Now it’s been a while since I wrote anything about bars and clubs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve been out to any clubs.  But I’m going to be out on the town this weekend with some friends, so I figured I’ll put you guys in the right mindset with a question that comes from an email I got last week:

Hey Shogo,

Thanks so much for the coaching call yesterday, I got some great advice out of it and can’t wait to put it to use.  One question.  Could you help me out with cock blocks in a bar or club, they can be very annoying and ignorant I find and I’ve been cockblocked now and again.  So what could ya say to the guy to stop?

J, Ireland

Hey J,

Here’s how I feel about cock blocking.  I never get cock blocked.  It just doesn’t happen to me. So what that means is that cock blocking has nothing to do with another guy being an asshole, swooping in and taking “your” woman.  It’s got everything to do with YOU.  You can learn all the quick and witty comeback lines and banter you want to be prepared for a so-called cock block, but it’s not going to stop it from happening to you.

Because cock blocking only happens to certain types of guys.  And it happens to them over and over again.

Guys who are very hesitant about expressing themselves to a woman.  Guys who don’t claim their space.  Guys who keep their distance and are afraid to get close out of fear that he’s offending her or coming across as “giving her the wrong idea”.

When you do that, other guys will notice it and see that there is no chemistry there.  Maybe you just look like friends.  Maybe a guy is an asshole, and sees an opportunity there to come in and take her away.  In any case, she’s clear for the taking to any other swinging dick who walks by.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t intrigue women.  If she is interested in you and the conversation you are having, she will stand there and listen to everything you have to say.  When she’s not into you, her eyes will start darting across the room, hoping for her friend or some other more interesting guy to come rescue her.

When that starts happening, you’re done. Nothing can save you.  She’ll pray for someone else to come join the conversation.  She’ll be totally open to starting a conversation and flirting with another guy who’s around her.  And a guy who sees that will jump right in.  Sometimes she’ll start a conversation with another guy.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to the bar to get a drink, and a girl standing there will turn and start talking to me while another guy was just in mid-conversation with her.

Then I’d look over her at the poor guy’s disillusioned face and give him a little shrug.  Does that make me a cock-block?  Does that make me an asshole?  No.  It means she was bored to death with the other guy and wanted talk to me instead.  It means the other guy needed some coaching—not on how to deal with cock blocks, but on how to keep her intrigued.  Because I’m no better than the guy who just got shoved out of the picture.  But I’m much better in conversation.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t claim their own space and walk over with confidence and start great conversations with women everywhere they go.  Cockblocking happens to guys who talk to one or two women a night, and then CLING onto those conversations like their lives depended on it.

Sound familiar, victim of cock blocking?

You sit in the corner of the bar, waiting for what to say to that one girl you’ve been looking at for the past 45 minutes, then you finally get up the guts to approach her and hope it really works out because this is your one shot for the night.

Instead you try and try and try with that one girl you finally approached, even when there’s no chemistry.  And the more you try with a girl who’s only lukewarm about you, the longer you stand there struggling, the more likely some guy with dimples and a great smile is going to wink at her and jump in to the rescue.

So you’re still asking why you need to start conversations with women everywhere?  This is why.  Because when you start doing that, you will start having an abundance mindset.  You’ll start approaching women everywhere.  When I go out, I talk to girls everywhere.  Quick, 30-second conversations.  If there’s no chemistry, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I move on.  I don’t stand around in a shitty conversation, struggling to make things happen, and wait to be cock blocked by some guy she likes better than me.

You think you’ve been cock blocked, but you really just cock blocked yourself.

A lot of you are probably in front of your computer or on your phone right now, texting, e-mailing, you’re at different stages of planning out what you’re going to be doing tonight. You’ve waited all week for Friday night. This is going to be the night that you’re going to go out and meet a cool new woman. If all goes right, everything is going to change by the weekend, you’ll have one or two or even three prospective new dates, and your lifestyle is going to be different. You’re finally going to approach the woman you’re most attracted to.

Then what happens? As the night progresses, all those fears and excuses start creeping in. You get paralyzed. You stand around the bar. You do nothing.

Some of you may not even be reading this blog until late night Friday night, and you’ll say to yourself, “David, you just described my night. I was all jazzed. I was all excited. You’re right, slowly but surely, all my fears and excuses crept in and the next thing I knew, I was home again. I was staring at the ceiling, reviewing the night, and I finally came up with something really great to say to the woman I was attracted to, but it’s too late now.”

Here’s what I want all of you who read this blog early today to do. For those of you who are reading it late, do this exercise tomorrow night.

