David: What would I say on my first phone call? The first phone call should always be based on something that we talked about the night before – always. I want to bring her back to the moment that we had before.

I don’t “date” that much at all. I’m very much about just hanging out; connecting… so my first phone conversation is always based on something we talked about the last time.

Jonathan: So let’s say I met her on the street when she was handing out fliers, and we bonded over Sweden. She’s from Sweden, and I’ve been there before.

David: Okay, what else?

Jonathan: Music, movies – she’s also a musician and an actress.

David: So how did you ask for her number? What did you say to her?

Jonathan: I don’t know, I don’t really remember.

David: Okay, well here’s the thing: it all starts with the way that you ask for the number. The way you ask for her number is the same way you start the phone conversation.

So if you said, “oh my god, I’ve really enjoyed talking music with you. Give me your number, I want to continue this conversation,” you’re giving her something to look forward to.

Then you call her up on the phone, you can say, “hey, how are you doing? You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night and I was really curious and wondering whether or not you listen to the Postal Service?” or something.

You want to make it as if the conversation has almost never stopped. You want her to feel like it’s just a continuous conversation from the last time until now.

So many guys don’t relate to women very well. They will get her phone number and then call her up and telemarket her: “so, I’m the guy that you gave your number…”

It’s all about creating that moment. It’s the only line from Jerry Maguire that actually made sense – “you had me at hello.”

Women are looking for that magic “hello” or whatever it might be. They are looking for something to help them build that story up. It’s a continual story.

So that Swedish musician? That story is Jonathan and the Swedish Girl. The story started with music and meatballs – she was handing out fliers on the street and she met this cool guy who asked for her number. He called her the next night and remembered the details about the conversation (which excites women, because their biggest complaint is that men don’t listen.)

You bring that real conversation into the phone conversation. That is how I would do it.

Today is also all about how to relate to her when you first speak to her. Check out todays video.

First, you have to look at your mutual friends. Obviously, you couldn’t be looking at her profile if you don’t have a mutual friend. You’re not cruising Facebook – you’re just looking through other people’s friends.

Joe Smith sends you a friend request, and you don’t know him, so you look at his friends. You see Mary Thompson is one of his friends, and you add her as a friend.

And of course Mary Thompson confirms you as a friend – because the internet is a fucking popularity contest and everyone wants a lot of friends! Facebook and MySpace are like having 5,000 friends that you never talk to! They could give a fuck about me, but they are still all of my buddies.

But when I show up as their happy friend, it makes them feel popular. Being on the internet is like regressing back to junior high school. Don’t you feel bad on Facebook when you see someone with like two friends? You think to yourself, oh, what a loser, he’s got two friends! It’s ridiculous; it’s such a popularity contest.

So anyway, you go to this woman’s profile and add her as a friend. She will always add you, and then you send her an email.

Subject line: Man, Joe knew we would be…

I always like the dot-dot-dot because when it comes down to marketing yourself, you have to think like a business. Most people in the subject line of an email write “hello.” What the fuck, hello? Delete.

But you know when you get good junk email, and you swear that you don’t want to open it, and when you do open it, you’re like, oh shit, I got caught again! How did you get caught? They had a good subject line, right? So your subject line has to be something good that will make her want to open your email.

And then the body of the email: …that we would be great friends, so I added you. So now that you’re my really good friend, can you help me out with one thing? Who the hell is Joe Smith? He just appeared one day as my friend, and I’m hoping you can hope me unlock the mystery of Joe Smith. ☺

You do the smiley face so that she knows that you are funny and clever.

She’s going to open it, giggle and laugh, and she’s going to answer you back. You just became her buddy. Then your messages will go back and forth just like any other email exchange.

You have to get clever. Most guys are so bad at emailing.

Guy: “Are you having a good day?”
You: “Yes.”
Guy: “What are you having for lunch?”
You: “A sandwich.”
Guy: “Do you like sandwiches?”
You: “Yes.”

This was probably about as painful to read as it would be for the poor guy trying to get this conversation going. The point I’m trying to illustrate with this hypothetical is this: You need to stop giving one word answers.

It’s funny, because I get complaints about this from guys all the time. I hear over and over again about how they will finally approach a woman who has been looking at them for the last two hours, then when they try to initiate a conversation with her she will keep just giving these one word answers.

You can’t create a conversation with someone who only responds with one word answers. It’s impossible, because you are providing no information from which someone can work off of to keep a conversation going.

If you answer a man’s question with a one word answer, then at a minimum also respond with a follow-up question. If I ask you if you are enjoying your day and you answer “yes,” then at least add on something like “How about you?” or “Are you enjoying your day?”

See how simple that is to do?

If a guy in a coffee house asks you if that is your favorite coffee house, instead of responding with just “no”as your answer, try following that up with something like “I like the one on 5th and Main a lot better because it has my favorite kind of coffee.”

By giving one word answers, you’re not giving any conversation back to a guy. You’re not giving any bits of information from which the guy can work to build a conversation with you.

Whether you give one word answers because you’re nervous around a guy or for some other reason, the fact is that if do that then he is going to walk away . . . and he will do so seeing you as the “one word answer” kind of girl. If you are a “one word answer” kind of girl, you need to start giving guys who approach you and try to start a conversation a little more information to help him communicate with you better.

I have found that a lot of women are “one word answer” women and will do this. Even if they are attracted to and interested in a guy, they will still give only the one word answers when he tries to initiate a conversation with her.

What is unbelievable is that after the guy will walk away from her, this same woman will go back to her friends perplexed about why the guy walked away and say “I don’t know what happened. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t talk.” The truth, of course, is that it was she who wouldn’t talk.

So the next time you catch yourself giving one word answers when you’re talking to a guy, try to add a question or a statement on to your answer. If you and I were talking, you could do it in this way:

David: “So are you the type of woman who gives one word answers?”
You: “Yes. I’d really like to stop doing that right now though.”

See that can lead to a conversation, because I’d then look at you and be able to get a real conversation going:

David: “Really? Why do you want to stop giving one word answers?”
You: “Because, David, I want to meet some great men and I’m sick of losing the opportunity to meet great men because I always only give one word answers.”
David: “Well, what type of men do you like?”

The conversation would keep building from there. You can see how by getting rid of the one word answers that a conversation was able to be developed.

So, now, it’s time for you to get rid of the use of one word answers in your conversations with men for good. Go out there and practice and pretty soon it’ll be easy for you to do it every day.