This woman is beautiful. She is everything you think you want.

You see her take a sip of her drink, play with the straw, look at her watch and check her cell phone. She looks around the room and, for just a split second, your eyes meet and you have a moment. Then she quickly looks down, and looks back at her phone again.

There you are, standing there alone at the bar with your hands in your pocket waiting for you friends. Apparently she is also waiting for her friends.

Your mind starts racing. You start thinking to yourself, “What can I say? What can I do?”

There are so many clues in this situation! She checked her watch. She checked her phone. Obviously she is waiting for her friends.

It is very easy to walk over there, look at her and say, “Obviously you are waiting for your friends. My friends are late too.” You could start chatting with her.

The problem is that your mind starts messing with you. You don’t see the obvious or, even if you did, you start to freak out the second she looks at you.

You start to ask all those questions in your head like “What can I say” and “How can I get this amazing woman’s attention?” Listen, though, to what you are saying.

You already have her attention. She already looked over at you.

It is because you are afraid and overcomplicate things so much that you don’t see the obvious signs in life. You don’t even see the wonder of this moment. You don’t even realize what a powerful moment this can be because you over-analyze things so much.

You have such a fear of embracing the unknown, that this is what is going to happen to you in this scenario: You are going to stay standing where you are and another guy is going to walk up and start talking to her.

Then her friends are going to arrive, and you are going to watch she and her friends get into a great conversation with him and his friends. When you go home, you are going to wonder what you could have done.

The truth is that you already know what you could have done. It is just your fear of the unknown that doesn’t allow you to do it.

Every day you need to face the unknown. Every day you need to push yourself to do something of which you are afraid.

Otherwise, the unknown will continue to scare you and you will end up dating women who don’t intrigue you and to whom you are not attracted. There is nothing worse than having sex with a woman who doesn’t intrigue you.

You also don’t want to ever end up in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t intrigue you. Fear of the unknown is what drives us to loneliness.

I talk more about how to approach women in any situation without feeling any of this kind of fear or anxiety. CLICK HERE to check this out now.

This is something we often go through at the Bootcamps. A lot of guys will say to me, “David, how do you remain so razor sharp? How do you focus? I can’t focus when I go and talk to a woman. My mind is all over the place.”

Guys will also say to me, “You always tell us to go out there and talk to people all day long, but I lose focus. I can only do it for ten minutes before I lose focus.” Here are some of my best tips to address these questions.

If you can only do it for ten minutes, then do the best job you possibly can doing it for those ten minutes. Always give people your best when you’re with them.

Let’s say that your goals are to meet women and to become a better communicator. Then what you should do is focus on one thing at a time each day. Get good at one thing at a time.

Let’s say your goal is to work on your social skills, and you wonder how to keep your energy up all day long. Here is another thing I tell guys all the time.

When I am driving in the car, I relax, listen to some music and have a good time. So then when I go to the market or the coffee house or a party, I’m ready. I’m amped up because I realize that life is a gift.

You never have a second chance to make a first impression, so why not get your energy up when you’re in public? When you’re in private, you can relax — take a cat nap or do some deep-breathing exercises. That way, when you are around people you can be razor sharp and your energy will be fantastic.

You observe what she’s doing, and you find an opener. She’s holding an AC/DC t-shirt, so you know you can walk over to her and say something simple like “Do you like AC/DC?”

So you start to walk over to her. Your heart starts beating faster. Your lip starts quivering. You start sweating, and you feel your face getting flushed.

When you get over to her, you ask her your “Do you like AC/DC” question. She responds, “Yes I do. They are one of my favorite bands.” So, now, what do you say next?

If you get stuck at this point in your approaches, then you are getting stuck in the opener zone. If you weren’t wondering what to say next, and stayed present, you would know there are any number of things you could say next.

You could say something like, “Really? It’s one of your favorite bands? That’s great. How long have you liked them for? That is a very cool t-shirt.” Then you would continue to talk about the t-shirt for the next minute or so.

She was attracted to you instantly because you walked over and actually had the guts to approach her. She told you with enthusiasm that she loves AC/DC, but you did not listen because you got stuck in the opener zone.

