I’m not even talking about potential mates…

…just people in general.

Watch this quick video, drop your fears, and get juiced about meeting people and having fun!

. . .

What are you up to today?

He asked me the same question over and over again.

It’s a question that a lot of guys ask me:

“What do you think of the women that just don’t want to talk to you?”

And…

“I don’t understand why they just don’t want to talk to me. Shouldn’t I be able to relate to them?”

Take a look at what I just wrote.

Shouldn’t I be able to relate to them?

Think about this for a second:

Do you get along with everybody at work? Are you friends with everybody at work, or is there one or two people that you just really don’t like?

You know, they walk into the office and you just want to avoid them. You could both be walking to the water cooler, and even though you’re thirsty, you’d turn and walk back to your desk.

You know, the person that traps you in the bathroom and talks your ear off or the person you don’t want to ride the elevator down with. They always just rub you the wrong way.

When you go out and meet a bunch of guys, like at a friend’s backyard BBQ, do you like every one of them? There’s that guy, with the breath, drinking his Natural Ice, and he starts talking to you nonstop and you’re just like, “Dude, you’re boring.”

When you go to the gym and work out, aren’t there just some people there that you just don’t ever want to talk to? There’s something about them that just turns you off. You’ve tried to have conversations with them, and they’re just not really fun to talk to. They’re boring.

Do you see what I’m getting at here?

How come, when it comes down to the same sex or coworkers, you don’t care? I never hear any of you whining, “Oh my God, I went to this party last night, and there was this dude there, man, and he just — he just — I don’t know. He just rejected me, didn’t want to talk to me. I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?”

I’ve never heard any guys say, “Man, I was at the gym tonight, and I was working out, and this guy walked into my set, and he just like — I don’t know, man. He just didn’t seem to like me at all. I don’t understand. Why didn’t he like me? I tried to talk to him while he was benching and he just didn’t want to talk to me at all. It’s like…I don’t get it. Why doesn’t he like me? What’s wrong? Is there anything wrong with me?”

You don’t say this, because you don’t care.

There are people in life that you just don’t get along with; people that you don’t have chemistry with; people that you have nothing in common with.

It’s the same way with women.

But yet, why are you so obsessed with women—trying to get all of them to like you, all of them to want to be with you? You think that there’s some magic that allows you to basically have chemistry with every woman you meet.

And why do you get so freaked out when a woman that you handpicked does not want to talk to you at all? Why does it bother you? She’s just another person.

If she were a dude, you wouldn’t care at all.

But because she’s a woman, you get all bent out of shape and then you think there’s something wrong with you.

You need to keep the same principles in line when communicating with either men or women.

I could care less if a woman doesn’t want to talk to me or a man doesn’t want to talk to me. I could care less. It means that just there’s nothing going on. We’ve got nothing in common. We have no chemistry. There’s no spark between us.

I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me, not even for a second.

I feel great when I walk away from somebody who I just don’t relate to. And that’s the key here: feeling really amazing about yourself. Being able to cultivate that feeling every single day is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself.

By doing this and becoming a powerful person, you’re going to walk around with a lot more self confidence and you’ll see yourself a lot higher in the pecking order of life.

Go out and have fun. Be amazing. Be awesome.

And don’t feel bad if everybody else can’t relate to your high level of awesomeness.

A while ago I came up with this really fun exercise. I told my client to use the alien approach. For those of you that have no idea what the alien approach is, it’s very simple. You take a full day and pretend like you were just beamed onto the earth for 24 hours.

How would you act?

First off, okay, you’d be in a weird body because you’re used to having lizard guts, eyes that can light a fire, and long, bony, metallic hands. Now you’re in a human body for the very first time and you find that very peculiar.

So what would you do for that one day? Well, first, you’d go around and you’d look at people. You’d survey things, you’d observe all day, you’d wonder what people are feeling, what they were doing. You’d be curious about everything that these people were doing–hell, if somebody ordered a turkey sandwich, you’d be so curious because you’ve never had turkey before. So you could ask if that turkey stuff is any good.

