So the guy who fixes the heat came by the other day and finally looked at the thermostat. He said that the problem is that the thermostat is not communicating with the heat, i.e., that there is a communication breakdown between the two.

It’s interesting. If you really look at the way life is, it is a series of communication breakdowns.

Here you are just standing there wanting to approach a woman. Even though you do everything right — you observe, and you walk over and say something great — she may not respond to you the way that you imagine.

She doesn’t respond the way you want her to respond, so there then is a communication breakdown and you don’t know what to do next. Your brain is like a computer, and it starts firing off all sorts of things, but really it’s just a communication breakdown.

Communication breakdowns happen between people and things every single day. It could happen during the first approach, it could happen between two people in a relationship, and it could even happen with the water heater not communicating with the thermostat.

When it comes to communicating with people, though, you need to listen in order to avoid communication breakdowns. You need to listen to everything going on around you.

If it’s your first approach, you need to listen to every verbal clue that’s around you. You need to be observant, open, and talk to her based on something that’s going on around you. Then you need to listen very carefully to what she says so that you can react.

If you are not truly listening, there will be a communication breakdown and you won’t know what to say. It also means that you are approaching that woman just hoping that some words will come out of your mouth to say to her.

When you do this, you are no different than the thermostat that is not communicating with the radiant heat. You’re no different than when you’re on a Mac and that wheel of death spins because the Mac is not communicating with whatever program it’s trying to open.

The key to avoiding communication breakdowns in life is to listen — every time you talk to someone. I don’t care if it’s on your first approach or if you’re in a relationship.

Here’s a great exercise for all you to do. Take a look at somebody with whom you are in conflict. It can be anyone from a relationship partner to a co-worker to a family member.

The next time you speak with that person on the phone, record the conversation and listen to it after the call is finished. Then you need to learn what your part is in the communication breakdown that is taking place between you.

You can also do this with emails between you. Read an email exchange in which there is conflict between you and someone else and find where the communication breakdown occurred.

Who is to blame? It’s always right back at you.

This is going to really help you communicate better all the way from the first approach to long-term relationships. Life is just a series of communications, and without listening you are going to have a constant series of communication breakdowns.

I go through in depth how to have better communication with your partner in my Dating Principles For Great Relationships product. CLICK HERE to find more about it.

I think everyone needs to go to a foreign country to learn one of the most important skills to becoming a better communicator: how to communicate nonverbally. This is a really important skill.

This was a very important skill when I was in France, for example, because I don’t speak French. The way I say bonjour and merci beaucoup probably made the French people hate Americans even more than they already do.

I’ll share something interesting with you.  On that trip we were driving through all these different little mountain towns one day, and we were hungry. Apparently, everything closes down between 12:00 pm and 4:00 pm. I don’t know when they eat lunch or what they do, but the whole area literally boards up and shuts down between those hours.

Nevertheless, we found this little food truck with a whole bunch of workers near it. I pulled up, we got out and I ordered some sandwiches. I picked out the sandwiches by pointing at the pictures. The guy offered me different beverages in French.

It was really fascinating, though, to stand there with eight or nine people who spoke a different language as they are looking at you and laughing. Most people feel very insecure at that moment, because they feel like they are being laughed at.

In reality, those people were just trying to communicate with me using nonverbal communication. They were using gestures and body language to try and communicate with me.

I think this is one of the best lessons we can learn. I’ve traveled all over the world and to a lot of places where I couldn’t speak the language, and every time I go to one of these places I feel like I’ve learned a great lesson.

You actually learn how to communicate better by not speaking the language. You’re forced to use your intuition.  You’re forced to use body language.  

You’re forced to use eye contact. So many people, especially American guys who are trying to meet women, are so afraid of eye contact. So many people are always looking for other people’s body language when, ironically, they really don’t even understand body language.

This is one of the reasons I tell people to travel abroad. When you travel abroad, it is all about body language.

It’s all about the way you make eye contact. It’s all about the way you smile and the way your smile engages others. When you travel abroad you are not only more aware of all of this, you are also aware that you are the leader for all of these things.

When many people walk up to someone in France, they do so with a pouty face because they can’t speak the language. When you do this, people are going to look at you say “Asshole American,” right? When you walk up with a big smile and ask if they speak English, you come off as a lot friendlier.

So one of the greatest things to do is to go to a foreign country and navigate your way around. Try and find a hotel. Try to find places to eat.

Don’t rely on finding people who speak English. Don’t even worry about whether people speak English, because what you’ll learn will make you more aware of things with people who do speak your own language when you get home. You’re actually learning worlds of information (pardon the pun) about nonverbal clues.

So save your money and get your ass to a foreign country. Avoid France right now because the American Dollar sucks there. You can go to South America for ten or eleven days and accomplish the same thing for half the price.