Stop Waiting!
May 5, 2009 
23 Comments
So today on the beach I managed to avoid the leaf blower guy from yesterday, but I did see my second favorite guy: the giant beach cart guy. This giant beach cart is basically an over-sized golf cart that drives along the beach and combs out the sand. As it’s combing out the sand, you think to yourself “Hmmm…Does it also add conditioner as it combs out the sand?”
The funny thing about this very expensive piece of machinery, is that it only combs the sand close to the walkway. This gives the illusion that the whole beach is beautiful and well-manicured, when in reality it’s just that little strip of sand near the walkway. It’s like those homes with a nice looking lawn – everything looks good from the outside, but the inside sometimes looks like hell.
So tonight I will have to go food shopping to prepare for Mommy Week. The best thing about my girlfriend’s mother coming to visit is that she will cook me some great southern fare.
My girlfriend says her mom has a fantastic red beans and rice recipe, but being a Californian we’re going to make her southern mom our version of that: red beans and quinoa. Instead of heavy sauce oozing with butter, our version adds a dash of vegonaise. I can’t wait to see what her mom will think of our spice rack . . . talk about culture shock!
Now on to a more serious note. I rarely play on Facebook, but yesterday before I took a spin class I noticed a really sad posting on there. It was from a girl whose sister I used to be friends with back in high school.
The posting was wishing someone all the best during their time of need. So I followed the thread, and discovered that a friend of mine from college with whom I used to party, Mark Chaves, died on Friday from a heart attack at the age of 45.
During these times when you hear news like this, it makes you realize that you are not bullet-proof and that life can be taken at any time. One day you can be sitting riding a commuter train and you have a heart attack, and your whole life (and all your plans) are gone in an instant.
It also made something I already know even more vivid to me. It made me think how amazing it is how many of you wait for things to happen in your life.
Now I haven’t hung out with Mark Chaves in a long time, but I do remember him being full of life and a lot of fun. I can also say one thing about him for a fact: he NEVER waited in his life.
Whenever there was a party, he was there. Whenever there was a girl to whom we all wanted to talk, he was the first one to walk over and start talking to her.
He never let fear dictate his life, or keep him from doing and getting what he wanted in life. He lived his life to the fullest. He married Kim Rand, who was a friend of mine in high school. They had two amazing kids and from the last time we hung out he was all about being a great dad and family man. He did that with the same gusto he did everything in his life!
I spent my entire 20th or 25th (I can’t remember which) class reunion getting catching up with him. Life is a gift and, from what I remember about Mark Chaves, he lived life like it was a gift.
My message to all of you is this: Stop waiting!
Stop waiting to start your life or to live your life to the fullest, because you never know when your number will be called and when your journey is over. When it is time to go, make sure that you did everything you wanted in life, and that you will be remembered as a person who never waited.
I heard that 800 people showed up to his funeral. If I found out about his death sooner, it would have been 801 people. My heart goes out to the Chaves family, because a really good person left too soon.
David, so very sorry to hear about your friend.
Your blog message, though, is such an important one! Just recently, an attorney with whom I used to work dropped dead of a heart attack sitting in his office — he was 34 years old and left behind a wife and two young daughters. All I could think about was how sad it was that he spent almost every waking moment working in — and it turns out dying in — his office billing hours.
We should all take your message in today’s blog to heart.
Vegonais?! All I can picture is Paula Deen coming into your kitchen and finding that … and fainting!
Maybe you’d better have a stick of butter hidden somewhere in your fridge so your girlfriend’s mother will feel more at home (especially if she’s going to be cooking for you!)
This blog is great..eye opening too. Im one who doesn’t wait and let things come to me, I go out and get it. Sometimes I don’t have the outcome I wanted, but knowing that I tried and didnt wait, is a reward in itself, to me. I’m young, 23, but you never know when your time will end and that’s what keeps me from sitting back and saying I’ll wait to do that or wait for this to happen. I go by the motto “Live the life you love, love the life you live”. Heard it from you first David, and it’s one of the many quotes that motivates me to go out and do things that will keep me happy and do things in general.
Once again, great blog.