Getting past the opener is as simple as listening. When you talk to friends, do talk about the same thing over and over again — the t-shirt they’re wearing or how cool their car is or how much you like the song that’s playing? No, you listen to what they say and you continue the conversation.

Men tend to get stuck in the opener zone with women all the time. The key to avoiding this is to develop your listening skills. Here is a great exercise to do that.

Bring a digital recorder around with you. Record your conversations when you talk to women. Then when you play the conversations back, listen carefully to what the women say in response to your opener and write down what you could have said next based on what she said.

Work on this every single day, and you will start to become a master communicator. Become a person with whom people really enjoy talking, and you’ll be able to get past the opener very quickly.

Asking that question alone means that you need to take a good look at your mindset. Think about that question: How do I avoid the friend zone when I am out on a date? Look at what you just said to yourself.

You’re out on a date with a woman. She is not looking at you as a friend if she accepted the date from you in the first place.

The fact that you have this concern, however, shows that you are going into your dates with the energy of being a friend. This means that you are playing it safe.

It means that you are really not expressing your desires, feelings and emotions. You are basically in your head during the entire date, just being a “good guy” and probably agreeing with everything she says.

By playing it safe, though, you get exactly what you fear the most. You get put in the friend zone.

Guys ask me all the time how they can “escalate” with a woman. I can’t stand pickup terminology like that. Escalate? Are you an escalator? Are you going up an escalator? Are you a plane taking off from LAX heading off escalating into the sky? But I digress . . .

Regardless of the terminology, when you’re out on a date it’s all about your mindset and how you interact with the woman. It’s all about your eye contact, your smile and touching her had across the table as she’s telling a story.

It’s about letting yourself go and just being yourself so she’s able to become attracted to you. It’s so hard for people to just let go.

If you do nothing on a date except think and think and think, then guess what? You will never create any type of sexual attraction, because women will see that you are in your own head. When you’re totally in your own head, you can’t get into her heart.

So, how do you do this? How do you stay out of your own head, tap into your emotions and just let go?

You must stay present. You listen to her stories. You smile. You hold her hand if you feel like holding her hand.

There is no right or wrong time to hold somebody’s hand. You do it when you feel it.

Here is a great exercise to do to learn how to tap into your emotions. Get a friend and tell them how you feel about them. Describe what it feels like to be friends with them.

Describe what it feels like to be friends with yourself. Describe what it feels like to really reach deep inside yourself and see who you really are.

When I was single and went on dates, I was never in my own head. I used to just relax, enjoy myself and never thought about whether the woman was turned on by me. I only wondered whether I was turned on by her. If I felt like kissing her at the end of the date, I did so because we had connected as people.

You all know what it’s like to connect with people. You connect with friends, family and co-workers.

It is no different to connect with someone of the opposite sex. It takes being present. It takes enjoying. It takes letting go.

If you do all of those things, you won’t be in the friend zone. You’ll be in the lover zone.

He said, “I was hanging out with Khiem and his girlfriend, and there was this girl we ran into who was one of those loud girls. Everything she said was just over-the-top — amplified and loud. How do I deal with that? I mean, she was pretty. I thought she was hot, but how do I relate to her?”

Here was my answer: You don’t.

It’s so funny. As a man, we are so visual. We get so caught up with “the hot girl” that we tend to really never think about what it would like to hang out with her.

Can you imagine having a woman like the one Will met over for Thanksgiving dinner? She gets asked what she’d like on her plate, and she screams “drumstick!!” at the top of her lungs.

This person does not match who you are. This is not your personality style at all. This is not a person with whom you would get along.

So forget the fact that your penis is attracted to her, because that’s really all that is happening. Your eyes are attracted to her. Your penis felt some movement because it was attracted to her. That is all there is to it though.

It’s called penile attraction. Thank God it’s not fatal, because if it was a fatal attraction then other things would happen.

It is just penile attraction. That is all it is, so walk away from it.

You don’t vibe with her. You don’t relate to her. You two have totally different personalities. So walk away.

It’s the day after Christmas,
and all through the mall,
everyone is stirring
because everything is half off…

It’s a great time to buy next year’s decorations, because everything is half off. You can store them in the attic where you won’t be able to find them next year.

