This is one of those kids who is always out of control in public. His mother is sitting there having lunch, while he is basically running around “flying” his airplane and making airplane noises. He not only is completely oblivious of the fact that he is annoying virtually everyone around him, but even worse he actually thinks everyone around him thinks he is totally adorable.

The funny thing about this is that as I was sitting there thinking how this kid needs to learn how to sit still in a restaurant and behave, that I began to imagine what kind of adult a kid like this turns out to be. I started to think what kind of dater this kid will turn out to be as an adult.

Let me ask the women a question. You know those annoying men that you meet — the ones that come over thinking they are so cute and that every woman is into them? That is who Airplane Boy grows up to be.

Airplane Boy grows up to be that guy who, when he leaves a conversation with a woman he approached, will say to his buddies “Man, she was TOTALLY into me!”

To the guys reading this, let me ask you a question. Are you this guy? Do you think every woman is totally into you? If you do, then you’re just a grown up version of Airplane Boy.

Let me tell you how women perceive Airplane Boy. When a woman is looking at you, she is looking at you wishing you were a real airplane that would fly away. When women smile at you, they’re really smiling at each other because of how annoying your behavior and overbearing personality are.

So what you interpret as being into you is really the opposite taking place. They are not encouraging you to stay and play with them; they are encouraging you to leave.

You become this guy because at a young age, you were Airplane Boy. You never really learned to read people’s energy because you didn’t have the discipline you should have had. Your mother didn’t discipline you and allowed you to run around like a wild animal everywhere you went. Because of this, you’ve basically become a wild animal as an adult.

So if you are a grown up Airplane Boy, what do I suggest?

I suggest that you start to think about what your real success rate with women has been with this behavior you’ve had. If you’ve been approaching a lot of women and you think you’re getting a lot of smiles, but you’re not really getting any phone numbers, then that is due to the fact that you have this undisciplined behavior.

What do the women reading this do in the situation when you’re dealing with a grown up Airplane Boy. Whatever you are doing, here is what you need to do: Stop encouraging Airplane Boy! Instead of laughing and smiling at your friends — because he’s too oblivious that you’re laughing AT him, not with him — what you need to do is just turn your back on him.

I’m serious. You need to do is totally turn your back on him. He may call you bitch (or something similar) after he walks away. The bottom line is, though, that the more you turn your back on Airplane Boy, the more he is going to realize that this behavior of his does not work.

Also, if you have a friend like this then you need to stop inviting him to parties. Stop inviting him to places in general. If you’re a woman who is friends with this guy, be honest with him. Tell him, “Hey, look, your Airplane Boy mentality doesn’t work. Whenever you come to a party, you’re too overbearing. You’re not listening. The world does not revolve around your behavior, and the women you think are into you are not into you and your behavior.”

So here’s a few tips to really connect with the opposite sex. Oh, and beware of Airplane Boy.

You are on a ten hour flight coming back from wherever you’ve been — from a secret location vacation. That’s what I like to call my vacations: secret location vacations. (We had a great time on ours by the way).

So we are nearly at the end of our ten hour flight back to Los Angeles, when the flight attendant becomes just really annoying. Here we are, watching our fourth movie and enjoying it. It was a really great movie called “My Sister’s Keeper,” and we’re getting close to the gut-wrenching end when the poor girl is dying of cancer.

Then, all of a sudden, the movie freezes on the screen as the flight attendant gets on the P.A. system to talk to us about . . . money. Yes, she wanted to announce that they were sending around a bag to collect money for UNICEF.

Now maybe if they had brought around a giant plastic pumpkin — or even one of those orange boxes like we used to use when I was a kid — then I might have given them my leftover change. To pass around a garbage bag, though, is just showing there there is no innovation.

It was also really annoying to have her go into this long speech about UNICEF when I just wanted to see the end of the movie. When the movie final did resume, the pilot gets on the speakers.

Who cares that we are almost there. Just land the plane. Then he gives us a guided tour of what is below us. As I am in a middle row, I can’t possibly see that we’re flying over Vegas.

Then the movie comes back on, except it is interrupted again by one of my favorite things in the world:the welcome to America video. It’s such a wonderful video. It teaches you how to make it through customs as if you are retarded.

