You don’t want all of them–just the really hot one right?

Sure, but if you don’t know how to engage the group as a whole, you’re dead in the water.

Watch this undercover video as I breakdown an approach:

Pretty simple right?

What are some great ways that you’ve engaged the friend of someone you really liked?

Have you ever been the friend?

Let me know in the comments below.

I know a lot of you right now are working on your basics: overcoming the fear of approaching, actually approaching, and getting a date. Mastering these would be an accomplishment right now for some of you.

Some of you are a little more seasoned. You’ve been in relationships, have an idea of who you are, what you want, but you still want to be able to date any woman. And you know what I mean by any woman. You can’t just walk up to any single woman and think that you’re going to connect with them, because it is all about chemistry and you’ve got to understand that right from the get-go.

Here is the deal: successful people in life, no matter what they do, set goals and they work hard every single day. Do you put in enough time every day to become the best version of you?

When I first started going out there and meeting women, I was in my 20s. Now in college I was okay. I was the guy who had been rumored to have slept with a ton of girls because I was always seen with them. I would leave the club with them, I would leave the bar with them, but I have got to tell you something: my closing skills were horrific.

They were awful. I couldn’t close worth a damn. I was so afraid to go in for the kiss; I was so afraid to touch; I would just walk them back to their dorm room. I would not even invite myself in, not even try, I would just walk away and I would be thrown right into the friend zone.

But what is funny is, is that I was always seen with all these girls so I had the reputation of having slept with almost every single girl on campus, and that helped get me more dates. That helped me getting me more hook ups when I was able to hook up with them.

Later on in my 20s though I decided I really wanted to be different because I was no longer living in school and I realized that I had to work on all this stuff. I was living in New York City. I became a bartender in New York City, and when you’re a bartender—man—you should have no problem getting laid.

I didn’t have a problem getting laid. I had a problem connecting with the women I really wanted. You see I played it safe for so long. I always played it safe. And it drove me crazy. I would go for the easy one, and one day I decided that I was going to change that. I wanted to become really great at meeting women, picking them up, whatever terminology you want to use.

So I went out every single day and I picked up women. I forced myself to talk to women. I forced myself to open up and I forced myself to do everything. I got so far out of my comfort zone every single day that I thought I was going to lose my mind. I felt out of control, but I knew that in order to be successful I had to do that. I had to push myself.

Now, the big question for all of you right now is: how far do you push yourselves? Are you looking for the easy way out? Do you still believe there is a magic pill? Do you just read articles online or do you actually invest in programs that could help move you towards your goals faster?

Get clear with your goals and bring urgency to your life. The women are out there. And they’re waiting for you.

I live right on the beach in L.A., and I thought about something I noticed on my trip: the Atlantic Ocean in Miami sounds different than the Pacific Ocean. The waves are smaller, but have continuous little swells that come in, so you hear a constant whooshing sound. The Pacific has bigger waves that crash harder, so it’s a different sound. In Hawaii, the ocean sounds different too. When I’m in the South of France, at the beach in Cannes, the waves are totally different.

Nature has so many different sounds. Each beach has different birds with different sounds. Different forests have different sounds depending on the density of the trees. Each thunderstorm is different depending on where you are. If you’re in the mountains, a thunderstorm sounds far different than it does if you’re on flatland in Kentucky.

Getting in touch with nature can make you a far more interesting person, but not only that, it’s going to help you connect with the opposite sex better. You’re going to be more tuned into the environment and you’re surroundings.

Every day, lots of people here watch the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. But when you live on the East Coast, you watch the sunset over a city because the sun sets in the West. Different! And the reflection of the sun fading out as the day gets dark over the water on the East Coast gives it a different hue that you don’t get on the West Coast. On the West Coast, you get the red water, the red sunset.

