In my mind, I thought, “Thank god I don’t ever have to talk to her again!”

Her reaction wasn’t about me. I didn’t take it personally. Most guys would think, “Oh no, what did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong!”

But in reality, you can take it a step further and have a fun little visual: imagine having sex with her. Wouldn’t that be fun? She’d just lie there like a sack of potatoes. That’s how you have to start thinking. Start finding the humor in these things.

I get blown off all the time too – but I don’t give a shit! You have to stop thinking negatively, and get out of your head!

Just wanted to share a quick moment with you all today. I am out for the day I have an LA bootcamp this weekend and a great group of guys that will learn this attitude and many others.

Have an amazing Friday!

So Taras was just going through his pictures on his camera. He got to a picture of himself and this woman, handed his camera to Steve, and said, “Look, man, she’s really hot,” and then said, “But I really screwed it up with her.”

What he was looking for from Steve was what I call “male-bro validation.” Steve was supposed to respond, “Wow, dude, you’re right. She is really hot,” which would make Taras say to himself, “See, I could get hot women if I didn’t screw it up.” And then it just becomes this long conversation.

Taras is now going to tell this story to Steve about how he met her, how she was really into him, and then he made this one crucial mistake where he decided to freak out and flake out, and it was all over from there.

In reality, he never had her! If he’d had her, she wouldn’t be just a picture in his camera – she’d be in his bed. She’d be hanging out with him right now.

You don’t need the validation of another guy. That’s how men bond – by validating each other. “Look man, I could get hot women if I just did this…” But it doesn’t really matter. You don’t need to show him that, and you certainly don’t need to be going over that situation in a play-by-play anymore. That play-by-play doesn’t help.

You didn’t ever have her. If you had her, she’d be standing next to you instead of your friend! You wouldn’t be talking about it.

So look at how this who process breaks down. You guys don’t need to be validated, either to yourself or to each other. If I had a friend come over to my house and all I did was show him pictures of the women I’ve fucked for the last thirty years, he’d be bored in about thirty seconds!

You can’t really talk with men if that’s all you’re going to talk about. By talking in that way, you’re demonstrating that you don’t own it – you don’t really believe that you can get women. You’re just trying to validate yourself in whatever way you can – and in this way you’re trying to validate yourself through other guys.

Everybody meet Khiem.

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Most of you guys who’ve read David’s blog already know what David feels about Pickup Artists and their methods. He doesn’t believe in them.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, I’ve already detailed many times what you can and can’t expect from PUA teachings.

It’s not that they necessarily don’t work. Most of them are either childish, manipulative or plainly unnecessary (therefore, it takes you longer to get good with women)

Funny thing is David and I still receive a lot of emails from guys asking us the same question over and over again:

“I recently read a book on xyz method. I want to learn more about attracting women. Do you think xyz method is a good starting point for those learning to attract women?”

Well… before we even answer that question, let me ask you a few of my own:

What are you looking for?

• What kind of man are you? Better… what kind of man do you want to be? Are you wanting to be a Pickup Artist who speaks in pickup lingo to his friends and who always have to think of techniques every time he meets a women or do you want to be a the normal cool guy with whom women always look forward to meet up?

• Where do you want to meet women? A lot of the more funny, gimmicky methods out there are geared for you to use in high energy and loud environments such as bars and clubs. It’s always good to learn how to have fun in any environments because the more you enjoy yourself, the more you project good vibes and the more attractive you become… however, do you really need to learn lines and games for you to know how to have fun?

• What kind of women do you want to meet? I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve hung out with a lot of Pickup Artists and the types of women they attract are not the same kind of women I attract. Enough said. I like to talk to intelligent, caring, independent, emotionally stable and overall confident or self-made women.
  
  When you read about a method, try imagining what kind of women would fall for those techniques. I know a lot of PUA will tell you their stuff works on everyone but if you can feel something is fishy when you use some of their techniques or lines, the woman can too! If they don’t say anything to point it out to you, it’s because they are letting you do your thing… because they already like you.