Look, I’ve flown into England, Germany and lots of other countries, and nobody else plays a video about what to do when you get there. That’s part of the fun of going — not knowing what to do, what to claim and what to fill out.

The United States, however, has an entire patriotic video. Any of you who work for the government are probably cringing right now because I probably sound very anti-American.

The truth is that I am not anti-American at all. I just do not want to watch these videos . . . especially during a crucial part of the movie I’m trying to finish on the plane.

When they finally put the movie back on again, then the flight attendant comes over and says she wants to put my headphones away before we land in another 20 minutes. I looked at her and said, “No, you’ve already interrupted the move fourteen times.”

So if any of you work for the airlines, please help out and see what you can do about getting rid of those videos. Also, although I don’t mind giving money to causes, do we have to be asked while we’re on a plane?

We already give money everywhere we go. You are at the airport and a Hari Krishna hits you up before you hit the plane. You get off the plane, and some guy in a priest outfit is hitting you up for some type of Catholic school thing.

I mean everywhere you go, people are asking for money. Really, I’d like to see some ingenuity at least from the people asking me for the money. I’d like to see the first bum on the street with a credit card processing machining. That would really impress me. Instead of asking for change, they could tell you that they take PayPal, American Express, Visa and Master Card.

My feelings about airplanes would be different if the airlines offered better things on a plane. It would be different if when you boarded a plane, they asked if you were single and seated you with the other single people. I mean, how many times have you walked down the aisle of the plane toward your seat and thought, “Why aren’t I sitting next to THAT person?!”

You could change seats throughout the flights and get to socialize with lots of different people. They could designate a whole singles section in the back of the plane. It could be like a mini speed dating event in the back five rows.

They could have a section for each group. Singles could hang in the back few rows. Divorced people would sit in rows 3 through 7. Couples would hang out in a section together. There would be a section just for swingers. All all the screaming kids would be put in their own section.

Better yet, why not have an entirely separate plane just for kids. No adults, just the kids. Instead of flight attendants, there would be adult babysitters on the plane. They would walk around the plane serving three kinds of milk: breast, whole and skim. Can you imagine what those flight attendants would look like by the end of each trip? Green pea spit up on their shirts and all sorts of other craziness.

I actually think that singles should have their own plane . . . and even their own airline. On that airline, the cart would go around serving shots, cosmopolitans, martinis and Jaegermeister. Instead of peanuts, they would hand out condoms to each person.

There would be a special place for people to go to hook up and join the mile high club. If you think about it, this is a great idea and actually superior to other ways people meet and hook up.

Think if you were on a ten hour flight and ended up getting laid. Is that so crazy? People hook up all the time after two or three hours of talking to someone in a bar. Ten hours sitting and talking with someone on a plane is a long time to get to know someone. It’s like three dates worth of conversation smushed together into one trip.

On the singles airline, if you get laid on the flight you would earn triple miles. just think, three trips to Europe getting laid on each one and you’re executive platinum status. If you think executive platinum has benefits on American, on our airline you get your own waterbed in the back complete with a Hugh Hefner silk robe. Talk about priority seating. . .

This singles airline concept would definitely save the airline industry a lot better than collecting for UNICEF.

All right, so finally we got on the plane and I found this article in a magazine called “Fast Tracks to Dating Disaster.” Supposedly 626 women have revealed which moves will make an evening end with nothing more than a handshake.

One of these moves is taking a phone call during dinner. Are you an idiot? Are you really going to take a phone call during dinner when it’s your first date? Not only are you not going to get laid, but you’ll be lucky to get even a handshake.

Here’s another: forgetting your wallet. You forget your wallet and you’re going on a date? That’s just screaming to her that you’re cheap and irresponsible. What are you going to do? Call your dad to drop it off? How do you forget your wallet?

How about not holding the door open? Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Hold the damn door open! It’s not that hard! Open the door, hold it, and let her go in first.

Next dating disaster is complaining about your ex. Hey, you picked her! This one is off the charts. You went out with her! You chose to date her! Can’t you embrace the lessons that you learned? As far as I’m concerned, I embrace every person I’ve ever been with, no matter how it ended. I chose to date these women for a reason, and I’ve learned things from them. I would never bash my exes.

How about arriving underdressed? I’ve seen people on dates before where the guy will actually have on a baseball cap turned backwards, a ripped t-shirt and chinos and the woman is dressed in a cute little skirt and a top.