It’s all about noticing these little things in those “torturous” sounds of silence that makes you really start to think about how beautiful the world is. When I was in Miami, I always looked up, and that’s something that I learned to do. I look at the Art Deco buildings and admire the architecture and I think to myself, “Wow! These were built by hand in a whole different era.”

I notice buildings. I notice the way the sand feels. It’s different sand in Miami Beach compared to the sand where I live in Los Angeles. Everything is different in the world. It’s up to you to explore it.

Start looking around. Start looking up. I remember when I was in Miami and I stared at this beautiful Deco building. It was an off-yellow at the base, and then as it went upward it became more white. And it had trees on the upper level, which means that somebody had a giant patio. And everyday they get to see the sunset on the East and the way that the beautiful sun reflects on the water as it sets.

I urge you all to get out into the world and start paying attention. Get in touch with everything that’s around you and you’ll never be lacking in conversation.

. . .

Some days I’ll walk down the street and I’ll see a woman and say, “Do you ever look up, because some of the most beautiful things are up there.”

So it’s the middle of the week. I love the middle of the week because it gives us an opportunity to look at the first couple days and see what we can do better, then go and kick ass for the rest of the week.

There were some of the best play off games ever this past Sunday. What kind of chatter do you think is going through Billy Cundiff’s head?  You guys think you have issues. You look at a woman and you can’t walk up to her.  Imagine right now being Bill Cundiff of the Baltimore Ravens and hooking a 30 yard field goal and giving the Patriots the Super Bowl.  Imagine being Lee Evans and dropping a sure-fire touchdown pass, directly in your hands.  Dropping the ball to the ground because you weren’t focused in the end zone.  Imagine being him.

Don’t you think he’s got a lot of monkey chatter going on in his head?

Now I want to fast forward to your life. Life is about repetition and believing in yourself.  Here’s the deal guys: you’re not playing in front of 70,000 people.  There are not 70,000 fans whose heart you might be breaking when you drop a pass or hook a field goal.

Let’s put it in pick up terms: when you approach a woman and you hook your words and you don’t go anywhere with them.  The reason why you’re hooking your words, the reason why you’re dropping the easy ones, is because you’re not going out and doing the work every single day.  In order to become amazing at meeting women, you need to go out every single day.

It’s hump day fellas. Set an intent. Set a goal.  Write down: I’m going to approach 15 women per day for the next seven days.  I guarantee you that if you do that and you check back the following week, things are going to be a lot better for you.

Life is about repetition, and in order to become good at something, you’ve got to practice, practice, practice.  So get out there and practice.

. . .

PS. Don’t look at practice the way Allen Iverson does.

PSS. All jokes aside, do you go out there and play every ‘game’ like it’s your last? Food for thought…

Years ago, I was vacationing in Boulder, Colorado. One day, after a two-hour massage, I went to Whole Foods for some dinner. As I was walking out, I passed by a gorgeous woman and we had one of those moments. (You know those moments that happen when a woman stares at you and you stare at her at the same time and an extreme sexual chemistry builds up that you can feel? It was one of those.) I smiled at her, she smiled at me, and I continued to my car, ready to leave.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I got into my car. I started my engine. I backed out, collected myself, and then pulled back into the spot. I looked at my golden retriever Jessie and I said to her, “Be a good girl. I’ll be back in a little while.”

I walked into that market and I walked directly over to that woman and I looked at her and I said, “Excuse me, I must be the biggest fool in the entire world. But I was about to leave just now, and you know what? How many times have I looked and smiled at somebody and continued on and didn’t stop to experience them as a person, or what could have happened between us. I’m not going to do that again.”

We talked for what seemed like ever; we were honest with one another; we went out for coffee until 4:00 in the morning; we had some breakfast; we talked some more. We had unbelievable chemistry.

A couple nights later, she came to my house and we made a barbecue. We got undressed—basically in our little underwear, just like little kids—and we snuggled all night long. All night long we were cozy in bed, spooning, holding on to one another. I never slept with this woman at all, and I was never meant to sleep with her.