On top of all that, you’d have enthusiasm for everything around you because basically you are brand new to this planet, never having been here before, never experiencing it before. Never even knowing what anything is. You’d be curious about the world around you.
Not only that, you’d want to talk to as many people as possible because you’d want to find out what the human race is all about. And you’d be reporting back to the king or queen alien so you’d be required to give them a full report.

You’d spend the entire day being hyper-sensitive to the world around you. You wouldn’t worry about your alien phone, or your “a-phone”. You wouldn’t worry about reading and sending out texts, e-mails, checking your Facebook, nothing like that.

All you’d worry about is trying to figure out the human race – meeting people, talking to people, being curious about people and things.

Here’s a deal for all of you who have trouble meeting people: go out there and use the alien exercise. Pretend you were beamed down to earth from another planet for the day. Pretend like you’ve never been on Earth before. And do everything that I wrote about above. Have enthusiasm, ask questions, respond to people. You’re an alien, so you want to gather as much information as you possibly can before you’re beamed back to your stratosphere.

This week has been really hectic, I’ve been on a lot of coaching calls with clients, and few calls with some of you blog readers from all over the world as well. Just a lot of guys I’ve talked to this week.

There’s one common thread that runs through almost everybody. And that fear is what’s commonly called APPROACH ANXIETY. The moment you see somebody who you’re attracted to, you make a determination that you’ll go talk to them. But then the fear kicks in. Well, now you’re stuck in a situation where you CAN go up and talk to them, you’ve got no excuse not to, but you’re afraid of what might happen. Actually, you have no idea what might happen, and that’s what makes it so scary.

It’s like you get this crazy sensation in your stomach, your mind starts racing thinking all sorts of ridiculous thoughts, thinking of any excuse in the book why you should not go up and start talking to this person or just say “Hi, how are you today?”

So how about this for an invention: Anti-Rejection Specs.

Just like those cardboard X-ray Specs you used to get in the old comic books, you could put on these magic Approach Sunglasses when you enter the bar, or browse the supermarket, or you’re at the gym, and just like an X-ray, the Anti-Rejection glasses would tell you exactly who is going to be interested in you and who isn’t. Wouldn’t that be great? You would know exactly who to approach. You would never ever get rejected again. Wouldn’t that solve all your problems putting yourself out there trying to make a connection and meeting women?

But the fact is glasses like that don’t exist. In fact, it’s actually quite a scary thought if they did. Men everywhere would be running rampant like the lock to the chimpanzee cage just got cracked.

So many guys have this fear of the unknown, fear of getting rejected, fear of putting themselves out there and getting shot down. So many guys think their entire manhood is on the line if they get blown out and the woman he wants to talk to decides she doesn’t want to talk to him. “What if I approach her and she doesn’t like me? What if I get rejected? She’s really cute and I don’t want to look like a fool.”

But guess what? You’ll never know unless you try. There’s no such thing as Anti-Rejection Sunglasses, and yes, every woman will not be interested in you all of the time. That’s life. But there are plenty of great single women out there who WILL be interested in you. It’s up to you to put yourself out there and find them.

You’ll never find out if she’s interested in you unless you drop the games, stop trying to act cool and standoffish, and just be open and receptive and introduce yourself without putting on a front.

I understand the games. The games are there for a reason. You tiptoe around, you pretend not to be interested in her, so that way if you find out that she’s not interested in you—well, you never had to put yourself out there now you don’t look foolish.

But that’s not going to get you the girl you want. To really grow, to radiate confidence, to be with the kind of woman you really desire, the fact is you have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to drop the games and the gimmicks. You have to go out and approach women even if you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. And yes, you have to experience rejection.

You’ll never know unless you try, and that’s the hardest part. But it’s also the best part. Because when you do approach, and you are successful, and you do get the digits, or the date, or the lay, or the girlfriend, or whatever, you’ll know that you had the guts to approach her just the way you are, without any silly games—and without any Anti-Rejection Specs telling you every time it was safe to approach.

