You get in a fight with your partner. They did something that really angered you. You didn’t like their behavior or the way they treated you.
Whatever it was that they did, has that ever caused you to basically mirror that behavior back to them? Then you start blaming them for being the way that you are at that moment. You start getting angry at them for making you this way.
Sometimes you just can’t handle the way someone is processing something because it is not the way you would process it. They might process things negatively. They might process things positively.
There are so many different ways that people process things. If your partner processes things differently than you do, however, it might freak you out because it will feel like the person you’re with is disconnected from you.
It doesn’t mean that they stopped loving you. They might be unable to show you love at that moment or give you the love you need at that moment, but that doesn’t mean that they ever stopped loving you.
It’s just that right at that moment they need to process something in an entirely different way than you do. They are not getting space, but they really need space.
It is so important to give someone space in this situation. I know it’s hard because they might act mean or might be irritable. You’ve got to realize, though, that if they are taking the time (and the space) they need to process something, it is because they love you and want things to work out with you.
Now, there is a distinction between needing space to process and pulling back. If someone acts like this — mean and irritable — for weeks and weeks, then it’s not processing. It’s pulling back.
When someone’s actions cause you to feel stress, pain and anguish, what do you do? Most of us tend to mirror that person’s behaviors. You give them a taste of their own medicine and you act the way they’ve been acting.
You basically give them back what they’ve been giving you, and you rehash everything. The problem is that rehashing is poison. It is not healthy at all.
It is not healthy to rehash with all the “You-did-this-No-you-did-that” kind of talk. All you’re doing is rehashing the poison.
Maybe they didn’t do things the way you wanted to do it. Maybe they didn’t process things the way you wanted.
They may not come around until a day or two later, but isn’t love about forgiving? Isn’t love about understanding each other and being able to handle each other in ways that get us outside our comfort zone?
Love is about being able to say in that moment, “That’s just Bob (or Mary), and I can see by their behavior that that this is how they handle things. They’re trying to work on it but, in the meantime, it might still happen again. Nobody’s perfect.” Think about all of this for a minute.
Popularity: 7%
What Do You Think? Vote Now Below! Life ChangingPretty CoolWorth ReadingNothing Special
If you are talking to someone you trust, honor and love and they tell you that your actions cause them pain and to feel things they never wanted to feel, do you defend those actions? Would you really listen?
In life, our ego is constantly protecting us. So many of you know that you are not good at meeting the opposite sex, but yet you always let your ego protect you.
Your ego will tell you, “Don’t worry. You just need a lucky break. Things will change. Spring is coming…” or whatever excuses your ego will provide you. Your ego may tell you, “There’s a party next week and you will meet somebody there.”
What you don’t do is anything to change yourself, because change is the toughest thing for you. Change means that we have to drop our ego and allow it to subside.
Nobody can change anybody else. The only person you can change is yourself.
You get out of life exactly what you put into it. So if you are in a spiral of life where things don’t work for you — whether that means disagreements with your boss, disagreements with your partner or not meeting the people you want to meet — it’s happening because you can’t embrace change.
It’s happening because your ego will not allow you to embrace change. Your ego is basically protecting yourself from embracing any type of change. We are all flawed.
I can’t stand when somebody tells me that I did something that caused them pain. I’m always about protecting myself.
Maybe the way that I deal with things is not the way they want to deal with things, and it causes them pain. So we’re all flawed.
So the next time someone challenges you about changing, do you react full of ego or do you react in an open way? The person who defends themselves is the person who is reacting out of ego, because your ego is defending you at all times.
My ego will defend me until the day I die. If you allow your ego to defend you until the day you die, you’re going to die alone and not having grown.
We all do things that annoy the hell out of people — partners, business associates and friends. If someone that you love tells you that something in your actions causes them pain, don’t look at them and say “Well this is how I’ve always been and no one seems to be bothered by it.”
If you like or love that person, you are going to say, “You know what, maybe that is something I need to work on and change in myself. Maybe that is a habit of mine, or maybe that’s the way I deal with things.” It really may not be that healthy.
Popularity: 9%
What Do You Think? Vote Now Below! Life ChangingPretty CoolWorth ReadingNothing Special
Have you all met the country’s newest and hottest handicapper in football? Fresh off my Lions pick, I am now 6-0 on the season. So stay tuned for next week’s picks.
Now on today’s non-football related topic…
Let’s talk about relationships and, specifically, about being stubborn in a relationship. Let’s talk about giving in when you’re in a relationship.
When you’re in a relationship, you will have arguments. You will sometimes argue about something even when you know the other person has a valid point. Your ego wants to “win” and be right, so you’ll get into an argument instead of really thinking about what the other person was saying.
During every argument, there will come a time when someone needs to give in . . . but it seems like everyone always wants the other person to be the one to do it.
Each person will think, “I don’t want to hug them first” or “I don’t want to make the first move.”
How many nights when you’re in a relationship has your bed felt like it has an imaginary dividing line down the middle? You might accidentally touch knees or ankles in the middle of the night, and you jump because you don’t want to make the first move.
I mean, it’s crazy how many people are stubborn. I, myself, am very stubborn. I hate apologizing. I have always hated apologizing.
I have always hated making the first move. My mindset was always, “Why should I make the first move. They are the ones who brought the issue up.” The fact of the matter is that relationships tend to get very sour very quickly if both of you are being stubborn.
How many nights do you want to sleep on opposite ends of the bed? How many nights do you want to look at your lover and realize that what you’re fighting about is really ridiculous?
Saying you are sorry is really easy. Saying you are sorry and really meaning it is sometimes harder. So I think you need to really realize what your arguments are really about in your relationship, and start to see that it’s really not worth it 90% of the time.
Check out this great new in field approach video we shot last week. Its all about how to approach a group of women,
Popularity: 10%
What Do You Think? Vote Now Below! Life ChangingPretty CoolWorth ReadingNothing Special