  This is a huge topic of contention but when you go out using techniques, ask yourself: how much is the woman liking me because of my use of techniques… and how much is it because she already likes me for who I am and for my energy or vibe?

• Do you see women as just an object to conquer and have sex with or do you truly enjoy and appreciate all that a woman can bring or contribute to your life? This is not a criticism of ALL PUA methods but let’s be honest, a lot of these guys don’t actually like women. They just want to bed them and as such, they have loose standards on what makes a woman worthy of the kind of man they are. I personally don’t want to be with everyone out there. There’re definitely a few women that I won’t associate myself with, no matter how hot they are.
• Do you want your world to center around women? This is the biggest paradigm shift you have to accept. The world of a PUA centers around women: how to meet them, how to attract them, how to seduce them… how to chase them.

  Most of the “normal” men who I’ve seen naturally successful with women have their lives centered around what they are passionate about. Women are a hobby. These men don’t place their self-worth on the amount of women they have in their lives. They place their self-worth on whatever activity they get fulfillment from.

Therefore, if your goal is to learn how to attract women by being confident, by being you, you can skip a lot of the PUA methods out there.

The reason I have is very simple: learn more about emotions and how emotions affect the woman and you’ll understand them better, connect with them better and in the end, attract them better.

You don’t need a method to learn how to do that. Methods teach you a set of techniques and tactics. Methods will give you a list of reasons on why their techniques work, how their techniques are based on the women’s needs and that’s why they successfully influence her emotions but I’ll be honest with you, their analysis is not always accurate.

There is no logic to emotions.

If your sole goal is to become a great womanizer, learn empathy and compassion. Learn how to place yourself in her shoes so that you can understand her world. By understanding her world, you will be able to navigate through her own emotional chaos and help her open up to you so she feels comfortable letting herself be seduced by you.

Instead of learning techniques A, B or C, instead of learning WHAT to do, LEARN HOW TO THINK about attraction, learn how to understand the emotions behind sexual arousal to make her feel desired, learn how to relate to the women’s needs and even more importantly, learn about yourself.

Attraction is about BEING attractive, not doing something attractive.

Real attraction starts from within because… confidence is a reflection of how comfortable you are with yourself. And that is a feeling you develop from putting yourself out there… and it’s a feeling that you create from within with the help of external reinforcing factors.

So what are the real flaws of PUA methods?

• A lot of these methods don’t really teach you how to connect with people, men or women. They see people as targets or obstacles. Is that how you want to go through life, with the mindset of “You are either with me or against me”? In a group setting, you really don’t have to WIN OVER everybody, you got to be likable, sure… it does make things easier for you to be seen as charming by everybody but the only person who really matters in the end is the person you are interested in.
  
  
• Many methods are either geared for night time OR day time. If you learn directly what emotions are about, if you learn how to figure out people’s passions, motivations and driving forces, you can “seduce” anyone, anywhere.
  
  
• Certain techniques such as negs, heavy banter or heavy cocky/comedy only work on low self-esteem, insecure, very young or A.D.D. women. Talk to any emotionally stable and/or confident women and they’ll laugh at your face if you try to neg them. Worse, they’ll just walk away from you and never speak to you again. Once again, what kind of women do you want in your life?
  
  
• Peacocking is unnecessary. Being unique and showing personality is much more advantageous in conveying the right things about yourself to the woman than being extravagant in the way you dress to gain attention. Are you really getting the right kind of attention by peacocking in the first place?Obviously, don’t neglect how you present yourself. Be well groomed. Being trendy and fashionable is a definite plus but you don’t need to go all the way out to peacock. You want to convey uniqueness, not clown.
  
  

• More often than not, it’s not what you say that matters. It’s how you say things and what/how you convey things about yourself. When you learn routines, you inadvertently train your mind to rely on clever lines to win over the girl. Having a few interesting lines here and there help but it’s not the lines that matter, it’s what the lines say about your character that matters.
  
• Learning routines reinforces your mind to believe that whatever you say is not good enough to attract women. You didn’t have the confidence in the first place to just say what was on your mind when you meet women. Now you want to reinforce a negative belief about yourself by using routines?