Today really is a great day to go out there and meet people.

There is one thing you can say to everyone today. Isn’t that what people are looking for – the one thing you can say to everyone that will work every time? Well, today is the only day of the year you can use this.

So here is your “magic line” of the day. Make sure you say this with a smile. Now you know how I feel about using “lines” when you talk to people, so I’ll call this a “magic opener” (or a “magic conversation starter” would be even better).

So whenever you see anyone today, you can say “Did Santa get you everything you wanted, or do you need to rely on the American Express card today?”

That’s it. That’s all you need to say.

Everyone can use this, and you can say it to everyone — men, women, children, dogs, cats, hedgehogs, cartoon characters, muppets. It’s by far the best thing you can say to people today.

It’s a great conversation starter. It’s your “day after Christmas conversation starter” that allows you to talk to people everywhere.

Say it with a smile, have fun and enjoy the day. I’ll meet you at the mall.

Why not just call yourself Southwest then? I mean, the flight was booked weeks ago and I can’t pick a seat? What a waste of time!

Not to mention, can people be any grumpier? I mean, it’s supposed to be the holiday time and yet I had the nastiest women sitting next to me on the plane.

They spent an hour complaining about Christmas shopping and the long lines. You all know the lines (no, I’m not talking to you PUA guys), the ones where you’re waiting to pay for your items? Those lines are actually one of the best ways to meet people.

Looking at those two women on the plane – no engagement rings on their fingers and bitching and complaining nonstop — I couldn’t imagine them grasping the concept of flirting while waiting in a line. Not to mention, that I bet those women were the same type of person who, when they get to the front of a line, go to pay with a check and haven’t even started to fill it in ahead of time.

Christmas time is one of the best times to talk to people in line. You can say, “Wow, what a great sweater!” or “Soap on a rope. Wow, I used to give that to my Dad!” If I had been in line with one of these women from the plane, however, I would have said something more like, “Do you always complain in line?”

When I was single, I’d always go people shopping around the holidays. I’d have no bags, go into a store and turn into a customer service rep. I’d say things like, “You’re really getting that sweater for your uncle Ted? I don’t think he’ll like it…”

My favorite question while waiting in line used to be, “If you could buy anything in this store, what would it be?” The answer to this question gives you great insight into someone’s personality.

It is also such a great open-ended question. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to ask people why they are buying the Zales heart-shaped pendant with the microscopic sized diamond chips when they could have gotten a sold 14K gold ring.

Anyway, have fun out there in the lines when you’re shopping. Oh, and just one last thing about holiday traveling.

I was in the security line listening to someone talk about how many planes they have to take to go from Los Angeles to Baltimore — 3 connections! I wondered how much they paid for the privilege of adding six hours to their trip and getting to schlep their gifts onto three different planes.

So I turned to that person and said, “Are you Santa Claus? Because it sounds like you have way too many rooftops to get to before you get to Baltimore.” They said, “The ticket was cheap.” I said, “How much?” They said they paid $265.00.” I didn’t want to tell them that I paid $260.00 for a direct flight on which I didn’t have to land on any rooftops.

For all of you who are willing to pay $10.00 less to add five hours to your trip, I have a question for you. Is your time only worth $10.00?

Do you think Southwest is your only flying alternative? It’s called marketing folks. Bags fly free? Great . . . but you also fly six hours longer.

Sometimes I’ll see a guy on a date who really . . . stands out. The woman he’s on the date with looks hot and sexy.

The man, however, looks like he was just at a Microsoft convention — he’s wearing a Microsoft t-shirt, and worn stretched out jeans up as high on his body as his grandfather’s pants. Then he wonders why he doesn’t get a second chance to go out with this woman.

There is a famous saying that goes, “First impressions are everything.” Make a great first impression, and it could last forever.

Today’s video talks about first impressions, and what women really desire from a man in terms of fashion.

Enjoy . . . and have a great Saturday!