Here’s one: talks a lot about himself. A lot of people talk about nothing but themselves. But it’s called a conversation for a reason. It should go back and forth like a tennis game. You listen and then react to what she says, and then she reacts to what you have said. This is having a conversation.

You don’t just sit there and brag about yourself. We’ve written blogs about that. Deeper braggers – remember those people who just want to talk about themselves?

Recently, this guy who can’t seem to stop asking out the girl I’m hanging out with bought her a series of Rolfing sessions, which costs about $1,300. She knows how expensive it is, and he looked at her and said, “oh, it’s no big deal. It’s like pennies to me.”

Come on, dude, what an ass. Never talk about how much a gift costs – especially when you’re trying to buy someone else’s girl something! You’re never going to get her anyway! People are so crazy.

Okay, here’s another fast track dating disaster: chewing with your mouth open. Do people actually do that? Do guys actually chew with their mouths open, especially on a date? That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.

I had a roommate in college that used to chew with his mouth open. I would have to close my eyes when I was sitting across from him at dinner.

Next dating disaster is quoting the Simpsons. You have to be kidding me. Do people actually quote the Simpsons? They say, “ay caramba”? That is so 1990s!

Another disaster: putting his arm around me. Women might not mind that one as much as this one: copping a feel. Yes, there are apparently guys out there who think that they still need to feel breasts halfway through a dinner date.

I have a friend who is a total trip: at the end of every date, he brings her back to his $10 million home, hops into the hot tub naked and throws his date a bathing suit. He keeps an endless supply of bikinis. He doesn’t think that a date is successful until he gets off. He’s 47. He’s a caveman.

Those are some really good ones. What are your fast tracks to dating disasters?

What the hell is wrong with people?

People on an airplane act like total animals. They read a magazine and then throw it on the ground. They drink a bottle of water and then throw that on the ground too.

What do they think? The flight attendants are just maids in the sky? That they are going to just clean up after them entirely?

People act like total pigs when they get on airplane. They bring on the most disgusting food, like McDonalds. McDonalds is the WORST thing in the world you could bring into an enclosed space. They never think about other people.

Not only that, but when people stand in line for the bathroom, they literally fart in your face. You’ll be sitting there and smell this horrific stink, and then the person will look at you like, ha! Yeah, so I did just fart in your face! No big deal.

Here is another thing I’ve noticed about people’s disgusting public habits: why are public restrooms always so wet? There is always urine on the toilets in public restrooms. You literally have to clean the seat before you even consider sitting down to use the toilet.

It’s the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. Do they pee on the seat in their house? Is there urine all over the seat in their house?

Why do people throw paper towels all over public restrooms? Why are people so disgusting in public? I’ve never really understood that.

So what makes all this applicable to the dating world? Nothing really! But sometimes I like to talk about things other than creating attraction and dropping your ego and great sex.

When it comes down to it, you might end up dating one of these animals. This animal might come into your house and pee all over your toilet seat!

So get some manners! It is disgusting. People are just gross, and getting more mindless by the second.

Maybe you think it’s funny not to flush and leave a present for someone in a public restroom. But I really don’t find it that interesting to look down and see your present!

When I was little I used to tell my mom when someone left shit in the toilet of the public restrooms. In response, she taught me to never look down. Now when I go to a public restroom, I never want to look down!

What is up with people and their ridiculous animalistic behavior?

I’m not here to tell you who I voted for yesterday because the last time I decided to talk about politics in the blog I got shit for two days afterwards. And all I was asking is who’d you prefer to date, Obama or McCain?

None of you seem to care about my political views – all you want me for is my advice! So I’m going to give it to you today.

So in this article, Barack Obama said something very interesting. He said that if you want to avoid disappointing others, don’t disappoint yourself.

I find that concept really interesting. You have to start answering to yourself. You have to start looking at yourself and thinking about whether or not you commit to yourself.

Do you commit to yourself? Are you committed to your goals? Are you a person of your word?

All you have in life is your word. If you can’t go ahead and take action, and you keep disappointing yourself, you’re going to do the same thing to other people.

So maybe you’re not ready for a relationship. If you are someone who disappoints yourself on a regular basis because you cant seem to stay committed to goals or appointments, then don’t start getting involved with anybody else.