What this lesson taught me was that something feels so out of the ordinary, that’s when you go for it. Because what we do, and as people, we constantly go for what we’re accustomed to. That’s why we end up dating the same people over and over again. That’s why we have the same relationships over and over again.

So the next time you feel this intense attraction, you immediately go for it. You speak it. You say you could be on a date and you can look at somebody and just say, “God, you’re hot.” And that’s something you would never say. But say it anyway and see what happens.

Watch how your world changes when you say the things that you never said before, and do the things you haven’t done. Watch how your relationships change and watch your experience change.

And watch how you blossom as a person.

You know what she’s thinking?  She’s wondering, “Why doesn’t he talk to me? Why does he stare at me?  Why is he constantly looking at me but never saying a word?  Is he mute? Is he terrified?  Does he speak Russian and not speak a word of English?”

Here’s what funny: every morning I wake up and I walk for a few miles and I see the same woman every single day.  I look at her, sometimes I smile, and sometimes I don’t.  

So today, I looked at her and said hello, and she looks at me—eyes light up, face lights up—and she says “Hi,” like it was a relief that I finally talked to her.  I mean, come on guys, stop trying to always think about what to say and just say, “Good morning. Hello.”

If you see somebody over and over again the best conversation starter is not the most clever thing you can think of, it’s just a simple “Hey, Hi, Good morning, I’m a normal human being.  I know how to say good morning. It’s one of the first things I learned when I watched Sesame Street when I was a kid.”

Don’t overcomplicate it.  Make it simple. And if you make it simple, you’ll start building up your confidence and your social network.  “Good morning” leads to “Hey, how are you doing today?” or “I see you all the time walking.” It leads to a conversation the next time.

So stop appearing to be this neurotic freak that scares her because you never talk to her and just stare at her, and start being the human being.

It’s that simple.

Have you ever walked up to someone and you’re just so nervous? You are so nervous that you are squeezing your ass together like you are holding in your own shit?

So when you do walk over so scared like that and say what you think is the right thing, what happens? You are going to scare off the person you are approaching.

You could say something to a woman as simple as “Nice dog!” If you are nervous when you say it, though, you are going to make that woman (and her dog) nervous.

People’s reactions to you are all about you. They are all about your body language. They are all about your attitude, your energy and what you convey.

The next time you are about to walk up to someone, ask yourself this question: Am I relaxed? If you are not relaxed, then hold off on walking up to them. Breathe deeply. Take a minute to calm yourself down.

Don’t go up to that person until you have calmed down your energy. Otherwise, when people run away from you, it will be because you walked up to them looking like you are holding in your own shit and it scared the shit out of them.

Hear women tell all about what they want when they are approached, and how they perceive what guys do. Also, hear them confess what turns them OFF most — mistakes so many guys make. CLICK HERE to listen to what they reveal that all guys need to know.

I want you to write down on a piece of paper the answer to this question: What is your biggest enemy?

When it comes to meeting women, a lot of guys are under the impression that their biggest enemy is timing. They will say that they haven’t met women because they haven’t been invited to the right parties or something similar to that.

This kind of thing is surface stuff, and it is not your biggest enemy. Your biggest enemy is that eight pound thing you carry between your shoulders called your head.

Your head is your biggest enemy because it is what does not allow you to accomplish about 90% of the things in life you want to accomplish. I’m not just talking about meeting women.

When it comes to meeting women, your success comes down to your belief. You must truly believe that you are amazing and are a gift. You must truly believe that any woman who meets you would benefit from your amazing tenderness, your amazing personality, your character traits and everything else about you.

If you don’t truly believe all of this, then it doesn’t matter what you do or what you memorize because you head is disconnected from your heart. When your head is disconnected from your heart, it’s all over.

Have you been in an argument with someone in which your head thinks and over-thinks things so much that you can’t get back into your heart? That will stop whatever constructive dialog you’re having at that point. Your heart and head need to both be involved at all times.