  Preparing and memorizing stories ahead of time may help you gain an understanding of what you SHOULD want to convey about yourself but if you rely on them, your mind will be too cluttered with thoughts of what to say instead of being free to revel in the moment with the woman in front of you so that you can create a genuine and deep connection with her.

  In addition, what if she throws something unexpected at you? Will you be quick witted enough to just listen and tell her exactly how you feel or are you going to try to remember something you prepared before. Learn how to express yourself confidently and powerfully, NO MATTER WHAT the situation is. If you believe in yourself and say things as if you truly mean them, THAT is attractive.
  

• Some methods don’t explain enough non-verbal communication. Attraction (in the sexual arousal sense of the term) at its core is emotional and physical. Women respond less to what you say than to what you make them FEEL. Learn how to make them feel strong emotions by the way you look at them, by the way you touch them, by the way you talk to them and by the way you use your body as an extension of what you want to tell them.

As you can see, there are a lot of things to be aware of if you want to go down the PUA method route. Not all is bad but is that really necessary?

If you learn how to attract women the PUA way, it might take you longer to get good with women. Why?

Because they may teach you things that don’t really matter.

If you don’t get distracted and stay focused on the right things, things will become much easier, much faster than you expect.

Real confidence is gained by doing it enough times without reinforcing the wrong mindsets. Some methods will help you do that, many won’t.

One last thing I thought I should really point out. Nobody has really addressed this issue publicly before but the PUA lifestyle is an illusion. It’s unsustainable. The appeal of dating 3+ women at the same time is not realistic UNLESS that is all you do in your life.

Do the math yourself!

In a week, you have 168 hours available to you.

1. Let’s assume you have a full time job of 40 hours per week.
2. Let’s give you an average 7 hours of sleep per night, which adds up to 49 hours.
3. Let’s add 3 hours of physical activity per week.
4. Let’s give you an average of 4 hours per day for cooking, meal and snack time, totaling 28 hours per week.
5. Let’s put 10 hours of driving time… for various commutes and traffic jam time (which is a low estimate)
6. Let’s add 2 hours per day for hobby or down time (tv, computer, reading, emails, video games, other form of socializing like phone time with friends, chatting, happy hour… ), totaling up 14 hours per week 144

This sums up to 144 hours of “used time.”

This leaves you 24 hours to juggle: going out to meet women, calling/texting them to set up dates and other kind of errands and responsibilities I have not taken into account.

If you were really good, you might be able to sustain some form of semi-serious relationship with 1 or 2 women… but anything beyond 3 is stretching it… unless meeting and attracting women is all you do in your life or unless you are only going for casual partners.

So what do you think now? Write your reactions in the comments section.

If you want to learn how to attract women the natural and simple way, go take a look at the Men’s Mastery Audio series where David Wygant will give you all sorts of simple exercises that will help you learn the right things about women without any of the gimmicks.

Today another one of my coaches will show you how to meet both men and women by rolling over with love.

It’s a great thing to say. It’s a much more personal and friendly way to say goodbye. Most people will just say, “Bye,” and that’s fine, but there’s no personal connection about it. Saying “See you soon” implants in the person’s mind that you might actually see them again in the future.

People appreciate the warmth they get when you say that to them. Strive to end all of your conversations with “I’ll see you soon.”

Are you heading to a Superbowl party this weekend. Check out what you really need to wear.

We’re always running errands. We’re getting our car washed, we’re getting gas, we’re going to the supermarket to buy groceries, we’re going to the art store to have a picture framed, we’re on our way to the dry cleaners. Whatever it is…we are always running errands.

So, think about this: you’re always running errands, and I’m always running errands, everyone is always running errands – that must be a great place to meet people!

Even better, you have something that you can talk to people about at any time in any place. You’ve probably been running errands at the same places for years.

Look at running errands as something fun to do. Walk into a place and take over. Create a party in the place you are in. It’s no longer about just buying a pair of sneakers – you’re going out to have fun and talk with other people (and find some new kicks!)

