So David asked if I wild like to do a sequel to my blog post “Why Nice Guys Lose At Dating”. This blog is about the “Good Guy”.

So who is the Good Guy? Well, he’s like a bad boy in a lot of ways. He’s confident, sure of himself and he knows what he wants and he goes after it. He doesn’t care what others think about him because they don’t matter. He knows he’s sexual and he knows how to use it.

But how is a Good Guy different from a Bad Boy then? The Good Guy acts out of a place of service and love while Bad Boys acts selfishly.

Have I confused you yet? Good.

I know that I wrote before that “Nice Guys” are looking to please everyone. They constantly let others use them and just do whatever they can to be as inoffensive as possible. Nice Guys need validation. You could say Nice Guys are always looking to serve people. When I say Good Guys act out of love and service, am I not just saying the same thing?

No.

The big difference is that Good Guys know that they are a gift to the world. They know deep down that they are awesome and that they are here on this planet to share that awesomeness with others. They serve others by being their awesome selves. They don’t look to please others because they already know that just by being themselves they are truly giving others what they need. Good Guys aren’t afraid to shine and they hope that they can bring out the best in everyone around them. Good Guys know that there is abundance in life and try to spread the wealth because he always knows he’ll get his.

Some people get uncomfortable when they see someone being extraordinary. The Good Guy isn’t concerned with them. In fact, the Good Guy knows he’s on the right track when some people are uncomfortable.

The Good Guy goes with the flow because life doesn’t worry him. When bad things happen, he knows that he can handle it and that everything will work out. He has no fear because there is no need for fear. What’s there to be afraid of when you know that life is filled with abundance and that everything will work out well?

Notice how I haven’t said anything about knowing how to “pick up” women? Or “escalate” sexual tension? Good Guys don’t need to “pick up” women or “escalate” anything. Women are drawn to them and if there is chemistry between them, the sexual energy flows naturally. No resistance, no awkwardness, just two people coming together and giving themselves to each other freely.

This Good Guy seems pretty amazing eh? Almost like the perfect man that no one can ever be. The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. Just striving to be the Good Guy will make you the good guy — and irresistible to women.

So stop being “nice”, love yourself and your life and start being Good! Beautiful women will take notice.

So, lately I’ve been hearing a lot of guys making the “observation” that women always say they want a “Nice Guy” but then end up with the total jerk. In my circles, this is one of the most common reasons why guys think they don’t get dates. They’re nice guys with “principles” and treat women with “tons of respect” only to have them say they only want to be friends. The “Nice Guy” always follows this up with “Well, women aren’t logical and do really dumb things and this jerk is going to treat her way worse than I would treat her.” And we can’t forget “Well, I’m a nice guy, that’s who I am and I won’t change into a jerk for her, that’s just not who I am.” I’ve heard this over and over again and I’ve probably thought this way myself once or twice.

Well, guess what? This whole “Girls don’t date nice guys” is true. Women don’t want a “Nice Guy”. They may say they do, but what they really mean is that they want a GOOD guy.
What’s the difference? Well for starters, Nice Guys aren’t actually nice. A Nice Guy is a guy who doesn’t think enough of himself to fully take control of his life so he tries to be as accommodating and inoffensive as possible.

Nice Guys And Dating

When he meets a woman he’s attracted to he wants to make sure he does everything he can to please her. He thinks he can do this by constantly asking if she’s okay and getting her to plan dates. The wishy-washy sentence “Oh whatever you want to do?” is the perfect example of this.

See, what the nice guy is actually doing is giving control over his life to the woman. He’s too scared to live his life so he’ll let her do it for him. It’s weak and not just a little cowardly. Women don’t want the power over a man’s life. She wants a partner, a friend, a lover… not someone who she has to make life decisions for. When you’re “nice” you’re really trying to give up the responsibility of living your own life to a woman, trusting she’ll take care of you.
In my books, that’s a pretty jerky thing to do.