I want you to go out. I don’t want you to talk to a single person tonight. Not one person. I want you to observe, and I want you to watch, and I want you to understand the dynamic of what makes one guy fearless and successful with women, and another guy who goes home and masturbates, dreaming of the woman he wishes he could be with. I want you to watch the guys that are successful with women.

It doesn’t matter what they say, because I’m about to launch a brand new program that’s going to give you everything you need to say in these situations. I want you to take a look at their body language. I want you to take a look at what real attraction is. I want you to look at these guys and I want you to basically see how much fun they’re having. How engaging they are, how they use their hand motions, how they smile, how they walk with confidence. I want you to notice everything about them.

Now what I want you to do is I want you to look at yourself. No, don’t look directly at yourself in the mirror, but look at a guy just like you. I want you to find the guy who’s in the corner with his hands in his pockets, a clueless or frustrated look on his face, the kind of guy you can feel is really thinking with all the monkey chatter going on in his head.

I want you to look at that guy, and I want you to ask yourself this question: if you were a woman, who would you rather talk to? The guy who’s going around talking to everybody and generally just having a great time, or the guy who’s paralyzed in the corner waiting for the woman to go to the bathroom so he can chase her down and find the right moment to talk to her? The guy with that nervous energy who kinda scares people a little?

How do you feel? What type of emotion do you feel when you look at the guys who are having fun versus the guys who are not having fun? This is a great exercise that I have every single client do, any guy who’s ever been successful with women going out and meeting them on a Friday or Saturday night. Every guy goes through this exercise, because you have got to learn how to enjoy yourself before you can start meeting people. If you approach with nervous energy, nothing will happen, but if you approach with a smile while having a good time, the words don’t make a difference.

Note To All Men: If you are already subscribed to my email list you are well aware that next week I’m releasing a new product that is going to empower you to get over the BIGGEST issue you guys have when it comes to meeting women… approach anxiety. I hear it time and time again, and it was confirmed by thousands of survey responses taken by my email subscribers that have been pouring in the past couple of weeks.

I put together a video to help you learn how to kill approach anxiety to become natural with women, simply by using the power of observation!“

How often have you gone out and the only guys you talked to all night were either self-absorbed players, Mr. Socially Awkward, or a normal guy-who ruined it by having to get drunk to build up the nerve to come talk to you? Not to mention the creepy stalker guy who hovers around you and your friends for half the night.

But there are some great men out there who do hang out at bars on the weekend. So why not make the most out of the situation and make sure that when you’re putting yourself out there, you’re attracting the right type of guy instead of always the wrong type of guy?

If you’re having trouble meeting the right kind of men, chances are that it’s got a lot to do with the energy you’re projecting.

Eye contact really is key. You can’t be too passive. It sounds romantic to just let things happen serendipitously, but the good ones are not going to just appear out of nowhere or fall right into your lap with the perfect words to sweep you off of your feet. When you’re out at night (or anywhere, really) and you’re huddled around not giving any men any outward signs that you’re interested, you’ll get approached by two types of guys: the overly macho guy who is overcompensating so he can get some action tonight, and the overly wimpy guy who really built up his courage to approach you but now he can’t get the right words out.

What you really want is the normal guy in the middle. Problem is, that guy will rarely approach you unless you give him the right signals. Here’s some male psychology for you: guys are more oblivious to a woman’s signals than you can ever imagine.

How To Meet Men In Bars

That means that giving a guy a quick glance for about 0.25 seconds and then quickly looking away isn’t going to cut it. That guy will never approach you, and it’s not because he’s not interested. What you need to do is pick a guy you like, and really LOOK AT HIM with a nice smile. I’m talking like several seconds, until it seems unnaturally long. After that, you can look away, but then look and smile at him again for a LONG TIME. And then again. Don’t worry, you won’t look desperate. Like I said, men are really slow at picking up signals. By now, maybe he’s starting to get a clue.

If he’s still looking at you, he’s interested but he may not know it’s ok to come over yet. Sometimes you may need to look at him four or five times to get him to come over. If he doesn’t walk over by then, he doesn’t have the guts right now, so move on to the next guy.

Similarly, if you’re walking by a guy who catches your eye, don’t just glance at him once really quickly and then keep walking in hopes that he’s going to come chase you down. Look at him as you’re walking by, take a deep breath, then turn around and look at him again over your shoulder with a nice, inviting smile.

Either way it’s the same principle: the key is that you need to look at him several times, not just once and then turn your back. The guy that you want will rarely approach you if you do that. In fact, most guys are secretly hoping that you’ll come approach them! (But that’s another blog.)