Yesterday on the flight home from New York City, I was sitting next to a guy who was wearing a pair of True Religion jeans. Every time he bent over or reached down for something, the whole plane had the privilege of seeing half of his hairy ass. I am not just talking “plumber butt crack,” this was plumber butt crack on steroids.

This is not something anyone needs to see . . . ever. Every time he moved, every person on that plane — women, men and children — were forced to see his ass.
SO, guys, if you can feel the wind chafing your ass when you are wearing jeans, then it means they are way too low and you need to cover up!

Now, on to another revealing topic . . .

This might be the most powerful podcast you will ever hear. I was recently on the phone with a guy who was thinking about taking a Bootcamp, and he asked me why he has trouble approaching women. He had already attended someone else’s bootcamp at which they had instructed him to approach women using some kind of pickup line.

I told him that pickup lines will never work. Life is all about observations based on instincts. He asked me about what kind of instincts I was talking, and I told him I was talking about the kind of instincts we have as a child.

Remember when you were a kid (maybe three, four or five years old) and you’d see something you like so you’d look at it and touch it? Remember also how when you did that your mother would scold you and say, “Don’t do that?”

Do you realize that the social conditioning we got from about the age of four to about the age of eleven was all about the things we should not do (and all about the things we can’t do)? Don’t look at strangers. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t smile at that person.

Our social conditioning is the reason why so many of us out there now suffer from problems meeting the opposite sex. Our social conditioning taught us not to talk to people instead of relying on our natural instincts.

This podcast will truly blow you away. It is by far the most important podcast I’ve ever done. Enough writing now. It’s time to open your ears and start listening!

Also, if you want to learn how to recapture your natural instincts and de-program yourself from all of you bad social conditioning, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.

Last night, I went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants, and now I am going to be off of sushi forever. The next time I eat sushi and raw fish will be when I am reincarnated as flipper. The other night I ordered in Chinese food from a healthy Chinese restaurant, and let me tell you that the next time I’ll be eating Chinese food will be when I’m reincarnated as Wo Ming Ching the fisherman.

I miss all the wonderful meals I had in London and in France. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take another vacation soon.

Oh, and I want to personally thank everyone who left great comments yesterday about my big announcement on the blog. If you haven’t read about my big announcement, click here (because you missed something pretty huge).

This is something I talk about almost every single day. In order to meet the kind of people you most desire, you need to learn how to attract them (and not chase them).

I mean, how many times are you guys going to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and chase women before you realize that it doesn’t work. You are just what I call chasing the night. You need to realize that your actions — all of your actions — are picked up on by lots of different people.

When I was in Cannes recently, I was standing in line behind a man at a buffet. If you’ve ever seen me in a buffet line, I act like I’ve never eaten a meal before in my entire life. It was one at one of those beautiful hotels in Cannes with a great breakfast buffet, and I was really hungry and anxious to get my hands on the lox.

So I might have gotten a little too close to the man in line in front of me, and at some point we bumped into each other. It was really no big deal. I mean, how many times have you accidentally bumped into someone, right?

That man, however, gave me the dirtiest look in the world — one of those “f*^k you” looks. So I sat down at my table, and I saw him give me yet another dirty look.

How many of you do this? How many of you accidentally bump into someone because you get too close to them, and then give the other person a dirty look because they invaded your personal space?

Do you realize how many other people see you give that dirty look and see the whole interaction take place? They don’t look at the other person as the asshole. They look at you as the asshole.

They don’t wonder what’s wrong with you because you accidentally bumped into someone. They wonder what’s wrong with you that you have to be such as asshole.

When we’re talking about attracting people (and not chasing them), this is the type of thing that will not only not attract others — but will actually repel them. So be careful what you do.

The next time somebody is too close and they bump into you, just smile and say “No big deal.” You never know who is looking at you and checking you out. You never know who is getting turned off by your actions.

When you give the dirty look or something like that, you are turning off every person around you (not just that one person next to you). If you’ve learned anything from what we’ve talked about, it all comes down to creating attraction.

When you give the dirty look, you are actually creating instant detraction. That may or may not be a word, but it is the perfect term for when you doing the exact opposite of attracting people to you (including those people of the opposite sex you most want to attract). So everywhere you go, be sure to avoid the art of detraction.