Your head can over-rationalize things. Your head can over-think things.

This is what is going on every time you can’t get yourself to approach a woman. All you are thinking about are the fears and excuses in your head.

What does your heart want to do in this situation though? Your heart wants to go and experience another person. We’re all about experiencing other people – their feelings and emotions. The problem is that our head can play tricks on us.

This does not just happen in the area of meeting women. This happens in relationships and it happens at work.

How many of you had an intent to start the new year really kicking ass at work. Then you get your first rejection and, all of a sudden, you are right back in the same mindset you were in before the new year.

You must get you head aligned. The old saying “get your head on straight” is really important and true. Probably about 90% of the people in the world are walking around with their head on backwards or sideways.

Can you imagine if your head actually could rotate all the way around and how that would feel? You would be walking down the street and would be passing some people with their head facing backwards while others would have their head tilted to the side.

Nobody would walk around with their head on straight except those who truly believe in themselves, and who don’t care about what others think and feel.

I’m not talking about being cold, because of course we all care how others feel. Deep down, however, we all need to maintain a great sense of self. When you’re true to yourself, you’ll be able to do anything you want.

I have a special offer for all of my loyal blog readers. Do you want to meet me in person in March?

I basically relived the movie “Marathon Man” the other day. For those of you who don’t know this movie, look at the video down below and see what I experienced at the dentist.

For all of you regular readers of this blog, you know I nicknamed my dentist “The Driller,” and nicknamed her assistant “The Cutter.” The other day I was fortunate enough to have an infection in some recent dental work that The Driller had done.

We didn’t know it until the Novocaine started to wear off and I felt every bit of the drilling. We thought that some more Novocaine would help, but all that did was to make my heart go thump thump a little faster. It didn’t make the nerve in my tooth calm down at all.

So approaching the opposite sex is not painful. You’re not going to jump out of your skin. You’re not going to hear a drill in your head. You’re not going to get bad taste in your mouth from Novocaine.

Recently I launched a great product about how to get rid of approach anxiety. What I should have done was to take my video guy to The Driller with me and had him film the 25 minutes of drilling I endured without being numb.

If I can survive that, then you can certainly walk up to the hottest person you see today, smile and say hello. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You’re not going to jump out of your skin. Really you’re not going to feel any pain at all except the fears you’ve associated with doing it.

My new product is a much easier way to overcome your fear approaching the opposite sex. If you’re not on my email list, you won’t be able to get this product. So if you want it, sign up in the box at the top of the page.

For those of you who really want to overcome your fear of approaching, go to your dentist when you have a really deep cavity you need to have filled — one that requires them to drill for a good 15 minutes — and videotape it as you have them drill without giving you any Novocaine. Then the next time you are tempted to complain about the pain you experience approaching the opposite sex, we can show you the video so you can see what real fear and pain is.

For those of you who haven’t seen Marathon Man, here is a glimpse into what my dental visit was like:

The only thing missing is a Cialis® commercial. Imagine it . . . “Do you suffer from approach anxiety? Take Cialis®. It will cure approach anxiety and give you an erection that will last 36 hours.”

This podcast goes into the mindset that infects 85% of us, i.e., why we are so afraid to approach the opposite sex. I used to feel the same way, until I realized that it was all about my belief system and mindset. I talk all about that in today’s podcast.

I also make a special announcement in the podcast. For those of you who don’t already know, something happened around Thanksgiving that changed my life . . . but you will have to listen to the podcast to find out what that was.

Also, next week I’ll be doing a limited release of a brand new product that deals with overcoming approach anxiety and becoming a master communicator.

This product, however, will only be available to people on my list. It will not be available on my website for sale for months. If you want the opportunity to be able to get one of these special preview copies, and have access to a special offer along with it, then be sure you are on my list so you will get notified when it’s released next week Tuesday.

To listen to today’s podcast, click here: