Have you ever walked up to someone and you’re just so nervous? You are so nervous that you are squeezing your ass together like you are holding in your own shit?

So when you do walk over so scared like that and say what you think is the right thing, what happens? You are going to scare off the person you are approaching.

You could say something to a woman as simple as “Nice dog!” If you are nervous when you say it, though, you are going to make that woman (and her dog) nervous.

People’s reactions to you are all about you. They are all about your body language. They are all about your attitude, your energy and what you convey.

The next time you are about to walk up to someone, ask yourself this question: Am I relaxed? If you are not relaxed, then hold off on walking up to them. Breathe deeply. Take a minute to calm yourself down.

Don’t go up to that person until you have calmed down your energy. Otherwise, when people run away from you, it will be because you walked up to them looking like you are holding in your own shit and it scared the shit out of them.

Hear women tell all about what they want when they are approached, and how they perceive what guys do. Also, hear them confess what turns them OFF most — mistakes so many guys make. CLICK HERE to listen to what they reveal that all guys need to know.

Yesterday on the flight home from New York City, I was sitting next to a guy who was wearing a pair of True Religion jeans. Every time he bent over or reached down for something, the whole plane had the privilege of seeing half of his hairy ass. I am not just talking “plumber butt crack,” this was plumber butt crack on steroids.

This is not something anyone needs to see . . . ever. Every time he moved, every person on that plane — women, men and children — were forced to see his ass.
SO, guys, if you can feel the wind chafing your ass when you are wearing jeans, then it means they are way too low and you need to cover up!

Now, on to another revealing topic . . .

This might be the most powerful podcast you will ever hear. I was recently on the phone with a guy who was thinking about taking a Bootcamp, and he asked me why he has trouble approaching women. He had already attended someone else’s bootcamp at which they had instructed him to approach women using some kind of pickup line.

I told him that pickup lines will never work. Life is all about observations based on instincts. He asked me about what kind of instincts I was talking, and I told him I was talking about the kind of instincts we have as a child.

Remember when you were a kid (maybe three, four or five years old) and you’d see something you like so you’d look at it and touch it? Remember also how when you did that your mother would scold you and say, “Don’t do that?”

Do you realize that the social conditioning we got from about the age of four to about the age of eleven was all about the things we should not do (and all about the things we can’t do)? Don’t look at strangers. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t smile at that person.

Our social conditioning is the reason why so many of us out there now suffer from problems meeting the opposite sex. Our social conditioning taught us not to talk to people instead of relying on our natural instincts.

This podcast will truly blow you away. It is by far the most important podcast I’ve ever done. Enough writing now. It’s time to open your ears and start listening!

Also, if you want to learn how to recapture your natural instincts and de-program yourself from all of you bad social conditioning, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.

There are a bunch of guys that go around and teach the “you’re beautiful” opener or the “you’re really cute” opener. This opener is being taught to guys who want to authentic and real, and these poor guys are forced to go out and approach 40 women a day saying the same “you’re beautiful” line.

What kind of strategy is this? You could almost just stand in the town square walking around in a circle saying to person after person, “You’re beautiful! You’re beautiful! No, really, you ARE beautiful!”

It is about the most ridiculous line I’ve ever heard in my life. Keep in mind that regardless of how nice sounding the sentence is, it is still a line.

Keep in mind, too, that by saying this line out of the blue to a total stranger you are putting the woman completely on the spot. She may be insecure or not want to hear it . . . but she definitely knows you are bullshitting her. She absolutely does.

Another flaw in this whole “you’re beautiful” routine, is that you have no good means of follow up. So you say “You’re beautiful!” to a woman and she responds “Thank you.” Now what? You have nothing else to say because “thank you” gives you nothing to go on to create a conversation.

Canned lines and routines in general are ridiculous, but this particular one is really bad because all it achieves is to leave you standing next to a woman feeling uncomfortable. I had a client once who had tried this routine, and when I asked him how he felt afterwards he told me, “The conversation didn’t go very far and I had no choice but to abruptly end it. It felt embarrassing – from the first moment and I still felt bad afterwards. It’s not natural.”