It’s all because some of you wait so long to approach them. You sit there wondering “How do I approach her? What do I say?”

And all you are doing is stalling… By the time you actually muster up the nerve, you scare her half to death.

Here is an email I received from a client.

Dear David,

T

Today’s podcast is all about how to get rid of that nervous feeling and never scare another woman again!

To Download Today’s Podcast Click Here.

Do you ever say to yourself, “Man I’d really love to go talk to that woman I’m really attracted to over there, but I just can’t do it?” If you’re a woman, do you hear dating advice telling you that you need to be more of a huntress with men and think “I can’t do that?”

A lot of women aren’t hunters at all. They don’t even know how to hunt.

In reality, women can actually be not always so much hunters but baiters — if you know how to lay the bait. The real hunter – the man you’re most attracted to — will actually pick up on that and start talking to you. He’ll pick up on your energy and who you are if you know how to lay the bait.

A lot of the times women don’t understand that this is really just a version of being a female hunter. You’ve got to lay the bait. You can’t just sit back and wait.

The people who sit back in life are the same people who say they can’t do things. Also, by using terminology like “I can’t,” what you are doing is telling yourself that you don’t believe you can do it.

“I can’t” is really just a fear. That’s all it is — “I can’t” is a fear. When you say you can’t do something, it really means that you fear doing it. So you allow fear to basically overcome you and control you.

Fear is such an incredible emotion, but fear it is really a man-made one. Think about it.

You see someone to whom you are attracted, and you tell yourself you can’t go approach them and list all the excuses why you can’t do it. I’m sure they are all fantastic excuses. I’m sure they’re great.

I’m sure you use them a thousand times so that they are extremely well thought out and you actually believe them. That doesn’t change the fact, however, that they are still just excuses.

I see through people’s excuses all the time. I see excuses every day. I have my own excuses and fears I deal with just like everyone else. They key is to deal with them — not to avoid them by saying “I can’t.”

So the term “I can’t” doesn’t exist. This is especially true for you women out there who don’t understand the power of being the female hunter . . . but I’ll talk more about that another day.

Now you need to picture what “in your head” sounds like, because technically you’re not really walking around inside of your own head. If you were, you’d just be this gigantic round thing rolling around on the ground like a bowling ball at all times. If you were really in your head, you would just be a rolly poly head — nothing more, nothing less.

So the term “in your head” is really just your way of saying, “I want to go do this, but I’m worried about x, y and z.” If you think about it, though, the principles of meeting people are very simple.

You observe what they’re doing. You react to what they’re doing so you can really connect to their world (and so you don’t bring them into a whole new world when you’re experiencing something else). Then you speak with authority, playfulness and confidence. It’s really very, very simple.

What makes it so difficult is the fear that’s associated with it. You decide at that present moment whether to do it or not. If you don’t do it, what happens is you go into what people call “getting into my head” (which means that you’re finding an excuse not to do it at that moment).

Technically it’s the same principles over and over again — it really is. I’ve been teaching this a long time, and it’s the same principle over and over again. I taught myself those same principles over and over again until I got it right.

So when you’re in your head, what that really means is that you just don’t want to try at that moment. You’re too afraid to give it a whirl, because you’re too caught up with seeking approval.

You really and truly believe that if this doesn’t work out, things are going to be really bad for you that day (or whatever it might be based on stuff in the past). Past programming could be from the way your parents taught you, the way kids teased you in high school, whatever it was.

You need to remember that it’s all in the past. If I were living in the past and I saw a woman, I might throw my rattle at her and drool. It all depends on how far back in the past I really want to go. I might just give her some Wacky Packs like I did in the fifth grade, or I might offer her a couple pieces of Bazooka gum. It depends on how far in the past I want to go. If I want to go back to the high school days, I might ask her to borrow a pen even though she’s in the middle of Starbucks drinking coffee.

All kidding aside, going back into the past is another way for you not to try. It’s just an excuse. You think, “Well, this failed me 23½ years ago, so I’m not going to do it now. I don’t want to do it now because if it fails, then I’m going to be a total failure because I’m giving all my power away to this person I don’t even know.”

