast will really hit home for you.

For the rest of you, listen and embrace the power of you.

One last thing. Today’s podcast has a very special announcement that will shock all of you!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

This got me thinking and as usual Oprah delivered. Ok stop laughing I am not an Opraholic, I actually never watch but my family is in town and the TV has been on way too much!

As I was flipping through the channels, I reacquainted myself with the beauty of daytime television. I remember being addicted to General Hospital when I was in high school and college. I remember Luke, Laura, Robert Scorpio and all the amazing things about Port Charles.

So after flipping through the channels, I ended up watching Oprah. She was interviewing Jenny McCarthy, someone whom I don’t know a lot about other than that she has an autistic kid and that she’s always been super hot.

As I was listening to the interview, Jenny McCarthy said something really interesting. Oprah asked Jenny McCarthy why she broke up with Jim Carey. Now there are rumors that Jim Carey is depressed among other things, but those were not the reasons she said she broke up with him. She looked at Oprah point blank and said that the relationship stopped being fun.

It stopped being fun. When I heard her say that, it really triggered something inside of me.

How many of you are still in fun relationships? As far as I’m concerned, I agree with her 100%. If my relationship isn’t fun, it’s over.

Why do you need to continue to torture one another? Why do you need to stay together for the sake of kids, when two people can’t have fun anymore?

How many of you are in relationships that are no longer fun? How many of you are just staying together because you think the kids need you together?

In reality, kids always know when people aren’t having fun because they are good at reading non-verbal body language. They see two parents sitting in a restaurant, not smiling and not talking. The kid isn’t talking either. What do you think he’s doing? He’s evaluating what is going on between his parents, and he knows deep down his parents don’t enjoy each other anymore.

I’m a product of a divorced home, and I knew my mom and my dad had issues the whole time I was growing up. I remember my mom used to say, “Kids, we’re going upstairs.” Three minutes later, the door would be open after they had some quick sex.

I knew they weren’t connected because I felt it and I saw it. When the door would open, my dad would go on one side of the bed while my mom would be in the bathroom washing up. There was no feeling, no passion, no touching — nothing ever between them.

We have one shot in life. I truly believe that you need to do things that you enjoy. You need to do things that you love.

You need to be an active participant in your life. You should not be a slave to your life.

You should not be a slave to your children. Your children should not run, manipulate or control your life.

When you stay in a relationship that is not fun anymore, you are just staying in something that is eventually going to blow up. You don’t need to be a slave to your significant other — being at their beck and call. That is really not fun.

Life is short. Life can end at any moment.

With that being the case, why are so many of us so stuck in mediocrity? Why are so many of us stuck not having fun and living this way?

I’ve had a really amazing life. I’ve had a lot of fun, and I agree with what Jenny McCarthy says. Whenever I have stopped having fun in relationships, I was done. It was over.

Now, I’m sure a lot of you are thinking that I don’t know the word “commitment,” let alone know what it means. To me, though, commitment was never about staying in hell or staying with someone even if you are miserable.

Now, for all the people who are very religious and don’t believe in divorce and so forth, here’s what I say to you. This is the 21st century. It’s time you stopped believing in old religious practices and old moral standards, and really get an accountability of your own life. Don’t blame the church, your parents or anyone else if your relationship isn’t working or is no longer fun. The only person to blame for staying in your relationship is you.

Hopefully today’s post really got people thinking. I know I’m going to get a lot of comments about all the reasons people HAVE to stay in their current relationships (like kids, finances etc). Those are just excuses.

Life is full of excuses. You can always find an excuse for something, and embrace that excuse until you turn it into a reality.

I’m about living a life that has no excuses and no fear. I am about embracing every challenge and living a fun life.

Does anyone want to join me on this wonderful ride called life? Let me know.

Via email?! They dated (and were inseparable) for over a year, and she breaks up with him via email?

She told him that it was too hard for her to sit down and break up with him face-to-face, and that she thought it would be easier for her to break up with him via email. She didn’t even go into detail in the email about it — it was a short three sentence email basically saying that the relationship wasn’t working for her anymore.

Another friend of mine was in a relationship with someone for nine months. They were in love, were intimate, spent night after night together, and vacationed together.

He broke up with her via a text message. That’s right, a text message!

Do you see a pattern here? What are the rules now a days — that you break up with someone via text message if you’re dating under a year, and you break up with someone via email if you’ve been dating longer than a year?

The text message that my friend sent said simply, “I don’t think this is working out, and I think we should stop seeing each other.” That was it.

How do you even respond to that? He didn’t even have the guts to pick up the phone and call this person he said that he loved. He just sent a text message.

I remember how bad I thought it was when the story broke a few years ago that Sylvester Stallone had broken up with someone via a letter he sent FedEx. He just had to break up with her overnight, and even sent it so that it would arrive by 10:00 am. Waking up to a breakup letter is something I’m sure she really needed.

What does it take these days to get a face-to-face breakup . . . or even a breakup via a live phone call?

Do you need to have been dating for more than two years to warrant this treatment? What do you have to do for someone to feel they “owe” you the courtesy of a face-to-face talk or at least a live phone call when they break up with you? What do you have to do to get the closure and the honesty that comes from a face-to-face breakup?