So your homework for this Memorial Day weekend is to really practice working on that great eye contact and smile wherever you go out. Practice not getting stuck in what I call “social constipation mode”, where as soon as we’re in a social setting, we suddenly start worrying about what everyone this thinking about us, we forget to let loose and smile, and basically we get this emotionless constipated look on our faces.

Really take the time to give a guy some real eye contact to let him know that you’re interested. Have fun, smile, and laugh everywhere you go. It doesn’t have to be overly sexy or seductive, just any inviting smile will do—you don’t need anything fancy. So many women are unaware of just how irresistible a nice genuine feminine smile can be to a man.

Do you know what your body language is telling about you?

When you talk to a woman do you think about what her body language is saying?

Do you wonder what every hand gesture, eyebrow raise and arm cross means?

If so, you are and have been wasting your time over thinking each and every conversation.

Check out how to really understand what body language means in today’s video.

What you’re about to watch is a woman who’s very cute on her own, but goes through Photoshop and the end result you see is what turns men into crazed perfection seeking horn dogs and women into insecure fearful human beings.

Most Men believe that they should be dating the type of women that they see in this type of video. Even men in bad shape only see themselves dating the hot sexy toned women. Their version of perfection is based on the air brushed women they see on tv and in magazines.

And lets not mention a mans view about sex is based on crazy porno sex. Sex that really does not exist nor turn on the average woman.

Women, on the other hand, feel really pressured to look great, because they are always looking at themselves under a microscope.

Women are super critical of themselves more than any man could ever be.

Check this out it shows you the distortions of the way things are and the way people think things should be.

Women after the watching the video how do you feel about the way life and beauty is distorted?

If you want to get the ultimate version of yourself check out my women’s no excuses package.

A lot of the time when men will talk to women, a woman might be interested but she’s also very nervous. So men will often not end up asking those women out due to what her body language is communicating.

When they’re nervous, a lot of women will have one foot in one direction and the other foot in another direction. Even though they’re smiling, their body language will say to a man that she’s half in and half out, which a man will interpret as disinterest.

He won’t be interpreting it consciously. It will be done subconsciously. This will be his interpretation nonetheless.

When you’re interested in a man, you need to hold your ground. You need to look directly at him, face him and smile. You can’t have one foot in one direction or a shoulder turned off in another direction.

Another thing that women do that absolutely does not work, is that they will have their arms folded. Even though they’re interested in a guy, they’ll have their arms folded when you’re talking to him. This is a defensive pose, not an open pose.

What you need to do instead, is to leave your arms open. Either have them at your side, or have them facing the guy (or use your hands when you’re talking). The minute you fold your arms, you are basically telling a guy — even if it’s on a very subconscious level — that you’re not interested.

Your eye contact is also really important. When you look down at the ground or off in the distance because you’re nervous, you are telling a guy you are not interested. Even if you are interested, when you look away from that person what he will process in his brain is that you are looking at someone else and isn’t interested.

So, once again, eye contact is really important. If you are uncomfortable with constant eye contact, then you can meet his eyes, look down and then come back and meet his eyes again. Just don’t look off in the distance, that will always tell a guy that you are not interested.

Another mistake that women make when talking to a man is fidgeting. Fidgeting with things when you’re talking to somebody tells him that you’re very nervous. You might be nervous because you like him, but a guy will likely interpret your fidgeting as a sign that you’re bored.

It’s amazing how much these little things communicate to the opposite sex. Being more aware of your body language in these situations will really help you get more men to ask you out (and, by extension, get you more dates).

If you want to know more about what you are saying to men with your body language, then have a friend go out with you and film you. Have your friend watch what you’re doing, how you’re reacting to things and how you flirt. Then you can watch not only yourself, but also see things the way a guy does.

It’s really funny. One time a woman did this and sent me the video. In the video she was flirting with a guy, but kept looking away because she was scared, nervous and intimidated by the guy.

When she sent me the video, she said to me that she didn’t know why the guy hadn’t asked her out. When I watched the video, I knew why the minute she looked away and the guy turned around to see at whom she was looking.

She was interested in that guy, and she thought she was showing interest to him. It’s amazing what your body language and you eye contact says, as compared to what your voice says. Be more aware of that, and you’ll see yourself having better flirting sessions, better dates, and a better dating life.

Now let me ask you a question… Do you want to know where are all the marriage-minded men are?

I thought you did… All you need to do is click here to find out where.

