I’ve been ruined. Once again, I’ve been ruined. Every time I go to Europe and eat lots of small meals with fresh organic foods, I come back to America and the processed foods in my favorite restaurants make me feel lousy.
Last night, I went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, and now I am going to be off of sushi forever. The next time I eat sushi and raw fish will be when I am reincarnated as flipper. The other night I ordered in Chinese food from a healthy Chinese restaurant, and let me tell you that the next time I’ll be eating Chinese food will be when I’m reincarnated as Wo Ming Ching the fisherman.
I miss all the wonderful meals I had in London and in France. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another vacation soon.
Oh, and I want to personally thank everyone who left great comments yesterday about my big announcement on the blog. If you haven’t read about my big announcement, click here (because you missed something pretty huge).
This is something I talk about almost every single day. In order to meet the kind of people you most desire, you need to learn how to attract them (and not chase them).
I mean, how many times are you guys going to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and chase women before you realize that it doesn’t work. You are just what I call chasing the night. You need to realize that your actions — all of your actions — are picked up on by lots of different people.
When I was in Cannes recently, I was standing in line behind a man at a buffet. If you’ve ever seen me in a buffet line, I act like I’ve never eaten a meal before in my entire life. It was one at one of those beautiful hotels in Cannes with a great breakfast buffet, and I was really hungry and anxious to get my hands on the lox.
So I might have gotten a little too close to the man in line in front of me, and at some point we bumped into each other. It was really no big deal. I mean, how many times have you accidentally bumped into someone, right?
That man, however, gave me the dirtiest look in the world — one of those “f*^k you” looks. So I sat down at my table, and I saw him give me yet another dirty look.
How many of you do this? How many of you accidentally bump into someone because you get too close to them, and then give the other person a dirty look because they invaded your personal space?
Do you realize how many other people see you give that dirty look and see the whole interaction take place? They don’t look at the other person as the asshole. They look at you as the asshole.
They don’t wonder what’s wrong with you because you accidentally bumped into someone. They wonder what’s wrong with you that you have to be such as asshole.
When we’re talking about attracting people (and not chasing them), this is the type of thing that will not only not attract others — but will actually repel them. So be careful what you do.
The next time somebody is too close and they bump into you, just smile and say “No big deal.” You never know who is looking at you and checking you out. You never know who is getting turned off by your actions.
When you give the dirty look or something like that, you are turning off every person around you (not just that one person next to you). If you’ve learned anything from what we’ve talked about, it all comes down to creating attraction.
When you give the dirty look, you are actually creating instant detraction. That may or may not be a word, but it is the perfect term for when you doing the exact opposite of attracting people to you (including those people of the opposite sex you most want to attract). So everywhere you go, be sure to avoid the art of detraction.
Yesterday when I arrived at the security line at LAX, it looked like the opening of a Harry Potter movie. I was thinking to myself, “Why did I fly United again?!” Then I remembered, “Oh yeah . . . it was the only direct flight.”
So because our flight time was getting close, we of course had to be pulled from the line to go through security (along with some others whose flights were also coming up soon). We were on the 11:45 flight.
Of course one woman whose flight was at 11:34, barreled past me breaking Sonja and I up. This other woman says, “Wait! I’m on the 11:24 flight!” and wanted to go ahead of the 11:34 woman, but the 11:34 woman wouldn’t let her go ahead even though the other woman’s flight was before hers.
Did you ever meet someone you just want to kick and shake? That woman was radiating negative energy. I’m sure her purse was filled with Tums, Mylanta, pain medication . . . and maybe some Xanax. She might have even been an emergency Valium woman like my mother.
So I made the flight here to New Orleans, and now I have a job for all of you this weekend. You’re probably thinking, “Wait, I read yesterday’s blog about the job you gave us to reconnect with old friends. You have TWO jobs for us this weekend?” For any of you who need a refresher on yesterday’s blog, CLICK HERE.
For those of you who are regular readers, you know I have limited experience with children. I’ve even called them “little aliens” from time to time, even though they’re really just little people.
I learned some things watching little Ashlyn here. It’s amazing how uninhibited a 2½ year old’s body language and emotions are. You know exactly when a kid wants to talk to you, play with you, communicate something to you . . . and you know when they think you’re a creep.
They are either naturally approachable or naturally unapproachable — like pitbulls. They are based on natural body language intuition, and are without fears and doubts.
So your job, Ethan Hunt . . . oh, wait this isn’t Mission: Impossible . . . is to go find some little kids this weekend and watch them. Go to a Chuck E. Cheese or a park and just enjoy yourself. Don’t go dressed in trenchcoat looking like a creep, and just enjoy the day.
I want you to go back to your more innocent days when you were more open about meeting people. The way to do that is to be open about body language, dynamics and from where the smile comes.
For those of you who think you’re above this, you don’t get the point of this. For those of you who think this is silly, you can be like Kristen’s cats and just hide in your room. People can be so much like cats — you take a cat out of it’s environment to a new place, and it freaks out for weeks and hides in corners in a room.
What would you rather be like? Think about it. Would you rather look at the world and the beauty that it is? Or, would you rather be like Kristen’s cats, Captain Jack and Hercules, scared of the living room? Would you rather be screaming with enjoyment, or screaming with fear?
Here’s a quote I just heard that fits perfectly into today’s blog and is a good ending to it: “You know if you hide from your fears, they don’t go away. They get bigger and they get worse. The only way to get rid of them is to face them.”
Women send me emails all the time telling me that they have gone out and smiled at a ton of guys, but aren’t getting the the kind of response from men they want. They want to know if they are doing something wrong. My answer? Maybe…
Smiling is critical to being successful at meeting men, but the question is: When you are smiling, what does your body language say about you?
Are you smiling and running? (Are you doing the old “smile and run?”) Are you quickly smiling so that when men see you do it they are not quite sure if it’s a smile or not?
Conversly, are you a woman who blows men away when she smiles because when you smile at a man you smile fully and look directly in his eyes?
I know when a woman stares right in my eyes and gives me a great smile – whether I’m attracted to her or not – that I ALWAYS give her a great smile back. I can’t help it. I’ll think “Wow, did you see that smile? There’s something amazing about it.”
There really is something amazing about a smile like that. It’s about an energy.
So my question to all of you women who are telling me that you are out there smiling and saying hello to men without success is this: How are you actually doing it? Are you saying hello like you really care, or are you saying hello and running? Are you really smiling at somebody from your heart and not just out of fear?
What does your body language say about you? Are you open when you smile, or are your arms folded and you are mainly looking down at the ground? It takes a lot more than to “just smile.” It takes actually being able to give that smile the right way.
I tell women to smile doing the exact same things I do when I smile. When I smile at someone, I look directly in their eyes and smile directly at them. My body language is not closed – my hands aren’t in my pockets and my arms are not folded.
When I say “Hello, how are you today?” I always sound like I’m talking to an old friend. It’s all about your voice tone. It’s all about the way you smile.
If you nervously run up to a guy and say “Hello, how are you?” then he is going to wonder what’s wrong with you and why you are so nervous. If, however, you do it like you’re talking to an old friend then he’s going to respond much more positively to you.
So the next time you smile and say hello to a guy, do it like you’ve known him forever. Pretend that you’re actually going over to say hello to an old friend when you do it. The next time you smile at a guy, pretend like you are smiling at an old friend.
Here is a great exercise I tell many of my female clients to do to help with this. I tell them to put a picture of someone you love as the home screen on your phone. It could be a picture of your dog or your niece at her birthday party. Choose whatever makes you smile when you look at it.
Then the next time you feel intimidated when you see a man to whom you are attracted, all you have to do is look at the home screen on your phone and keep that smile you make looking at the picture when you smile at that guy. This is easy and won’t appear strange to the guy. It is so common for people to be constantly staring at their phones, that the guy will think you were looking at your phone because you just got an email or text message.
What you will really be doing is building up your smile confidence, so you are able to deliver that incredible, killer smile. That kind of smile is believable and will make a guy want very badly to talk to you.
