I know, you don’t have a present for me just yet. It’s quite alright. If you really want to give me something, just go to Amazon.com, or Gilt.com, pick something nice out for me and send it to my house.
For the rest of you, just wish me a happy birthday today and I’ll be happy enough:)

For those of you who don’t know how old I am, today I am 588 months. That’s right, I’m 588 months old, and I’m proud of it.

You ever walk up to new parents with a baby and ask them how old their baby is? They’ll tell you, “My baby is eight months old, my baby is 14 months old, my baby is 17 months old.” At what point did we stop counting our age in months and start turning into years? I think we should just use the month system forever. It’s a lot more fun.

I’m also in the 93rd percentile.

What 93rd percentile, you ask?

When you see two new moms talk together, they say things like, “My baby is 11 months old and let me tell you something, she is in the 91st percentile!” The 91st percentile means that they’re larger than 91% of the babies, according to their pediatrician.

My Favorite Birthday Gift Ever

So the next time you meet somebody and they ask how old you are, say, “I am 321 months and I’m in the 75th percentile. That’s right, I’m bigger than 75% of the people my own age. Not only that, I’ve been potty-trained since month 17, and I was in the 99th percentile while most people were wetting diapers until the 28th month of their life.”

So from now on, we have a new rule. If anybody asks you how old you are, state it in months, and tell them what percentile you are. If you’re 5’6″ and you’re a guy, you might be in the 40th percentile. You can’t change who you are so be proud of that 40th percentile.

Why don’t we just break it down into days while we’re at it. That would be even more fun. So let’s say you’re 10 months old, the average month is 30 days, so that comes out to 300 days. The next time you see somebody whose baby is 10 months old, say, “No way, 300 days! What percentile?”

Try it. The next time you’re talking to a woman with a baby, say, “How old is your baby?” She’ll tell you in months and then ask her, “What percentile?” Watch how funny it is. She will get so excited that you know. “Oh my God, you know that!? My baby is in the 74th percentile.”

While we’re on the topic of kids, one of my other favorite things are those bumper stickers: My Child is an Honor Student at Steward Elementary School. Really? That’s so wonderful that you put that sticker on your car together with your license plate. Now anybody can write down your information, figure out where you live (because it’s not hard to get information online these days) and start stalking your kid. You may as well just get a bumper sticker that says this: Attention all stalkers and child molesters: my kid goes to Steward Elementary, he’s a damn honor student in the 98th percentile, and he is 91 months old.

So embrace your month-hood. Say hello to the new way of speaking about yourself. And wish me a happy 588 months on this planet. And how many days is that? Figure it out and post it in the blog.

A woman by the name of Helene Wygant gave birth to this lucky fellow.

Today this fellow is celebrating that once a year ritual called post pardum day or in laymens terms a birthday.

I recorded something very personal for all of you today!

Today is my birthday. For those of you who don’t know, July 1st was the day I sprung out of my mother’s belly. The sad thing about this, though, was that it took me eighteen years to get back to that warm feeling all over again.

It’s amazing, because ever since I left my Mom’s belly I’ve thought “Boy, it’s nice in there. I can’t wait to get back in!” I was a poor tortured virgin throughout my entire high school career, and was not allowed back in until the ripe old age of eighteen in college.

This blog, however, is not about losing my virginity. This blog is about my birthday. For those who have not yet sent a present, you know what I like. If, on the other hand, you don’t know what I like then I’d suggest that you use your creativity because at this stage of my life I don’t expect presents from anybody.

I’m not big into birthdays, and I’m not big into presents . . . even though my intern Rey bought me the coolest present in the world: a Labrador Retriever mug that has a snout as the handle. So I was holding onto Daphne at all times when I was drinking my tea.

Anyone who has hung out in my office or in my house knows that I tend to drink a lot of tea. No, I’m not British – I just l don’t like coffee. Plus, it’s herbal tea and I’m a Californian. This blog is also not about tea or thanking Rey for the great present (which I already did).

This blog is about how you should celebrate your birthday. I’m celebrating my birthday by going to Hawaii. When I get on the airplane to Hawaii in a few hours, I am going to enjoy a fantastic birthday dinner. The dinner will be unbelievable (I’m going to bring a box of food from Whole Foods). I may even indulge — I may actually allow the flight attendant to get me a drink of water (as I usually bring my own).

What I will spend most of my time on this flight doing, though, is reflecting about how amazing the past year has been. You see, your birthday is not about getting presents or getting drunk. Your birthday is about celebrating life.

Your birthday is about celebrating everything in your life that’s amazing. It’s about celebrating the past year of your life and seeing how much you’ve grown. It’s about reflecting. It’s about embracing all the friendships you’ve had. It’s about appreciating everything. It’s about spoiling the one person you need to spoil every day – yourself.

So that’s why I’m taking myself to Hawaii for my birthday. I am going to sit on a beautiful beach for the next six days relaxing and reading . . . and I am going to celebrate what an amazing year it’s been. Who knows, I might even try surfing. I will definitely do yoga and eat great food.

I’m going to celebrate what to me has been one of the best years of my life, because getting older means embracing your life every single day. Although I don’t expect presents for my birthday, I am going to think about how many gifts I’ve been given this past year.

I have been gifted this year with so many great clients with whom I’ve gotten to work and with all of you readers of my blog. I have been gifted with all the fantastic people who work for me and with me to help to build up a great business.

So this year on my birthday, I’m embracing all of the great things that have happened to me over the past year. My only birthday wish is that I will continue to make every day better than the last day.