Of course starting the conversation with a woman with “You’re beautiful!” is going to feel not natural. It’s an awkward way to start a conversation with a complete stranger.

Also, telling a woman she is beautiful the first moment you meet her isn’t helping you connect with her in any way, and isn’t giving you any information (or potential to create a connection with her.

The only connection you create with a woman by this routine is with her physical appearance. Women already know you like their physical appearance if you walked up to them! They’re not stupid. They know if we’re talking to them it’s because we’re intereseted.

Now, don’t mistake what I’m saying. Of course you need an “opener” when you approach a woman. If you are observant of what a woman is doing, and you are 100% confident and authentic about who you are, then you don’t need to use a canned opener. You will have the right opener every time, and women will chase you all day long.

If you want to learn how to authentically approach and attract women, without using canned routines and pickup lines, be sure to check out my “20 Ways To Meet Hotter Women Without Pickup Lines” product.

After asking my client to elaborate more on what he meant, I understood that what he was asking was how to keep control of situations instead of letting situations control you. He wanted to know how to not let intimidation get in your way when you want to meet someone.

I told my client that it all starts with the way you approach. You have all heard me talk over and over again about the power of observation. So the first and most important thing to do is always to observe what a woman is doing so that you can frame the conversation based on your own enthusiasm.

Let’s say that you go to a book store and you see an absolutely stunning, beautiful woman browsing in the travel section of the store. Let’s also say that you are very interested in travel and have traveled extensively, so approaching that woman should be quite easy and comfortable.

If you don’t stay in your own reality, though, you can risk not controlling the situation and letting the situation control you. Because the woman is so beautiful, you may want to open her as quickly as possible. You may not take the extra five or six seconds to realize she is standing in the travel section.

A lot of men in this situation panic, and all they focus on is the thought “I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach, I’ve got to approach…” While I would agree that you should approach, you should not do so until you are armed with the necessary information to do so. Taking those extra five or ten seconds to really observe what is around you is arming yourself with that necessary information.

Men will often be totally focused on what they can think of to say and will often miss something easy, comfortable and obvious they could say based on what is going on around them. So you need to take those extra five or ten seconds and observe before you approach. It will be well worth it when you see how much more successful (not to mention easy and comfortable) your approaches will be.

Think about what is in her mind at that moment. Is the woman in our hypothetical looking at a particular book? In what section of the book store is she browsing? If she is in the travel section, maybe she is looking for a book about the place to which she is about to travel (or a place to which she would like to travel).

What you’re doing is playing the odds. You are playing the odds based on what she’s already thinking, though, which means that you’ll be in control of the conversation.

This is precisely what most guys do not do when they approach. Most guys go in too quickly.

The reason why these “too quick” approaches don’t usually end up so well, is that you are not starting a conversation based on what the woman is already thinking. You are not getting inside her head.

Don’t go into the approach too quickly simply because you want to get it over with. Don’t rush the approach.

The more you train your mind to be observant by taking those extra ten seconds, the quicker your mind will begin to do that on its own. Don’t worry about getting faster, though, and just work on the observation skill and on not rushing your approaches.

As with everything else I teach you, whatever happens in any approach you should never beat yourself up. Remember that you learn from each experience, and there will always be another opportunity. Working on this observation skill, however, will help to make more and more of your approaches successful.

So here’s something I said to a recent client who was very anxious about approaching women. He was also very nervous about what would happen if he did approach them, and about how they would react. Here’s what I said to him:

Think about this. Every time you approach a woman, it’s like you’re doing it as a child would do it. Do you remember when you were a child and your mother would say, “Alright, before I get home tonight you have to clean your room. If you don’t clean your room, you won’t be able to watch TV?”

So what did you do? You cleaned your room, because you knew that you’d be rewarded for it. You might have kicked all your clothes under the bed to get that job done, but the bottom line was you did whatever it took to earn that reward.
Now, because of that social conditioning, whenever you walk over to a woman you are still completely attached to the outcome of the encounter.

At work if you wanted to become a partner, there were certain conditions you had to meet. As you met all of those conditions, you would think, “Okay, check. I did it,” but then they would mind-f*^k you a little more by making you do more things before they would make you partner.