Sometimes my house is called Camp David – no, I don’t have any political heads of state there, nor am I entertaining George Bush, his dog, and all his Washington drinking cronies – but I always seem to have a group (sometimes small, sometimes large) of people hanging out there.

Sometimes on a Bootcamp weekend I’ll have a whole bunch of clients staying over at my house – and then it really is Camp David! It’s like a sleepover. They all bring their sleeping bags, and we go duck hunting in the morning, and then we go do some pow wow stuff. Just kidding, we don’t really do that in the mornings!

So the other night at Camp David we had a couple of people over. There was this one woman there named Amy, and she and Khiem started talking. Khiem wanted to share something that you women tend to do over and over again.

So ladies, as the men would say, this Bud’s for you – I’ll say, ladies, this blog’s for you! Without further ado, here is Khiem.

Khiem: Thanks David. I always enjoy hanging out with you at your house because I can always meet interesting people. Yesterday, I was very fascinated by one of your friends. Amy is obviously beautiful, young and has a lot going for her, but when we started talking, she began to open up about one of her past relationships.

She actually fell very hard for a “bad boy” or a loser. He supposedly did a lot of drugs, drank a lot and he lied to her, which was a big deal breaker for her. She told him upfront that she didn’t like liars and she didn’t like hypocrites.

However, as their relationship developed, she discovered that he lied to her. She broke up with him six months ago, but I found out yesterday she is still heartbroken. She still loves the guy, because they were together for a while.

And the question is why do women get so attached to these kinds of guys?

It was really interesting for me to hear how she wanted him to want her back, but she herself didn’t really want him back. She knew that by going back to him they would go to a place that would not be good for her in the future.

What this made me realize is that Amy valued him a lot more because he made her put up with so much of his shit. Even though he lied and drank, the few times that he actually paid attention to her – the few times he gave her himself – made her value him more. Every time he would ignore her but then turn around and give himself to her, it was like she hit the jackpot.

This is something that is very difficult to understand in the psychology of people because this guy was obviously no good, but because he made himself be valued so highly, she couldn’t let go. At the end of our conversation, Amy admitted that she might just be attracted to bad boys.

But for all of the guys out there, you need to learn to lead. Be more dominant, and be more masculine. The reason that Amy fell so hard for this guy is because he truly led her – through the ups and the downs, and mostly downs in this case – he always led her. He was always doing the things that were most important to him, but incorporating her into his life.

David: What Khiem is really saying is 100% true. Women are attracted to strong, dominant men. Whether this guy was a winner or a loser, he still led her on an emotional journey.

A lot of men will do that to women, lead them up and down, but it’s an adrenaline rush that women get addicted to. Women don’t want you to be soft, and they don’t want you to be needy. Women want you to lead them somewhere. We’ll have to talk about that more deeply in another blog.

Khiem: The interesting thing is that even though it has been six months, and Amy is trying to meet other guys, she mentioned that all the new guys she’s met are highly successful – they have degrees from high-end schools, or have a great job and make great money –she’s still been unable to open her heart to them.

It was very interesting to me because while obviously she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend, the biggest problem is that she wasn’t giving these new guys a chance. She thought that she was by going out with them, but emotionally and mentally she wasn’t judging the new guys with a clean slate. She was always comparing the new guys to her ex-boyfriend.

For girls that have been hurt before and have fallen hard – if you meet a new guy, look at them with a clean slate! If you don’t, you will never see the true positives or negatives that the new guy has to offer. Every person is unique, and as much as you loved your previous boyfriend – they will never be comparable.

David: So that’s why you really should not start dating again until you’ve cleaned house. If you have an old guy or woman in the cupboard, rotting away, you need to clean that up. What will happen if you don’t is that you’ll let a lot of good opportunities pass you by because you’re not emotionally ready.

I never believed in the terminology “dating for substitution.” I’ve found that you don’t date to replace, but you start dating again to start a whole new experience.

Todays video is all about how to create heat and passion on a hot summer night!