Right now, you need to understand that you have to start embracing yourself and listening to yourself. You have to start redeeming yourself – to you.

And as for the election yesterday – whatever. This ain’t no political blog. This is a dating advice blog. If it was political, I’d tell you right now what I think and where I believe our country needs to go – but none of you seemed to care the last time, when I posed the important question to you: who would you rather date, Obama or McCain?

And as far as my mindset today…..I enjoyed every minute of lasts nights election. Where were you last night when history was made?

And whether you love him or not how do you feel this morning when you woke up to a whole new beginning?

We just witnessed history and no one man can change the mess of the last 8 years but we now have a new attitude and direction.

How do you feel today about this.

Let it out its good for you!!!

Its summer travel season and I am off to Hawaii tomorrow, so i thought i would share a recent travel related adventure with you all….

By the way airports are great places to meet people.

Recently I was sitting in the Las Vegas airport and I realized – why would anybody actually want to fly Southwest?

They just landed the flight, you get three minutes to board the plane so they remain on time – basically I think Southwest should just move all of their terminals to the Greyhound bus terminal, because really Southwest is just the bus in the sky.

Everybody’s lined up in their little groups like robots, waiting to get on the plane. They then hustle on the plane so that they can go find a seat next to somebody they don’t want to sit next to in the first place – really if you think about it, flying on Southwest is a great way to meet people. You can pick and choose whom you want to sit next to!

On the plane ride here, I actually got on the plane and I was going to sit down, and there was this perfect seat in the front of the plane. This guy was sitting there in the corner all by himself, and everybody was walking by him and I couldn’t figure out why.

So I go put my bag in the overhead compartment, and as I start to sit down, all I can smell is the lovely smell of underarm sweat! Apparently, this man didn’t believe in using deodorant.

It’s amazing that a person can get on an airplane in a public place and smell like they just finished a six-hour workout. He smelled so bad, he made Burger King and McDonald’s smell delicious – which is definitely a tough thing to do.

So as I was waiting for the bus in the sky to get home, I realized it’s just not the most civil and humane way to do it. So now I’ve decided that Southwest needs to land in the middle of the city, basically right next to the Greyhound buses, so you have the two options.

This plane I’m on right now has been to six places – it went from Midland to Albuquerque to Phoenix to Las Vegas to Los Angeles. Some people actually got on in Albuquerque to save $3.50 over all the rest of the airlines so that they can spend six hours in the sky instead of spending just two hours flying direct from Albuquerque to LA. Time is worth more to me than saving $3.50!

It’s pretty amazing, because I once flew Southwest – well, I had to, there was nothing else to fly – Southwest is generally my last option. I flew on this flight that took me from LA to St. Louis and I was sitting down next to someone who was going to Long Island, New York. He had six stops to get there!

It is literally a bus – it flies up in the air, touches down for three and a half minutes, everyone hustles like a bunch of sheep to get on the plane. The cheery Southwest flight attendants then tell some kind of joke – and they are pretty good, they’re a lot better than the sourpusses that work for American Airlines and United.

I asked the guy with six stops going to Long Island how much his airfare was and he told me it was like $265. Do you know I fly to New York City regularly on American Airlines for $299? I told him that he’d saved $34 to spend the entire day on the airplane, and he said, “huh. I guess the commercials don’t tell the truth!”

Let me tell you guys – I’m a huge fan of saving time. If you think about it, unless you are socializing in the aisles of the airplane, flirting with everybody on there – what’s the point of being up there for nine hours just to save $34?

It’s just not worth the extra time. I’d rather spend my time in the airport, flirting with the person next to me, having some fun and exchanging phone numbers – and then getting on that plane knowing that I had a good time and I can get somewhere automatically.

You don’t really need to fly a bus in the sky. I think that Southwest should change the shape of their planes to look like buses.

One more thing about flying – on a 45-minute flight, you really don’t need to give out peanuts and water and everything else. You don’t need to feed the people for 45 minutes! It’s ridiculous – people can survive not eating for 45 minutes. It’d actually do some people good!

Perhaps instead of offering peanuts, they should offer some stretching exercises instead. People don’t need to be entertained 24/7.

How about this idea: how about a speed dating event in an airplane for 45 minutes – that would be more fun!