We have become so addicted to technology that we can’t even give each other the time of day anymore. So many people will not even pick up the phone anymore.

Most people text. A lot of people just email instead of picking up the phone.

When it comes down to breaking up — really discussing the relationship and the really important issues — you should never do it via email or text. What is wrong with our culture today that this has become at all acceptable?

When did we become so afraid? When did we become such wimps when it comes down to speaking with one another.

Breaking up via text or via email is disgraceful. You owe it to someone you’ve been dating (no matter for how long) to sit them down. You owe it to them to be 100% honest about how you’re feeling and where you’re at so that they can have closure.

I can’t imagine if something broke up with me via text. I don’t think I’d ever be able to talk to them again, or even look them in the eye. If you’re intimate enough to look someone in the eyes when you’re making love with them, then how dare you break up with them via text or email?

Technology is wonderful. When it comes down to intimacy and your relationship, however, you need to pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to tell someone how you feel if you’re going to break up with them. You need to do this no matter how hard you think it will be for you.

Breaking up is not easy to do. Breaking up using technology, though, is just plain sad.

I’d say about one hour. Yes, why not go out there an hour after breaking up — crying, tears running down your face, insecure and full of emotion — and start dating again.

Of course an hour is too soon. Honestly, though, the answer is that it’s a different time period for everyone.

It depends how long it took for you to break up. It depends on who did the breaking up. Most importantly, it depends on how long you need.

You need as long as it’s going to take for you to process everything. You need to get all the anger out, process what went wrong in the relationship, what you need to learn from the relationship, and what type of person you want going forward.

When you go through a break up with somebody, regardless of whether you’re the person being broken up with or whether you do the breaking up, you need to take time to process everything that went on before you move forward and even think about dating again.

I think it’s really important during that processing time to do things for yourself, to spend time with yourself, and to spend time with your friends. Doing these things is important because when you do start dating again, you need to be 100% open to what comes into your life.

If you’re still wounded, you’re just going to find another person who is equally as wounded. That’s not what you want. You want to really be the most positive, amazing version of yourself so that you can attract an equally positive and amazing person.

So take your time after a breakup. Take as much time as you need, however long that might be, before you start dating again.

Now todays question is.

How does this statement apply to all areas of your life?

Did labor day weekend yield any different results for you?

That is another EXample of an ex.

Lets hear from all of you today.

What lessons did you learn this weekend?

And what is going to prevent you from repeating the same patterns?

Breaking up is tough. You could do it like Sylvester Stallone and break up with someone via FedEx.

You can also can sit someone down, look them in the eyes and be 100% honest with about how you feel. You can tell the person exactly how you feel about them — that you love them as a person but that you no longer romantically feeling them anymore. You can tell them that you’re great as friends but not great as lovers.

Honesty is really, really hard for certain people. By being honest, though, you are allowing someone not to live with any doubt or questions, and it allows them to move on. It will of course hurt in that moment, but then that person can start healing and move forward.

Too many people don’t allow someone to heal. By being honest with someone when breaking up, though, you are allowing them to start healing.

So share with me today some of the toughest times you had breaking up with people. I’d love to hear from you guys.

You have already made a determination that they don’t understand you, that they will never understand you and that the relationship just won’t work out with them. So, all of a sudden, the incredible anger that were starting fights decrease.

You start walking away from them. You used to feel like she was busting your balls or like he was riding you and not understanding you. Now the minute you get into a fight, you just walk away from it.

The fact that you are on opposite sides of the bed, which used to bother you and keep you up at night, turns into the natural way things are and you are able to sleep with no problem. You go to your side of the bed, they go to theirs, and you both just go to sleep.

You are not up for four hours every night thinking, wondering, feeling and missing them. You just want to go to sleep.

When it hits this point, i.e., when it hits the breakup point, then you need to face the business of breaking up. You know breaking up sucks, but there is only one good way to do it.

When you think you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the person that you’re disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw.

If you don’t think the relationship is going to work or you know you’ve already disconnected based on how things have been going, then you might want to consider walking away for a week. Spend a week without that person.

Go visit some friends or family. Really think about what life would be like without that person. How would you feel without them being there?

When you’re in the thick of things, they never seem to be able to work out. So take a break. Take a walk. Take a week long walk.

Take that week to ask yourself some questions. What does your life look like without them? Do you like and enjoy the way it feels?

Then, after you’ve taken this time, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or break up. Whichever decision you make, you need to be honest with yourself.

Life is too short! There are a lot of wonderful, amazing people out there whom you can meet.

When you take this time to think, be sure to think about what it was like when you first met this person. How did you feel about them before things got so frustrating? Did you feel like they were your soulmate and the two of you were meant to be? You’ve got to dial back into that.

A friend of mine said to me one time, “Pretend you just got amnesia and all of a sudden someone told you the person with whom you are living (or in a relationship) is the person you are going to marry. You would have none of the bad feelings and none of the fights. What would you do in that situation?” What you would do in that situation is try to get to know that person again without all the anger, fights, frustration and history getting in the way.

So maybe take a week to yourself and then a week with that person. Get to know them again and remember the reasons why you fell in love. If you guys can do that, then you might be able to save your relationship.