80% of the way we communicate really is by body language. If you watch a movie, when the actors deliver their lines they also have to deliver the right body language. Otherwise, you don’t believe the words that are coming out of their mouth.

I can’t tell you how many times I have witnesses men walking over to women with their shoulders rolled forward, looking down at the ground, and muttering their words. When they do that, women respond with the exact same body language.

When her body language is leaning towards the door, she is telling you how uncomfortable she is even if she is interested. So sometimes body language can seem to conflict with how that person actually feels.

That is why the guys need to keep talking smiling and staying relaxed. That way, you will help her relax. People will follow your body language when you are in control of yourself.

Your body language, though, is so important. You don’t want to come across as needy, desperate, weird, or too intense. You want to come across as somebody who’s confident, secure, and self-aware.

A confident man walks with his shoulders back, his head up, and his eyes directly on the person to whom he is talking. A confident man walks slow but strong. A confident man walks into a room, looks around, decides who he wants to talk to before walking over there.

A confident man faces the person with whom he’s speaking. A confident man does not look down at the ground. A confident man does not roll his shoulders down.

Your body language is so important. It’s not just about what you say, it’s how you say it and how your body is standing.

When you’re on a date facing somebody and talking to them at a table, you want to face them directly. You want to show them that you’re a strong, confident man.

There is so much more about body language that we need to discuss.

But before we do, let me ask you a question.

Are you nervous when approaching a woman? Don’t know how to approach, stand, act, look, etc? If so, lets keep this conversation rolling by Clicking Here!

I think everyone needs to go to a foreign country to learn one of the most important skills to becoming a better communicator: how to communicate nonverbally. This is a really important skill.

This was a very important skill when I was in France, for example, because I don’t speak French. The way I say bonjour and merci beaucoup probably made the French people hate Americans even more than they already do.

I’ll share something interesting with you.  On that trip we were driving through all these different little mountain towns one day, and we were hungry. Apparently, everything closes down between 12:00 pm and 4:00 pm. I don’t know when they eat lunch or what they do, but the whole area literally boards up and shuts down between those hours.

Nevertheless, we found this little food truck with a whole bunch of workers near it. I pulled up, we got out and I ordered some sandwiches. I picked out the sandwiches by pointing at the pictures. The guy offered me different beverages in French.

It was really fascinating, though, to stand there with eight or nine people who spoke a different language as they are looking at you and laughing. Most people feel very insecure at that moment, because they feel like they are being laughed at.

In reality, those people were just trying to communicate with me using nonverbal communication. They were using gestures and body language to try and communicate with me.

I think this is one of the best lessons we can learn. I’ve traveled all over the world and to a lot of places where I couldn’t speak the language, and every time I go to one of these places I feel like I’ve learned a great lesson.

You actually learn how to communicate better by not speaking the language. You’re forced to use your intuition.  You’re forced to use body language.  

You’re forced to use eye contact. So many people, especially American guys who are trying to meet women, are so afraid of eye contact. So many people are always looking for other people’s body language when, ironically, they really don’t even understand body language.

This is one of the reasons I tell people to travel abroad. When you travel abroad, it is all about body language.

It’s all about the way you make eye contact. It’s all about the way you smile and the way your smile engages others. When you travel abroad you are not only more aware of all of this, you are also aware that you are the leader for all of these things.

When many people walk up to someone in France, they do so with a pouty face because they can’t speak the language. When you do this, people are going to look at you say “Asshole American,” right? When you walk up with a big smile and ask if they speak English, you come off as a lot friendlier.

So one of the greatest things to do is to go to a foreign country and navigate your way around. Try and find a hotel. Try to find places to eat.

Don’t rely on finding people who speak English. Don’t even worry about whether people speak English, because what you’ll learn will make you more aware of things with people who do speak your own language when you get home. You’re actually learning worlds of information (pardon the pun) about nonverbal clues.

So save your money and get your ass to a foreign country. Avoid France right now because the American Dollar sucks there. You can go to South America for ten or eleven days and accomplish the same thing for half the price.

Last night, I went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, and now I am going to be off of sushi forever. The next time I eat sushi and raw fish will be when I am reincarnated as flipper. The other night I ordered in Chinese food from a healthy Chinese restaurant, and let me tell you that the next time I’ll be eating Chinese food will be when I’m reincarnated as Wo Ming Ching the fisherman.

I miss all the wonderful meals I had in London and in France. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another vacation soon.

Oh, and I want to personally thank everyone who left great comments yesterday about my big announcement on the blog. If you haven’t read about my big announcement, click here (because you missed something pretty huge).