Begin to look at things in a different way. Think about where people are. People are where you are! You have to realize this and take advantage of these places. These are the places where things start to become interesting. Take advantage of it!

You guys converse for a few minutes, and then she walks away. And after this, you stop enjoying yourself because all you’re thinking about is “Where is she right now? Is she coming back?”

With all of these thoughts running through your head, you can’t really concentrate on the conversations you’re having with other people. This is where you make the biggest mistake.

You have to understand that the dynamic presence – the power of who you are as a person – will intrigue her. Did you intrigue her enough? If you intrigued her enough, you can just walk away.

A confident man will walk away knowing that the woman will come back. An unconfident man will follow her around and turn her off. The more you follow her around, the more she’ll start to think, “Why is this guy being so needy and following me around?”

So here is what I would do at these parties: I would talk to her for five or six minutes, and then I might tap her on the leg lightly and say, “Hey, look, I just saw a buddy of mine over there that I need to go talk to, I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t miss me too much.”

Later, I’ll come back – even if it’s twenty minutes later. Maybe she’s talking to another guy. I might whisper in her ear, “Oh man, you’ve got to stop flirting with this guy. I know you miss me!” And then I’ll walk away.

I’ll play with her like that, and I’ll keep a theme running. And what will inevitably happen is that she’ll start to try to find you.

During that time, you have to make sure that you’re talking to other people at the party. Talk to everyone, and you’d better make sure that you’re having fun! Show her that you’re enjoying yourself in other conversations.

Don’t look around the room like you’re seeking a ship on the horizon – “Where is she? Where did she go?” You have to stay present in that moment, and let her seek you out.

If you think this was easy wait till you see what is even more obvious in this video.

The point of life is realizing every single day that life itself is actually a miracle.

To get really Zen in your thinking, you need to accept everything that comes into your life and learn from the lessons you are presented with. You need to embrace those lessons and move forward.

It’s important to realize that when you receive coaching of any kind – whether it is a dating bootcamp or coaching on a physical sport – you have to practice.

Think about yoga. Yoga is practice, right? Why is yoga called practice? Because you’ll never be good at it unless you practice. And there is always room for improvement; there is always something new to learn.

I’ve been doing yoga for three years, and while I’m much better now than I was when I started, I’m still not as good as I’m going to be. Even when I get to the point where I’m really good, I’m still going to have to improve and get somewhere else.

That’s what life is about: a constant evolution, trying to get somewhere. And more important than this evolution is your acceptance of it. The more you accept, the more you will evolve. This is where that Zen-like feeling comes in, which we all want to feel, right?

So if you are able to have total acceptance of everything that goes on in your life, you’ll be able to enjoy the gift. You will be able to enjoy what is happening each and every day. You’ll be able to extract the value of whatever is going on in your life.

Coaching is just the start – the tip of the iceberg. My interns could tell you, whenever I go out; I’m constantly being coached. I’m constantly talking to people, I’m always learning, and I’m constantly writing things down.

I’m always communicating with my girlfriend and learning ways to be a better man. I’m constantly investing in myself.

I’ve referred to this before, and the movie Defending Your Life goes into this: the worst thing in the world is to be cheap with yourself. If you’re cheap with yourself, then you will die cheating yourself.

So even though some people decide to make that initial investment in themselves and take a bootcamp, they still have to continue to make that personal investment and continue to learn.

I’m investing something in myself every single day. When I threw my back out, I invested in my healing – a lot of money! Was it a waste of money? No way. I learned how to heal my body, and I learned to listen better to how my body communicates with me.

This is your one body, and your one chance. I don’t know about you, but I want to get it right. I don’t know what your religious beliefs are, but I believe that your soul passes on to a better place, and I think that if you haven’t learned all of your lessons then your soul comes back as another tortured individual. That’s my belief system.

So I really want to get all of my lessons in this lifetime. I want to make this life as fulfilling as possible. Whenever I pass, I want to make sure that I really embraced the ride. That’s really all you can do for yourself.

It really is about investing in yourself every single day. It’s very powerful, and it’s fun!