There is no such thing as failure in life. There really isn’t.

If a professional football player plays in a game and the team loses, did he fail? No, he tried his hardest and they didn’t win, but there will be another day.

An investment banker makes the wrong investment. Did he fail? No, he just made the wrong choice and it didn’t work out. A stock trader trades a stock and it goes the wrong direction. Is he a failure? No, it just didn’t go the way he thought it was going to go.

In life, if everybody quit as often in other areas of their life as they do about approaching women, they’d be broke and homeless and living on the side of the road. They would be holding up a sign saying, “I’m a quitter. i can’t afford to pay my bills. Can you please give me some money?”

So getting into your head is just your safety zone. It’s you basically saying to yourself, “I’m much more comfortable not trying than trying.”

Oh and one last thing.

Ravens 17 Steelers 16

Close great game but Ed Reed picks off Big Ben to end the game.

Packers 27 Falcons 20

Just a hunch that Aaron Rodgers is heading to the Super Bowl.

I was sitting across from my client and we needed a few napkins. So I turned around and standing right in front of the napkins was this really cute brunette that my client had been eyeballing.

So in this situation what can you do to speak with her? As you know, I don’t believe in routines and pick up lines.

1., they can smell a line a mile away, and 2., you need to learn how to connect with a woman so she is all excited that she met you.

So my client and I went over what I would do in this situation and he being the great listener and learner did exactly this.

He walked over and as he was walking over he gathered information in his head: she was right in front of the napkins so this was going to be real easy. He walked over with no hesitation and said excuse me are you the napkin guarder? He smiled as he said it she was quick with a response.

“Yes I am I am all about protecting the napkins,” she said with a smile. So now they went back and forth about the napkins and he looked around and saw that the forks were right next to the napkins so he asked her,”Are you also the protector of the forks and spoons”?

Now before I tell you what she said, I need to explain why he changed the subject. You need to move the conversation forward. You can not keep going around in circles and by doing this it shows that you are playful. He opened her with a tease and busted her about being the napkin police. Now you need to look around and find other talking points to move the conversation forward.

” I am all about the napkins, maybe next time we can talk about the forks,” she said. So she dropped her first hint about the next time. “Well see what happens,” he respond confidently. He smiled at her and walked away. Now why did he walk away? Well, he knew that he had her and she still needed to place her food order so she was not going anywhere and the power of walking away really turns them on. It shows that you are confident and it leaves them guessing and face it, we all like a bit of mystery in our lives. So he sat back down and ate some of his food and about 4 minutes later walked back up and busted her one last time. She was waiting for her food in the wrong area.

“Hey Napkin Girl…I know your job is to guard the napkins but you are standing in the wrong area!”
He smiled and she laughed and they kept chatting about food and stuff. She then got her food and he peeked into her bag to see what she had (he did this to find out if she had 2 meals in there, always need to find out if she is single without asking). Never ask a woman if she has a boyfriend. If she is on the fence she will always make up one so you don’t ask her out. When you ask a woman out assume that she is single.

So what do you do in this situation, up until this point you have totally intrigued her and had some fun with her.

This is what I call a foundation so you can ask her out and she is intrigued by you. Most men will try a routine on a woman and even if they get the number the woman will leave feeling all confused. Why would she be confused with a routine? Well, once she processes what happened she will start to have a weird feeling about the whole thing.

What I teach is to be natural, when you are natural a woman will feel all comfortable and she will be more intrigued by you and your boldness and confidence.

So how do you close her in this situation. Here are a 3 ways to do that.

1. You grab a few forks and tell her to grab a few more napkins. She will do as you tell her because up to this point it has been all about fun. Now look at her and say: “Perfect we now have all the napkins and forks for the next time when we grab some burritos. What’s your number?”

2. Or you can just say: “Nice meeting you tonight have a great dinner.” And as she is about to leave, you let her take the first few steps and then you say: “Hey Courtney, wait….give me your number – we need to grab some napkins together real soon.” This approach will bring her back to the original fun opener and the first close will make her anticipate the next meeting.