When you finally did make partner, though, do you remember how you felt? It was a reward, right? You thought, “Yay! I made partner!”

Here’s the thing: Our whole life is about rewards. At work if you bring in a lot of money, it means that you had a good month. Everyone has a different agenda.

Salesmen have sales quotas. Copywriters want their sales pages to make a lot of money. If these things don’t happen, people will think “What did I do wrong? Where is the reward?”

Everything is about the reward. If you eat well for a day and then get on the scale, what happens next? You might lose a pound. That’s a reward.

Everything in life is a reward EXCEPT interactions with people. We have to stop being so selfish.

When you see somebody you’re interested in, why don’t you pay them a nice compliment just for the sake of being nice? People always expect something back.

Men and women will stand there like a little kid waiting for something in return when they make a gesture to each other. So you walked over to somebody. Congratulations! So then you stand there, expecting to be rewarded with a phone number or a date . . . or with sex?

Sex is certainly not a reward. A lot of “nice guys” are conditioned to believe that if they do nice things (or do all the right things), that they will be rewarded with sex. It doesn’t work that way.

Here is the way life really works. You know what you know, and you have to be okay with that and with whatever sensations are going through your body and whatever ideas are going through your head.

Being in a situation where we don’t know about something brings us anxiety. We always like to be in control of the situation.

It is an anxious moment for a lot of guys to go over and approach a woman. It’s an anxious moment for a lot of guys to just walk up to a woman and pay her a nice compliment.

The truth is that many women get their validation from someone paying them those kind of compliments. If you think about it, when you give a woman a compliment you are actually giving her a reward. She wants to be noticed, so when someone appreciates her it is a reward.

Deepak Chopra wrote that every day you should commit one random act of kindness or pay one compliment to a total stranger, and expect nothing in return. When you expect nothing back, you get everything back.

Instead of seeking a reward, just walk up to somebody and compliment them. Say, “Wow, that is a great shirt on you” or “Wow, you have a great pair of legs.” Whatever it is – it doesn’t matter. Then continue on with your business.

Make it seem like you’ve always laid those compliments out there, so it doesn’t appear to be something that is totally new. This will help get over that anxiety.

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, but one of the best Sunday exercises is going to a museum or an art gallery and hanging out there.

Hang out there for two or three hours and have conversations with every single person you see. Everyone.

Walk over to them and say, “excuse me, what do you think of this painting?” or “how does this painting make you feel?” You will get into great conversations all day long.

This teaches you a few things. For one, it shows you that people don’t bite – nothing bad is going to happen to you if you talk to people.

Secondly, it’s great practice. It teaches you how to listen. You have to listen to be able to talk about the subject that you’re discussing.

Specifically in terms of artwork, there is so much going on in front of you. We’re in a museum right now, and a client just told me how easy it is in here, because there are so many things to talk about – the things on the wall, the collections, etc.

But life itself is like a museum! After you go to a museum, you can walk around your life and find anything to talk about. You find things to discuss and things to ask questions about.

Today, during a bootcamp, we started at a food market, and all of the conversations started with talking about brownies and pastries. And all of those people we talked to came back to talk to us later.

This is why observations are so powerful. In a grocery store, in a museum, in an art gallery – you have all of these opportunities to talk about the things that are going on.

I’m sitting here with the guys and we’re talking about why women don’t approach.

Why don’t they?

Because their grandmothers taught them not to, their mothers taught them not to, and Cosmopolitan magazine taught them not to. Women just sit back.

But a woman that just sits back her entire life goes from being a hot 20-year-old to the woman in her thirties that doesn’t have kids to the woman over 40 who has cats to the woman in her fifties who thinks that all the men her age just want to date younger women to the old maid – literally. Do you remember that Old Maid game with the cards?

Here’s my thought about this: if you’re not going to either a) make yourself approachable or b) actually do some approaching, you’re never going to meet men.

But women are worried to approach a man and fulfill the stereotype of being easy. But let’s go around the table now: if a woman approaches you and starts flirting with you in the market, do you really think that she wants to have sex with you right at that moment?

Client: Naw, I’d just be happy that she came up to me!

