Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to count down the days until school was out for summer vacation? It started to get warm, and you would start to get excited.
You had all these big plans for summer, whether you were a young kid looking forward to day camp or whether you were a teenager looking forward to summer camp or to college. Whether you were going to work as a lifeguard at the neighborhood pool or you were just going have so much fun hanging out with your friends, you just couldn’t wait for that three-and-a-half-month summer vacation.
Summer used to be such magic. The anticipation and the feeling that you felt every day was special. No school. Going to bed later. All of it.
When I was in the third grade, we spent the summer out in The Hamptons. It was beautiful. I remember Gregory Seltzer and I running around and swimming all day long. We used to go deep into the ocean. I remember what it felt like deep into the ocean at that stage in my life.
I remember swimming out there, and then running back on the beach to make a beard in the sand. Then I’d shave my sand beard with a clamshell. Now, as an adult, I can’t stand shaving. I wish I never had to shave.
I remember all the magic. I remember all the traditions we had.
I would also go away to summer camp and spend almost the whole summer with friends there. It was so much fun. Then I’d come back, and we’d spend time as a family in The Hamptons.
My Grandmother had a house out in Hamptons Bay. It was on the water and absolutely beautiful. At the end of the summer, we used to go to go there.
The very last night we would have a lobster dinner. I remember picking up the lobsters at Tully’s, a seafood store in Hampton Bays, and all the anticipation about that dinner — cracking them open and sitting down to that last big dinner before going back to school.
I would sit there and wonder (now, please don’t laugh) if I would be the tannest or blondest kid in school on the first day. I was always working on my tan or letting my hair bleach out from the sun.
Summers used to be so carefree. Now as adults, what do we do?
We take a week off — maybe two — and that’s it. The rest of the time, we work.
Summer nights aren’t magic anymore. We need to recapture that feeling that we had as a kid.
What is your favorite summer memory? What is your most incredible summer memory? How can you get back that magic?
Wouldn’t it be great if your boss let you out of work every single day at 3:00pm just because it was summertime? What if everyone’s boss let them out of work at 3:00pm every day of summer, and everyone could go out and play tag? Maybe you could go out and have a color war like you did at camp, or go to the neighborhood pool and play Marco Polo.
Maybe we should institute that. Maybe I should ask President Obama and Congress to make that a law, i.e., that in July and August all businesses must close at 3:00 pm so that all adults can act like kids again.
Why do we need to be so old? Why do we need to act like adults? Why can’t summer be magical like it once was?
As I’m writing this blog on a Monday sitting with my wife in Palm Springs, I am realizing how amazing summer truly is. I want to have that amazing summer feeling back that I had when I was a kid. So I think if we all get together and maybe sign some type of petition to enact that 3:00pm summer rule, that we can get that magical summer feeling back.
For those of you who are single, imagine all the great dates you can go on if we get this 3:00pm summer law passed. Imagine all the amazing people you can meet when go to the adult summer camp at 3:00pm after work, and get to go on a “social.”
I remember socials at summer camp. They were so much fun. Boys on one side and girls on the other. It was so much easier than speed dating.
Anyway, I think we should pass this blog on to President Obama and see what he can do to make this 3:00pm summer law happen. I think this could be something that could really work!
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Do you know a surefire sign that your relationship is on the edge, and is going downhill? It’s when you start masturbating again, and actually start enjoying it.
Think about your past relationships at the point they were ending, or at the point when you and your partner were “on the outs.” All of a sudden you get to a point in the relationship where you’re having sex, you’re fighting, and you’re not really connecting.
Then one day you’re angry because you haven’t had enough sex, so you beat off. You think to yourself, “This isn’t bad. I can do this again.” The next time you fight with your partner and have sex, you realize it’s not really working at all. You jerk off again.
Pretty soon you are jerking off a couple of times a week. You start to not care anymore about having sex with your partner. You are able to fight with your partner without any emotion.
You become a lot more mellow because you’re not dying for them. You’re not relying on them sexually. You’re not needing them sexually anymore. You’re just basically alright with wherever you are.
It’s the weirdest thing, but if you think about it there is almost a cycle to masturbation.
When you first meet a woman (or a man), you’re really hot for them — and even have sexual fantasies when you think about them — so you masturbate.
Then you start having sex with that person all the time, and you don’t need to masturbate anymore.
You will masturbate for fun, like if you masturbate together. You show each other how you touch yourself. You turn each other on that way.
Maybe you will masturbate alone if you’re not with your partner for a week. You’ll always tell your partner about it, though, and turn each other on by doing that.
At some point in the relationship, you start masturbating two or three times a week, and are hardly having sex anymore with your partner. You start to think, “What went wrong here?”