David sorry to hear the loss of you friend, just never know when its your turn. Just been through it just past 6 months mark, but my husband too lived life to it’s fullest and found joy in everything.
Kate funny…David listen to Kate and the get some european butter, much better for cooking.
Sorry to hear about your friend, David.
The message is well taken.
Love,
Raj
Hey Brother
Sorry To hear Of Such a Man In Your Friend..Who Was Not Afraid Of Living Life With His Family team..
Just Remember That Tough Times Never Last, But A Tough Person Does. A Really Important Person Told Me That…I Hope All Is Better Now And remeber ALL the Good He Brought To The This Table We Call Life..
If You Need An Ear I’m Hear David Your Friend Britt
David, thank you for sharing about your school friend. The memories of a great person are always with us no matter where we go in life.
When I was 12, my parents uprooted me and moved our family to another school. Three years later, my mom was having lunch with a friend and I was passing the kitchen right when they were talking about a binge drinking 15 y old who had passed out on his back, vomitted in his mouth and died. They were just chatting about it and didn’t know I was there. Then they said the kids name and I realized they were talking about one of my close friends from when I lived in that city.
I didn’t know how to deal with how I felt, so I held it in, but I was shocked, scared, and all kinds of other emotions. I carried it around for a few days until I lost control in my 10th grade art class and just started sobbing and crying in the middle of class. Of course I got made fun of, that was my high school life but the teacher took me out of the room, talked to me and empathized with me.
I can still think of how I felt that day and how cool of a friend he was for the very short time I had with him.
Mike
Off topic blog comment for the day.
Here’s a tip from personal experience. Don’t approach a woman and start off your conversation with a sarcastic comment about her not picking up her dog’s droppings.
And off topic blog question.
Say you’re at a shop and you are connecting with another customer and the salesman (crass term) cock blocks you and takes over your conversation because he is trying to hit on her when you are just trying to have a good conversation, what would you do?
Matt S, that is so true and so motivating! Thanks for your comment that really helped me a great deal today! Dave, sorry for your lost and I know what you’re going through. I lost a good friend of mine while attending college for kidney failure. It really hits you man, because you think a lot about the good memories you guys shared. He was only 23 years old, and had so much life left to be lived! Now that I think about it, I know what he would be doing if he could trade places with me.
Sorry to hear about your friend. This happened to me recently as well. My manager John passed on April 15th from a heart attack. He was 46, too soon to go. All the other kids in my school have their voc teacher from their high schools and what not. I had John, he taught me how to drive a standard, oil changes, and all that stuff. I’ve been doing more things I’ve been wanting to do since then.
I need to get going on that 3some soon then!
David, so sorry for your loss.
Mike: you have a lot of shit you carry from your childhood man. Get a different therapist, the one who sent you here probably is not a very good one!
>>>>>>>>Say you’re at a shop and you are connecting with another customer and the salesman (crass term) cock blocks you and takes over your conversation because he is trying to hit on her when you are just trying to have a good conversation, what would you do?
In an Eminem like move, you say to him while hand gesturing “whatz your problema biiiiiiiitch”? lol
Everytime I think about tragedies, see tragedy, think of possible nuclear wars, I realize I don’t have forever to hesitate on life.
Thanks for sharing this and sorry about the tragedy.
DTO:
Therapists who refer you to a social/personal help coach may be the best ones yet because they understand they do not have all the knowledge. Heck, my early teen problems were because I didn’t understand socializing, which led to illness. But once my brother introduced me to self-help, to power dynamics and having the will/strength to survive, and once he introduced me to David DeAngelo’s Cocky and Funny plus more social dynamics + inner game/work, my troubles/illness have decreased. I live a stabilizd life though still need more balance with school, social life and personal life.
So, you’re wrong about the therapist part. From personal experience, yes they listen to you, but they don’t offer very much other than making you talk more about your experience and trying to help but not successfully. Plus you pay for someone to listen to your problems, when you can make friends or talk to family and people you trust for free. Whats better? However, with therapists, your issues remain confidential…
Great blog…life IS too short and it’s good not to take anything for granted! It’s better to live life fully rather than living in regret that is for sure.