3. One last thing….wait about an hour and text her this: How was your nachos…did you have enough napkins:) Add your name so she knows who you are and you will make her smile again.

We will talk more about why the follow up text is so important another day.

‘Till then.

Oh and did he get her number.

Mystery and Intrigue is so much fun.

I leave that up toy our imagination but I will not be seeing my client on our usual Thursday night outing if that is enough of a clue.

You watch this guy. You see him looking around ogling women. He checks them out, but is never talking to any of them. As the night goes on, it seems like his face gets longer and longer. You think to yourself, “Man, I never want to be that guy.”

I mean, here you are in your 20′s or your early 30′s. You’re in what I call the “adult adolescence” period of your life. That is the point in your life where you are learning about yourself and when you have infinite opportunities. Every night you have an option to meet any woman you want. Every day in the business world, you are learning so many new things about who you are and what you are all about.

So as you’re thinking to yourself that you never want to be “that guy” across the bar, you need to take advantage of the freedom and the options you have right now in your adult adolescence. The key to taking advantage of your adult adolescence is to have the right mindset about it.

From the time you get out of college at age 22 to about age 35, you are going to learn so much about yourself — about who you are, what your place is in the world, what type of job you want, how you are as a businessman and what kind of relationship you want. As you’re dating during your adult adolescence, you might sample different kinds of relationships. You might try living with someone. You might decide to just date a lot of different women while you are figuring out who you are. You do this so that you do not end up being that lonely guy at age 47.

You don’t want to beat yourself up during this time. So many guys during this period of their life tend to beat themselves up because they feel like they should get everything right on the first try, or that they should be achieving certain things by a certain age. They will think (about every part of their life), “When am I going to get this?!”

The wonderful thing about your adult adolescence is that you ARE getting it. Every day you are learning something. Every day you are embracing a new lesson. You are developing a complete picture of how you want your life to be.

Approach Rejection As A Learning Experience

It is true that one part of your adult adolescence will be experiencing your fair share of rejection. Do you know what I say to this? Get rejected over and over.

Approach rejection as a learning experience, because really there is no such thing as rejection. Say you see a woman you find incredibly attractive. You want to meet her, so you walk over to her. You say the exact “right thing” and she does nothing but walk away. You need to look at that as a learning experience, not as a rejection.

There is no such thing as rejection. Rejection is really all about a fear inside your own mind. Think about it. That woman doesn’t know you or what you’re all about. She doesn’t know what a great person you are. So really, when you feel rejected in that situation what you are doing is rejecting yourself. You did nothing wrong.

I remember when Kurt Warner threw an unprecedented five interceptions in one game against the Panthers, and then in the following couple week he went out and threw 4 touchdown passes. When a reporter asked him how he did it, he told the reporter that he has a short-term memory.

You need to be like Kurt Warner when it comes to rejection, and you need to have a short-term memory. The quicker you forget about it, the quicker you move forward.

Acknowledge That A Date Is Just A Date

Another part of enjoying your adult adolescence is embracing the idea that a date is just a date. It’s a chance for you to get to know somebody, and for someone to get to know you.

So don’t over-think your dates. Don’t go into dates with the mindset that a woman is hot and you need to make her your girlfriend.

Instead, your mindset on every date should be this: I am a strong, powerful, amazing person. I am going to be open. I am going to be honest. I am going to be myself. If this woman likes me, that is fantastic. It doesn’t matter though, because I might not even like her.

Don’t try to sell yourself. A date is just a chance to get to know someone. If you like her, then ask her out again. That’s really all there is to it. It really is that simple.

It’s all about your mindset. This woman with whom you are going out on a date is not a fantasy girl – at all. A fantasy girl is just an imaginary person you build up in your mind.

A date is really nothing more than an opportunity for you to spend time with someone to see whether you have mutual chemistry. That needs to be your mindset about your dates from now on.