What went wrong is that you’re not connecting anymore. What went wrong is that you’re not sexually turned on by that person anymore.
At that point, you realize that it’s not worth it – what you’re going through in that relationship — because you’re not connecting and you’re fighting all the time. Looking at when, how and why you’re masturbating in a relationship is usually an indication of what’s going on in that relationship.
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One time, I went to a seminar where all the guy leading the seminar wanted the audience to do was to say “Yes!” over and over again. No matter what the seminar leader said, he expected the audience to respond to with just one word: Yes!
You don’t ever want to be a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”). Why are you saying yes? Why are people “yes men” or “yes women?”
The reason is that they are insecure. They actually feel like nobody wants them, so when they find someone with whom to have a relationship, they agree with everything.
They’re so afraid to rock the boat. They’re so afraid that if they don’t say yes to everything that they’re going to lose this person and never have a chance at another relationship again.
Unfortunately they are unaware of one thing. The truth is that nobody wants to be with a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”).
It drives me crazy to be around these kind of people. I have friends who are “yes men,” and have been stuck in conversations like this:
DW: “Do you want Thai food?”
YesMan: “Yes.”
DW: “How about Mexican food?”
YesMan: “Sure.”
DW: What do you want to eat?
YesMan: “I want whatever you want.”
I really can’t stand it.
Stand up for yourself, have an opinion on things and don’t be afraid to communicate. People will respect you more.
I never respect “yes people.” If someone yes’s me to death, I don’t respect them because they don’t feel like my equal.
Everyone is each other’s equal. So if you feel like you’ve been a “yes man” or a “yes woman” in relationships, then it’s time for you to start saying the magic word: No!
These are two letters you need to learn — “n” and “o.” Use them. Be one with “no.”
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So you’re in a relationship and your woman starts nagging. She tells you that you just don’t understand her, and that she really wishes that you would just do more “little things.”
It’s not the big things that make women happy, it’s paying attention to the little details and showing you care that is really meaningful to them. Women are really simple. They don’t need lavish gifts – they need to know you’re thinking about them.
Here are some ideas to get you started doing these “little things” your woman really wants:
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
2. Make her dinner one night instead of having her make you dinner. Don’t ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
3. Open the bottle of wine instead of sitting there on the couch waiting for her to open it. Get up and open it yourself.
4. Light the candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
5. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her “I miss your smile from this morning” or “Last night was amazing!” or “The conversation we had last night was great.”
6. Send a free ecard in the middle of the day . . . something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
7. If she’s going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
8. Let her have control of the remote control. Don’t monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
9. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner instead of her being your live-in maid.
10. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don’t just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet – Clean it up! Clean up. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
11. If you work out together, offer to train her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
12. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
13. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don’t just say you’ll give her a massage . . . do it!
14. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her “We’re going out tonight honey.” You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It’s taking the initiative that’s important.
15. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
16. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don’t wait for her to call you.
It’s very simple to keep women satisfied. It’s not about what you give them financially or what gifts you give them. That’s a cop out. It’s the little things. The guys who make the biggest mistake are the ones who ignore their woman then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn’t make up for it at all.
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I get asked a lot about how am I so good at being impromptu with strangers. People ask me how I am able to so easily and effortlessly communicate with people, and how I am able to take a simple observation and turn it into a conversation.
My response is this: It’s very easy, because I am not censored. I don’t censor myself.
I basically see something and I walk right over to it. It’s almost like when you were a little kid and you first learned how to catch a ball.
Your dad would be standing there, you would be standing there holding out the glove. Your dad would wind up, and your legs would be shaking as the ball came toward you.
What would you do? You would essentially put the mitt out in front of the ball to try and catch it, or you would cover your face and let the ball hit you in the head (depending on your athletic ability).
In reality, though, all you had to do was allow yourself to react to each pitch as it came toward you. That’s the same thing you have to do with conversation situations.
All I do is allow myself to react to every single situation. I don’t monitor myself. I don’t censor myself. When I see something, I react to it and it comes across as being very genuine.
The problem with most guys is that they’re always over-thinking, trying to figure out what to say or how to say it. By doing that, it never comes across as natural.
You can’t stand there for five or ten minutes before finally spitting out what you hope is the “right thing” to say. It’s so awkward. There is so much apprehension because you spent so much time trying to figure out what the right thing to say is.
There is no right thing to say. It’s the way you own the words and the way you speak. It’s the way you come across.
You can say anything, as long as you say it right away and you say it with authority. When you do that, you are going to command attention. It’s just the way it is.
If you want to really learn this, one of the best things to do is go to any city and look at homeless people. Look at the ones who get attention and who get money. They are the ones who go to people and say, “Hey, you look like you’re having a great day today.” Watch homeless people and learn from them.
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