Trust me on this. When a woman comes over and smiles at me and she gives me that smile, all I can ever think about is that intoxicating smile and how badly I want to talk to her.
Today’s video will show you exactly how important body language is in being attractive:
You know, it’s funny. So many of you guys ask me for tips and advice on women’s body language. You want to know what it means when a woman is standing in a certain way or has her arms folded in a certain way. Once again, you are concentrating on the other person in the wrong way. Let me explain and go more deeply into this.
When you concentrate on and really listen to what someone is saying, your body language is going to reflect that interest to them. The other person will know you are interested and intrigued by them.
When a woman sees you doing this, she will naturally start to loosen up her own body language. She will do this because she knows you’re listening to her and connecting with her. Women are all about connecting with a man. A woman will also start to relax because you are relaxed.
The problem is a lot of guys do the reverse of this. They start talking AT a woman (instead of WITH her), and then they start looking for body language clues from her. They think things like “What does her body language say? or “Her arms are folded. What does that mean?” The problem is that you’re viewing things in the wrong way and the wrong order.
You are the leader, and you need to lead by example. What I mean is that when you go and talk to a woman, her body language most often is going to follow yours.
So if your body language is strong and shows interest in her, then her body language is going to follow yours and reflect signs of interest in you. If your face is engaged – you’re smiling and your eyes are focused in on her eyes – and you are paying real attention to her, then her body language will follow yours.
So you need to stop worrying about her body language all the time, and start paying attention to all the details. I have stressed this throughout every part of every lesson that I’ve ever given: You truly need to become a leader in life. You need to become that kind of man who leads by example.
I never worry about other people’s body language because I always listen and pay attention to the details. I always communicate what I’m feeling and what I’m all about to others. If you do this, you are not only going to see your interaction with women change . . . but you are going to see your life change.
Just a few thoughts that were on my mind this morning when i woke up.
Read this a few times and let me know what you think.
Have an amazing Saturday!
If you’re not hurting, then you’re not feeling – and this means that you’re thinking too much and not really living your life vulnerably.
To live your life vulnerably is to live your life raw. To live your life raw, you have to be able to feel and absorb everything that comes into your life.
And do you know what? If you don’t feel anything – if you feel no pain in your life – it means that you’re not living.
If you feel no vulnerability in your life, it means that you’re not really living. If you feel no emotions in your life, you’re not living.
To be 100% raw in life is the most amazing feeling you can have.
Todays video is a breakdown of an approach and a review on body language. This was shot on the beach this summer.
Here is something that I’ve noticed about women. Women are just so much more dramatic than men. I say this not to criticize women, but because it raises a great issue in terms of the differences between the way men speak and the way women speak.
Women will send an email to a guy whom she’s dating – or it can even be to a male co-worker – asking a question that makes her feel vulnerable. The guy may not respond right away.
When a guy doesn’t respond to her email right away, a woman will start thinking and obsessing about it. She’ll wonder “Why hasn’t he responded? How come he didn’t respond? I don’t understand why he didn’t respond.” Then she might even lob another email to the guy saying “I don’t understand why you didn’t respond to that last email” or “Why haven’t you responded to my email?” (more…)
Do you want to get an idea of if a woman is attracted to you?
Many guys pay too much attention to body language – if she’s holding her arms this way… Many guys are looking for signs from her body language, but they aren’t leading with their own bodies.
You have to lead with your body. For instance, let’s say you’re out on a date with a woman and you’re talking. If you lean back in your chair, she’s going to lean back into hers – usually people mimic each other’s body languages. (more…)
I was talking to a woman today who asked me, “what kinds of guys go for coaching?” I looked at her right in the eyes and replied, “guys that you want to date.”
She said, “alright, you have my attention. Tell me a little bit more.” I said, “well first, what type of guy are you attracted to?” She said, “well, I’m attracted to a guy that is alert,” which I thought was very funny, and I asked her to describe “alert” a little bit more. I knew what she was getting at – she wants a guy that listens. (more…)
