The phone is ringing, and all of a sudden you hear “Hi. This is Jane. Please leave a message . . .” Your heart starts beating really fast.

The next thing you know, you start blabbering. “Oh, hey Jane. It’s Mike. Okay, that’s . . . yeah, it was great meeting you the other day. Give me a call, if you really want to. I know you don’t know me, but if you want call me. Yeah, call me. Here’s my number. It’s, um, 310-iamuputight.”

That might as well be your number since it could not be more clear how uptight you are. What you want to do instead when you leave a voicemail message, is to set the stage to start the relationship.

Think about how exciting it is when you get a good voicemail message. Compare the above voicemail message to something like this: “Hey Jane. It’s Mike. How are you doing? It was great meeting you the other day at Whole Foods. I checked out your YouTube videos that you were telling me about. They were hilarious! Call me. I have to share something with you about that.”

Do you see how the person receiving that message would feel very differently after hearing it than the feeling they would have after getting the first message? This second message was upbeat. It was exciting.

The second message makes the person want to call you back. You’ve established the relationship. You’re actually the guy who they want to call back, as opposed to the “ah” and “um” guy who stumbles through the message or hangs up without leaving any message at all.

Virtually everyone has Caller ID nowadays. Don’t ever hang up. They will see that you called. Leaving no message will make them not want to call you back just as much as leaving a bad voicemail message.

Click here to hear me talk more about how to know exactly what to say to a woman when you’re leaving a voicemail message and in any situation.

Here is the answer: Who cares about what someone who rejects you thinks about you?

The only question that matters is asking how you feel about yourself. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, how do you feel about yourself as a person?

We’re not in this world to please other people. Sometimes people just don’t connect with you. Sometimes people don’t resonate with what you said. Sometimes there is just no chemistry with another person.

So if you really love who you are, you practice a lot of self love, and believe in who you are as a person, then you will never feel rejected. If all you ever do is admire and respect yourself, then you will never walk away from a rejection feeling rejected.

I never feel rejected. If someone doesn’t like what I have to say or isn’t into what I have to say, then I’m fine with that.

Why am I fine with that? It is because there are so many other people with whom what I say does resonate, and I still love myself regardless.

So it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. If you are someone who spends their time trying to get approval and validation from others, it means that you do not feel secure enough about who you are as a person.

So you need to spend the time really getting to know yourself, respecting yourself, and loving and admiring yourself. Call it mental masturbation or, for those of you who are fans of Saturday Night Live, “Stuart Smalley” yourself.

What ever you call it, do it every single day. Do it and you will never be rejected again.