Cast A Wide Net

During your adult adolescence, you need to cast a wide net. This applies to both your work and your personal life.

If you’re having trouble meeting women right now and the only place you’re going to meet them is bars and clubs, then you need to start thinking about trying to meet women in other places. Make a list of five places you really like to go. Places where you already like to go are great places to meet women, because it will be easy for you to have a conversation about something in which you’re genuinely interested.

Also, start thinking about going out with different people. Start expanding your social network a bit. If you don’t like your job, for example, then start talking to new people and going to events where you can build up your network.

Cast a wide net, because your life is only as powerful as your network. The more people you contact every day, the greater chance you have of succeeding every day.

Stop Looking At Your Friends’ Successes

One thing so many guys do in their adult adolescence, is to compare their lives to the lives of their friends. Stop this immediately! Stop looking at your friends’ successes. Don’t compare yourself to them – in terms of work or your personal life.

Don’t compare yourself to the friend who is dating three women right now. Don’t compare yourself to the friend who is making a lot more money than you are right now. They are on a totally different path.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not compare yourself to other people. At this moment, you may have friends who are dating more women or making more money than you. Be happy for them! The important thing is that you are embracing YOUR wins every single day.

Let’s say you have trouble approaching women, then start by approaching five women a day to overcome your approach anxiety. If you’re looking for career success, start thinking about what you want to do and how to meet the people so you’re able to get the job that you want. Every day take a step forward, and never compare yourself to anybody else’s success.

When I look back at my 20′s and early 30′s, I realize that some of the greatest times of my life happened during my adult adolescence. Unfortunately, I always wanted to be someone else during my adult adolescence. There were so many times when I just wanted to learn a lesson once and for all, and not have to keep trying to learn it over and over again.

As I look back now, though, I wouldn’t change anything that I experienced in my adult adolescence because they were some of the most carefree, amazing times of my life. They were also some of the most important times of my life for what I learned.

Whether it was the times I had to search my couch cushions for quarters so I could afford to buy a box of pasta for dinner, or that “most amazing” woman who never called me back, those experiences made sure I would never be “that guy”.
Some of those experiences felt like the end of the world when they were happening, but in reality they were just part of a growing process. They taught me a lot about myself, and they were some of the best times of my life.

So enjoy your adult adolescence. Don’t beat yourself up or compare yourself to anybody else, because this is your journey and that is what makes it magical.

You’re out in public and you hear a loud bang, or you hear someone yell “Hey!” and it startles you. You’re just always on edge, and you always feel like you’re on edge. You just feel like you can’t relax no matter what.

The reason why you can’t relax is because you’re in your head so much. You’re always thinking.

You’re always thinking about what you don’t have in life. You’re always thinking that other people are judging you or criticizing you. This makes you jumpy because you feel like the world is against you.

For some odd reason, you feel like it’s you against the rest of the world. That is so wrong because, in truth, the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit about you at all. The rest of the world is not thinking about you, obsessing about you or talking about you. Nobody is talking about you . . . ever.

Despite what you have conjured up in your mind, when you walk into a college classroom, all of the girls don’t start talking about you. They don’t start whispering to each other, “Look who’s here – jumpy boy.” When you walk into your office, everyone is not talking and whispering about you saying, “Look who’s here, insecure man.” When you walk into Starbucks, the barista behind doesn’t turn to the barista next to him and say, “Oh my God, there’s the guy girls always blow off.”

Do you know why people THINK any of these things are actually happening? It is because people are so self-absorbed and they only think about themselves.

Other people are not thinking about you or worrying about what is happening in your life. They are thinking about themselves just like you are thinking about yourself.

So if you are jumpy and cannot relax, you need to get a physical outlet. Go dancing, do a yoga class, go for a run or go workout. Do something to calm yourself down. Go for a long hike or walk. Get a cat or a dog.

Do something that will relax you. That way, when you go out you will always have a feeling of relaxation about you and your energy will be much better.

Stop being jumpy. The world is not after you, and the world is not against you. The world is actually there for you to conquer and to enjoy.