Your state of mind is everything when you go out to meet women. Everything.

If you go out to a bar with some friends after your boss has ridden you all day long and made you feel insignificant, then that is precisely what your state of mind is going to be at the bar. Then your night will really be about cleansing, vomiting and regurgitating the anger and all the feelings you have built up that day.

Say you are going out to the market first thing in the morning. You had a bad night the night before, you are not feeling well and you are in a bad mood. Your state of mind will be exactly that.

Your intent may be to go out and meet women at the market. Your intent may be to go to that bar, flirt and meet women.

If your state of mind is not positive and feeling good about yourself, though, then it doesn’t matter what your intentions are. You will never accomplish anything if your state of mind is not in line with your intent.

It’s amazing how much frustration people have and feel about meeting people due to other sources and stimuli in their life. A little trick I tell people all the time to help with this, is to put a picture on the home screen of your iPhone or BlackBerry of something that makes you feel incredibly wonderful.

It could be a picture of your dog. It could be a picture of the first girl you ever kissed. It could be a picture of the mountain you just climbed last weekend. It doesn’t matter what it is.

Whatever image you choose, look at it whenever you feel funky or nervous before you approach someone. Look at it so you have a smile on your face and feel joy.

That is just one thing you can do. There are so many things you can do to create an amazing, peaceful and joyous state of mind. Whatever way you use to get there, without your own version of the New York state of mind, it doesn’t matter what technique you use to meet people. They will never work.

So many people have expectations about their life. They think, “If I take this job, my life is going to be so much easier” or “If I learn how to talk to women, my life is going to be so much better.”

What having expectations really means is that you’re not living in the present, because life is never what you think it’s going to be. Life is never exactly what your expectations envision.

Ask yourself these questions: Is your life exactly what you thought it was going to be? Did your career go exactly according to plan? Did your marriage go exactly according to plan? Are you making the exact amount of money you thought you’d make? Are you living in the exact type of home you thought you’d buy?

Every time we take on a new task, we take on expectations. I’ve heard guys say things like “I’m going to learn to meet women, and then meet ten women every day.” Anytime you have expectations, though, you are going to be let down. Having expectations means you are not living in the present and in the moment.

The only way to live is in the present . . . every minute and every second of every day. If you’re living in the present, life is going to come to you. When you have expectations, you are not living in the present.

The less you expect from life, the more you will receive in life. The only way to live is in the present.

If you get a new job, just go in there and kick ass every second of every day. If you want to meet women, go out there and enjoy every moment of every day.

When you have expectations, what happens is that you are putting pressure on yourself. You will not be able to concentrate on what’s happening in the moment because you are going to be comparing the actual moment with how you expected the moment to be. The problem is that expectations are almost always far greater (or at the very least different) than what’s really happening.

I know so many guys who allow their expectations to distort their perception of their day. They’ll think, “Wow, I only talked to three women today and I wanted to talk to ten.” So they are looking at their day as a failure instead of embracing what a great day it was. They look at their day as a failure because it didn’t match their expectations.

Not only can expectations negatively affect and distort how you view what’s happening around you, but they can also affect how people interact with you. When you have expectations (and thus are not present), people around you will see that you’re not present and will respond to you in a much different way than if you were completely present and in the moment when you were around them.

When you are not present, you are manifesting your own results. You will project a closed energy and not be attracting people to you like you otherwise would. You will end up missing the true energy of life.

Think about how you have seen this happen in your own life. How many times have you gotten really excited about a certain party? You have all these expectations about what the party will be like, who will be there, and what kind of experience the party will be for you.

More often than not, you don’t really have a great time at these events because of all the expectations you had. Think if you had just gone to that same party with no expectations and planned to just enjoy yourself. Think how many of those nights might have turned out differently.

How about on dates? Do you think that expectations might have played a role in the outcome of some of your dates? Think how many times you went out on your dates with high expectations, only to realize that you don’t even really like the person.

So take a look at your life and take a look at your expectations, and tell me if they’ve ever matched. The amazing thing about life is all the great little surprises that happen when you’re present in the moment.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!