David: Yeah, we’d all just be so amazed that she actually came over we wouldn’t actually be thinking about having sex in a sauna with her. This isn’t a bad episode of Blind Date!

Most guys have this mentality: they go out on a Friday night to a bar, they give it five minutes and decide that the bar’s no good. They say to each other, “let’s go to the next one, man,” and they end up CTN – chasing the night.

“Let’s go to the next one,” “let’s go to the next one,” they keep going and at the end of the night, they end up at home – by themselves. They’re alone, staring at the ceiling again and wondering if they missed out on meeting people at the bars they didn’t hit.

Here is an excerpt from a conversation that I had with a few of my clients at a recent bootcamp.
We just spent three hours at Whole Foods, and what did it feel like, guys?

Client: It felt like five minutes.

David: Yeah, it felt like five minutes. This brand new Whole Foods they just built is like a destination on its own – everyone is going there. We had new people coming in all the time. We must have talked to, like, 20 different people, easily. It was just endless people.

And one of the key things we did was with that old woman. This like 90-year-old woman in a wheelchair started petting Daphne and we totally made her day. And guess what? Other people noticed that, and you saw that other people approached us after that incident. We had created this really positive and welcoming energy.

So you don’t have to go hunting every night – you just have to find fertile ground. You can find those places and then just hang out.

Really, life is about just hanging out and having a good time.

We would have stayed in Whole Foods longer but we got kicked out – we were a group of 14 guys just hanging out and finally one of the managers came over because he knew exactly what we were doing! He basically told us he had no problem with us, but he just wanted us to disperse a little bit more.

So really, you could just hang out in one place all day long. You’re not going to be with 14 other guys, so you won’t get kicked out of the place – don’t worry about that. But you’ll really start to grow a little bit more because you’ll start to see things more – you’ll realize that you don’t have to chase life.

You don’t have to chase it, because it will come to you!

If you checked out yesterdays video you will see that it juts ends. Today I break down what happened and why.

Do you know that a LOT of men have trouble approaching women? A lot of men suffer from a disease they call “approach anxiety” (although I call it “self-inflicted torture!”)

In my more than ten years of coaching men, virtually every one of them seek my help in learning to conquer approach anxiety. You should see what happens over and over again at the beginning of every one of my men’s bootcamps.

A guy will see a woman he’s attracted to and point her out to me. I’ll tell him to immediately go over and talk to her. What does he do? He’ll stand there like he’s wearing concrete shoes . . . and do nothing. He’ll hesitate.

By the time he finally decides to walk over to the woman, she’s usually made a sudden right instead of a left and has disappeared. He lost his opportunity to approach her.

See, you’ve got to understand that in some ways men and women are built the same. Having a fear of approaching the opposite sex is one of those ways. Many men have a lot of trouble approaching women, and many times women are very unapproachable.

So the next time you see a guy looking at you whom absolutely makes your heart go “thump thump,” I can guarantee you that he is attracted to you as well and that his heart is also going “thump thump.” Stop wondering in this situation if a man is attracted to you.

With that doubt eliminated, you need to put yourself out there just a little bit. Help guys out a little! It’s very important to give guys a couple of signs so they know you’re interested.

Women almost always sit back and wait for guys to do all the approaching. Women spend a lot of time hoping men will approach and waiting to see if men they’re attracted to will approach them. The problem with this is that when you’re a “waiter” in life, you never get what you want.

So the next time you see a really attractive man, smile at him – not once, but twice. When you smile at a man twice, he might actually take the hint and get up the guts to talk to you.

You need to understand the mindset of a man when you’re thinking about this . . . and the mindset of a man in this situation is terrified. As he quakes in his pants, he freaks out about being unable to approach you and feels like he doesn’t know the right thing to say even if he did.

If you were able to be a fly on the wall and listen to what men say during each one of my bootcamps, you would absolutely be amazed at what you’d hear. If you could do this, you would understand that men sit around all the time and wonder what the most clever thing is to talk to you about when they approach you.

The fact is most men still don’t realize that they can just walk over and say “hello” to a woman to strike up a conversation. So the next time you see a guy that you’re attracted to, make it a little easier for him and see what happens!