This is something I talk about almost every single day. In order to meet the kind of people you most desire, you need to learn how to attract them (and not chase them).

I mean, how many times are you guys going to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and chase women before you realize that it doesn’t work. You are just what I call chasing the night. You need to realize that your actions — all of your actions — are picked up on by lots of different people.

When I was in Cannes recently, I was standing in line behind a man at a buffet. If you’ve ever seen me in a buffet line, I act like I’ve never eaten a meal before in my entire life. It was one at one of those beautiful hotels in Cannes with a great breakfast buffet, and I was really hungry and anxious to get my hands on the lox.

So I might have gotten a little too close to the man in line in front of me, and at some point we bumped into each other. It was really no big deal. I mean, how many times have you accidentally bumped into someone, right?

That man, however, gave me the dirtiest look in the world — one of those “f*^k you” looks. So I sat down at my table, and I saw him give me yet another dirty look.

How many of you do this? How many of you accidentally bump into someone because you get too close to them, and then give the other person a dirty look because they invaded your personal space?

Do you realize how many other people see you give that dirty look and see the whole interaction take place? They don’t look at the other person as the asshole. They look at you as the asshole.

They don’t wonder what’s wrong with you because you accidentally bumped into someone. They wonder what’s wrong with you that you have to be such as asshole.

When we’re talking about attracting people (and not chasing them), this is the type of thing that will not only not attract others — but will actually repel them. So be careful what you do.

The next time somebody is too close and they bump into you, just smile and say “No big deal.” You never know who is looking at you and checking you out. You never know who is getting turned off by your actions.

When you give the dirty look or something like that, you are turning off every person around you (not just that one person next to you). If you’ve learned anything from what we’ve talked about, it all comes down to creating attraction.

When you give the dirty look, you are actually creating instant detraction. That may or may not be a word, but it is the perfect term for when you doing the exact opposite of attracting people to you (including those people of the opposite sex you most want to attract). So everywhere you go, be sure to avoid the art of detraction.

So because our flight time was getting close, we of course had to be pulled from the line to go through security (along with some others whose flights were also coming up soon). We were on the 11:45 flight.

Of course one woman whose flight was at 11:34, barreled past me breaking Sonja and I up. This other woman says, “Wait! I’m on the 11:24 flight!” and wanted to go ahead of the 11:34 woman, but the 11:34 woman wouldn’t let her go ahead even though the other woman’s flight was before hers.

Did you ever meet someone you just want to kick and shake? That woman was radiating negative energy. I’m sure her purse was filled with Tums, Mylanta, pain medication . . . and maybe some Xanax. She might have even been an emergency Valium woman like my mother.

So I made the flight here to New Orleans, and now I have a job for all of you this weekend. You’re probably thinking, “Wait, I read yesterday’s blog about the job you gave us to reconnect with old friends. You have TWO jobs for us this weekend?” For any of you who need a refresher on yesterday’s blog, CLICK HERE.

For those of you who are regular readers, you know I have limited experience with children. I’ve even called them “little aliens” from time to time, even though they’re really just little people.

I learned some things watching little Ashlyn here. It’s amazing how uninhibited a 2½ year old’s body language and emotions are. You know exactly when a kid wants to talk to you, play with you, communicate something to you . . . and you know when they think you’re a creep.

They are either naturally approachable or naturally unapproachable — like pitbulls. They are based on natural body language intuition, and are without fears and doubts.

So your job, Ethan Hunt . . . oh, wait this isn’t Mission: Impossible . . . is to go find some little kids this weekend and watch them. Go to a Chuck E. Cheese or a park and just enjoy yourself. Don’t go dressed in trenchcoat looking like a creep, and just enjoy the day.

I want you to go back to your more innocent days when you were more open about meeting people. The way to do that is to be open about body language, dynamics and from where the smile comes.

For those of you who think you’re above this, you don’t get the point of this. For those of you who think this is silly, you can be like Kristen’s cats and just hide in your room. People can be so much like cats — you take a cat out of it’s environment to a new place, and it freaks out for weeks and hides in corners in a room.

What would you rather be like? Think about it. Would you rather look at the world and the beauty that it is? Or, would you rather be like Kristen’s cats, Captain Jack and Hercules, scared of the living room? Would you rather be screaming with enjoyment, or screaming with fear?

Here’s a quote I just heard that fits perfectly into today’s blog and is a good ending to it: “You know if you hide from your fears, they don’t go away.  They get bigger and they get worse.  The only way to get rid of them is to face them.” 

Have an amazing Saturday!