Kismet: I think Mike’s issues are a whole lot more deeper than yours. Only a competent mental health professional can help him…I think you are giving him false hopes of ever finding help around here and with “Cocky and Funny” (what?????) stuff!!
Well, let’s agree to disagree on this…I guess.
Dan, I disagree. If you knew me even a year ago and then compared that to the person here today, you would see that I have made significant changes to my lifestyle as a direct result of applying David’s knowledge.
But I appreciate the words of encouragement and advice, even if it comes in the forms that you are sharing. I am melodramatic, not mentally disturbed.
I wrote the first post to relate to David’s experience. I’m not bothered by that incident anymore. I’m hard on my family sometimes in my emails, but they are a great family. We just never talked about difficult emotions. They are very loving and supporting, but I have a lot of trouble telling them when I’m upset. Its just the way we are. I don’t judge anyone else on here, I just try and relate to other’s problems and I relate and try and understand yours.
The second post was me being sarcastic to try and lighten the mood of the blog and to show those who are interested that I am out there and I am chatting with people and doing my best to attract the kind of person I want in my life. I don’t really care if another dude took over a conversation from me. There are plenty of opportunities out there and I will remember that one when that happens next time and I will give myself a chance to improve then.
I have waited this long, I’m not in a big hurry. I used to be a mess all the time, but I have done incredible work on myself in the last four years and everyone in my circle of connections who knew me four years ago always comment about how much I’ve changed.
Come on Dan, you are more than capable of going out and finding a new partner that makes you happy, why don’t you talk more about your successes and what’s going on with you. What happened in China?
I just want to point out how important it is to stay healthy so as to minimise your chances of such a tragic thing happen to you. I support and admire Mike’s spirit. I hope we can all look after ourselves so we don’t cut our lives short.
Live life with intention. Thanks for sharing your experience David.
Good to hear Mike. It’s just that several times you have shown incredible wit in here, you are obviously a very smart guy and you are likely very nice to be around, it’s just that you have not found the right person yet…I firmly believe that everyone has THAT person and most of us have not found him/her yet…Well, I thought I did but that’s another long complicated story:-)
Having said that, several times you have come in here and just snapped which you likely do in your real life…I just think you are not a stable person and a competent therapist can really help you a lot more than us untrained mere mortals can do:-)
Best to you!
hey Dave sorry to hear about your friends death. i receive podcasts from you all the time and i listen to everyone of them because the information you provide on each one is so valuable. stopping myself from waiting and hesitating to do things out of my comfort zone is something i certainly need to work on, because life is too short and you never know when your time will be up. keep up the good work and im looking forward to more podcasts like this in the future.
You are the best.
read your blog.. Kim is my first cousin, and Mark the man whos smile was as big as his heart , was blessed to have so many friends and family that will keep him in there hearts forever.. I never really rDavid,
Just ealized how many lifes are touched by one person.. You are so right on when you write not to wait.. Live your Life dont allow the everydays obsticals to keep you from your Dreams… Mark was a great father, husband. friend. and was such a joy to be around.. Its a lesson to us all… We have 2 choices in life, One to be happy and grateful, or be unhappy and complain… Which person would you choose to be as your friend??????? Mark will be a poster child to” Dont Worry Be Happy…”800 people who came to pay their respects.. not surprising….. Mark will be missed but never forgotten.. Thanks for your Blog.. love Cheryl Goldman
My condolences to the Chaves family.
I think when tragedy strike, we ought to realize that life is indeed a gift… and the fact that you are living makes you a gift to everyone around you… and people should live more like that… full of life, full of passion, full of a desire to give!
Dave,
I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I remember you from the days at AU. I was googling Marks name and came across your article. It was acurate to a T. Mark and I were great friends from the time he got to AU in 1981 until we lost touch somewhere in the nineties. He was even at my wedding. He was a great man and a great friend. He made me laugh a lot. May he rest in peace.
Hey Rob
Of course I remember you!!
For the last 6 months I would go to Kims facebook page once in a while and check out photos of there family.
Each time I would look I would think…You know i should write Kim and get back in touch with mark.
The day i found out he died i thought…how many times do we not reach out and connect with people and then it becomes too late!!
How are you?
Where are you now and do you keep in touch with anyone.
Great hearing from you and talk soon.
David